Even though we are, as Commentist Don T said, looking for proof that “the offseason is not an eternal state”, we are being treated to some excellent end-of-season drives in other sports. It’s not football, but it should keep the interest of most casual, or Boston, sports fans in the 28 days leading up to the NFL draft. Kaep staying with the Niners is not news, but surrender on all sides.
Hockey:
NHL:
The NHL is in the home stretch, with 5 games remaining for most teams. While the big news is that no Canadian teams will be in the playoffs for the first time since forever, there are plenty of factors to keep things interesting. Here are the matchups if things started today:
West: East:
- Minnesota @ Dallas NY Islanders @ Tampa
- Chicago @ St. Louis Boston @ Florida
- Nashville @ Anaheim Philadelphia @ Washington
- San Jose @ LA Kings Pittsburgh @ NY Rangers
That’s some good hockey right there. Plenty of speed, scoring, and hate to make the first round a must-watch. If you watched the Flyers-Caps game last night, just picture 7 games of that. The only remaining contenders for a wild card spot are Colorado in the West and Detroit in the East. Otherwise, it’s all about positioning and home games at this stage of the season.
College:
The “Frozen Four” will be played in Tampa (?!) this year on April 7 & 9. The semis are:
- Boston College Eagles vs Quinnipiac Bobcats
- Denver Pioneers vs North Dakota Fighting Hawks
Gotta say, I’d be rooting for an Eagles – Hawks final, if only to read barstoolsports after BC loses. A HAWK IS A LESSAH BAHD!
Basketball:
College:
The Final Four is this weekend, for both the men and women. The men are Saturday/Monday; the women are Sunday/Tuesday. (Starting next year, the women will be Friday/Sunday.) They both hold equal promise to be really good or really bad.
NBA:
The NBA is down to 7-8 games remaining. The West is a runaway for both Golden State and San Antonio, who still play each other twice more before the end of the season. The drama will be around if the Warriors can get to 73 wins, and if the Spurs will try and stop them or rest up for the probable Conference Finals in June. Playoff spots 5-8 are also up for grabs, with 6 teams in contention for those four spots. Like the West, the East has three tiers: the Cavs & Raptors as the top-2; seeds 3-6 in flux; and four teams in contention for the 7 & 8 spots. The Finals should be another Cavs-Warriors matchup, but it could easily be the Spurs or Raptors spoiling those plans.
With that in mind, let’s go down to the field. Goose?
NHL: (10 games scheduled)
- Rangers @ Hurricanes – 7:00
- Predators @ Penguins – 7:00
- Coyotes @ Stars – 8:30
NBA: (6 games total)
- Bulls @ Rockets – 7:00
- Clippers @ Thunder – 9:30
- Celtics @ trail Blazers – 10:00
Ronnie Corbett died today. I grew up watching “The Two Ronnies” on Canadian TV in the 1970s, so it’s a bit like losing a Python. They weren’t as risque, obviously, but it still worked as British humour. Here’s one of their more famous bits.
I guess death can be fatal.
1,000 showers…never be clean
http://41.media.tumblr.com/08d3816864828ad884978949759587cb/tumblr_inline_o3zr82xsBu1rn1imt_500.jpg
This is your nightly dose of national goddamned treasure Hope Sandoval.
Chan Marshall can’t even look at you right now.
To have a southeastern and a southwestern, clearly unattainable muse.
Chan would appreciate how drunk I am.
Just stay away from Bullock Horse, ya prevert.
ah, Steve the horse fucker. WHAT A TEEVEE SHOW THAT WAS
http://41.media.tumblr.com/6b4aa5e79c9eb12fc6ec8b6a754d33a0/tumblr_o3yodihkD21vn8238o1_1280.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/7ee4fa106317b14085d75ffa3ea2bcaf/tumblr_o2w4mmDPMq1qfr6udo2_500.gif
Bigger dick move: firing someone on Christmas Eve, or on April Fools? I say April Fools.
Dude was lazy anyway.
While fucking their wife.
What, he can’t take a joke?
Do what a lot of companies do; rob the pension fund, THEN fire them.
Now THAT’s entrepreneurship.
God damn that’s a lot of e’s.
Thanks for the shoutout Rob ??
And just for no reason, ?
I just want to say: fuck allergies
Your immune system is doing the best it can with the tools it was given.
(but yeah, I always cringe when I see the pollen blowing around like a miniature snowstorm, as it is here now)
My car has a yellow tint at the moment.
It’s blue.
lionel hutz shudder got gif
I sure enjoyed the 10 days of pleasant North Cakalaky weather before the pollen hit. That’s 9 more days of Prague Spring than usual FFS.
Pertaining to an earlier theme (sort of)…
http://theybf.com/sites/default/files/esq-17-tika-042211-xlg.jpg
http://www.gotceleb.com/wp-content/uploads/celebrities/tika-sumpter/me-in-my-place-photoshoot-for-esquire-magazine/Tika%20Sumpter%20Me%20in%20My%20Place-11-560×376.jpg
(Sigh)
As hard as it was to find Ed Edd n Eddy gifs, finding Maison Ikkoku gifs are a 1000000x harder.
http://data.whicdn.com/images/44756902/original.gif
You should be working harder, or kicking your feet faster!
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/edwikia/images/5/5d/CruiseLiner.jpg
Just keep kicking, just keep kicking…
Edd: Ahem, wrong cartoon DBMW.
EXTREME CLOSE UP!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jaOnUDZ1uY
Baskets is the best show on teevee, non-The Americans varietal. FWIW.
“Chips, don;t be sad. You’re not that kind of cloon.”
I’ve been meaning to binge Baskets. But I gotta admit that Louie Anderson in drag has me more than a little skeert.
You forget he’s not actually a middle-aged put out single mom. Serious. He sells it THAT WELL. He’s hilarious, but also poignant, and none of it is campy. It just has to be seen to be believed. He might be the best part of the show.
I honestly thought he was dead before he popped up in this role.
I’m not even kidding.
We all do, then he pops into something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QMJousotj0
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/kingofthehill/images/6/60/344950.jpg
WOOOOOO!! PAINKILLERS!!!
Damn….Ray be fast and shit.
I got a feeling they gon’ cut the Juice loose on Tuesday!!!
/raises fist
The hunt for da reel killa…RESUMES!!!!
I always wondered about Eric Dickerson. Did anyone check his alibi? Or John Riggins?
Riggins has that “white guy serial killer” look, fo’ sho’.
He killed so much of my childhood. Charlotte, NC being [*Redacted] s TV market pre-RedZone era, my hairy white ass.
“No, you all took it for granted.”
Yep…that might become a thing.
I am LIKING this red wine/vicuprofen/Archer/April Fools Eve combo
Actually, the entire cast is perfect, even the one time characters.
http://i.imgur.com/1s29WT2.jpg
HOLY FUCK JAGR I MEAN HOLY FUCK
Yay, Ray still has his black bionic hand.
Just like that lady in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida? I saw an article earlier this year about it….
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/first-woman-to-receive-most-advanced-prosthetic-hand/
I bet he always spanks it with that hand. You know, once you go black…
Have I mentioned how much I love Chris Parnell? Because I really do.
He is a goddamned voice legend on the level of H. Jon Benjamin.
Agreed.
And he wasn’t bad at the sketch comedy.
He’s Bizarro Fallon.
Is Fallon dead yet? If not, can the DFO Cali branch kill him as their next outing?
just found old episodes of Freaks and Geeks on youtube. i’ve never seen this before, but I hear its good. You guys agree?
heard same, but never saw it
I think it’s solid. I watched it on the Netflix two years or so ago. I have a massive crush on Linda Cardanelli.
(Changes to FX channel)
Aw shit, Ride Along is on. That’s ok, I’ll just watch this while waiting for AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Agreed. But that IS a pretty fine Nubian goddess there.
http://www.joblo.com/timthumb.php?src=/moviehotties/images/news/bob-ride-thumbimg.jpg&w=130&h=130&zc=1&q=88
Naturally she has little screen time, because Tim Story hates you.
I was trying to think of a dumber possible Archer lead-in. “Ernest Goes to Camp?”
Ow, My Balls?
I stand by what I said yesterday where the 4th place team in the Metro’s got the cleanest path to the ECF. What I’m saying is, this is exactly as planned and not the Ice Giants derping the shit out of clinching a playoff spot.
The Ice Skyhawks hooked a Yinzer up, yo.
For Redshirt:
Well, fuck. Now Archer’s ruined forever for me.
I’m so psyched to be broke after paying my April bills and it’s not even the first.
That’s why you pay your April bills on April 30th dummy.
You misspelled “June”.
I had a nightmare last night about that and I’m never going to be like my mother with that shit.
OPENED
http://www.jennyjones.com/myblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/071309_whoop_21.jpg
Shenanigans at the Confluence…
Goddammit, Rangers.
Can the Ice Stillers still get home ice advantage for their inevitable 1st round series loss to the Ice Giants?
As of this second the Ice Giants are up a point. Ice Giants are now losing to the Ice Panthers, Ice Stillers are up on the Ice Tennessees.
Time for frosty chocolate milkshakes!
http://foodnetwork.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/food/fullset/2012/8/1/0/GH0310H_Chocolate-Almond-Milkshakes_s4x3.jpg
Is that Nutrisystem? Are trying to trick us all again into not being fat slobs?
*you
(and I don’t see no damned edit button even with hovering…I’ve been lied to again)
I just now found it. It’s just barely right of the time stamp on the comment.
Nice!
Must be a permissions thingy.
Damn you bottom of the totem pole…once again you smite me.
/don’t trust whitey
Nope, it’s what we drink when the smoothie bar is closed.
Anybody else binge watching old episodes of Archer before the season premiere?
Yup, just finished up this afternoon in fact. Did All six seasons over the past two months.
(oh and…evening everyone)
I just realized I have no non-wine booze in the house. My back hurts like a mofo from yesterday’s STRAIGHT SETS tennis loss, so I took an extra v-profen and hope that SMA would forgive me.
Kroger still open. Just saying.
I opened the organic red. Mixes well with opiates, in a non-Heath Ledger way.
Season six doesn’t hold up, but Archer Vice is a blast.
I like all of them. I appreciate each season, and even each episode, more and more with each viewing. So much dialogue going on that I always find that I’ve missed and/or forgotten something.
But yeah, the four Kriegers in San Marcos is the shit.
It seems today that the brutal media up here has come to announce that the world is ending and there is no teams from Canadia in the ice football super bowl. I mean main news, all the talking heads on our sports media and everywhere.
So what’s happenin down there?
Donald Trump? Still an asshole!
I guess that’s “asshoule” to those people.
Not to be confused with Rejean Houle, who’s just an asshoule in Quebec for trading Patrick Roy to the Avs.
http://www.tradingcarddb.com/Images/Cards/Hockey/4832/4832-210Fr.jpg
George Washington is officially #69. The 1st President chuckles like a schoolboy in his grave.
It’s hilarious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rQzFOgdcu0
He’d also be wondering why the Negroes were permitted to intermingle with the whites.
Colonial preverts
Come on, wife, hurry up and get home! It’s time for steak and, uh, champagne.
This is the Bentley Bentayga:
http://icdn2.digitaltrends.com/image/bentley-bentayga-front-three-quarter-static-2-1500×1000.jpg
Base price: $230,000
This is the Breitling Mulliner Tourbillon Clock available as an option on the Bentley Bentayga:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d4SrQCLft_U/VfvmpWICIUI/AAAAAAABANQ/pKHJEmeW1cA/s1600/Mulliner-Tourbillon-by-Breitling-clock-0.jpg
Option price: $150,000
This is the 21st century version of Versailles.
For $380K, I’ll take an NSX, a GT-R, and a WRX and own 7-year old Senor’s dream garage. And today Senor’s dream garage, for that matter. And if there’s money left over (probably not, because we’re getting the top-tier stuff with this imaginary money), a zamboni.
I would go on a nice vacation and buy SO MANY DRUGS
I would actually spend that money on a hell of a violin and bow(s), but it was already earmarked for cars, so that’s what I’d get for that kind of car money.
Hmmm, then a series of Audi A6s for me, probably. I do enjoy the fuck out of that car.
Truck-boat-truck
http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd297/excessivemoderation1/truckboattruck.jpg
The truck truck… truck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kccONko4xYE
Or fuck, what about Ochocinco’s CARBOAT??
E30 M3
E92 M3
E28 M5
E60 M5
E36 Z4M
E31 850i w/S70 V12
It’s only a matter of time before this happens to me.
http://114.imagebam.com/download/i6tD06UktnlTxJfoNVmI_g/47237/472368223/101183.jpg
You’d be surprised at how few people who threaten restraining orders actually get around to doing so.
Good to know.
Woo friendly neighborhood Kreiderman
horny woooo
I am now at that crucial point of the night where I have to decide if I am to keep my eyeballs pried open to see Archer live.
April Fool’s Day is a holiday one can legitimately skip work for, right?
I have to deal with children after school. I am fearing the shit they’re going to try and pull.
You need to instill the fear of God in them that pranks are stupid and people who pull them are bad and must be ended.
They do already know that if my violin gets damaged the penalty is death.
Insufficient.
That can be your joke!
I’ll bet they laugh and laugh…
Technically, as a partner I don’t have a boss and can work from home as Frau Doktor is. So I will be playing hooky on myself (but I do eventually need to make the hours).
UNLESS THE WORLD ENDS THEN WOO!!!!!!! EAT IT, SUCKERS!!!!!
Way to fight The Man! That’ll show you…
I’m working from home tomorrow. I’m kind of torn, I actually have some neat stuff to do right now, but it’s also the sort of thing that’ll wait until Monday when I have to be in the office.
I cannot wait for another Kings/Sharks series.
“We feel the same way about another Kings/Blades matchup.”
– French Peasantry
/is aware that the “Blades” are not an actual hockey team.
The last execution by guillotine in France was in 1977.
The last public execution by guillotine in France was in 1939.
http://rarehistoricalphotos.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Last-public-execution-by-guillotine-France-1939.jpg
In my opinion, if you aren’t willing to let peeps see it, you ought not be doing it.
/would TOTES watch
They say that the heads would try to talk but no sound would come out.
Morbidly fucking fascinating.
I need to get Hulu or something. I’m missing The Americans and Archer and Better Call Saul.
tanger woo
Evening everyone. After work I had Five Guys, and then they were giving out free alcoholic root beer floats, so I’m in a good mood. And my alma mater made the news! …But for the wrong reasons.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/7bb34d545774d37f5aeca2e3ef8f26c2/tumblr_o2zkrfRRTs1qfr6udo1_500.gif
Do tell…
Which part?
Alma mater. Five Guys is self-explanatory, but I guess we’re not doing phrasing anymore.
Some students interrupted a Hillary rally and then walked out. In fairness, we’d* protest anything, and then protest the protest just for the sake of it.
/Not me personally, people who care about those sorts of things
Five Guys is fantastic.
I can attest.
I love it when I have Five Guys, though I rarely have Five Guys anymore because it clogs me up.
http://www.desipio.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/archer-phrasing.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/9d245dcc0dec79b92130523b9267839d/tumblr_n6ppatHKuR1rmjuc8o1_1280.jpg
That is glorious.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2838807/powder-toast-man-o.gif
phat phil woooo
It just dawned on me why the ’85 Bears only won one Super Bowl after murderdeathkilling the 1985 season. Fridge scored a TD in a Super Bowl but Walter Payton didn’t.
The Football Gods vengeance has been merciless and justified.
First the Cubs, now the Bears.
My advice? Steer clear of Chicago teams with ursine mascots.
So according to sports radio, the Reds have their Opening Day Starting Picture known, their Opening Night (Game #2) Starting Picture known, and after that may not have three pictures healthy to start.
Am I forever doomed to being disappointed by sports? Is that my role in life?
They’re going to start “Ghostbusters II” in Game 1 and “Mad City” in Game 2. They also have pitchers too.
The picture I most associate with the baseball season is Edvard Munch’s “The Scream”
Too much action
Nothing makes for better “get ready for goddamned el beisbol season” background teevee than an NIT final.
I cannot wait for another Kings/Sharks series.
I was gonna make a joke about some deposed monarch being fed to sharks, but that doesn’t seem to have happened anytime in history, so if you’re planning a coup and you want it to be memorable, you know, door’s open.
Too bad they aren’t called the Emperors. Then you could make a Shark Fin Soup joke.
We (because obviously I am a contributing member of the Sharks–probably equally so to when Raffi Torres was a member now that I think about it) have more than a tiny axe to grind after our last post-season run around with the Kings.
Time to invest in some voodoo and chickens to slaughter to make it less depressing than last time.
How about an Aussie PM? Harold Holt very well might have been at least partially eaten by sharks.
Death is indeed usually fatal.
WOO HOO! Taxes are done! I’m celebrating with champagne and steak.
WOO!!!!!!
DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT
DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT
DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT
/I give the square root of fuckall about the NBA in general and each of those ice footbaw playoff matchups. Boring. As. Fuck.
And now for your good news update of the day:
ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT ARCHER SEASON 7 PREMIERES TONIGHT
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/jazz_hands_archer.gif
Confession:
I’ve never seen a single episode of Archer. I don’t even know what its about.
You really should rectify that immediately.
We share a commonality.
FX Canada doesn’t carry Archer. Stupid broadcast regulations…