Tuesday replacement for the replacement for the replacement open thread

Hi all and welcome to a GTD only day.  muhahahahaha

With the site having issues on the weekend, balls was not able to write up any of his midweek posts in his free hour on the weekend (what a slacker), so I’m filling in for him today.  For those keeping track at home, this is the replacement  post for balls’ TITOT post, which is a replacement for my open thread which was a replacement for BGR’s open thread.  Got it? Good.  [awaits lawsuit from the Monty Python folks]

NFL news:

James Conner RB, signed with the Arizona Cardinals.  (Terms not disclosed on writing)

Team employees who refuse vaccination without ‘bona fide’ reason barred from restricted areas.  Basically get the shot or get out.  Can’t wait for the lawsuits around this.  Gets popcorn ready.

The draft is in just over 2 weeks.  There are a zillion mock drafts out there if you’re bored, but looking into the draft, I found the banned items list.  Much more fun than any mock draft.  And probably a great topic for future mock drafts. Some of the fun ones from the list:

  • Banners, signs (any object that obstructs the view of others)
  • Battery operated clothing (socks, jackets, etc.)
  • Laser pointers
  • Noise makers, horns, whistles or musical instruments of any kind
  • Drones/Unmanned Aircraft Systems (UAS) of any kind
  • Fireworks and pyrotechnics of any kind
  • Footballs, frisbees or throwing objects 
  • Seat cushions with pockets, zipper compartments or covers

Basically, nothing you can throw a Goodel.  

What to watch::

There’s a few ice football, dirt football and hardwood football games on tonight.  Check you local listings for exact games and times.  Oh and Temptation Island is on at 10 DFO time, On the USA channel.  Not sure if it’s available up in Canada or not.  

Have at it below.  Or not.

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Game Time Decision
Recovering lurker; jack of all trades, master of none; Canukian; not as funny as he thinks he is. Funny, but not funny ha-ha
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yeah right

A quick aside: while I know it’s been awful dealing with our now hopefully obvious server issues from the commenter side it’s been equally challenging from the writers side.

I want to take a moment to seriously thank Internet Dad and the collective crew behind the scenes because it was getting kind of gritty up in here.

They had this whole cleaning crew come in. There were hazmat suits and UV rays and those pick up claw dealies to discard the stained undies. We’ve installed air filters and sanitizer stations and I just want to say bravo on a proper crime scene clean up job guys.

/ moved to tears

// trips over Balls underwear samples

/// hits head on empty keg

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve discovered “Papi” underwear and I’m thrilled. I may need to write Part 3!

yeah right

Um guessing they’re oversized and come with a dose of steroids?

yeah right

Unlike the “Pujols” which are also oversized and come with a dose of steroids but have a “Zephyr Window” in back.

Brick Meathook
Mr. Ayo

Woah, I want to see those jack stands.

Brick Meathook

According to the comments there are six jack stands, and each one has a 60 ton capacity. You can see one in the back when the gear is fully retracted.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Flew on a C-5 from Clark AB to Diego Garcia back in 1982. USAF box lunch, and the passenger compartment was way back above the cargo bay, forward of the rear stabilizer/tail, with the seats facing aft. I think there were two 12-inch round portholes for windows in the entire passenger compartment. Weird!comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

How many stops?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Once you’re west of the Malaysian peninsula there’s nothing but water landings available.

TheRevanchist

USAF box lunch wasn’t bad. It was a very plain sandwich and maybe a fruit roll up last time I had one, which was sometime in the 90’s. And, yeah, I don’t even recall a window.

Downfield Matriculator

Glad to see the site is back to something like copspeed — got my second Pfizer shot today and figuring out if my absence of side effects means I should not claim them tomorrow and bingewatch City on a Hill all day (Kevin Bacon as Tawmmy from Quinzee with an FBI badge is fun!)

Gumbygirl

Yay second shot!

Doktor Zymm

Did they just compile a list of shit that idiots have used for gender reveals and ban it all? That’s….surprisingly sensible for the NFL

Doktor Zymm

In Seoul they sell these giant lighters that are totally illegal in both carry-ons and checked baggage.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They probably are still finding them out on Korean War battlefields. Like UXO in European battlefields.comment image

scotchnaut

Egghead Likes His Booky-Book-

Reading Bangkok Haunts which is the best police procedural I’ve read in a few years. She’s a deep dive into certain aspects of Thai culture (fluidity of genders, prostitution, the extent of corruption, the effects of Buddhism on everyday living, etc.) wrapped around a murder investigation. It’s the 3rd in a series that starts at Bangkok 8*. 160 pages in and really enjoying it.

*for Hippo, he must start at the beginning of any series

Viva La Tabula Raza

I really liked the Sonchai Jitpleecheep series, actually own a few of them (Library had the rest). Also liked The Last Six Million Seconds. Have not read A Personal History of Thirst.

Brick Meathook

What about Pad Thai? Is there Pad Thai? Because that stuff is pretty good.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What about razor string? What about peso show? What about banana cutter?
What about cigarette smoking vajayjay?
Man, Thailand and Philippines were pretty depraved when I visited. Not that it was their fault.

Redshirt

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Look at Pitch 4 and repeat after me, “This guy gets paid $300,000 to call balls and strikes.”

TheRevanchist

This Giants fan looking at the call: Looks fine to me.

TheRevanchist

Actually, this guy behind the plate isn’t calling anything waist high.

Redshirt

I cans watch Reds basedball?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cuban baseball is on?

Redshirt

No. We’ve switched to YoutubeTV and they don’t have Bally Sports Ohio (new name for Fox Sports Ohio).

litre_cola

I supposed to have the dirt Niners game but the Dirt Giants game went long.

Redshirt

Dirt 49ers Pitcher was a gracious host and gave up two homeruns, but Dirt Bengals’ Ace is a gracious guest and is responding in kind.

litre_cola

This Damn game needs to end 1st. It is on TSN so no regional bias.

litre_cola

Things are changing….

Don T

I’ll say
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litre_cola
SonOfSpam

A healthy Shohei Ohtani is appointment TV. (He just homered)

scotchnaut

Not bad for a female Japanese wrestler, imo.

SonOfSpam

(picturing Ohtani finishing the game, prepping for wrestling by tucking and singing Goodbye Horses at the top of his lungs in the Angels locker room, getting aroused)

Dolph Ucker

Super-fast, faster than bullets speeding through cold mountain air, quick to get loaded (like Britt Reid on a dare, like shit through goose, like Van Halen solo on 78rpm, this site is fast now.

Thank the server gods and their minions. Speed is good.

Redshirt

Spaceballs (4/11) Movie CLIP – Ludicrous Speed (1987) HD – YouTube

This movie is on BBC America right now, so I pretty much have to do it.

Don T

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Redshirt

“…You’re braver than I thought.”

Redshirt

Proposal:

A police officer’s lethal sidearm will have two snaps while the other non-lethal weapons have one snap. The two snaps will be tamper evident that will show if they have been unsnapped, even if they are reclosed.

After each officer’s shift, the snaps will be inspected. Any broken seal will be reported and the officer must make an account for the reason for snapped. Failure to report or have a reason for opening the snap will result in a reprimand in their record.

All instances of broken seals will be investigated by a five citizen panel: two by the majority party on the city/county/township council or equivalent, two by the highest minority party, and one by the judiciary, plus one non-voting union delegate to both represent the officer and give an officer’s perspective. Any repeated instances of seals breaking without appropriate cause (realistic threat to citizen, suspects or self), may result in punitive punishments, up to and including discharge from service with forfeiture of pension.

All investigations must be completed by one calendar month and all results, even if deemed acceptable, will be posted on the city/county/township website and/or public records.

SonOfSpam

Or, and hear me out, FUCK THE POLICE.

Sorry, you were trying to find a solution, and I’m still in FUCK THE POLICE mode.

scotchnaut

And he lives in Ohio of all fucking places. Blame it on a particularly vivid fever dream.

Redshirt

Just remember, I’m like a Daywalker. All the strengths of Republicans, but none of the weaknesses. Except blood. Tasty, tasty blood.

Redshirt

No apologies needed. Any excuse that starts with “After 26-years, I forgot which one was the gun” is pretty weak. I’m willing to accept she didn’t mean to kill them (her reaction differs completely from Chauvin), but pulling a gun should be the last thing a cop does.

I have a gun, but I don’t go removing it from it locked and hidden location every time I hear a noise out back. Just because I have a gun doesn’t mean I want to use it. God willing, I’ll be selling it in unused in 30 years for medicine or rent money.

If you remove a gun, its because you’ve decided you need to use it. This needs to be hammered into all officers’ heads like the Miranda Rights and which Dunkin Donuts do they not spit in officers coffees.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

> If you remove a gun, its because you’ve decided you need to use it.

This is a solid foundation.

Brick Meathook

I was formally trained on the M1911 .45 pistol in the US Navy, and 70% of the training was on how not to shoot the gun. They took it very seriously. If you ever pull that weapon out of its holster you better be ready to fire it, so don’t pull it out. It’s a deadly weapon and not a toy or an extension of your dick and they weren’t fucking around about this.

Redshirt

Well yeah. If you fire a gun in the wrong place on a boat or anyplace in a submarine, that would be counterproductive.

Brick Meathook

Topside watches (when tied up) and shore patrol.

Inside the boat, weapons that weren’t torpedos or Trident missiles were locked up.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think it was you that disabused me of the veracity of this, but it’s still a great line.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/570ed950-5850-4116-bce0-9a08f04a970e

Brick Meathook

A bullet inside a sub would just ricochet around. It ain’t an airplane.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, but bodies are a thing that don’t react well to bullets.

Gumbygirl

Repel Boarders.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Stern shot!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Don T

Celebrate the 90th Anniversary of the Second Spanish Republic with… Punk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1pWbohdGOjE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My complaint to Carl’s Jr. has paid off with the offer of two free Angus Steakhouse Thickburgers. Which, when redeemed, will mean that I got FOUR burgers for the price of one.

I hereby nominate myself for the First Annual Andy Reid Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

scotchnaut

Or maybe, Retired Guy That Has Too Much Time On His Hands And Loves Himself Some Coupons. Same thing, really…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not actually retired. Only the Dr. Mrs. is.

scotchnaut

My bad. I was certain she told me you were ‘at leisure’ as well. Stupid pillow talk…

ZING! POW! BLAMMO!

SonOfSpam

You wish.

You have no kids, let alone dead or arrested ones. Loser.

TheRevanchist

Adoption of meth heads might help his cause still.

Gumbygirl

You are the GOAT! Hey, can you score me some Popeyes coups?

blaxabbath

TITOT!, you say? What a tantalizing compound term utilizing two words that generate much boner in myself. Perhaps I can next hear more about….KIDSALE?”

-M. Gaetz

TheRevanchist

My wife got me these plates the other day. I washed them and they are in use. Correlle brand!

Screenshot 2021-04-13 101236.jpg
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does she keep putting the bottom right one in front of you? That would be a bad sign.

TheRevanchist

It’s not my fault. I WAS BORN THIS WAY AND SOME THINGS JUST NEVER GREW!

blaxabbath

Man you’re lucky. My wife stifles my creativity by keeping our kitchen limited to the approved uniform (or at least complimentary) sets.

blaxabbath

One of the things that keeps me humble is the fact that I was so absolutely positive Reggie Bush was going to be a sure thing in the NFL.

herodotus450

Didn’t he win a super bowl and play RB for 5+ years? That’s probably way above the average nfl career.

blaxabbath

No — I mean like a burst on the scene, ROY candidate guy. Bush a was a legit NFL RB but he didn’t change the game.

And I still really like the guy. I remember seeing him pop up on the Saints when I had some boring afternoon slate game on when I was home alone. I THINK they were in the all black getups but no matter he was filling in after an early injury to whoever and they had a drive where they got the ball around midfield and just went to him like three times — just an excellent cut route that he shook two guys and took off. Then some run that got them to like the 4 and then they sent him up the gut for a walk in where it seemed like the D expected anything but that. So it made me happy to see that. But I was absolutely WRONG in my prediction of him.

SonOfSpam

Not really, I mean he fucked one of the Kardashians.

TheRevanchist

Wait. I got this:

How many Lakers does it take to fill a Kardashian?

scotchnaut

All of them?

TheRevanchist

Same. I was at that game where he ran over Fresno State for 500+ all purpose yards. To this day, I am in awe of him, but really, really hate Bing. Fuck that guy! We would have won if he went to another school.

blaxabbath

Bing will, to me, always be the Peter King search engine and nothing else.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More cherries for me then, I guess.

TheRevanchist

You wish, pervo!

Viva La Tabula Raza

That you, Matt Gaetz?

scotchnaut

THIS! In the preseason I saw him run an end-around, reverse back to the other side of the field and out-run the players that were trying to hold the edge on the other side of the field. I couldn’t believe it and I over-drafted that sumbitch everywhere.

Redshirt

He’s like Archie Griffin. How can a two-time Heisman winner be a failure? Even when the Bengals got a working offensive line in their Super Bowl run in the early 80s, he was a bit player.

scotchnaut

“There’s plenty of rb’s that won the Heisman Trophy that were not that talented but were in the right place at the right time.”

-Johnny Rodgers, Billy Vessels, Howard Cassady, Dick Kazmaier, Mike Rozier, John Cappelletti, Billy Cannon, Steve Owens, Les Horvath and Rashaan Salaam

herodotus450

Less Horvath, Bo(re) Horvat, like I always say.

King Hippo

Got to love the Qards. Why over-pay ONE way-over-the-hill RB, when you can have TWO?

/also suck it, libtards!!

//but srsly, GREAT HUSTLE GTD, this is why we pay you the big imaginary bucks

scotchnaut

Given adjusted-for-inflation escalators and numerous “Patience” bonuses, I’m thinking that DFO stock should be worth up to $15 by now.*

*that said, I’m shorting one third of my holdings

Beerguyrob

It’s on E! in Canada.

herodotus450

Battery operated clothing (socks, jackets, etc.)

Philly fans in shambles

Beerguyrob

I’m sure some Ravens fans have sizeable “prison wallets” they’ve used before for similar smuggling ventures.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bills fans want to know if non battery operated sex toys are ok