Your “It Seems Like The Super Bowl Was Just Yesterday” Thursday Night Football Season Opener Open Thread.

I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.

Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.

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JustStopDude

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Redshirt

Last time of the Door Flies Open Football Game Open Thread:
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The Maestro

Did not expect to have an erection this early in the night, but I’m not complaining, really.

Sharkbait

I have the doctor on speed dial in case this goes longer than 4 hours

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone please tell me when this is over I killed the sound and am not looking at the TV.

Dick E. Phuck

Just fucking kill me already.

Smithchez

YEAH SO WAT I LEFT THA FACKIN GAME EAHLY?!! WOULD YA RATHA HAVE AFFLACK OAH A FACKIN DAHKIE CELEBRITY? JUST FACKIN WITH YA, THOSE AINT REAL!

Dick E. Phuck

Marky Mark…..Why?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FUCK OFF WAHLBERG YOU DIDN’T WITNESS SHIT YOU FUCKING QUIT ON YOUR TEAM IN THE THIRD QUARTER.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

FEEL IT FEEL IT, FEEL THE BANDWAGON

...

I DO NOT WANT TO RELIVE THIS STOP STOP STOP STOP

The Maestro

MAHHHKY MAHHHK!!!

NATO Pats Fan

A regular at Jackie’s Packie, Route thirty-foah

Gratliff

OH my god start the fucking game already

JustStopDude

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

You say that now…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gonna pour myself a little of the Basil Hayden to get things started.

King Hippo

2 v-profen

Sharkbait

Makers in a Manhattan

Duchess

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make it snow

Deschutes Cultivateur

blaxabbath

Alright, I’ll be back for the game action but, right now, I gotta go see if I can’t prod Sill…

...

*ALARM SIRENS GO OFF*

WHO DARES SAY THE FORBIDDEN WORD?

NATO Pats Fan

Sill is still alive? I thought he’d have stroked out for sure since I was last here.

Gratliff

Funny you mention that

Senor Weaselo

Pee-Wee Herman? Is that you?

herodotus450

pic unrelated
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herodotus450

pic unrelated
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herodotus450

pic unrelated
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JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Goodell and all the owners can eat shit and die.

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blaxabbath

See – this I just don’t get. If you can shoot a photo then you can shoot a gun, cameraman.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goodell is already halfway there.

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Smithchez

Bill looks a little more like a shambling corpse than usual. Dungy, on the other hand, looks as much like Nosferatu as he ever has.

...

The Dunge is still upset he wasn’t cast in The Strain.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard Greg Schiano is suing the creators for copyright infringement.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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...

I’m fully aware this is fucked up and the Hurricane Irma has killed people already, BUT!

Looking at those satellite photos, I can’t help but see something beautiful about how perfectly formed this destructive monster looks.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It is truly amazing. I would say, “an awesome force of nature,” but climate change has mutated that hurricane into something no longer natural.

Beerguyrob

Hey – people worshipped Galactus.

NATO Pats Fan

Holy shit, GrumbleLord just smiled AND told a dick joke!

...

As much as I hate him, he seems capable of some form of happiness.

Saban on the other hand appears to think happiness is some sort of disease.

The Maestro

Happiness to Bill Belichick is two or three ringed fingers knuckle-deep in your recently divorced aunt.

...

Yes, the finer things of life.

Horatio Cornblower

Hello, Banner Committee? Yep, got one.

The Maestro

O AN U KNO WE GON DRANK, BULLEE DAT. CHUH CHUH

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Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So what are we watching tonight?
Anything on?

Unsurprised

Nothing good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hopefully a meteor strike.

Smithchez
Gratliff

Let’s go Madden Curse: G.O.A.T. Fuck Yourself Edition!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Smithchez

Gentlemen.

WCS

Isn’t it time to change to “Hackenchez”?

Also, hello.

Smithchez

Jesus, it’s been so long since I’ve had any free time I’ve missed about 6 Jet quarterbacks (so, like, a couple of weeks).

Let’s see. There’s

Hackenchez
Petberg
HaCCkown
Petchez
EmergencyQBWhateverWRPlayedQBInHighSchool…chez

The Maestro

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS???????

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It took me to a redirect page where it asked if I wanted to read an article about reasons to love Gronkowski. I did not want to read that article.

Unsurprised

I hope he gets dick cancer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t really have anything against Gronk except for the fact that he plays for Trump’s Team.

blaxabbath

“I don’t really have anything against Baldur von Schirach except for the fact that he plays for Trump’s Team.”

Holy shit — I thought I’d have to edit that more….

The Maestro

what the fuck fuck you commenting system i’m not even drunk yet

...

I’m in a very surly mood tonight, so that means Andy Reid will use four timeouts in the first half, Alex Smith will throw for 68 yards (not nice), and the Patriots will by 52.

Unsurprised

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blaxabbath

That’s a favouriate of mine.

JustStopDude

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Senor Weaselo

…Who uses sandpaper and motor oil? Asking for a friend.

blaxabbath

I’d like to know more about the Y-axis of that Pleasure Graph. Results look a little (whole lot) way too close.

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably log scale, but not really cause that’s not what you’re talking about I just like log scale

Brick Meathook

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WCS

pleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizurepleasebeaseizure

Unsurprised

I’ve seen those moves before. NSFW

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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NATO Pats Fan

Bob Kraft, wearing Nikes with his $4,000 suit. Of course, if I had that kind of money, I’d wear Nikes with my $4,000 cargo shorts.

WCS

I am looking forward to how viciously the Massholes and TAWMMIES boo The Rog, though.

blaxabbath

I sure wish the Diamondbacks played in the AL East; their ridiculous streak might actually get more than a Fox Sports Scoreboard Update mention.

...

Now imagine how you’ll feel when the Brewers somehow sneak into the second wild card and knock off the D’Backs in that single game playoff.

blaxabbath

Fuck the Brewers and that cheat Ryan Braun. He’s T*m Br*dy without the success.

Senor Weaselo

Ryan Braun got a judge fired, ppl forget that.

...

Going to a Cubs-Brewers game in Milwaukee is great because the booing there is somehow *louder* than at Wrigley because of all the dopey Cubs fans who head up there.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Is this where we go to talk about the Dirt BOLTMEN game in an hour?

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King Hippo

SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP!

/I will have KMOX feed on the radio, evil Greater Footy sides on mute

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ll glad you give you the game tonight if the Donkos decimate the Spanoi on Monday.

blaxabbath

^^ Pace yourself, LCSS, it’s a long season of hate.

King Hippo

I like how RW is such a white-friendly black guy, that his TD dance is “I can’t dance.” Too bad he’s such a goshdarned liberal ,, smh.

blaxabbath

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laserguru

Have fun storming the castle!

Stuck at work until 7:00 PDT after which I will be watching the game on delay.

Welcome back!

NATO Pats Fan

Heart attack ad. Great target, NFL fans.

King Hippo

I am hoping to time mine for immediately after the university basketballing tourneyment ends. Sooner rather than later.

But in-Greater Footy season would be a travesty. And it’s not like I’mma do anything to slow that train down.

Senor Weaselo

Go Madden Curse! It’s basically the only football thing that might be successful this year that I root for.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Woot! Another week, another HRTN!

And it’s getting weird. Don’t ask me why. I just write the damn thing.

Senor Weaselo

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/Let’s see if removing the i. at the beginning works.

King Hippo

Dude, I think it writes you.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m beginning to think you’re right.

...

Welcome everyone to the first chapter of the story in which the Patriots win yet another goddamned Super Bowl.

Gratliff

It was the price I was willing to pay to prevent a Cowboys SB appearance, and I stand by my decision.

litre_cola

This will not surprise you, I am with Grat.

King Hippo

I will cut you both

blaxabbath

“I will cut you both.”

-Chip Kelly, to any pair of black 3-star recruits

King Hippo

blax is fucking rolling tonight, how many beers in?

blaxabbath

keto flu.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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blaxabbath

Life has been good for Nazis since Trump’s election, no reason it would stop now.

WCS

This is sadly banner-worthy.

blaxabbath

WCS IS BACK!

...

Each of the Patriot’s next Super Bowl rings will have 1488 diamonds.

NATO Pats Fan

How the fuck you boys doin’?

Re-introduction – after KSK folded it’s tent I went into a deep, deep funk that was not cleared until the Pats won another Super Bowl. No, not really. My Army work computer filters did not much care for DFO, so I fell off the net until I finally departed the Army and am now happily ensconced outside Asheville, NC, surrounded by Panther fans. Glad to be back!

WCS

Happy to see you.

Fuck the Patriots with Mr. Kraft’s severed dick.

NATO Pats Fan

Golfing my ass off, WCS.

blaxabbath

Good on you. Real money is in the private sector!

King Hippo

HUZZAH!

/Asheville is the tits

//the NC contingent is surprisingly large here

///by my count, exactly 0 of us are Panthers fans

Senor Weaselo

Do we have any at all? I don’t think so, right?

King Hippo

Methinks u rite

BaldingSpiritually

I can be a Panthers fan, I’m already programmed to make excuses for our controversial QB with an incompetent GM and an asshole owner named Jerry

King Hippo

Looking forward to the remarkably dirty feeling of cheering for the Chefs, then consoling myself when the P*ts win by 20 that at least my 2nd least favourite team lost!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who’s number one? Pats? Or Raiders?

King Hippo

P*ts. I grudgingly respect the Raiders, and LIKE that rivalry. A “love to hate” so to speak.

blaxabbath

#onenation

Senor Weaselo

Go meteor?

blaxabbath

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King Hippo

#RapeyRat

blaxabbath

I love how inter-division hate knows just no boundaries.

King Hippo

I have complete, utter disdain for the Chefs. I have good memories of in-game fights with the Raiders. They have earned their place at the table of rivalry. And their presence in the NFL is just manifestly fun/chaotic evil.

Senor Weaselo

I know Cookie Crisp has gone downhill since they replaced Chip the Dog with Chip the Wolf, but I didn’t realize the new one needed a second job.

Unsurprised

Damnation. My beer shipment has been delayed a week. It was the only think I had to look forward to this weekend.

WCS

So, you’re a Jets fan, eh?

Unsurprised

i’m just here for the dick jokes.

herodotus450

Looks like Myles Garret will be doing a lot of kneeling for the Browns as well.

WCS

There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t spontaneously combust by Week 7. A potential generational talent simply isn’t allowed to be successful on the Browns.

herodotus450

The joke’s on every other franchise that actually tries to win: the browns still get the same revenue share money of (looks up amount with popular search engine) 244 Million?!>? And the salary cap is only (looks up amount with popular search engine) 167 Million? So every NFL team owner makes (furiously types numbers into Cray Computer and reads printout) 77 Million to just sit around and bilk local municipalities?

Unsurprised

And Haslam is definitely tanking that salary number, so he is getting $100M easily.

WCS

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blaxabbath

I’m banking that he gets nailed for PEDs and then knocks out his girlfriend during his suspension. Double Whammy NFLPA Tax kicks in and Rog gives him 82 games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No more methadone. I WANT THE REAL SHIT!

Senor Weaselo

I thought that was Najeh.

litre_cola

Work sucked terribly today. I hate the Pats, dislike Andy, BUT IT IS STILL FOOTBALL AND DICK JOKES.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“THAT PLANE IS NOT LOUDER THAN US!”

– Stupid Seahawks Fans

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