Yes, that obnoxious bleating Geordie will be creaming his knickers all over Real and Barca this afternoon (2:45 EST, BeIn).  Yet another el Clasico, coming off the heels of a dull as dishwater Copa tie mid-week.  Same location, even.

But my blood is up, yet again, for the Merseyside Derby (Sunday, NBCSN, 11:15) – this time, at old faithful Goodison Park.  The first Derby of the season almost killed me, with the Toffees bravely earning a point in a 0-0 fixture…until a fluke-ass goal to end all fluke-ass goals slipped over/through Jordan Pickford in the 97th minute.  Unsurpisingly, the German Elton John fannied about the pitch, sliding on his knees in front of the visiting fans.  What a fookin’ cunt.  Then he had the gall to say that tomorrow’s match would “be like a World Cup final” for Everton.  To quote the Porky-level liked post from NSNO’s “Di5tin” – If klopp treats this game like a final we’ll be fine.

Because for all the media fluffing…Klopp is a bottler when the pressure is really on.  And with City level on games played, only 1 point behind (and well clear on Goal Differential) – Klopp can’t afford the slightest misstep if the Shite are to win their first ever Premiership title.

I’d rather get a result, and have that be the difference in City winning the title, than for Emily Haines to sit on my face for an hour.

THAT is hatred.  THAT is the Merseyside Derby.  Fuck your friendliness shit.  (and yes, I’d surely need my neck pillow for aforesaid hour)

And here’s the twist – I actually could see it happening.  Everton gritted through a 3-nil road win at Cardiff on Tuesday.  Gylfi Siggurdson and Dominic Calvert-Lewin (the handsome centre forward with the massive cock) both relievingly finding some good form – and the back of the net.  We will need both solid defending from Gana, the back-from-suspension Zouma, and hopefully Yerry Mina – along with a bit of counter-attacking magic.  But I think the timing is right, for once.  We’re gonna do these.

There are, of course, lesser Lesser clashes this weekend.  There’s even one worth getting up for, as clinging to 3rd like fading Saran Wrap Spurs host Top 4 aspirant Arsenal (7:30, NBCSN).  Unai Emery is one of the more underrated managers in the game, and he will have his side ready to make a spirited challenge.  Seems to have 2-2 cracker of a draw all over it.

In the 10:00 window, you’ll have United hammering Saints on NBCSN, and City facing a tricky South Coast visit to yeah right’s Cherries (fresh off a 5-1 hiding at Arsenal midweek) on CNBC.  At least there are two televised options.  I wouldn’t be surprised for Huddersfield to continue its ded cat bounce at Brighton (NBC Gold).  But yeah, I will mostly be watching to make sure injury-depleted City gets all three points to keep my fantasy alive.

West Ham host surging (BOOOOOOOO) Newcastle at 12:30, but they only get NBCSN instead of full spotlight dance coverage.  I’ll be watching my Shitty Wolves invade Tallahassee anyway.

Sunday Funday really is this week, with an NBCSN triple-header.  I won’t set my alarm, but Lester’s trip to see the Moose Hornets (7:00) has top half implications, with the away side hoping for that “new manager bump.”  Fulham do it one better, with their third manager of the season as they host Chelsea in a neighbourhood Derby with Chelsea (9:05).  Go ahead, ask Litre to tell you about where Chelsea are located.  And sadly, the drop is almost inevitable for Mighty Whitey.  Who knows which version of Sarri’s charges will show up (and yes, Balls – Kepa really is a cunt).

11:15 brings kickoff at Goodison.  I assure you, the old gal will be rocking for this one.  Marco Silva has played all the right notes in the lead-up this week.  No moaning and groans this week.  And afterwards, YES – we’ll hang the Kopites one by one, on the banks of the Royal Blue Mersey…

Other matches??  I guess relegation-threatened Villareal hosting Alaves (10:15, BeIn) holds some appeal.  Same with 2nd position Bayern at #3 Borussia M’somethingorother (12:30, FS2).  I will probably be streaming that, it’s well important.  Would surely do Bundesleaders (and surprise Friday losers to sad-sack Augsburg) Borussia Dortmund (only 3 points clear) a solid to see Munchen go down.   Hee hee, munchin’ down…

Our Young Boys are gladly back at Wankdorf, hoping to take Sion to pound town (1:00, dodgy streams).  Sounds like a Jap fella to me ,, smgdh – Coach Parcells

Sunday late brings us 2nd place Napoli home to #1 Juve (2:30, ESPN+) – but with a 13-point chasm separating the sides…it’s mostly playing for pride at this point.  Still, might be a good match.