NFL Nuggets:
- The window is starting to close for the Eagles now that they are talking a long-term extension for Carson Wentz.
- Much like how Russell Wilson’s pay raise ended things for the Seahawks, this only gives the Eagles a couple more years before they have to start shedding salary.
- Derek Carr is safe for 2019: the Raiders have signed Landry Jones to compete alongside Mike Glennon and Nathan Peterman as potential backups.
- The Raiders are still expected to draft a QB this April.
- RGIII is being sued by his former agent for failure to pay the agent’s required percentage of endorsement deals.
- The agent believes he is owed $650,000 in lost income, plus damages & court costs.
Site News:
An auspicious event occurred last week.
On March 21st, [DFO] published its 5000th post.
Aww, c’mon – how about a little enthusiasm? Like your wife just spat out her ninth kid.
That’s better.
And what was this milestone to the evolution of the human condition? Why, Blax’s description of the first meeting of the new Denver offensive mindset – “Fine Dining“. It’s proof that our commitment to high-class dick-jokery and parody has legs. Thanks to all the commentists & lurkers that keep us striving to continue providing quality content, plus whatever it is that I do.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Hurricanes at Capitals – 7:00PM | NBCSN
- worth it for the celebration if the Hurricanes win.
- not worth it because they should still be the Hartford Whalers.
- worth it for the celebration if the Hurricanes win.
- all Canadian games are regional broadcasts only
- Hurricanes at Capitals – 7:00PM | NBCSN
- NBA:
- Bulls at Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN
- Rockets at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT
- Wizards at Lakers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
- NCAA:
- NIT Basketball Tournament:
- Quarterfinal: Wichita State vs. Indiana – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Quarterfinal: Creighton at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPN
- NIT Basketball Tournament:
- Futbol:
- International Friendly Soccer:
- U.S. vs. Chile – 7:55PM | ESPN2
- International Friendly Soccer:
- WWE:
- Smackdown Live – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
I DON’T WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
Dogz R Stoopid.
– Cats
Greetings from Bellevue, WA
Do I need to lock my doors extra tight tonite?
Only if that’s a euphemism
[Mouth Flies Open]
/double checks alarms
OK, show of hands…. how many of us believes he’s in Bellevue, but NOT Bellevue, WASHINGTON?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bellevue_Hospital
Must be a really good book.
Hysterical
oh good, a post I wrote that got five comments. that’s the one I want to be remembered for.
Shit, that’s a lot for you! Huzzah!!!
Truth hurts.
Eh, so do nipple clamps, but we all tolerate them for the orgasm.
They should bring back the “like” button for articles. I read lots of posts here that I like but don’t comment on, because I have nothing to add. I don’t feel like writing “good job!” all the time. I read your post and I liked it a lot; the words were spelled correctly and the margins were very neat. Good job!
Plus I get a raging semi when I read his columns, but there’s no place for a +1/2
Good job!
I read your advice column too. The way you indent text is practically Shakespearian; Good job! I’d write in with a problem if I had one, which I don’t. You have a problem.
When my posts get few comments I tell myself it’s because it was so good there was nothing left to say.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bcRCCg01I
So in addition to all the other family stuff I had to deal with today, I got an email from the girl formerly known as tWLS letting me know I owed her $520 for the Baltimore Orioles tickets we bought together a coupla months ago. That kinda stung, all things considered. But the check is written and will go out tomorrow. The tickets haven’t arrived yet but I’m assured they will be here soon. It’s always fun when a relationship you thought was the one, is reduced to financial transactions for baseball tickets.
Anywhooo…..
Anybody want to watch the Orioles/Red Sox in June? Turns out I’ll be in California during those games. They’re really good seats.
$520 for two tickets at Camden Yards? Are you sitting in the dugout with—I would’ve said Buck, but who is the new manager?
No, there’s multiple series for the price. I’ll just be on the left coast for the Boston series as circumstances turned out.
Yanks are May20-May23 btw if you wanna drive down?
I’ll put out for the hotel and other incidentals if you can swing it.
Working the 22nd. And first things first I have to take Senorita Weaselo to the Bronx.
Understood.
Oh, and the new manager is Brandon Hyde.
I’m sure that will work out swimmingly.
Is that a new euphemism for anal?
Why are two East Coast teams playing on the Left Coast?
They’re not. That’s I why can’t use those tickets. They’re playing in Baltimore, I’ll be in LA.
That makes more sense.
You should have told her to go fuck herself.
Also…nah, this is perfect.
Yes Balls, I probably should have.
But I still want the tickets, LOL.
But if you get those tickets, you’re watching the Orioles. Am I missing something?
You’d probably only be missing an 81mph fastball…if you’re in the Orioles’ batting order.
But seriously folks….I grew up in the Baltimore area. So did she. We ordered these tickets together, now I guess they’re mine since she hates me now.
(hate is a strong word….more like….strong dislike)
Thank goodness I don’t have to teach tomorrow as my voice is officially gone. I am getting my taxes done though, so not exactly a restful day.
Always fun.
Don’t wanna ruin the surprise, but if you count on deductions for state/local taxes and/or mortgage interest, you’re gonna get fucked. But at least Mitt Romney will save money for more car elevators.
What’s happening, folks?
THE KACI SCHADENFREUDE HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DELICIOUS!!!!
No spoilers please. I look forward to the awesome column. And the Real Housewhores of West LA are on in my house.
Peter North’s Fresh Canadian Doughnuts
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Just like mother used to make
The mother, who is 22 in this scene
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K6fffK2xIo
At his age the glazing is a lot more chunky.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
And I will 1000% embarrass myself singing along to this when they rerelease it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-QSmNReDyI
That takes me back to middle school.
So many good Asukas out there
Might as well post the other McFarlane video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRGrNDV2mKc
This was the biggest NuMetal hit they would play almost entirely on TRL when I was a freshman in college, just to give an example of how old I am and this song is.
I think this was sophomore year of high school. I listened to this album constantly that year
Twisted Transistor is still their best music video, and that came out my senior year of college and it’s fucking 15 years old already oh my god I want to die
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4aELnPYCIc
I worked with a 10ish years younger than I am Korn fan last decade. Would constantly make fun of the….whatever the fuck he does in the bridge. Not exactly rapping. but some shit. Anyway, eventually he got tired of all of us laughing at him and stopped talking about Korn. Mission Accomplished.
Apparently there are only 2 fully animated McFarlane videos. I swear it seemed like he was omnipresent from 99-2005ish. Let’s go with something else fucked up! Let’s go with Komm Susser Todd, the happy suicide anthem, in celebration of Netflix finally licensing Neon Genesis Evangelion in a vain attempt to stay on top of the streaming industry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHMkRHk9lgI
This isn’t an official music video or anything. This is literally the ending of End of Evangelion, a proper “fuck you” to everyone who complained the ending of the series didn’t make sense (it didn’t).
Sounds like my kind of artist.
Fuck it. Let’s do all the McFarlane music videos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV4oYkIeGJc
Things feel especially stupid today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaOgu2CQtI
Yup. Good song though
I just noticed the sportsnet tag tequilahombreroberto, fantastic.
It makes me so angry. All their channels are showing a Blue Jays exhibition game. I don’t object to them showing it, but why deprive us of a national NHL game? Home of hockey my ass.
Yep, they have enough channels, 360, one, and the regional, I get the Oilers game…
It is Tsn fucking us on this one because of region.
We get – because the season’s effective over – “Ryan Kesler’s last game in Vancouver”.
If the fans don’t litter the ice with garbage then we never deserve another Cup run.
I should run for the Senate.
It worked out for Palpatine.
I have the same goals.
WWE just took the Smackdown ladies belt off Asuka and put it on Charlotte Flair. I just quit WWE.
By comparison, I remain a Reds fan, a Bengals fan and an American citizen.
Maybe watching her break a rib will make you feel better.
You misspelled “implant”.
Is that to set up Wrestlemania being a title match? I don’t know who’s actually wrestling, just that the ladies are the main event for the first time.
Here’s what they ultimately want:
More like a Titty Match, amirite? eh? eh?
Here’s some good news: Fernando Tatis Jr. is apparently going to start the season on the Padres roster.
Is this what hope feels like?
It’s just the burrito you ate.
Usually unveiling Tatis like that results in a fine from the FCC.
I think they’re just preemptively fucking the Dodgers on service time when they give ’em Tatis next year,
People online are bitching about the EU making memes illegal like it’s a bad thing.
https://politics.theonion.com/shocked-vladimir-putin-slowly-realizing-he-didn-t-consp-1833575011
Heh, “Load Management,” yet another thing pro sprots and porn have in common.
Damn, that’s cruel:
“Trump’s Wall Will Probably Be Funded With Money That Was Supposed To Rebuild Puerto Rico”
I think Don T gonna cut a bitch
You know, I’m starting to understand why Puerto Ricans shot up the House of Representatives chamber in the fifties.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1954_United_States_Capitol_shooting_incident
Good Ol’ Jimmeh with the pardons on his way out the door, too. 😀
“Why would we need to rebuild a wall around Puerto Rico, we already have the ocean for that.”
“Plus we already did a GREAT JOB, FABULOUS, there, where ever it it is.”
I’m going to just live in the past with old SNL skits.
Classic Titt–Er, I mean Lindsay.
And that comes AFTER Congress decided not reupping a budget bill and thus cut by 25% welfare payments to PR. Which went into effect last week.
Coming up next: the 1st Circuit + SCOTUS overrule the “citizenship apartheid” decision from last month, to complete the shaftening by all branches.
https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/conlaw/2019/02/united-states-district-judge-finds-exclusion-of-puerto-rican-resident-from-benefits-violates-equal-p.html
Hartford?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzbSRCkGEv4
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/start-your-engine-us-justices-tell-hovercraft-riding-moose-hunter/ar-BBVfi3O?OCID=ansmsnnews11
There there, Moose. There there.
Unanimously?! When did the Liberal Four turn heel?
Liberal?
Oh sorry. I must be using an archaic political term.
Non-evil? Open minded? Anti-doucebag?
Liberal as in “conservatives who want thank-you cards for not being overtly racist.”
I don’t need cards; just a quick thanks is enough.
But for real, liberals are the people too stupid to realize that Mueller has always been a piece of shit. This is the second-least horrible thing he’s done, and NFL fans know this because #1 remains his fucking up the Ray Rice investigation. They stupidly thought that this company man was hired to dig up bodies when the reality is that he’s always been the fucker who hides the bodies in the same plot he dumped those Muslim teens his FBI entrapped. This motherfucker lied to Congress about 9/11 being tied to Saddam Hussein and that Iraq was a nuclear terror threat. Fuck him, and fuck them for being so fucking blind and dumb.
Least evil on the court I guess, certainly not liberal.
I just ran for the first time in three years. That was one of the most mentally and physcially exhausting runs I’ve had since I had Taco Bell for dinner and breakfast back-to-back.
How many non-published MEMBER posts?
Can I have the source? For science.
Mariya Shumakova
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dira9pSSqt4
T… Too
I really like this new Ghost remake!
Man, the Republicans’ proposed replacement for Planned Parenthood seems really unsanitary.
Careful, that’s how you get vasecooch.
I kiln get behind this.
/apologies
Are you baked?
My eyes are glazing over.
She has a nice dunt.
I kneaded this.
You’ve fallen down a pothole
I was just blunging.
5,000? Well, that’s kick!
Dammit. Rank in Peace, Ranking Roger. 56 is too damn young.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V8bmvyKvok
One more, because dammit for whatever reason, this one kinda hurts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFv1kqdl2VQ
Dude didn’t even bother following his own advice-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-QkQoNCmg4
5,000 posts is also the number of departmental positions that haven’t been filled by the current U.S. government.
/wakka, wakka!
That’s not a wedge issue.
I inhaled “The Devil in the Kitchen” in 36 hours. Give me all the book rec’s please!
/I’m staring at a book about trade routes that existed during the Roman Empire
What’s the title of that book?
I’d really like to know where my good karma went after getting home from the DFO Pub Crawl, because this week has been fucking awful
I got stood up on a date I was really excited for on Sunday, saw Papa Commander on Monday and his new meds really seem to be affecting his mental state and I walked into the office this morning to find an email letting us know that no one is getting a raise this year! I already want to work somewhere else, I don’t need anymore of a kick in the ass, you guys.
Anyway, I’m gonna curl up on my couch with a crowler and a burrito when I get home. Nobody wake me until BOLTMAN crushes a Spanos’ head with his bare hands like a melon.
Sorry man, that’s rough. At least you’re doing the right thing vis-a-vis beer/burrito.
5000 posts, huh?
What percentage of them have been underwear reviews?
They are not hard in the underwear ads.