Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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Senor Weaselo

Von Miller and Demarcus Ware, shouldn’t you guys be on defense?

The Maestro

Ned Yost and Gary Kubiak have won championships, and I don’t even know what to think anymore.

packman_jon

And both in the 2015 seasons.

#YOSTED

Bortleback

I thought Peyton was going to get a gatorade bath there

Recovery Whiskey

Lets see if Carolina can beat the Under (40.5)

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Good news Bears fans, as soon as you fire John Fox, the Bears will go back to the Super Bowl!

blaxabbath

Smart move to lateral to the sideline….then get tackled in bounds.

Senor Weaselo

And the trickeration begins!

Sill Bimmons
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Von Miller >>>>>>>>>> JJ Watt

packman_jon

For many reasons
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packman_jon

(You see, I fucking hate Watt especially for jumping on the bandwagon for my alma mater’s rival)

Doktor Zymm

What are the Panthers gonna look like next year? If it’s basically the same, but with the addition of a WR or two next year, they’re looking good for the future.

blaxabbath

They’ve got the AFC East of the NFC to play for the half the season. Lots of auto playoff births in the years ahead.

blaxabbath

Want Cam to fumble again just so we can all go through Peyton’s last walk off again.

packman_jon

Gentlemen. Are you ready for the Manning deepthroating and Cam taeks?
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ThursdaySkyGoddess

I fully support Piers Morgan wanting to die. Oh, fuck that’s from over 3 years ago, way to get my hopes up.

packman_jon

There’s still time for him to die

blaxabbath

So any conversation that the NFC South is actually the best conference in football probably died tonight.

Shogun Marcus

Was it one person in a room by themselves with a jacket that zips up the back?

Senor Weaselo

I’m surprised Jeeeeeeeeem named his son Jameson. I’d expect that from Al Michaels.

WhyEaglesWhy

Of COURSE Nantz’s son is named Jameson.

WhyEaglesWhy

He must already have another son named Spaulding.

Romonobyl

I knew I shoulda stuck with the Puppy Bowl.

Mother Puncher

Shit I need to check my fantasy score.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Never knew Sarah Jessica Parker played in the NFL

WhyEaglesWhy

Elway would have played better than Peyton today.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Do you guys know anyone who watches NCIS? My parents don’t even like it, and they watch a lot of terrible TV.

Gratliff

Does the last 5 minutes while wising for Raw to start count?

JerBear50

My ex, which is one of the many, many reasons I’m glad she’s my ex.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad, every week on Tuesday and reruns on USA most other days

JerBear50

At least we won’t have any more half retarded dipshits arguing that Eli is really better than Peyton because he has two rings.

makeitsnowondem

I love Cam Newton and I can’t wait to see him win multiple Super Bowls.

blaxabbath

MaxTrolling/10

makeitsnowondem

I never troll on here. Even as a Broncos fan, it makes me sad to see Cam not get a ring.

King Hippo

Agreed. He just ran into a defensive buzzsaw tonight. I watched ’em all season and I still underestimated what they were capable of.

So Denver wins a Super Bowl in 2015 without a QB…

Romonobyl

Pretty much sums it up…

Horatio Cornblower

“The Secret Life of Pets”

One hour and forty-five minutes of ball-licking.

blaxabbath

My trashcan emptying itself all over the house.

Unsurprised

Pretty much sums up the last half of this game.

Senor Weaselo

Gregggggggg is definitely writing “Game over” in his notebook. With glee.

ballsofsteelandfury

There’s a little…something on that notebook.

Bortleback

I’d say he got special notebooks made with it preprinted on every page

Horatio Cornblower

So many laptops are going to go missing in the Charlotte area tomorrow.

blaxabbath

Banner nomination.

makeitsnowondem

Second.

indieguy

so who defeats Brady now?

Unsurprised

Satan

Sill Bimmons

THE BEN with Brown and Bell healthy.

Senor Weaselo

Broncos trade for Eli?

Horatio Cornblower

Me, in one on one combat. There can be only one.

/there’s a tiny chance I’ve had too much to drink.

Shogun Marcus

Don’t be a pillock.

WhyEaglesWhy

Punt?

RIVERBOAT RON!

blaxabbath

Punt? WHERE’S RIVERBOAT RON?

Brocky

Peter king is going to suck so much cock tomorrow it’d make Asa Akira blush

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have no idea who that is….as far as you know.

ballsofsteelandfury

For a second there, I thought Moose came out to celebrate.

Doktor Zymm

So…does this mean Eli won’t retire until he has another ring?

Gatoraids

Or his bottle back

Bortleback

So close to a safety dance

blaxabbath

Cam should be smiling more. It’s all about attitude.

WhyEaglesWhy

I’m happy for Wade Phillips, and even as an Eagles fan, I’m happy for DeMarcus Ware.

blaxabbath

I’m happy you’re an Eagles fan.

Romonobyl

BRAAAIIIIINSSSSS!!!!!!

Unsurprised

My brother had the right idea. Sports is dumb. He’s spent the last 15 SBs chilling out all day on the beach in Malibu.

Brocky

So what the fuck is Phil talking about cam not diving on the fumble. Is that seriously going to be controversy following this?

Gratliff

Oh god, so much

Doktor Zymm

I like the Broncos (yay horseys!) but the post game narrative….I’m gonna have to media coma for a bit.

Beerguyrob

Peter King’s column tomorrow is going to read like a love letter to the Boston Strangler.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My dumbass cat is still talking.
Obviously I overestimated her.
She don’t know shit.

Gratliff

I can’t wait for the offseason HGH debacle

Shogun Marcus

Moot point if he retires. He don’t gotta do nothing.

The Mighty Feklahr

Wes Welker slipped Eli a mickey

Shogun Marcus

I REALLY want Peypey to mic drop retire DURING the post game on field interview. That would be epic.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Like, because he lost feeling and motor control in his hand?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

And we have our “dab” reference

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DOWN IN FRONT, COOPER!

King Hippo

Hey, PeyPey gets an end zone thingy, at least!

blaxabbath

That 2-pt conversion just sealed Mannings MVP performance.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

So now Peyton will be the first QB EVAH to win a Super Bowl with two different franchises. The sports media will be unbearably disgusting.

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