Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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King Hippo

yep, gonna need offense points after all.

ballsofsteelandfury

No kids in the Super Bowl!

WCS

Talib took the Panthers and the points.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

STEWART HAND JIVE DOWN!!!

indieguy

nice

WhyEaglesWhy

Wow, I can’t believe his head didn’t pop off.

The Maestro

Somewhere, PK is drafting the paperwork to have Aqib Talib arrested.

Brick Meathook

So that’s a one yard penalty already on first down

theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo….Panthers get a whole yard closer.

Doktor Zymm

Talib misunderstood the acronynm, is giving his all for Most Vituperative Prick

Sill Bimmons

Wanda?

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Moonbatting Average

Fuck you, Talib

Old School Zero

Kweli >> Aqib

Sill Bimmons

Kuato >> Aqib

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makeitsnowondem

At least it’s a cheap facemask.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

MOAR TALIB FRAG!

MikeWallaceAndGromit

HAIL BLEERGH!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Panthers’ tablets probably are on teh blink or something.

King Hippo

Cam has adjusted quickly.

ballsofsteelandfury

You could say that…

Romonobyl

A defensive player mic’d up…

“UUHH…HMMPH..UHH….UUUUMMMPH…

Doktor Zymm

That’s actually pretty impressive considering he was sprinting at the time.

American Pie Story

Moar flags

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Original super bowl party hosts canceled on us due to kid sickness. That’s bad.

Different friend having a cool party where “can I bring anything?” is met with “bourbon.” That’s good.

Except he lives where I have to drive to the party…

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Only matters if you have to drive back.

Sill Bimmons

That’s potassium benzoate.

Senor Weaselo

How was that a first down considering he slid about a half-yard short?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

PENALTIES FOR THE PENALTY THRONE

makeitsnowondem

“Good point, Quicken Loans! It would be a great idea if it was really easy to get a mortgage!”

— no one after 2007

Doktor Zymm

I got a mortgage recently. You need all sorts of documents and such, you probably shouldn’t keep personal financial information like that on your phone.

Mother Puncher

You wouldn’t download a mortgage

Old School Zero

AH HA HA HA

Wakezilla

Dad just stated Carolina beating C-Hox was a fluke, based on this game. Ugh.

Sill Bimmons

The 2016 Acura NSX: Too expensive, two years too late.

Romonobyl

I don’t get this razors are so expensive thing. A bag of disposables is only a few bucks where I come from.

Senor Weaselo

The new NSX is nowhere near as sexy as the old one.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Another hot woman over 40 pic. I will pick a new theme for the second quarter, or not if I just don’t care enough to. Kate Beckensale

http://i.imgur.com/WLQQ9xX.gif

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Welp, we are 1/4 of the way in.
HOW Y’ALL DOING?

American Pie Story

Glad the halftime promos seem to have stopped finally

Moonbatting Average

I’M A LITTLE STRESSED

Doktor Zymm

Bordeaux. The ‘X’ makes it cool

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Elysian’s The Immortal IPA. How about you ladies and gents?

makeitsnowondem

Breckenridge Holidale. It’s good!

Senor Weaselo

Speakeasy Prohibition Ale.

Old School Zero

Hair of the Dog Michael

WhyEaglesWhy

WANT

ballsofsteelandfury

I can ship it to you, if you want.

Mother Puncher

Fat Tire. For Pey.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lagunitas IPA

Romonobyl

This beer is disappearing waaaaay too fast.

Senor Weaselo

It normally does.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Who is this Wd Hochuli wannabe?

Recovery Whiskey

Young Guns?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

That’s nice work

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just checking in on Hippo’s priapism. How’s it hanging?

King Hippo

Focusing on respiration. Double digits at the half would be nice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Standing on his head to take a piss as we speak.

Doktor Zymm

HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT PEYTON IS OLD AND CAM IS NOT?

Romonobyl

I heard one of them is “not white”…

King Hippo

Huzzah, special teams!

MikeWallaceAndGromit

FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD

Shogun Marcus

WHAT IS A FRAG ANYMORE?! ARE WE MADE IN BLEERGHS IMAGE OR THE RESULT OF EVOLUTION?!

ballsofsteelandfury

I want Peyton to die on the field and Brocky to come in and lead the Broncos to a victory. Is that bad?

ThePirateSloth

This needs to happen

Senor Weaselo

Will the narrative still credit Peyton?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

They would still give Peyton MVP.

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s only bad because we’ll have to watch a terrible movie about it in ten years.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Great minds…etc, etc.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I smell a sports movie.
“We are Donks”

American Pie Story

You couldn’t let him finish the game???

WhyEaglesWhy

KUUUUUUHHHHHNNNNN

ThePirateSloth

OH MY GOD IT’S DRAFT PICK DESTINY

indieguy

So i’m heading to philly and then nyc can someone recommend me the best place for cheese steak and pizza?

WhyEaglesWhy

Cheesesteaks: Tony Luke’s, John’s Roast Pork, or Jim’s Steaks.

Gratliff

Maryland Ave Sub Shop. Wilmington, DE. Cheese steaks actually in philly are shit. Gotta hit the outskirts.

WhyEaglesWhy

Ehhhh, not really. But do avoid Geno’s and Pat’s at all costs.

Sill Bimmons

FIE ON YOUR APOSTASY

Sill Bimmons

Neither of those people are correct.

It’s Pat’s provolone wit or GTFO

Doktor Zymm

SOMEONE fucked up their assignment.

Sill Bimmons

yis

Sill Bimmons

He just shot-putted that thing.

tundrajim

With Meth, nothing works stronger, better, or faster…for five minutes.

Beerguyrob

Got my first Canadian ad repeat. BOO!

WCS

Rexall or Terrence and Phillip’s new special?

Beerguyrob

Hyundai.

Doktor Zymm

One of the scariest things about Lady Gaga is that she’s only 29, but looks like she’s in her late 40s after lots of plastic surgery.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Does she still have the penis, or did she get that taken care of?

Bortleback

And that she usually looks like an extra out of The Fifth Element

ballsofsteelandfury

She’s probably had quite a bit of plastic surgery. She strikes as someone who is not happy with her looks.

The Maestro

Ohhhh fuck. See, and I thought Rashida Jones was like 29 earlier tonight. She turns 40 in a couple weeks. Man oh man.

Romonobyl

That’s why you’ll never see me in a meat dress…probably.

entropy

I said she looked like the cover to Species.

Moonbatting Average

Talib is still on the Pat’s payroll WAKE UP SHEEPLE

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