This is the moment we have all been waiting for!
Shut up, tWBS!
The wait is finally over and the real non-friendly games begin. We are starting at the ripe time of 4 AM Pacific because the Opening Ceremony to the 2018 World Cup begins at 6:00 AM Pacific and we need time to properly prepare ourselves.
The details of the Opening Ceremony have been kept relatively secret, with only a few details leaking out:
- Apparently, there will be a strong Opera presence
- There might or might not be people on stilts
- The ceremony will focus heavily on Russian culture and history
- As is tradition, the Official World Cup Song will be performed:
so my guess is that Will Smith will be in attendance as well as Nicky Jam, whoever that is, and that girl with the weird past tense name.
Editor’s Note: Apparently, she is Albanian/Kosovar and got famous on YouTube via this song:
Don T Note: ¿¿Cómo es posible que no sabes quién es Nicky Jam?? ¡Es un Dios en el mundo del Reggaeton!:
Balls Note: I do apologize. I really should have known Nicky Jam (really dig the song) and I’m shocked SHOCKED I tell you, that I did not know of a blonde that wears skimpy clothing and dances suggestively.
I am, however, hoping the Russian Mafia takes advantage to get some easy kidnapping/ransom money for Will Smith.
The Ceremony and the Opening Game between Russia and Saudi Arabia will take place in Moscow’s beautiful Luzhniki Stadium:
Coverage is as follows (all times Pacific):
English Language in the US (Fox)
7:00 AM – FIFA World Cup Live – Pre-game Show
8:00 AM – Kickoff
10:00 AM to 10:30 AM – FIFA World Cup Today – Post-game Show
***
Spanish Language in the US (Telemundo)
5:00 AM – Opening Ceremony coverage
7:00 AM – Hoy en la Copa Mundial – Pre-game Show
8:00 AM – Kickoff
10:00 AM to 11:00 AM – Hoy en la Copa Mundial – Post-game Show
***
English Language in Canadia (TSN/CTV)
7:00 AM – Pre-game Show
8:00 AM – Kickoff
10:00 AM to 11:00 AM – Post-game Show
***
French Language in Le Canada (RDS)
5:30 AM – Direction: Russie
6:30 AM – Le Monde Du Sport Gillete
7:00 AM – En route vers la Coupe Du Monde 2018
7:30 AM – Avant-match
8:00 AM – Le Match
10:00 AM à 11:00 AM – Après-match
***
As you can see, Fox coverage suuuuucks. Add to that the fact that only two of the six Fox broadcast teams are in Russia. The rest will broadcast games out of the Fox studios in West LA and let’s see if they can avoid traffic to get there on time.
The only thing they have going for them is Kate:
As far as Telemundo is concerned, they are sending all their broadcast teams to Russia and are partnering up with Google and YouTube to provide over 1000 hours of additional online content on top of the games being live-streamed on the Telemundo app.
Yeah.
The French coverage in Canada, for some weird reason, also seems to be superior to the English-language coverage.
My suggestion, therefore, is to pretend you are on vacation in a foreign land, wake up at a time different from normal, and watch TV in a foreign language.
Add a beer or two and it’s the cheapest vacation ever.
Except you can also comment here!
Ok, seriously, FIVE people picked Saudi Arabia in the pool?!?!?
How high were you when you were filling out the brackets?
How were you able to see others’ picks? Whenever I try, they seem to not let me.
How high were you when you picked Japan to make the round of 16?
I’ve got Senegal, Poland, and Japan tying all their mutual games. Japan would simply score more goals than the other two..
https://youtu.be/-zJPs-KTV2Q
Hippo & Seamus gots GAMBLOR on the Open or early beisbol? I could use a rooting interest.
this promised crap pitcher Horatio talks about for the Dirt Giants never comes to pass, so I praise GAMBLOR with various Scandinavian Lesser Footy instead. Golf can fuck right off.
Sorry man. I’ve been given poor information. My MLB app says that he is starting Friday.
I haven’t seen the Russians run up the score like this since they handed Trump Wisconsin’s electoral votes.
MBS be like: I’ll just blame it on all the black players.
“I’ll come up with a great banner quote in three days.”
– Dennis Miller
It’s amazing how Archer takes the kinds of jokes Dennis Miller might tell and manages to make them funny.
That’s because the Archer writers are talented funny people and Dennis Miller is a Conservative.
Putin: Why you heff be mad? Is only game
I haven’t seen the Russians dispose of a Muslim side like this since the Khazar Khanate
Haven’t seen a Middle Eastern group this demoralized since Jared Kushner’s attempt at peace.
I haven’t seen the reds brutally crush the greens in Russia like this since the Russian Civil War.
I haven’t seen Russians looking so cheerful and happy since Stalin ordered them at gunpoint to look cheerful and happy.
I haven’t seen a group of guys dressed in red and white beat the shit out of a group of guys dressed in green since Santa sent in his goons to break up the Toymakers Local 109 strike.
Fuckin’ elf scabs got what was comin’ to ’em.
His memory of that incident is what drove Jeff Sessions to get involved in politics.
“Fuckin’ elf scabs!”
– Jeff Sessions’ hooker after seeing his penis
You won’t see Saudis crash and burn like this again until they allow women to drive, amirite?
Last time I saw a bunch of Muslims getting beaten like this by Russians, John Rambo dragged a goat around a dirt patch.
The 80s were really quite something.
I haven’t seen a third party insisting that a Russian and a Saudi shake hands like that since Mike Flynn sat everyone down for that Middle East nuclear reactor planning meeting.
I haven’t seen a group of Saudis fall like this since the last group of women stoned to death on the accusations that they were witches.
The Russian bookmakers must be salivating like crazy at the match-fixing prospects now that Russia has put itself in such great shape to win the group.
Uruguay will curb stomp them.
Counting on Mo Salah to do the same.
Man, the last time I saw a white guy score a header like that on a guy named Osama Seal Team 6 was involved.
So, do we think Saudi ties the Egyptians and an uninterested Uruguayan squad?
Do you think the Saudis will lay down for the Egyptians to give them a better shot to get into the second round?
A 6’5 Russian player came on the field. Russia is playing the ‘please double cover the totally not awful at this sport giant,’ aren’t they?
I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11
Well, SoS had a nice run with the banner, but time to give it up…
Agree, this is superior.