[edited to add banner pic and CFL game info]
NFL News:
- Myles Jack has been moved up to first team reps at Jags camp.
- Leon Hall is getting interest from the Bengals and Giants, both of whom need additional help on the corner.
- Donovan McNabb would like you to know he has views on the current state of Eagles quarterbacking. VIEWS!
- Joey Bosa & the Chargers – still not talking.
- The Bennett brothers? Talking lots. Good stuff too.
- My favourite?
- Brock Osweiler
- Michael: “I’ve got more sacks than he’s got touchdowns.”
- Martellus: “I’ve caught more balls than he’s completed.”
- Brock Osweiler
- My favourite?
- Jordy Nelson says Jordy Nelson is doing fine. Why would you question Jordy Nelson about Jordy Nelson’s knee, asks Jordy Nelson.
- The Dog Show
- Good PUP: Darrelle Revis returned to limited practice
- Bad PUP: Alshon Jeffrey & Danny Trevathan – day-to-day
- Stolen from the next Crimebeat!
- Brandon Browner – no charges for assaulting his girlfriend’s father
- Demaryius Thomas – President Obama commuted the rest of his grandmother’s sentence for drug trafficking.
- Barry O has now freed two generations of Thomas women in consecutive years. WILL THAT HELP HILLARY IN COLORADO?!
Special Cowboys Schadenfreude Update:
- Ezekiel Elliot has a tender hammy, and will “miss some time”.
- Kellen Moore has a broken ankle, and could miss a lot of time because they had to cut him open to fix it.
- Here’s the money quote:
- “It’s a devastating blow for Moore, who has overcome a lack of physical gifts to survive five seasons in the NFL.”
- That’s just mean; he’s not Tebow, for fuck’s sake.
- Here’s the money quote:
- Thus, the Cowboys have decided – 24 hours after saying they had no interest – to kick the tires on Nick Foles. Wither Kyle Orton?!
Want to feel ill?
Patriots fans serenade Tom Brady with "Happy Birthday" pic.twitter.com/dHbu49MOLM
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) August 3, 2016
Even the Hall of Fame thinks little of the Jets.
The Brett Favre locker on display at the Hall prior to enshrinement weekend contains a Packers & Vikings jersey, but no sign of the one year he spent in the Meadowlands. I’d like to think Jenn Sterger took it as compensation.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics 2016:
- Women’s soccer (U.S. vs. New Zealand) – 6:00 (NBCSN)
- Women’s soccer (France vs. Colombia) – 9:00 (NBCSN)
- MLB: Mets @ Yankees – 7:00 (ESPN)
- International Champions Cup Soccer:
- Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – 7:30 (ESPN2)
- AC Milan vs. Chelsea – 9:30 (ESPN2)
- CFL: Hamilton @ Winnipeg – 8:30 (TSN)
Soccer seems to be the only event Rio 2016 is actually ready for. Make sure to read Balls’ fantastic travelogue about visiting Rio. Then, LET’S BET ON DEATHS!
Unsurprised is a smart man. Brazilian women is a good theme for late night pictures
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2f3aa2ada0b0f85b7283b4a5a5c543b2/tumblr_obaocjREG71rhjw0do1_500.jpg
http://thebryden.com/ploggerb3/plog-content/images/funny-internetz/funnyz/emily-ratajkowski-wow-1.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/a24337b5464279580fca73e2412c897e/tumblr_o9g0mx6F201qz6f9yo1_1280.jpg
The Rio Olympics welcoming committee?
http://i.imgbox.com/lej0JFAs.jpg
Here’s one I never got up the other night (yeah I know, phrasing).
Well, back at Dulles. What did I miss?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a65a5ecb0d01e2aa0fe0f1497ea0be27/tumblr_mn8qjdglKZ1r4iqlro1_500.gif
http://i.makeagif.com/media/4-30-2014/8Q9xJ3.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6975525f1619a6691270e2aa33aa1ee7/tumblr_o4onowhsUR1qesseao1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/ccda523b09d2dc3d3218ef6d99ab1a6d/tumblr_nqfd6dbw4X1qav174o1_540.gif
Does that sum it up? Did I forget anything?
There were some replies to the Kathy Bates comments that were more or less this. Otherwise I think you got it
Sorry I missed you in El Segundo the other night. I worked late and didn’t see Ball’s invite until midnight. Hopefully next time!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/7212617aaca973d79919f7a24df37be2/tumblr_nt13zgDIuj1uqjq4po1_500.gif
But Karl Malden likes her!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/b1391389b26045346d451ecdd89920a1/tumblr_o78g63DFAv1r83d7lo3_500.gif
Oh, we had a dentist trip story.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/18792bd32041e91d14a0109d8762dd5c/tumblr_n415oqPOQI1qik1pro7_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bebf9f752b76d8865e67c6eee206aeec/tumblr_o9j3c3EpSj1ubfgh6o1_500.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/a599a3eff5ee0f8fe1873445314a0da1/tumblr_nke7r0EmSv1smv1p3o1_500.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlnv6qFGp1qgcra2o1_r1_500.gif
Rebecca Gayheart | Rose McGowan | Julie Benz ~ Jawbreaker (1999)
I brought up I could fix consoles earlier, but it is buried a few comment deep and I want to shame as many people as possible on gaming systems you threw out and spent $300 dollars more on to get a new one up top. Not 100% of the time but a good 95%. To fix a cartridge based system, take it apart and clean the connectors where the cartridge goes in. Things you assume might work don’t and there are expensive products you can use to do the job. Or you could just use a pencil eraser and it works better and leaves no chemical residue if you blow it all out. The PS2 can be fixed if it stops playing all or some of the types of discs by just opening it up all the way and adjusting the laser eye by 2 clicks clockwise on the gear next to the laser, if that doesn’t work try one more. Other newer systems have easy fixes like that you can find if you look for them, except the xbox 360, when you got red ringed of death that was actual hardware failure.
Do you know anything about vintage Game Boys?
Unless it is a screen or power supply issue. Same thing applies to other cartridge games. The one tricky thing with nintendo is they started using screws that aren’t standard. To create your own nintendo screwdriver buy cheep plastic pens, not bic but the clear thicker ones. take the pen shit out and hold a lighter to either end depending which side looks like it will fit better and jam the molten plastic onto the screw to for a quick one use screwdriver
You can fix a console, but can you console The Fixx?
https://vine.co/v/5azBDrr3r59
Pennsylvania or Russia?
Romania?
DO NOT LAUGH!
I TOLD YOU NOT TO LAUGH!
I laughed.
So these are apparently available for purchase.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f8508a947cafe6b324955597a2fb5c34/tumblr_o9rs76Op0T1ry46hlo1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/548b39f843f8c739d4a89ac7c1aa732e/tumblr_o9lxfrdpux1qd5mq1o1_1280.jpg
BAHahahahHAHA! I would’ve totally done that, but mostly to write a common name for a pet or lame innuendo, like Muffy Testes.
http://www.bajiroo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/photos-funny-selfies-1-free-wallpaper.jpg
Kim Wilde (from the same guy who made those. Must’ve been slow in the gif mines today)
http://gfycat.com/AcidicEmbellishedAvocet
http://gfycat.com/MassiveElementaryAlligatorgar
http://gfycat.com/ArcticBriskBobcat
Kim Novak
So the GF has an affinity towards shows on Freeform well basically hate watching Petty Little Liars like it’s the last few seasons of Dexter. So we have been watching Guilt. It is not too bad Billy Zane is pretty good in it.
Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude!
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/04/21/02/27CC50F200000578-3048106-image-m-3_1429578377585.jpg
To be fair … Shay Mitchell.
http://drunkenstepfather.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/SHAY.jpg
Damn, Jered Weaver pitches like my love life; he peaks in the mid-80s and he only gets anyone via deception.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3e7ed300563c6accc2461f9748f6a59d/tumblr_ml95mko0vf1sonlo9o1_400.gif
Jacqueline Bisset 1967
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1cfd2a3db8ac731631ea69f6ac612697/tumblr_nzgld8sgv91r22u23o1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4d84b95ec780b0463569cd4df95fa341/tumblr_o2o4piAbIo1r8brruo1_500.gif
You know, I wish I knew something about art. I want to get some pieces for our house (pretty much all blank walls here) but….I wouldnt even know where to start.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3e2ed170814f83eb3d268d5fb27ec968/tumblr_oa9l8gtn481r4w8k5o1_540.jpg
Can’t go wrong with a Jackson Pollock
http://www.jackson-pollock.org/images/paintings/autumn-rhythm.jpg
I haven’t had Mexican food in a while.
No, he’s a Pollock….
/sorry
Nagel never goes out of style unless it’s somehow after 1988.
Great. Now even the universe is nudging me to get a haircut.
When I was living in a really nice 2 story apartment that was amazingly furnished and always spotlessly clean. My roommate hung a version of this up that was 6 feet wide and beautifully framed on the wall across from the door so it was the first thing you saw when you walked in. I would go with something like this
http://nme.assets.ipccdn.co.uk/images/SnapGalleries180311.article_x4.jpg
That would be an excellent addition once I get a job.
I need a job.
I’m going to kill everyone if I don’t get one soon.
It may seem pretentious, but neon sculptures bring vibrancy to a master bedroom.
This is how I imagine the first sale went down:
-Are they dicks? Guns? I’ll give you $4,000
-Actually, both.
-$4,000
-Surely you jest! This is a metaphor for modern ennui absorbing the primal essence of man.
-$8,000
-*annoyed* The medium is kitschy commercial lighting to enhance… I’m sorry. I don’t think this piece is for you. But there are some watercolors of ferrets on a Ferris Wheels instead of a treadmill… Well, the artist is that gentleman over there. He can explain to you patiently…
-$50,000
-Shipping and overhad costs are 75% extra payable on delivery. Will you be paying in cash or kilos?
The Cowboys situation is terrible. I was really looking forward to seeing them play at full strength, maybe get the #2 seed in the NFC.
Just out of curiosity: should one drive after taking a Klonopin?
It’s amazing how little DAL manages to get out of so much talent.
BUT LOOK AT THAT OFFENSIVE LINE! HANDPICKED BY THE OWNER HISSELF!1!11!1!
God forbid they EVER even fucking sign a not-terrible backup QB.
Nick Foles man.
Yes and No, respectively
Not sound like a junkie, but man I feel like I got jipped by the denist not giving me any pain killers. my gums are on fire!
Guess I should look into alternative medicine:
http://p2.pstatp.com/large/6847/1072950179
I wish I could help.
How’s your knowledge of chakra?
I put the healing stones inside my mouth, not sure if that’s correct
Wrong hole
http://37.media.tumblr.com/d6f94b6b43b45a7f475fc80b741c2693/tumblr_n40mv0rgp21smcbm7o1_500.gif
Getting closer
Handjob?
http://65.media.tumblr.com/30f82030db2817b048bfb7200bbeec24/tumblr_ni50qhhTvR1tkp6x6o1_1280.jpg
Oh God, no, why, no, why
Winning baseball sure was fun.
I’m not staying. I’ve started replaying Shenmue in way too early anticipation of Shenmue 3 and HOLY SHIT NOSTALGIA BOMB. I’m about five minutes in and I’m remembering why I love this game and its sequel.
I want my beta version kickstarter rewards already!
Also, forklift driving was much better when I wasn’t doing it to make a living
I want my beta version kickstarter reward after I play with this kitten!
I bought Shenmue and before I could play a minute my Dreamcast died. So I never have played this game even though I heard great things about it from a bunch of people and had to buy a used copy that I paid more than the cost of the new price for because it was already rare and beloved.
I have 1 and the UK version of 2. I also have 2 Dreamcasts, both of which I have repaired at some point, and the one I have hooked up seems to be working just dandy. If you have a good local used games shop in the area, worth asking about repairs, if it’s only $20, DO IT.
I honestly could probably fix it myself. I have fixed a ton of consoles (mine and unfortunately when they found out I could do it, many, many other peoples consoles). I didn’t have the motivation to even look into trying until you just brought the game up.
“And then we had sex”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know. I was lonely. She was there. Why does anyone have sex?”
The new season of Bojack Horseman is great. This was just the quote I heard last, not nearly the best. (watching ep 7 now)
I see it netflix. I like “mainstream” adults cartoons (South Park, American Dad, Archer, Futurama) but don’t care for the more, I don’t know, from the Ren & Stimpy vein. Would I like Bojack?
Not at all Ren and Stimpy, not really the others you mentioned either. Much more depressing dark humor than those. I would give it a chance Fantastic cast of voice actors, Will Arnett, Amy Sedaris, Alison Brie, Paul F. Tomkims, Aaron Paul and then amazing guest stars.
I’ll give it a run.
I couldn’t get into it and gave up in the first episode.
I can understand this view of the show too
To be fair, it’s notoriously slow building to the second half of the first season. Sites had to rewrite reviews of it due to the drastic shift in tone and quality
How are the Green and Libertarian parties able to muster the resources to run presidential candidates but couldn’t get a fucking mayor elected if they were spotted 49% of the turnout.
Best of the rest?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a1b12e6a2680a4daf15065c3379788a0/tumblr_oad5pb6Vjw1sy4ytbo1_r3_500.gif
Caitlyn Jenner is on Any Given Wednesday…. She reminds me of the Penguin from the old Batman TV Show.
News is on… I freaking I’m already tired of listening to any and all interviews with neighbors or people on the street. If I wanted to listen to a vain asshole pretending they know something about an issue they obviously never thought of before being asked… I’d watch a Trump speech.
I usually look in a mirror.
I usually go to work.
Pirates’ season officially dies tonight if they lose this one.
As much as we all love Bill Burr for obliterating Philadelphia, I will always remember how he made me feel better after the Yankees beat the Phillies in the WS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBKvoIe0xRs
Oh right, the relevant point was the “Hang in there, Pittsburgh” line. Was too busy making it about me.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/139b08fd30df7a42d3ee0f79cb068ea0/tumblr_nu3xlknSSk1tpri36o1_250.gif
I feel your pain, Sill.
http://media2.wcpo.com/photo/2015/06/12/WCPO_cartoon_cursed_city_1434147637124_19742308_ver1.0_900_675.jpg
Letting the 15-year old having some “drive after dark” practice. Hoping not to die this close to pre-season kickoff WOO!!!
God be with you…hopefully not in person momentarily.
I believe we call what Brandon Browner did “a little, ‘How’s your father?'”
“Terrible. Some giant football player just beat the shit out of him.”
I guess he browned his sausage.
3-0 France over Columbia.
Matt Wieters: Quickly becoming my favorite white male in EVAR.
http://s1.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/orioles-dance-celebration.gif
Pirates could have drafted him, but this was back in the Signability Problem Era so they drafted some relief pitcher named Anus O’Feces who was out of baseball in like three years.
With a name like that, I sure hope so.
All of those O’Feces kids would up shitting the bed.
/wound up grrr
Drafting a reliever in the first round is insanity on all levels.
The Mets did that a couple of times under Minaya.
Atheists Watch “God’s Not Dead 2”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMn5eZUEFb4
http://d1luj6bq3j7ijk.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/GodsNotDead2Poster.jpg
You just know that Sabrina’s apple bottom in that poster there led to Tent Revivals all over the Bible Belt.
I like that “Teach Don’t Preach” is what the bad guys protest for
I like the apple bottom.
But that’s just me.
http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x53/cosmicpuppet/Al_Pacino_Heat_Great_Ass.jpg
You want to show that God’s not dead? Take the money you spent on this movie and help feed the hungry, care for the sick, clothe the needy, and shelter the homeless. God blessed you so you can share His blessings with others.
Hey now, feeding the poor doesn’t help fight the gays
They rejected my spec script 2 Gods 2 Furious it was about Zeus and Yahweh making Jobs life suck because of a $1 bet.
JESUS FUCKING HERBERT CHRIST!
Ah, the Libertarians are back! Have they changed their slogan to “We’re not Hillary and Trump” or “Go ahead, throw your vote away!” yet?
Pretty sure it is still “Legalize it”
http://7.media.bustedtees.cvcdn.com/d/-/bustedtees.21a1215d-2437-4230-933d-bc5b53ba.gif
Juxtaposed with Sills comment I worry it looks like I don’t know the difference between Libertarians and the Green Party. They both use legalize it as a way to lure in stoners in college. This was bugging me too much for a random post on a dick joke football blog so I am posting this 20 minutes after everyone has already scrolled over it and formed an opinion anyways.
“Vaccines and WiFi are killing your children!”
Oh, wait, that’s the modern Green Party.
http://www.ucjournalism.org/wp-content/uploads/ocmx-gallery/large/gp_02.jpg
Thanks for killing the movement, Jill Stein “M.D.”
http://i.imgur.com/59MVzf8.png
Has a tagline added but non imgur
http://img.pandawhale.com/93107-test-test-test-gif-History-of-q9mH.gif
Love that flick.
The jig is up.
AND GONE!!!!!!!!
It’s too bad films like History of the World and Blazing Saddles have zero chance at getting made today.
Though to be fair they also have close to zero chance of getting RE made. So thats a good thing.
Yes, and it teaches a lesson about tolerance and acceptance that is so desperately needed in today’s time.
Rolling Papyrus.
E-Z Widus
Thanks to Jenn Sterger we all found out why Favre picked the number 4.
Yep. We’re done here.
I look forward to reading this on the top of all DFO pages in the near future.
http://static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/4432379+_acae0af55dbfb4b8caf562c02a75b583.gif
I have that episode in a futurama box set. I still refuse to watch it.
I still remember where I was when I first watched that episode. I turned off the TV and lights and stared into the darkness, I was that shaken by it.
Anyone that says they’re not immediately wrecked by that ending is lying. If you have no soul, that scene will give you one just to crush it.
I am not even joking. That image popped up as the screen autorefreshed and my eyes were immediately filled with tears. I mostly held off crying. 1 tear might have slipped
Colombian own goal? Someone is getting murdered for that.
http://www.popcultsure.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Lee.gif
From the So Stupid It Burns Department:
Just…why?
grrr
Moar liek a General Li imhot
Because reddit, dude
Is it a catch?
Gazelle moved as it hit the ground. No catch
http://img.mixedmartialarts.com/method=get&s=atilla-kubilay-richard-bowkett-gif.gif
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
Mike? MIKE??????
Yeah, he doesn’t fucking know.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m7pBErtOYCQ/UGRa6ewD2mI/AAAAAAAAfVY/8IlK5qmPx_w/s1600/NFL+ref+mike+carey.jpg
Touchdown Seahawks
http://m.memegen.com/iznhfy.jpg
http://www.lolzhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Funny_Pictures_my-reaction-after-i-delete-my-browser-history_16033.gif
But his chicken is so yummy.
http://www.generaltsoschicken.net/lightbox++v101/images/GeneralTsosChicks.gif
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/1c/1c885c9a39ff36b725e8959ccb2e51a16ff85fca77020a3fcc8f1c751d472bc8.jpg
http://cdn.damnyouautocorrect.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/asian-dinner.jpg
Let’s keep the gifs light!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c98c7bf401db6bc04a5c0d4f6b90f3b0/tumblr_o81t6w8I011v8vkt4o1_500.gif
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/155/594/yesitis2.gif
That reminds me, I need to play through Stick of Truth again before Fractured But Whole comes out.