Can Everton Finish Off Mourinho? (and other Lesser/JV Combo Thoughts)

Yes, it’s time to do to Jose Mourinho what we did to Davey Moyes (what, like 5 years ago?) and finish the walking ded off.  Everton (in 8th position on 15 points, +3 GD) only need a draw at Old Trafford to stay above Manure (10th, -1), and the Blues come in hot and looking for all three.  Damn it, but Lukaku is still on the opposite touchline, and a force to be reckoned with.  It should be a real cracker of a match (especially if Ademola Lookman gets a start for the Toffees), sadly it comes on the weekend where the Colonies’ Daylight Savings Time differs from tha Muthaland, moving the kickoff to noon EST on Sunday (NBC).  Palace and Arsenal warm things up on NBCSN (9:25), if the London Jaguras/Iggles match gets too dull.  Burnley/Chelski too, but you needs NBC Gold for that.

Warning: watching Lesser Footy on stream whilst following multiple blog comment feeds AND watching RedZone will likely kill me.  HUZZAH!

So that’s me hitting Sunday before the Saturday slate.  What of that? you may ask.  Nothing before 10, so get your beauty rest.

Seriously, Redshite/Cardiff is the main offering (NBCSN).  Just fuck right off.  And let’s hope you have Gold, because that’s the only way you’ll see anything else.  I’d recommend the DFO Derby of Litre’s struggling Fulham v. yeah right’s surging Bournemouth (no shit, 6th position!).  It has bananacakes (which the Brits would STILL call a pudding) 4-4 draw written all over it.  A savvy live bettor (i.e., NOT HIPPO) could make much coin on this.  Brighton and Wolves also feels mildly interesting.

Lester is having West Ham for tea over on NBC (12:30), but that is nae JV NFL skipping calibre in my book.  But we wish Fronk all the best anyway.

The entire weekend slate is thrown off by the Blue Mancs taking on Spurs on British MNF (4:00, NBCSN), presumably to draw attention away from how shite a matchup Dreamboat v. Horse Balls will be later that evening.  Nice cross-network friendly gesture!

Oh, there’s also some Classic Coke fixture that weird Scottish guy will be squealing about (10:55, BeIn), but there will be no Messi nor any strike force whatsoever for Real Madrid, which will make it sort of seem like Atleti is playing an intra-squadder.

Hmmmmm, ya like that one, Balls? 😀

Our Young Boys will lotion up back in the comfortable confines of Wankdorf this Saturday, against sommet called FC Sion (1:00, some stream that surely won’t get you on any MOAR watch lists!).  Fresh off an encouraging 23 Oct Champions League draw v. Valencia, Young Boys will look to rise up, take a hard line early, and pound Sion’s back end into submission.

On to the JV!!!

Clemson at Florida State (Noon, ABC)

Rarest of rarities, the Semenholes being good guys?  Nah, they both can get fucked straight into the Atlantic, and I have no hope for Dabo!’s boys losing even once, let alone the necessary twice.  Until Bama turns them inside out, that is.

Texas Tech at Iowa State (Noon, ESPN2)

Guns Up!! has started doing it with some defense?  Way to STAND UR GROUND, fellas.  Team Cornpone State can be awfully pesky at home, thus the 5.5 point spread in favour of the 3-3 side.  Probably a trap bet, but I wish I could bet it.

Purdue at Michigan State (Noon, ESPN)

Sorry, Cancer Boy.  Your miracle ticket was good FOAR one week only.  Welcome back to reality, as if the cancer ain’t remind you of that plenty enough.

TCU at Kansas (3:00, FS1)

Moneyline I wish I could bet, as this is likely KU’s best chance to get a Big Twaaaalllllve win this season.  Bloodeyes don’t deserve to give 13 on the road against a MAC school this season.

Florida v. Georgia @ Silky Gerard’s Place (3:30, CBS)

Oh yeah, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, primed to see some Bulldog Vengeance!  Unless it turns out they just ain’t worth a fuck, in which case the Gators will take control of their destiny in the race to lose to Bama by 30 in early December.

Iowa State at Penn State (3:30, ESPN)

Holy shit, will this be a slog.  It would make your ded, racist grandpappy pretty hard (if only he were still alive), though.  Also that creepy paedo uncle.

Kentucky at Missouri (4:00, SECN)

Here comes another trap line (Mizzou -7) – I get that the Tiggers’ve had a tough schedule to be 0-3 in League play, but Kenfucky has played legitimately decent footbaw to get to 6-1, including last week’s tricky fixture in the wind against Vandy.

NC State at Syracuse (7:00, ESPN2)

We shall see if Clemson beats the (back to shitty) wolves twice, as you have to be mentally right playing SillyCuse.  They hit ya in the mouth, and one best be ready to respond.  State ain’t good enough to be dazed and confused for a half before getting its scat together.  Line opened at Cuse -1.5, is Pack -2 as of Friday night.  Fuck, that makes me itchy.  Another DFO Derby of sorts, since scotchy mildly claims the L’Orange JV NFL side now.

Washington State at Stanford (7:00, PAC-12)

This is a really good matchup between two 3-1 (in-conference) teams, both coming off emotional wins, and I can’t believe it’s not on a real network.  I guess Fox has to show that dumb based balling.

Texas A&M at Mississippi State (7:00, ESPN)

Cowbells went and hired Paedo State’s offensive “guru” and since that decision, have had no discernible offense whatsoever.  Whispers are that a QB change could be afoot (bad pun in memory of last Egg Bowl’s gruesome injury).  Still a trap game for the Aggies, who I still think are poop.

Oregon at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)

Another week, another apology for the bad tweaker selection.  But hey, at least Bear Down FOAR Midterms won last week’s White Power Bowl – though they still need 3 wins out of their last 4 to go bowling.  Oregon could be deflated after their wet fart on the Paloose.  Or pissed off.  Fuck if I know, this League is weird, man.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

/actual conversation that took place very recently

Me: “I’d like a turkey club with fries and 20 extra-hot wings.”

Guy: “We’re good on the club but we can’t do the extra-hot wings. Do you want regular hot?”

Me: “No extra-hot? That stuff is amazing!”

Guy: “Yeah, it sure is. Thing is, he’s not working tonight.”

Me: […]

Guy : “Extra-hot is his recipe and he won’t tell anyone. If you want it you’ll have to wait until he’s back on shift.”

yeah right

Did this conversation take place at a Chippendales by any chance?

scotchnaut

Get your mind out of the gutter and back into the kitchen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is kind of awesome.

WCS

So far today:

– Mass shooting a mile from my best friend’s house
– Lil’er WCS has the runs, and diaper rash
– I also have the runs, and haven’t been able to get off the toilet for more than five minutes
– Lil’ WCS just dropped her cup of milk on her toe, and won’t stop crying about it
– wifey is working a 24-hour shift, and I’m home alone
– Herr Orangeface remains a complete tool

Fun!

yeah right

Stay strong and bourble on!

yeah right

More California love: today’s weather states verbatim: “75 sunny: delightful.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m feeling like the “Andy Reid is fat” jokes are getting a little bit stale and I’m as much of the problem (if not more) as everybody else.

I’m going to make “Kelvin Benjamin is fat” jokes instead.

litre_cola

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scotchnaut

Given his weight, you’d think he wouldn’t want to surround himself with so many scales…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Haven’t seen an “Aaron Rodgers is gay” joke in a while, at least.

yeah right

Today I’m going to lunch with eldest right and granddaughters 1&2. We’re going to the Proud Bird. Founded in the 1950’s and lying right beneath the landing path at LAX the Proud Bird offers unparalleled views of jet landings in Los Angeles. Locals and visitors alike will be awed by the majesty of this one of a kind tribute to the fore fathers of the mighty aerospace industry.

Plus they have a full bar.

scotchnaut

Full bar? Take it easy. You don’t want to up Chuck Yager.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Isn’t it kind of loud?

yeah right

It’s an indoor outdoor kind of place. They also have a food bazaar with six different kitchens and one of them is Bludsoes barbecue. Plus their Italian kitchen makes porchetta.

Porchetta and brisket?

Fuck yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Canadians are also better at arts and crafts:

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litre_cola

If you could burn Kenora to the ground that would be great.
Leave Lake of the Woods brewery though, that place is awesome.

yeah right

Still holding out for the Independent Republic of California.

yeah right

Christ, we could survive on wine and weed exports alone.

yeah right

World’s 7th largest economy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Plus, lots of missiles and stuff built there, for self defense.

yeah right

D-FENSE.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun Fact: “West Ham” is an appropriate description of the left-hand side of a Denver omelette that was properly made according to Andy Reid’s specifications.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Needs hashbrowns.

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scotchnaut

“Why did I marry that girl? She said she and her family was filthy rich because of Yukon Gold.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, what’s the problem here?

scotchnaut

What’s the problem? I’m on a starch-reduced diet and I’m a fucking gigolo. That’s the problem.

scotchnaut

Clemson game is pretty much over. Suggestions for another game?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

[consults “Hippo Nickname To English Language” translator]

“Texas Tech/Iowa State it is.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

FSU center tried to insert the football into his butt. He was not successful. Better luck next time, bud.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

More lube and preparation time is needed. He should have relaxed more; he was too tense with anticipation. Some romantic music would have helped.

scotchnaut

Speaking from experience, lit candles are very under-rated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Centers seldom pay attention to these details.

scotchnaut

Yeah, of course the US will always have wingnuts. Every country has their share. But that country to the south of us seems to have created an atmosphere whereby certain wingnuts feel emboldened. How can the country as a whole dial itself back from this environment in the future? I scared for you guys.

/I very rarely venture into this territory comment-wise but I can’t help thinking that the law of averages is going to catch up with one of the folks on this site at some point and that would be fantastically* shitty.

*check out the 2nd meaning of the word

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

[dangles premium football/college basketball tv package]

You know, there is a way out of that mess.

scotchnaut

I’ll figure something out. If it involves setting betting lines on the number of moose killed during the fall harvest or whatever-you’ll have a proper job.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait WUT?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

scotchnaut

“The End Is Well Nigh”

You brought it on yourself, fella.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, a good 20% of the people I work with are gun nuts. I mean multiple assault weapons. I’m an uncloseted libtard, could happen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sooooooooooooooooon.

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yeah right

If we could voluntarily start up the civil war again it may actually be an improvement. Although Johnny Reb is much better armed this time.

Christ, I have nothing in common with those right wing fuck heads. I don’t even claim to be part of whatever species they claim to be.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’ll be me. I actively piss off neo-nazis and racists every chance I get. I’ll likely take a bullet some day.
I don’t care.

Worth it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hopefully that includes the “casual” or “unintentional” racists. Fucking A.

litre_cola

Constant disappointment on Saturdays. I hate futbol.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Look at the bright side; Peyton Manning has a great Halloween costume:

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scotchnaut

After Rocky Lombardi’s college career ends his best path to success lies in opening a spaghetti joint in East Lansing. That’s the easiest money in the world. And he wouldn’t even have to bother with fresh pasta. The rubes wouldn’t know the difference.

Viva La Tabula Raza

With that last name, he’d be a fool not to open a branch in Green Bay.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

But you can charge double for fresh pasta.

scotchnaut

-The United Deer Union

Viva La Tabula Raza

Trump tweet about synagogue shooting closes with “God Bless All!” I assume he means the shooter as well.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He wasn’t an Australian National by chance?

Brick Meathook

I’ve been convinced for a long time that Trump is actually mentally retarded and that inheriting a fortune just prevented it from being officially diagnosed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t be insulting the mentally disabled peoples.

scotchnaut

Whoa. 5’9″ 175 pound kid from Purdue can squat 600 pounds.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I squatted about a pound and a half earlier.
Which reminds me, anyone know a good plumber?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Watch out; you could get a sports hernia.

yeah right

Sorry Litre but that was a thrashing.

Quick gambling note, Newcastle, or the Bar codes draw a lot. A LOT!

scotchnaut

GUYS! GUYS! There’s a new phrase to put alongside, ‘gritty’ and ‘scrappy’!

The new bit of nomenclature is [drum roll] “HIGH ACHIEVER“.*

*please use this new term responsibly

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

On today’s episode of “Living in the Sticks of North Carolina Sucks Ass”:

I think I just filmed a live action episode of “Tom and Jerry”. A mouse ran by me in my garage and I chased him around with a broom for about 30 seconds, until he ran back into his hole. A hole I didn’t even realize was there until now.

Then the smug little shit stuck his head back out and looked at me as if to say “Fuck you asshole”.

I was tempted to squirt some BBQ lighter fluid through it at his little dumb face, but didn’t want to set the house on fire (there’s electrical conduits there).

But now I gotta go buy mousetraps and fix a mouse hole.

I hate the world.

scotchnaut

“And we thought we had it bad! Thoughts and prayers headed your way.”

-surviving members, The Tree of Life Synagogue

Brick Meathook

Hey show some respect! That mouse beat you! Let him live a bit! It’s not a rat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He did. Little fucker was one step ahead of me the whole time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s lazy. And old now too. Even in her prime she wouldn’t have lowered herself to chasing mice.

Although she did try to go thru the window after the bobcat that was on the porch a coupla weeks ago. I’ll give her props for that.

scotchnaut

Hippo, just so you know, I’ve got access to these games on my tube-

Purdue/Sparty
Clem/FSU
WF/Louis
Umass/UConn
Vandy/Ark
TTU/Iowa St.
North Carolina/Virginny
Wiscy/Northwestern

/fill out the dang paperwork already!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sigh. Why does Andy Reid have to coach a team I hate so much?

scotchnaut

You know what else the world needs? Erect nipples on female sideline reporters. It is that time of year.

scotchnaut

You know what this world needs? Door-to-door barbers.

/holy shitballs, I am so gotdamn lazy today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got a nice set of clippers, I’ll give you a buzz.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And by “buzz” I don’t mean….

HEY GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY WEED!!!!!

scotchnaut

SHEAR ME HARD! OH GOD, YES!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You *pay* someone to cut your hair?” – Mike Brown

scotchnaut

“These dumb kids. Amirite, Mike?”

-Mark Davis

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Today is one of those hell days where I’m gonna spend it hiding in video games instead of acknowledging the nightmare, so here’s this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35H8A4wO5jw

Ian Scott McCormick

Not sure Visit Malaysia is going to get that equalizer if they can’t stop Standard Chartered from conducting this midfield passing drill.

Ian Scott McCormick

I say that and then SC Bank scores a goal and makes me look like an asshole.

Wakezilla

Hope you all in Pittsburgh are staying safe with the active shooter on the loose

blaxabbath

#HardenPittsburgh

theeWeeBabySeamus

The world would be a wonderful place, if not for the people in it.

Brick Meathook

Was there an inactive shooter?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think I like Zooropa (both the album and the song) more than most other people.

litre_cola

I like it as well. Definitely reminds me of Germany for some reason.

Ian Scott McCormick

I’ll never understand how these Brits manage to fill the stadium for a 10am game.

scotchnaut

I think they just head on over from the pub they passed out at the previous evening.*

*my top three worst nights as a bartender back in the day all involved Brits visiting from overseas

Ian Scott McCormick

What are your thoughts regarding the roving pack of Aussies that I always seem to run into on my trips to Europe? I found them delightful at Oktoberfest

scotchnaut

Aussies are far more laid back in my experience and the one pack I dealt with were filled with good humour.

scotchnaut

Silly Mennonite hasn’t called. Guess who is not getting any fresh fruits and vegetables next week? (aside from Andy Reid, of course)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who’s still pissed off at Red Sox/Dodgers from last night?
Show of hands?

blaxabbath

I just see LA won in 18.

GOd — BOSOX need to put them away in two more. I can’t live in a world where a team with a $235 million payroll is “scrappy”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude, it was the game from hell.
But yes, definite “meteor” material.

Ian Scott McCormick

I’m fine with it, only because the baseball season ended with my team’s elimination, and I have not watched one pitch after that. Baseball is dead to me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My team, on the other hand, was eliminated in….May.

Ian Scott McCormick

Cheap tickets though

litre_cola

They are just waiting to make their move!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Definitely flying under the radar.
But hey, at least I didn’t have to eat my own underpants. 😛

Horatio Cornblower

Well, Boston lost, and I went to bed after 12, so I’m gonna go with…not me.

litre_cola

RAGE. RAGE RAGE RAGE.

scotchnaut

Against the dying of the light?

blaxabbath

Blaxito is supposed to get up around 7a to eat. This morning he got up a bit after 5a. Mrs went back to bed and I took care of him and put him back down since I’m up at 5a anyways.

I’ve no idea what this means for how his day will go but my mom is coming up late this morning to watch him for a few hours AND I AINT SAYING A THING.

ballsofsteelandfury

I did appreciate that Atleti comparison.

Ray: “Real’s defense is stretched like spandex on Miami Beach”

litre_cola

Why do I do this to myself.

ballsofsteelandfury

Are ya at the pub?

litre_cola

Nope, making double time working from home! Then I am on Decilitre duty. Have 2 computers and a teevee on right now.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hence your words must be a comment on your Fulham fandom! Carry on!

Fronkenshteen

Nice banner pic. The Trouble With Tribbers.

ballsofsteelandfury

That might have to be a banner comment. That’s wonderful.

ballsofsteelandfury

RAY HUDSON IS AN INTERNATIONAL TREASURE!

litre_cola

Ok, ok, Fulham has to win this match or I completely give up.

Ian Scott McCormick

Insert “Khan!” gif

Ian Scott McCormick

I’m happy to report that my 2yo daughter has picked up on my sense of humor, much to the horror of her mom. She pulls the shorts off Mickey Mouse and says “pooping” and laughs. In fairness, it is pretty funny.

blaxabbath

JV Arizona is absolutely atrocious. They seriously need to fire Sumlin and cut their losses.

Also, Redshite/Cardiff sounds like a store-brand matchup of [*Redacted] s/Cardinals.

scotchnaut

Go out to the lake and spend time with the family or stay at home and watch the State/SillyCuse tilt? That is one tough decision…

herodotus450

Is this your sex-bot family or pus-and-blood family?

Ian Scott McCormick

Well there it is. I wasn’t sure it could be done, but you’ve found the language that makes somebody humping a real doll sound less gross than having a family.
Well done?

herodotus450

Is thinking-meat family better?
http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html

Dolph Ucker

“Mating-juice family?”