Mia/Sea-Arian Foster has looked fantastic in pre-season for the Dolphs but the Seahawks will be interlocking their arms for peace? justice? hope? I don’t think it’s been thought through-how the hell can anyone catch a fish that’s thrown their way as happens on a regular basis in that city? Prediction? Miami and new coach Adam Gase get throttled and leave the environs with their fins between their legs. There’s an enormous talent gap between these teams.
Det/Indy-Detroit’s inevitable 5-win season begins with a road loss to the Colts. Guys like Ameer Abdullah, Theo Riddick and Eric Ebron don’t inspire much confidence. Wr Tate should take some time adjusting to being doubled so I’m thinking that wr Jones on the other side is a good bet to put up solid numbers all year long. As per usual Chunky von Butterscotch will be heaving the ball for the Lions. Hmmm…after doing a bit of homework I’ve discovered that Indy’s lousy D will be missing up to 4 starters. They’ll also be starting rooks at lb and safety and cb Cromartie has been with the team all of 3 weeks. Last one with the ball wins.
Giants/’Boys– Today a nation (or two) learns the phrase Dak! Slurping. Yeah, the youngster out of Mississippi State got the bandwagon Cowboys fans hearts a-fluttering with his “can-do attitude” and his “stats” and his “enthusiasm” and such. Makes me sick how far the guy is going to fall when Dallas backers figure out he’s not white. In “Holy Hell” news, the Giants don’t have a single player of note on the injury list! And they only had to spend 200 million in free agency to make it happen! Wait, I don’t think those two things are connected…
WOOOOOOOOO!!!
http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff94/BlooCirca/WHEE.jpg
Oh yeah, another reason why I like Rich Gannon, and why Al Davis couldn’t get his paws off the Raiders soon enough.
“He’s attacked us on a regular basis since becoming a member of the media,” Herrera said. “After affording him the opportunity to establish a career here, he has since gone on to attack us in a way that’s totally unacceptable.”
http://awfulannouncing.com/2009-articles/the-raiders-are-not-fans-of-rich-gannon-the-analyst.html
Isn’t an NFL season until a blown officiating call results in a TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS.
Order is restored, I guess
Dan Fouts is sure wrong a lot
What is it with Miami and time outs on defense?
Shit Hankins.
this is the NC STATE Russell Wilson. The Russell Wilson WHO FUCKS
WHO FUCKS WHAT
For the first 58 minutes of the game, he’s been fucking his own team’s chances of winning. For the last 2 he seems to be fucking the lolphins, with the assistance of their secondary
He is the one who fucks?
I mean, the size of his hands, he really oughtta be THE ONE WHO FUCKS
Fuck fuck fuck
FUCK
Fuckedity-fuck
Right here’s where we see if that Fins DL is worth the bank they’re being paid.
Spoiler Alert: No.
If they are as successful as dolphins are against tuna nets, that would be great…
“He grew up 3 hours south of Seattle, in Portland Oregon”
That’s still a long fucking ways away to say it’s NEAR Seattle.
Seriously. He grew up in fucking TITANS country!
Quit hating on a ‘local boy done good’ story.
Yeah, if you grew up 3 hours away from Boston you could easily be a Bills, Jets, Giants, or even an Eagles fan.
If you grew up three hours south of Dallas, well….. you could be a Cowboys or even maybe a Texans fan.
Lake Oswego, OR. There are 7 people playing OR slot machines while I am the only person watching football in this bar.
I sometimes hate Oregon.
Could be worse. Could be Pats fans about.
Lake Oswego allows lottery machines?! *Gasp* Why, I never! How common!
Seattle residents looking eerily like a baseball town right about now….
I haven’t seen a Vereen with a breakout hit like this since Tenspeed & Brownshoe
http://media.kenanaonline.com/photos/1238300/1238300506/large_1238300506.jpg
Holy Bananas is that ever obscure.
Not if you’re old as fuck like me.
NEEDZ MOAR HODOR
YES HODOR
OK.
Salsadown!
Quite shocked to see how off the power rankings are this season. I mean, this fuckers are put together by EXPERTS and INSIDERS!
“ALLEGED”
The Cowboys D has showed up just in time to save the Giants from themselves, but Eli’s not gonna take this win without a fight.
Lions deserve to loose on that shitty late hit out of bounds, but Fat Humps deserve to lose on the basis that Fat Stafford has hung 28 on them with a full quarter to go…sans Megatron.
fuck, loose and lose in the same sentence…I DESERVE to lose.
If Fatt Stafford is somehow a better QB this year without megatron, thus validating the takes of a variety of mouthbreathers, it might break my brain
I love this visceral reaction every Giants fan has towards Troy Aikman and Joe Buck.
Whenever these two call a game, half of New Jersey gets an ulcer.
I know I’ve said this before but I don’t mind Aikman-Buck and I am frankly stunned that Aikman is as coherent as he is with all the concussions he had over the course of his career. I keep waiting for him to turn in to Phil Simms but so far he’s managed to avoid that. Clock’s probably ticking though.
You know who is always good whenever I hear him? Rich Gannon.
I think that’s universal across 90% of fanbases.
Might also be part of the concussion protocol.
“How many fingers? What day is it? Joe and Troy?”
“Murple. Pretty. Fuck them with firecanceraids.”
GOOD TO GO!
I have 4 entries in a suicide pool. I picked Baltimore, Indy, Seattle and Atlanta. I hate everything right now.
I picked the Raiders in the eliminator pool for week 1?! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I drafted Derek Carr AND Michael Crabtree.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I drafted Carr twice and started him on one team this week.
I think we’ve been assimilated.
It was him, THE BEN or Sheli.
NO REGRETS!
I’m sure God is just testing Russell
Worked out okay for Joeb.
Fuck fuck fuck
FUCK
Fuckedity-fuck
Fuck fuck fuck
FUCK
Fuckedity-fuck
yes.
GEAUX HEEEAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXX
I picked the Packers. I was scared shitless that they were going to lose to the Jags
Fuck you you piece of shit Chromebook. Start replying to the right people
BAN THIS MAN!!!!
I’m with you. Not a fan of week 1 survivor death.
Poor defensive showing by the 12s on this drive. Totally out of position with their cheers and signs.
Miami do not fuck this up (again)
Not sure if Dallas has a defense or the Giants are just still inept…
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/026/futuramafry.jpg
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/06/0606dc9e03f7bd8f603e121d2d8f9bb36b98fb7a8a2540ff35757bd10a91d8c0.jpg
Yes?
I should’ve saved that Mars Attacks pic to post for the Dak Attack banner
You could still work out some Dak Man something something
/eats power pellets
No. I just don’t have it on my phone and it took forever to find the first time.
Say, how’s my fantasy team do–
/sees Snead on the bench
/shuts down computer
Just checking in before taking off for Fake College Stadium. I see SEA is up 6-3 at hope. DangeRuss is sure earning that $87mil.
Pick me up a phony degree while you’re there, will you?
You’ll be qualified to sit on Trump cabinet in no time!
“Qual-i-fied?”
–Trump
Well, I mean, I assume he is white already.
White, but not American, so only suitable for a minor political appointment, like Secretary of State
Don’t sell yourself short, you could be Donald’s next wife.
I have a lot of lying under oath to do to catch up with her…..
Russian? We can work with that!
Works for me!
— Rodney Harrison
I hate that place. I hate Mike Bidwell. I hope Arizona falls into the earth’s core where it belongs.
I know its a game, but i don’t think I’ve ever felt more justified in being mad at a player for a fantasy poerformance than I am russell wilson right now.
when your qb’s jersey number matches his score, you know you’re fucked
Also I have them in survivor.
http://www.gunnuts.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/raylan-it-was-justified.gif
Carson Wentz sitting on my bench mocking me for picking Wilson with my first pick.
I remember reading somewhere that Julia Louis–Dreyfus stands to inherit about 10% of this entire company:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Dreyfus_Company
http://i.makeagif.com/media/7-15-2015/98GuFA.gif
I sure could use $12,000…
Yep. She’s loaded like Jim Irsay on a weekday
I want to get high with Peyton Manning.
Why? He’ll just try to get you to buy things.
What’s up folks?
Week 1 Notes so far:
Jags fan is already in moral victory mode
Hugh Jackson won’t make it to week 8
The Bucs and the Steelers are going to play in the Super Bowl, and Katie Nolan and Michelle Beadle are going to be told to “STICK TO SPORTS!!!!” 700 trillion times
– Jerry Jones to send Tony Romo to the glue factory
– Nanobubbles Wilson to be the subject of a “controlled demolition” the next time Suh gets a chance to stomp on him
But all the good marrow oozed out after that hit broke his back
Darr? More like durr.
Eli’s helmet size:
1. Not big enough
2. Just right
3. That’s not a moon
4. Big enough for all his crayons
3. “Look At The Size Of That Thing!”
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1792481/images/o-WEDGE-ANTILLES-facebook.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/4VKREtx.gif
Off to pick up the pizza for tonight’s dinner.
Pizza and football rules, as long as it’s not Papa John’s.
I’m gonna get some Popeye’s during the break.
Happy Ook!
Perfect for first Sunday! Never, ever Papa John’s.
Also beer.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/beer_pcu.gif
http://www.lovethisgif.com/uploaded_images/54199-Yes-Thats-Awesome-Gif-Imgur-Old-School-William-Seann-Scott.gif
Eli really can’t make a short throw to save his life.
The 12s really bungled that handoff.
Oh yeah, that’s right, fantasy makes you wish death on different kickers each week.
/Go for 2 Luck!
It worked! Gravy for all!
The word “dissect” is pronounced “DISS–ect” not “die–SECT.”
Just like it’s spelled.
Lions are Lionsing
The Seahawks should run a 2-back set ala Raiders Allen/Jackson offense.
/full homer
Let’s check in on Grat’s insanity league team:
Back to you, Jim.
‘I’ve made a huge mistake”
Dude had the symmetry beaten out of him!
Who is that dude?
That is one Chicago Made Punk.
That’s CM Punk, a former professional wrestler who’s UFC, (i.e., real fighting), lasted about three minutes and ended with him getting choked out.
http://i1.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/incoming/article9083168.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/he-chose-poorly-memeJPG.jpg
I feel like real deserves more quotation marks there. That was some goofy shit last night, overall.
Haven’t seen most of the fights. That was not a card I was willing to pay for.
The Colts have a Whitehead too! And everybody can see, it’s so obvious! They must be so embarrassed!
I’ll admit it; I have a bit of a boner for ‘The Magnificent Seven’ remake.
Go home, Horatio. You’re drunk.
I know we don’t always see eye to eye on everything, and this is one of those things.
It’s already been remade before, it was called Star Wars.
And “(insert Tarantino film name here).”
You mean Battle Beyond the Stars.
http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-29-2015/zIAO7E.gif
I love that movie. Awfully bad in a good way. Plus George Peppard basically playing himself.
Hidden Fortress is more the Kurosawa movie that Star Wars ripped off. Though there is a little Seven Samurai in there, too.
That’s fine fuckers, I wasn’t going to share my popcorn with you anyway.
Sad Ook.
“Just a bit of a boner? We can help with that.”
– Jimmy Johnson
I’m reserved on the movie. From the trailers, I fully expect it to simply be a bromance Denzel/Chris movie with little to no regard to the other 5. If the other 5 have bigger roles, then I’ll be ok with it
[wondering how much more I can drink without slurring my words]
-First Wife Problems
If you can type, you can drink.
If you can breathe shallowly, have a weak pulse and can manage to make a fist, you can drink.