It’s Been A While, Eh?
Greetings and salutations, perverts. Haven’t seen you since last year FFS. Miss me yet? Yeah, I thought not. But if you’ve been reading along faithfully on Fridays recently, then you already know I stepped away from the controls here for the past few weeks.
First and foremost, sincere and heartfelt thanks to BallsofSteelandFury and Senor Weaselo (and then BallsofSteelandFury again) for filling in for me on short notice. Those guys are awesome and did an awesome job. I can’t say enough nice things about them and how much I appreciate it. Although I may never be able to watch Futurama again without getting an erection.
But I digress…
The reasons I stepped back for a bit are many and varied and it would take too long to explain them all. But it mostly boils down to the fact that I felt like I’d hit a rut with TGISF I couldn’t get out of unless I stepped back and looked from a more detached perspective. It had become much like a chore, or at least it was beginning to feel like it. Therefore I felt as if I was no longer doing a very good job with it, creatively speaking, and was thus shorting you, the reader.
Plus, it just wasn’t fun anymore.
So, how am I going to make it worth your while to read going forward? While also making it fun for me to write again? I dunno, exactly. It’ll be different from week to week more than likely. Some weeks we might do the Sexy Princess themes as I’ve done in the past where only a single lovely lady is featured. Other weeks, of course current events will shape the themes. There might even be weeks where I decide to tell a story (fictional or otherwise) in which I illustrate with photos.
But starting this week, I’m introducing a theme which will be semi-recurring from time to time. And it’s loosely based on this…
Remember those albums? They used to be advertised on the crappy cable channels and local independent TV stations late at night when they first started. And probably still are I guess. The first one came out in the US in October of ’98 (wow I’m old). They had already been being made in the UK for 15 years by that point. They’re up to #98 over there. No shit.
Would it surprise you to know that they’re still being made? The most recent US version being #64, which was released this past November. #65 is due to be released next month. And that doesn’t include the specialty versions they’ve released along the way aimed at specific musical genres or with holiday or other themes.
But that’s what this week (and some future weeks) will be based upon. A mixture of different types of music.
I love music. Lotsa different kinds. I’ve occasionally been told I have very eclectic musical tastes. I’ve more often been told that my taste in music sucks. Both are probably true, I suppose. But the point is that while I don’t necessarily like all pieces of music, I do like just about all musical genres if they’re done well. And for me, “done well” is simple to define. If I like it, I think it’s done well. Just like if you like it, then you think it’s done well.
But getting hung up on what someone else likes, or whether someone else will like what I like? Well, that only closes doors for oneself. That’s no way to live.
You see contrary to what some folks might think, it doesn’t bother me when people tell me my taste in music sucks. I actually find it rather funny. I find it even funnier when those same people later compliment my taste in music merely because we suddenly agree on an artist/song. It always amazes me how much smarter I get when people suddenly agree with me about something.
My point being that you very well might not like every artist or every song I feature in this space on the weeks I do this. Hell, I may not like them either. Some of the artists/songs shared here I very well might be featuring only because I know some or most of you won’t care for them. I mean let’s face it… even though I’ve been away, and regardless of whatever TGISF may or may not become going forward…? Well, I’m still the same old jerk who occasionally likes to stir things up and see how people react.
So react away. Feel free to tell me exactly how you feel about any of the music and/or artists, or how much my taste in music sucks. It will nourish my black heart and fill the void where my soul is supposed to be. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that you like something you thought you didn’t/wouldn’t. That’s OK too.
But as always, the Sexy will be featured prominently. Even during these shitty music weeks. Although the connections between the music and the Sexy might vary at times. For this week though, it will be about the sexy artists themselves. We’ll see what happens the next time I decide to do this.
(And some artists are likely to be featured during multiple weeks. Sorry, but like I already said…I like what I like.)
Enjoy….
–
Joss Stone
For a white girl from the UK, she’s a pretty damned impressive Soul/R&B artist IMHO (Nawt Raycess).
She’s earned much commercial success as well as critical acclaim, including multiple Grammy nominations and one win (’07, Best R&B Performance Duo or Group).
In recent years, she has also entered into the world of acting.
***
Nope, not who you think…
Kelly Rowland
Always overshadowed in Destiny’s Child by “that other girl”, Rowland is actually my favorite from that lineup. Since that group disbanded she’s had some solo success, but these days she’s more into other things like acting, etc. As well as being a mom.
Oh, she’s also really into physical fitness….as you can see below.
Ooooof.
***
Sara Bareilles
One of my biggest celebrity crushes if I’m being honest. She just has a way about her which appeals to me. Plus she’s a really great pianist, which gets me every time.
She’s not the most commercially successful artist here tonight, to be sure. But she has managed to earn six Grammy nominations over the years. A very versatile performer, it’s difficult to pin down exactly what her musical genre is. In the past, she’s self-described it as “piano based pop soul”, and that seems close enough.
Lately, she’s been doing some Broadway stuff, including acting. And was even nominated for a Tony Award in ’16 for Best Original Score, which she wrote for the show Waitress .
Be nice to her…or I’ll kill ya.
***
Alicia Keys
Another awesome pianist, who happens to be so much more. It would take too long to list her achievments in the music industry, but it includes 15 Grammys. Not bad. Often referred to as the current Queen of R&B. And she very well might be.
She is also a very vocal activist and philanthropist regarding many issues. During the Women’s March on Washington in January of ’17, a protest event which was a de facto disapproval of the current POTUS’ viewpoints on certain issues, she had this to say…
“…we want the best for all Americans. No hate, no bigotry, no Muslim registry. We value education, health care, equality.”
Just an overall awesome lady, IMHO. And she’s also kinda purrty.
***
Selena
No, not Gomez. This is THE Selena (though I might feature Selena Gomez at some point just annoy some of you and titillate others). But this Selena…THE Selena…. was a wonderful and multifaceted entertainer who was much too trusting. Sadly, it lead to her being taken from the world much too soon. Her last name was Quintanilla if you must know, but she didn’t need it. Before she died much too young nearly 23 years ago, the mononymous name “Selena” meant one and only one person. If you’re unfamiliar with her or her life story, then shame on you.
***
Michelle Phillips
Probably best known for her role as the “pretty one who can’t sing” in 60s folk group The Mamas and the Papas, she actually can sing. Quite well. She also happened to have been one of the main creative forces in the group having co-written much of their music, including the song above. She can also act…sort of well. But at least well enough that she has a fairly extensive filmography, and was even one of the stars of Knots Landing for six years. She was also once even nominated for a Golden Globe (Best Newcomer, 1973).
She was once arrested for marijuana possession in Amarillo, Texas, giving me a bizarro connection with her. While not arrested for it, I have technically been guilty of marijuana possession in Amarillo, Texas.
She was also once married to Dennis Hopper. She divorced him after only 8 days. I’m not sure which end of that one I’m more impressed by, quite honestly.
***
OK…we gotz room for one moar this week Decisions, decisions….
Hayley Williams
She’s just all kinds of awesome and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. And have before…sort of. But that’s another story.
The very definition of petite but sturdy, and full of creativity, energy and humour, IMHO. I would do evil things to for this young lady if asked (please do ask Hayley…we can get past the restraining order…bygones, etc., etc.).
One more from Paramore? You bet your ass…
Nicely done, Hayley. Please take a bow…
Close enough. Ooooof.
***
So, I can’t say I’m educated enough to judge across the board what it is that the ladies think is sexy in a singer/musical artist. But I’m going to give it a shot anyway. Mostly this is based on feedback from a former lady friend who still calls Arizona home as far as I know. If I’m wrong, then screw it. You can take it up with her I guess…
(meh…for some reason she thought I was kinda hot too, so take it for what it’s worth. What Imma do…argue with her???? Yeah, no…not gonna pull that thread, K thx.)
Adam Levine
I actually do like a lot of Maroon V. I have oft been made fun of for it. As I alluded to above…
DON’T CARE!!!!!!!!!
***
John Legend
Another pianist. Dude is amazing. And that’s me saying that, not her.
Plus he landed Chrissy Teigen, so he’s doing something right. I guess sometimes the good guy does win after all.
***
Welp, that’s it foar teh Sexy. But I am going to add one moar song just to annoy some of you. But sorry dude. If you let your wife (now ex wife) name your kids Apple and Moses, then you don’t deserve any sexy recognition. Still a good song tho…
OK folks, let me have it. Let’s have some fun with this.
That’s the whole point here after all.
***
And if you think you hated this one, just wait until 80s week. Hehehehehehe.
Love ya’s!!!!!!!
–
Do you have a “request” or an idea for a future TGISF theme? Drop me a line…
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEux8I2wMY0
Lady problems/advice:
Lil Wakezilla-ette loves messing with me. I ask for a kiss, she says yes, and when I go in to give her a kiss on the cheek and I get the straight arm and told no multiple times. Think Daniel Bryan back when No was his catch phrase.
I ask for a hug, and it’s not uncommon for her to get real close and right before she hugs me, veers/jumps to the side, or drops like a sack of potatoes at the last nano second, making me hug air. Then she laughs at me.
Then there’s the whole, offering me food, only to psyche me out at the last second and she eats what ever I’m offering.
I’m to blame cause it’s funny as shit and I laugh/laughed. At the same time, it’s starting to wear real thin. Thoughts?
I wouldn’t worry about it until she tweets out #metoo
Handcuffs? Make her think it’s a kink thing, but then just keep watching the game.
don’t ask, just go for it
/H.W.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33zPlnhymCU&t=2s
The shove it up your ass line had me fucking howling the first time I saw this.
how do you sleep in your car at night?
Relax folks.
Be happy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUJYXaS7J-Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5LeYDW2LsM
Moderate Republican take:
Secure the borders, but allow any non-American that wants to work in America to cross the border and work. Their income taxes will be removed, but they won’t get the benefit of being a citizen (fine print to be determined later).
I don’t think this is a moderate Republican take. I don’t even think it’s right enough to be moderate Democratic take these days.
Sad thing is, that’s true.
Republicans want an electrified barbed wire fence with sharpshooters every 200 feet.
Democrats want an open arch and a local Democrat Party HQ.
Ideas, newsletter, you know the line.
The bracero program. Exploitation of foreigners and economic disruption across the entire floor of the economic ladder.
Fuck that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54dxmHbJQFY
We should treat this like an Papal Conclave from the old days: lock the Senators, Representatives and President in the Chambers, ration them food and water, don’t allow them bathroom breaks, and threaten them with eternal damnation if they take their time.
You had me until “…ration them food and water…”
Came here to say “Starve the fucks” as well.
Let them eat diamonds
?strip=all&w=719
Why is she eating jewelry? I never went to a restaurant in Ljubljana that specialized in that stuff.
Is she really Slovenian?
That’s why I didn’t allow them bathroom breaks. Its seems like a plus at first but all that food and water has to go somewhere.
Well, most of them are probably already damned, so got anything better to threaten them with? Docking of pay? Docking of pension?
Wallowing in their own pee and poo?
Again, how is that different from most days?
How the fuck are you doing boys?
NEAT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgE4yuPGmJU
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/02/13/00/3D2480CF00000578-4218234-image-a-19_1486945117229.jpg
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ0mxQXmLsk&w=560&h=315%5D
The Generalissimo!?
If Congressmen get paid when the gov’t shuts down, we should really draft a Constitutional Amendment to fix that.
The members of the House would be crashing Google figuring out what that sentence meant if they knew what a computer was. Right, Madame Representative?
Wooo!! Also, they were the hottest team in the league last year. I’ll be putting this in my preview next week. Thanks for setting it up!!
The sad thing is any other president could easily come out of this as magnanimous and smelling like roses, if he would play peacemaker and get the Dems and GOPs to agree to a bill that makes everyone happy.
Graham voted NO. his “roommate” put him straight.
Trump 2013: “This Shutdown is the President’s fault. History is going judge the President because he was in charge. He should’ve made a deal.”
Redshirt 2013: “Fucking idiots! Swallow your pride and compromise, you arrogant assholes!”
——
Trump 2018: “This isn’t my fault! The Democrats should vote for the bill we wrote!”
Redshirt 2018: “Fucking idiots! Swallow your pride and compromise, you arrogant assholes!”
I do like consistency.
Still tho, can’t stop laughing at the Bungles.
/remembers ratbirds
Meh…still funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2zq1EDgDfs
Looking back, do you think that one time Madonna kissed Britney Spears, Madonna was actually sucking out her sanity and life essence? Seems almost too obvious…
So if there are 65 “Now That’s…”‘s, there must be what, 3 versions per year?
Love the theme. How about… Andrea Echeverri (Los Aterciopelados). They started as full punk and later made lovely songs.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=H6i5J8Cjkqc
Nostalgia it is!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1H_NWhwx5E
Pete Davidson had a new special. Here is a bit about Shrooms…
https://youtu.be/MdDNkxFiqDw
I can’t tell you how I know this….
But Mrs. Howell was into DP.
Oh you fucking sickos…she was into photography. DIRECTOR of PHOTOGRAPHY ffs!!!!!!
She also like cocks stuffed in her asshole and cooch at the same time. It’s too bad there’s no slang for that.
Hehehehehehe.
I seriously can’t wait to buy you a beer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfbQ5mHWkOs
I really need to find new stand up comics to listen to. I mean, I still love the ones I’ve followed since I was a teenager, but I’m not really replacing them with anything as they die/get famous and busy/jerk off in front of random women.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFx1Cpxpx1E
Love Jefferies. Basically, any comic that’s been on O&A is in my heavy rotation, as that’s where I got a lot of my awful humor as a young(er) lad.
I like Patton Oswalt as a guide, and Dave Attell hasn’t been caught yet and is as delightfully fucked up as ever,
i love Attell, Saw him in Vegas 2010. He’s my favorite, the bit about dog dick red, the kind of red that makes you look twice was killer.
We’re going to find out when he dies that he was actually a born again Christian from the age of 20 and just made the best dick jokes to help fund his church.
All I know about Dave Attell is that my jiujutsu sensei got to beat the piss out of him on Insomniac one time. There’s a video somewhere, I’ll look for it.
Found it! (It’s the bit starting at 2:33)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnwuAhGtTOE
Also, y’all hear the Tom Petty autopsy results? Dammit, he Prince’d. Just sucks.
Sucks. But as much as I hate to say it, there’s worse ways to go.
You rock on, baby…I got yer back (no pun intended) you sexy sumbitch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA2Hu-JEvNA
Replace “jimmy” with “Spur” and this song is ALL TIME
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBECisSkAu4
So, the right answer is “both”
Yup.
So was the BEN fucking Stormy Daniels or did Trump steal(buy) Daniels from BEN?
This New Belgium variety pack is making me think the wife is safe for another week or so.
Maya is HOT. i will post this tomorrow and Sunday
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uYs0gJD-LE&list=RD2uYs0gJD-LE
Vibin’ Out
http://www.stasheverything.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/vibe-mia.jpg
1) Love the theme and everything about except Sara Bananas. She’s very talented, but gimme, I dunno, anyone else to look at. If we have to fight, I won’t be happy about it, but I won’t say sorry either.
b) Adam Levine is talented and charismatic and anyone who likes his music should be deafened as an act of mercy.
iv) Glad you enjoy Hayley. She is my kid’s hero (musically) and a really good role model for younger girls who like music.
Next) Phoebe Bridgers is something like 23 or 24 but could pass for younger. Gonna save any more comments just in case I run for senate in a southern state.
Just means I have less competition for Sara’s heart.
We good.
Ok, cool. You take her, I’ll take Michelle Phillips. Prolly even today.
I’ve always wondered whether that is now what we really call music. Like, is it?
Found another funny:
Where the hell is Karen Carpenter?
Not at the In-N-Out in Glendale…
Hey ohhhhhh!!!!!!
Try the Bachi Burger in Henderson
Wishing she coulda grown up a Turpin.
“No she doesn’t.” -Johanna Barker
/Let’s see who gets the reference!
Oh that’s terrific.
/eats another suspiciously-sourced pie
I’m Bart Scott for 80s week!
Joss Stone looks like she has a stinky pussy.
It’s called patchouli
Well I sure as shit hope so.
What’s the point otherwise?
Mary Ann or Ginger?
Yes
Mary Ann. Ginger is stuck up while Mary Ann seems to be the type that’s innocent in public but a freak in the sheets.
Yeah, but Ginger will take it in the pooper if you promise her a part…
Settle down Weinstein.
Why not both? You don’t know if you don’t ask.
And there’s not much competition on that island. Get past Gilligan and the professor and you’re golden.
Damn professor and his coconut powered sybian….
Coconut Powered Sybians is my FFL team name next year.
Too much time on the CPS is how I got reported to CPS
Folks! Shut it down! Shut it down!
Lay in the beds you made!!!!
So, this coming Monday is one of my regularly scheduled telework days. I have scheduled a yard crew to come and rake all the leaves in the yard that day (yeah, lazy, but I also have a fucked up back and I’d rather pay someone a couple hundred bucks than be laid out for three or four days after leaf-blowing/raking/hauling an acre’s worth of leaves). Also, technician is supposed to come by and inspect termite traps around the outside of the house. Also planned on sneaking off for 30 minutes to drop my dogs off to have their teeth cleaned.
However, if these cocksuckers don’t get the continuing resolution passed tonight, I will have to go into work (78 mile roundtrip through the center of San Antonio) to sign a piece of paper acknowledging that I am being furloughed for the duration of the shutdown, a two hour journey that is going to fuck up all of my plans.
Goddamit, you motherfuckers control the Senate and the House of Representatives and the executive; I’m betting you could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer.
Sorry, this seems an appropriate place to rant.
But Obama!
EMAILS
Fuck them all. No lube, Except Pence; he likes that (rumour has it) (when you add the “u” it makes the rumor more classy)
Reference material for tWBS:
It will be its own week.
Trust me.
Veruca Salt was hot.
I really hope you don’t mean from Willy Wonka.
The Donnas were ok
(incoherent screaming softly in the distance slowly getting loader as source gets closer)
(BANG!)
OW! Who dead bolted the Door?!
(unlocks, Door Flies Open)
(ahem) Ben’s involved in the Trump Porn Star Story!
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2754957?iid=ob_lockedrail_topeditorial
Come on, you’ve been around long enough to know which gif you should be using here…
I’m saving that for the Ben/Trump/Stormy sex tape.
I look forward to well-reasoned comments in the comments bar. Said nobody ever.
That’s a pretty good theme, and hot music chicks should be a rich vein to mine.
I once saw a dead ringer for Adam Levine at the In N Out in Glendale. He was wearing a shirt that said “I’m Not Him.” I thought that was funny as all hell and pretty badass.
The one next to the freeway on the way to the golf course?
Hehehehe….I see what you did there.
[Ron Howard] It was him.
http://achewood.com/comic.php?date=09122008
Found a funny:
Oh we’re halfway there
Oh oh running from a bear
I pushed you down
Accidentally I swear
Oh oh eaten by a bear
You were eaten by a bear