Yes, it’s time to do to Jose Mourinho what we did to Davey Moyes (what, like 5 years ago?) and finish the walking ded off. Everton (in 8th position on 15 points, +3 GD) only need a draw at Old Trafford to stay above Manure (10th, -1), and the Blues come in hot and looking for all three. Damn it, but Lukaku is still on the opposite touchline, and a force to be reckoned with. It should be a real cracker of a match (especially if Ademola Lookman gets a start for the Toffees), sadly it comes on the weekend where the Colonies’ Daylight Savings Time differs from tha Muthaland, moving the kickoff to noon EST on Sunday (NBC). Palace and Arsenal warm things up on NBCSN (9:25), if the London Jaguras/Iggles match gets too dull. Burnley/Chelski too, but you needs NBC Gold for that.
Warning: watching Lesser Footy on stream whilst following multiple blog comment feeds AND watching RedZone will likely kill me. HUZZAH!
So that’s me hitting Sunday before the Saturday slate. What of that? you may ask. Nothing before 10, so get your beauty rest.
Seriously, Redshite/Cardiff is the main offering (NBCSN). Just fuck right off. And let’s hope you have Gold, because that’s the only way you’ll see anything else. I’d recommend the DFO Derby of Litre’s struggling Fulham v. yeah right’s surging Bournemouth (no shit, 6th position!). It has bananacakes (which the Brits would STILL call a pudding) 4-4 draw written all over it. A savvy live bettor (i.e., NOT HIPPO) could make much coin on this. Brighton and Wolves also feels mildly interesting.
Lester is having West Ham for tea over on NBC (12:30), but that is nae JV NFL skipping calibre in my book. But we wish Fronk all the best anyway.
The entire weekend slate is thrown off by the Blue Mancs taking on Spurs on British MNF (4:00, NBCSN), presumably to draw attention away from how shite a matchup Dreamboat v. Horse Balls will be later that evening. Nice cross-network friendly gesture!
Oh, there’s also some Classic Coke fixture that weird Scottish guy will be squealing about (10:55, BeIn), but there will be no Messi nor any strike force whatsoever for Real Madrid, which will make it sort of seem like Atleti is playing an intra-squadder.
Hmmmmm, ya like that one, Balls? 😀
Our Young Boys will lotion up back in the comfortable confines of Wankdorf this Saturday, against sommet called FC Sion (1:00, some stream that surely won’t get you on any MOAR watch lists!). Fresh off an encouraging 23 Oct Champions League draw v. Valencia, Young Boys will look to rise up, take a hard line early, and pound Sion’s back end into submission.
On to the JV!!!
Clemson at Florida State (Noon, ABC)
Rarest of rarities, the Semenholes being good guys? Nah, they both can get fucked straight into the Atlantic, and I have no hope for Dabo!’s boys losing even once, let alone the necessary twice. Until Bama turns them inside out, that is.
Texas Tech at Iowa State (Noon, ESPN2)
Guns Up!! has started doing it with some defense? Way to STAND UR GROUND, fellas. Team Cornpone State can be awfully pesky at home, thus the 5.5 point spread in favour of the 3-3 side. Probably a trap bet, but I wish I could bet it.
Purdue at Michigan State (Noon, ESPN)
Sorry, Cancer Boy. Your miracle ticket was good FOAR one week only. Welcome back to reality, as if the cancer ain’t remind you of that plenty enough.
TCU at Kansas (3:00, FS1)
Moneyline I wish I could bet, as this is likely KU’s best chance to get a Big Twaaaalllllve win this season. Bloodeyes don’t deserve to give 13 on the road against a MAC school this season.
Florida v. Georgia @ Silky Gerard’s Place (3:30, CBS)
Oh yeah, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, primed to see some Bulldog Vengeance! Unless it turns out they just ain’t worth a fuck, in which case the Gators will take control of their destiny in the race to lose to Bama by 30 in early December.
Iowa State at Penn State (3:30, ESPN)
Holy shit, will this be a slog. It would make your ded, racist grandpappy pretty hard (if only he were still alive), though. Also that creepy paedo uncle.
Kentucky at Missouri (4:00, SECN)
Here comes another trap line (Mizzou -7) – I get that the Tiggers’ve had a tough schedule to be 0-3 in League play, but Kenfucky has played legitimately decent footbaw to get to 6-1, including last week’s tricky fixture in the wind against Vandy.
NC State at Syracuse (7:00, ESPN2)
We shall see if Clemson beats the (back to shitty) wolves twice, as you have to be mentally right playing SillyCuse. They hit ya in the mouth, and one best be ready to respond. State ain’t good enough to be dazed and confused for a half before getting its scat together. Line opened at Cuse -1.5, is Pack -2 as of Friday night. Fuck, that makes me itchy. Another DFO Derby of sorts, since scotchy mildly claims the L’Orange JV NFL side now.
Washington State at Stanford (7:00, PAC-12)
This is a really good matchup between two 3-1 (in-conference) teams, both coming off emotional wins, and I can’t believe it’s not on a real network. I guess Fox has to show that dumb based balling.
Texas A&M at Mississippi State (7:00, ESPN)
Cowbells went and hired Paedo State’s offensive “guru” and since that decision, have had no discernible offense whatsoever. Whispers are that a QB change could be afoot (bad pun in memory of last Egg Bowl’s gruesome injury). Still a trap game for the Aggies, who I still think are poop.
Oregon at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)
Another week, another apology for the bad tweaker selection. But hey, at least Bear Down FOAR Midterms won last week’s White Power Bowl – though they still need 3 wins out of their last 4 to go bowling. Oregon could be deflated after their wet fart on the Paloose. Or pissed off. Fuck if I know, this League is weird, man.
Anyone else notice how Mark Dantonio is turning into JV Grumblelord?
/actual conversation that took place very recently
Me: “I’d like a turkey club with fries and 20 extra-hot wings.”
Guy: “We’re good on the club but we can’t do the extra-hot wings. Do you want regular hot?”
Me: “No extra-hot? That stuff is amazing!”
Guy: “Yeah, it sure is. Thing is, he’s not working tonight.”
Me: […]
Guy : “Extra-hot is his recipe and he won’t tell anyone. If you want it you’ll have to wait until he’s back on shift.”
Did this conversation take place at a Chippendales by any chance?
Get your mind out of the gutter and back into the kitchen.
Foot long?
and then some!
That is kind of awesome.
So far today:
– Mass shooting a mile from my best friend’s house
– Lil’er WCS has the runs, and diaper rash
– I also have the runs, and haven’t been able to get off the toilet for more than five minutes
– Lil’ WCS just dropped her cup of milk on her toe, and won’t stop crying about it
– wifey is working a 24-hour shift, and I’m home alone
– Herr Orangeface remains a complete tool
Fun!
Stay strong and bourble on!
Saw Herr Fuhrer just said they should have had armed guards. For their Shabbas services. Would you say that to my local United Methodist Church?
Gotta keep the base riled up. FALSE FLAG. It’s the weak-willed Jews’ own fault.
Sion have decided they want to be the top this afternoon, scoring 2 in the first half! Our Young Boys have pulled one back, still 20 minutes to play…
Let’s just say it’s fortunate Lester DM Daniel Amartey ain’t a racehorse…
More California love: today’s weather states verbatim: “75 sunny: delightful.”
10-man Hammers holding onto 1-goal lead v. Lester
saved by Lesser BLEERGH!
then denied by a cruel deflection
/obligatory Mark Noble is a cunt
Brock Purdy is such a porn name. NAWT a Cornpone State quartered backing name.
I’m feeling like the “Andy Reid is fat” jokes are getting a little bit stale and I’m as much of the problem (if not more) as everybody else.
I’m going to make “Kelvin Benjamin is fat” jokes instead.
?w=1000&h=600&crop=1
NEVAR forget!
Given his weight, you’d think he wouldn’t want to surround himself with so many scales…
Haven’t seen an “Aaron Rodgers is gay” joke in a while, at least.
you slay as much athletic brunette poon as he does, you deflate some narratives!
Today I’m going to lunch with eldest right and granddaughters 1&2. We’re going to the Proud Bird. Founded in the 1950’s and lying right beneath the landing path at LAX the Proud Bird offers unparalleled views of jet landings in Los Angeles. Locals and visitors alike will be awed by the majesty of this one of a kind tribute to the fore fathers of the mighty aerospace industry.
Plus they have a full bar.
Full bar? Take it easy. You don’t want to up Chuck Yager.
Isn’t it kind of loud?
It’s an indoor outdoor kind of place. They also have a food bazaar with six different kitchens and one of them is Bludsoes barbecue. Plus their Italian kitchen makes porchetta.
Porchetta and brisket?
Fuck yes.
Canadians are also better at arts and crafts:
merde, we need a full Scotchy-led DFO Underground Railroad (no ofence) now, eh?
How many dick jokes can Northern Ontario hold?
If you could burn Kenora to the ground that would be great.
Leave Lake of the Woods brewery though, that place is awesome.
Still holding out for the Independent Republic of California.
beautiful part of that is the rump state of Murrika would completely collapse in the resultant Depression caused by same.
Christ, we could survive on wine and weed exports alone.
it is a varied and sustainable economy, and CA powers the nation currently (and has for some time).
World’s 7th largest economy.
Plus, lots of missiles and stuff built there, for self defense.
D-FENSE.
Fun Fact: “West Ham” is an appropriate description of the left-hand side of a Denver omelette that was properly made according to Andy Reid’s specifications.
Needs hashbrowns.
“Why did I marry that girl? She said she and her family was filthy rich because of Yukon Gold.”
Wait, what’s the problem here?
What’s the problem? I’m on a starch-reduced diet and I’m a fucking gigolo. That’s the problem.
Clemson game is pretty much over. Suggestions for another game?
Guns Up!!/Cornpone State
[consults “Hippo Nickname To English Language” translator]
“Texas Tech/Iowa State it is.”
FSU center tried to insert the football into his butt. He was not successful. Better luck next time, bud.
More lube and preparation time is needed. He should have relaxed more; he was too tense with anticipation. Some romantic music would have helped.
Speaking from experience, lit candles are very under-rated.
Centers seldom pay attention to these details.
Yeah, of course the US will always have wingnuts. Every country has their share. But that country to the south of us seems to have created an atmosphere whereby certain wingnuts feel emboldened. How can the country as a whole dial itself back from this environment in the future? I scared for you guys.
/I very rarely venture into this territory comment-wise but I can’t help thinking that the law of averages is going to catch up with one of the folks on this site at some point and that would be fantastically* shitty.
*check out the 2nd meaning of the word
I don’t think there IS any going back. This country is fucked for good. Just creating sommet out of the ashes of what is left IF we drive the fascist junta out will take a Herculean effort.
[dangles premium football/college basketball tv package]
You know, there is a way out of that mess.
problem is I have no fungible SKILLZ with which to make a living, eh?
I’ll figure something out. If it involves setting betting lines on the number of moose killed during the fall harvest or whatever-you’ll have a proper job.
Wait WUT?
Hehehehe
“The End Is Well Nigh”
You brought it on yourself, fella.
Well, a good 20% of the people I work with are gun nuts. I mean multiple assault weapons. I’m an uncloseted libtard, could happen.
My best buddy from law school is a Yinzer, left-wing gun nut. And not really a “center left” one, either. He loved Obama, and is pretty much with the party on everything but guns, and votes 99% Demmycratic. His dream was to have his own militia, but for the left.
That kind of organization would probably come in very handy right about now. I often regret not learning how to at least USE a gun.
would also be nice to live in a MOAR exotic meat-friendly culture
Sooooooooooooooooon.
If we could voluntarily start up the civil war again it may actually be an improvement. Although Johnny Reb is much better armed this time.
Christ, I have nothing in common with those right wing fuck heads. I don’t even claim to be part of whatever species they claim to be.
It’ll be me. I actively piss off neo-nazis and racists every chance I get. I’ll likely take a bullet some day.
I don’t care.
Worth it.
Hopefully that includes the “casual” or “unintentional” racists. Fucking A.
Constant disappointment on Saturdays. I hate futbol.
Look at the bright side; Peyton Manning has a great Halloween costume:
After Rocky Lombardi’s college career ends his best path to success lies in opening a spaghetti joint in East Lansing. That’s the easiest money in the world. And he wouldn’t even have to bother with fresh pasta. The rubes wouldn’t know the difference.
With that last name, he’d be a fool not to open a branch in Green Bay.
But you can charge double for fresh pasta.
targeting is an abomination
-The United Deer Union
Trump tweet about synagogue shooting closes with “God Bless All!” I assume he means the shooter as well.
good ppl on both sides of synagogue massacres ,, ppl forget that
per TPM: Local CBS affiliate reports that shooter yelled anti-semitic slogans/slurs as he opened fire on worshippers. “All Jews must die.”
He wasn’t an Australian National by chance?
I’ve been convinced for a long time that Trump is actually mentally retarded and that inheriting a fortune just prevented it from being officially diagnosed.
Don’t be insulting the mentally disabled peoples.
Whoa. 5’9″ 175 pound kid from Purdue can squat 600 pounds.
high achiever!
I squatted about a pound and a half earlier.
Which reminds me, anyone know a good plumber?
Watch out; you could get a sports hernia.
Sorry Litre but that was a thrashing.
Quick gambling note, Newcastle, or the Bar codes draw a lot. A LOT!
He’s out doing whatever the Post Canadia version is of assembling pipe bombs.
/smoking a joint, apologizing to others for his mood
GUYS! GUYS! There’s a new phrase to put alongside, ‘gritty’ and ‘scrappy’!
The new bit of nomenclature is [drum roll] “HIGH ACHIEVER“.*
*please use this new term responsibly
Was I right about Guns Up!!? Yes, Other Hippo, you sure were!
On today’s episode of “Living in the Sticks of North Carolina Sucks Ass”:
I think I just filmed a live action episode of “Tom and Jerry”. A mouse ran by me in my garage and I chased him around with a broom for about 30 seconds, until he ran back into his hole. A hole I didn’t even realize was there until now.
Then the smug little shit stuck his head back out and looked at me as if to say “Fuck you asshole”.
I was tempted to squirt some BBQ lighter fluid through it at his little dumb face, but didn’t want to set the house on fire (there’s electrical conduits there).
But now I gotta go buy mousetraps and fix a mouse hole.
I hate the world.
“And we thought we had it bad! Thoughts and prayers headed your way.”
-surviving members, The Tree of Life Synagogue
Hey show some respect! That mouse beat you! Let him live a bit! It’s not a rat.
He did. Little fucker was one step ahead of me the whole time.
do you not have a cat??
She’s lazy. And old now too. Even in her prime she wouldn’t have lowered herself to chasing mice.
Although she did try to go thru the window after the bobcat that was on the porch a coupla weeks ago. I’ll give her props for that.
Hippo, just so you know, I’ve got access to these games on my tube-
Purdue/Sparty
Clem/FSU
WF/Louis
Umass/UConn
Vandy/Ark
TTU/Iowa St.
North Carolina/Virginny
Wiscy/Northwestern
/fill out the dang paperwork already!
Now I feel bad for not covering the big Masshole/Masshole Light match, for Horatio’s sake. Hope he ain’t sore at me ,, smh.
Sigh. Why does Andy Reid have to coach a team I hate so much?
this truly might just be The Year of Andy. That Superb Owl v. RRRRRRRRRAM IT!! will be epic. And we get a preview regular season episode!
Sparty’s new QB is a mullethead named Rocky.
You know what else the world needs? Erect nipples on female sideline reporters. It is that time of year.
You know what this world needs? Door-to-door barbers.
/holy shitballs, I am so gotdamn lazy today.
I’ve got a nice set of clippers, I’ll give you a buzz.
And by “buzz” I don’t mean….
HEY GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY WEED!!!!!
SHEAR ME HARD! OH GOD, YES!
“You *pay* someone to cut your hair?” – Mike Brown
“These dumb kids. Amirite, Mike?”
-Mark Davis
Today is one of those hell days where I’m gonna spend it hiding in video games instead of acknowledging the nightmare, so here’s this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35H8A4wO5jw
Not sure Visit Malaysia is going to get that equalizer if they can’t stop Standard Chartered from conducting this midfield passing drill.
I say that and then SC Bank scores a goal and makes me look like an asshole.
Hope you all in Pittsburgh are staying safe with the active shooter on the loose
#HardenPittsburgh
The world would be a wonderful place, if not for the people in it.
https://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/police-respond-to-shooting-at-pittsburgh-synagogue
Was there an inactive shooter?
This seems appropriate FOAR Adam Smith:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4tSoH5R_Vs
cross-selling! Match commentator in Whitey/Cherries made a “getting you ready for NFL” reference! Where’s Ron Paul, because it’s happening!!
Nice Mighty Whitey save! First plus defensing moment…of the season??
I think I like Zooropa (both the album and the song) more than most other people.
I like it as well. Definitely reminds me of Germany for some reason.
It reminds me of Bono turning into The Fly. It was a mixed bag, musically. Some really good stuff, IIRC.
I’ll never understand how these Brits manage to fill the stadium for a 10am game.
I think they just head on over from the pub they passed out at the previous evening.*
*my top three worst nights as a bartender back in the day all involved Brits visiting from overseas
What are your thoughts regarding the roving pack of Aussies that I always seem to run into on my trips to Europe? I found them delightful at Oktoberfest
Aussies are far more laid back in my experience and the one pack I dealt with were filled with good humour.
Silly Mennonite hasn’t called. Guess who is not getting any fresh fruits and vegetables next week? (aside from Andy Reid, of course)
Who’s still pissed off at Red Sox/Dodgers from last night?
Show of hands?
I just see LA won in 18.
GOd — BOSOX need to put them away in two more. I can’t live in a world where a team with a $235 million payroll is “scrappy”.
Dude, it was the game from hell.
But yes, definite “meteor” material.
I’m fine with it, only because the baseball season ended with my team’s elimination, and I have not watched one pitch after that. Baseball is dead to me.
My team, on the other hand, was eliminated in….May.
Cheap tickets though
They are just waiting to make their move!
Definitely flying under the radar.
But hey, at least I didn’t have to eat my own underpants. 😛
Well, Boston lost, and I went to bed after 12, so I’m gonna go with…not me.
RAGE. RAGE RAGE RAGE.
Against the dying of the light?
Blaxito is supposed to get up around 7a to eat. This morning he got up a bit after 5a. Mrs went back to bed and I took care of him and put him back down since I’m up at 5a anyways.
I’ve no idea what this means for how his day will go but my mom is coming up late this morning to watch him for a few hours AND I AINT SAYING A THING.
I did appreciate that Atleti comparison.
Ray: “Real’s defense is stretched like spandex on Miami Beach”
Why do I do this to myself.
Are ya at the pub?
Nope, making double time working from home! Then I am on Decilitre duty. Have 2 computers and a teevee on right now.
Hence your words must be a comment on your Fulham fandom! Carry on!
Nice banner pic. The Trouble With Tribbers.
That might have to be a banner comment. That’s wonderful.
RAY HUDSON IS AN INTERNATIONAL TREASURE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHBoKB7YbxA
Ok, ok, Fulham has to win this match or I completely give up.
Insert “Khan!” gif
I’m happy to report that my 2yo daughter has picked up on my sense of humor, much to the horror of her mom. She pulls the shorts off Mickey Mouse and says “pooping” and laughs. In fairness, it is pretty funny.
JV Arizona is absolutely atrocious. They seriously need to fire Sumlin and cut their losses.
Also, Redshite/Cardiff sounds like a store-brand matchup of [*Redacted] s/Cardinals.
Go out to the lake and spend time with the family or stay at home and watch the State/SillyCuse tilt? That is one tough decision…
Is this your sex-bot family or pus-and-blood family?
Well there it is. I wasn’t sure it could be done, but you’ve found the language that makes somebody humping a real doll sound less gross than having a family.
Well done?
Is thinking-meat family better?
http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html
“Mating-juice family?”