There’s a ‘planned power outage’ happening in these parts so I gotta load this one right quick. No, I don’t have any idea why I didn’t do this yesterday. TO THE GAMES!
Niners/Chiefs:
Will Jimmy G be able to keep up with the surly KC O? Not really but take the over anyway.
Cincy/Car:
Who gon carry le ballon for the Bengali’s? Mixon is out, Rawls was just signed and Bernard was limited in practice on Friday. It seems like Gio is ready to go but we might just see a little [looks way down depth chart] Mark Walton?
Bills/Vikes:
Cover your eyes! A rook qb that struggled last week vs. Minny pressure. A massive hole at the cb2 spot due to a sudden retirement. No LeSean. (most likely) The leader of this Buffalo team goes by the name of General Disarray. Oh, and ‘League Parity’ was seen boarding a party bus to Tijuana.
Den/Bal:
The effectiveness of the Bronc’s rushing attack is dependent on little ol’ Phillip Lindsay, the undrafted 5’8″, 190 pounder out of Colorado. Aren’t you glad you snapped him up from the waiver wire like the cheeky monkey you think yourself to be?
Ind/Phi:
Carson Wentzworth III has deigned to play this week for the Eagle birds. Huzzah!
NYG/Hou:
Give the rb the ball and Snacks & Co. will most likely devour them. However, give the qb the ball in a zone-read situation and watch the yardage pile up. This week it’s DeShaun Watson’s turn.
Pack/’Dacted’s:
The only thing questionable about Aaron Rodgers is his judgement regarding his family. Despite the injury status Gutsy McGutterton will play.
Oak/Mia:
Who is Mike Gesiki? He’s the Fins reception leader from the te spot with one catch for 11 yards. That happened in week one. He wasn’t targeted at all last Sunday.
Ten/Jax:
This was Derrick Henry’s year but he decided to be the schlubbiest schlub that ever schlubbed a football. Don’t start his sorry ass vs. the Jagwads.
NO/Atl:
There’ll be plenty of skid marks, dropped axles and blown transmissions on the field after this one is done. (there, I jinxed it-10-7 final)
YES! Got it in on time. Time to sit in the corner in complete darkness and think. You? You start typing.
like you motherfuckers have never watched an Andy Reid team
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah breathe hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
One could have gotten like 18:1 on Tomsulas at halftime, I thought that was absurdly low.
Hey, Deshaun Watson – every time you don’t force it into Hopkins, a puppy dies. Just so you know.
Huh, I didn’t realize that Michael Vick is staging a comeback?
Hide your puppies.
No, my puppies can handle themselves… Unless we’re talking spicy food, our black Lab is still sneezing and whimpering after trying out some of my homemade bhajis 😀
Yikes.
I did refuse repeatedly until I decided that a burned gastro-intestinal tract is the best way to teach it… What I didn’t expect was for Puck to gulp it in like one bite
Of course Luke Keukly went to St. X
Deshaun Watson please remove Head from ass.
LOLfins all like, let’s ruin Rikki’s day again.
Also, HODOR! turned into Alex Smith so gradually I hardly even noticed.
If there’s a team that likes to ruin your day, it’s the LOLfins
Amari Cooper drops an important third down pass? Well I never!
I knew Amari was going to be an amazing pro.
I know absolutely nothing.
The Giants are up 11 in the 4th and I’ll be relieved if they tie.
Goddamn, the Colts suck. I can’t believe we’re going to lose to them.
Bengals…held?
Pre-snap on 4th and 2, Slurs identify Cobb is getting the ball and calls an audible. post snap, they don’t cover Cobb. Luckily for them, it looks like Cobb did not catch the ball.
Did AJ Green get better?
He’s sitting on the bench with a look on his face like he just saw his cat die choking on his goldfish. Its not looking good.
Kirk Cousins really doing me a favor by giving me something to think about besides the Eagles game
Iggles gonna lose with Luck throwing for barely 100 yards
After scanning through the current results, I wonder if the sane, nay – Responsible thing to do is to bet the limit on Detroit winning outright against my beloved Pats? Any thoughts
This is how they get you. Everything will be back to normal for the afternoon games.
Counterpoint – Arsenal made me happy today, so Fate will find a way to course-correct…
This Jags Tits game has been as entertaining as embalming sparrows.
Thank you, Shawn Williams. Again.
Ogletreeception!*
* “What is, ‘something never said before, Alex?”
Is that where you jam the football up yet ass and take a picture of it
I have a pressure cooker and a small pork shoulder picnic roast. Can anybody recommend what I do with the two
Mojo pork with some onions
How drunk are you? Depending on your answer, consider ordering a pizza.
It’s one those drunkproof instapot that won’t blow up no matter what I try.
Holy shit, my Instapot just arrived yesterday. I haven’t fired it up yet. Was gonna last night but I got too drunk.
I’m sure today’s outlook is no different.
It’s not looking good.
Crab soup will probably get held off another day.
Fill it halfway with water. Add Old Bay. Ta-da!
I really love you right now, even if you are a stinking Philly fan.
I have no fewer than four cans of Old Bay. I’m not sure why, but I’m from Baltimore….what do you expect?
When I moved to the frozen north, I always went grocery shopping at Save-a-lot because it was the only place in the UP that I could find Old Bay. Also, extremely poor at that point.
I still prefer slow cooker, but it has become my go to red bean and rice maker. Mainly because the first time I made it, it now permanently smells like red beans and rice
But yeah…what Gatoraids said. Onions, half cup of BBQ sauce, quarter cup vinegar, some pepper to taste.
You’ll be good. Just don’t blow yourself up.
Give the whole thing a quick pan seared first
I bought an Instant Pot yesterday! 6 qt 7-in-1! I got it home and ordered Chinese.
LMFAO.
That’s great hustle.
2018 Bengals:
I keep thinking “Buck Allen” is just a nickname for Josh Allen
Josh Allen had a nickname but it got him in trouble on Twitter a while ago.
Eifert did a good. And didn’t die?!
Eagles have 3x the yards and first downs, and twice the ToP. Pederson’s Reid background definitely showing through this week.
CAPTAIN DINNNNNNNGLEBERRY….AHOY!!!
These Bengals, I call them a stupid fucking God Damn team I fucking hate them fuck fuck fuck fuck fuxk
I love Fair Weather Bengals Fans.
EARN MY LOVE YOU COCKSUCKERS
Is there any other kind of AFC North fan other than Fair Weather?
/checks in on Ravens
//fucking assholes are winning, holy shit
But is Joe Flacco elite?
Ask Fozz. But be prepared to duck.
Beef Moe from the one works! Who knew?
Dean Blandino looks like he wants to sell me a used car AND the insurance for it.
don’t 4get the extended warranty package!!
And the undercoating!
This offer only applies if you finance through his guy though.
say bye bye to $9000
https://twitter.com/DavidPurdum/status/1043924123330777089
I take a shower and aj green dies. I’m never showering again.
Eli Manning finds your ideas intriguing
“Bubble baths are still ok, right?”
-E. Manning
Whoa, whoa, whoa… We’re talking Eli Manning here – ideas are to be reserved only for emergencies ONLY. Please refer to this instructional video on Eli’s modus operandi:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQB4nAjZIdE
Fun fact, I was cited by HR for running that one over the PA the first workday after MacDoodoo benched him last year in his honor… the whole day… At “Important announcement levels”
That was a nice first drive without AJ Green. Also, where’s the key to the 20 feet high deck? I’m going to go out and admire the view.
Don’t do it Redshirt! Suicide is for teenage Japanese girls and Vince Young.
#PrayForRedshirt…Again
Ebron is such a piece of shit
I left Ryan on the bench for Cousins in my $$$$ league.
Always wrap it up, gents
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/1043934440181903361
Wentzception!
You would think his time in the locker room would have prepared him to face a big D
He never played with Visanthe Shiancoe!
These Cincinnati Bengals, I call them Bengal tigers because they are an endangered species who, if conditions continue the way they are, are at risk of dying out on us.
Is AJ Green going to be ok?
No. He’s dead.
AJ Green is dead. Please adjust your Fantasy lineups and suicide letters accordingly.
Yep, that’s my Mahomes-led DFO side going 0-3 now
Is he just mostly dead? You can come back from that!
Oh Corey Davis is actually playing. Didn’t seem like it.
Bernard is hurt. AJ Green is hurt. Well fuck.
Uh, you’re down 4 TDs, might wanna take an end zone shot there, Tomsulas. CHRIST
There’s plenty of room at FedEx Field to bury Rodgers leg.
Still haunted by the ghost of rg3 knee
#HAILGAMBLOR!
Stupid TSN go and their regionalized football games. There’s 5 channels and they are all Packers/Slurs.
We’re in Canada, none of these games should be regionalized, dammit!
Local TV morning show host Lindy Thackston (a fav of mine) a fan of a good, big dick this time of year
https://twitter.com/OdrobinakJoni/status/1043097181291458561
I, for one, would love to see the Packers lose or tie the rest of their games for eternity
Can Mahomes run up a score so high that not even Andy Reid can lose?
We’ll find out.
A Ratbirds FG bones my fantasy side further, but cashes me out $105.
Guys, don’t fall for Andy Reid’s bullshit here. This will not end well for KC.
Dozens of BBQ joint owners nod in agreement with this.
Only because Odd Week Jaguras exist. This kid and team are the TRUTH.