Good morning, everyone. Are y’all enjoying the (very occasional) chill in the air? Ah sure is. Sadly, we have another dumb international break on tap, so savoUr the full slate while y’all can.
The morning starts early (7:30, NBCSN), with uber-short handed Everton headed to Old Trafford to have their shit pushed in. As much as I hate Benitez, I won’t criticize him for this match, with this squad (no Richarlison nor DCL – which means no soccer points). Be interesting to see if Ole rests any of his regulars. Though that isn’t reall his way. There will be no #ShameBet with Wakey, unless he wants to spot me 4.5 goals.
You gets Four on the Floor (Skinemax callback, yo!) in the 10:00 window, with increasingly desperate (but not serrrriiiious) Leeds taking on the Moose Hornets (NBCSN), while Chelsea skullfucks Saints on USA. FEEL THE EXCITE! Maybe Wolves and Barcodes (Peacock) will provide some streaming relief. (h/t R. Kelly)
Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC) is pretty damned cool, with story-of-the-young-season Brighton hosting the resurgent King’s Afrikan Water Pistols (h/t to the incomparable Cecil Rhodes). You see, this is what a REAL must-see match with ACTUALLY INTERESTING backstories looks like, NBC. Not the puppy abortion you are forcing down our throats tomorrow night. Graham Potter and Handsome Mikel are two names I’d like to see on the Bitter Blues’ touchline next season, if we wisely (so it won’t happen) sack Benitez once we have moneys to spend again.
City and the Shite (11:30, NBCSN) will suck all the Sunday oxygen out of the Boot Room, but I am way more interested in Spurs/Villa (9:00, Peacock). I didn’t like the Nuno appointment – and I really didn’t understand Levy not taking advantage of City’s millions when they had them over a barrel on selling Harry Fuckface Kane. Three thumping losses on the spin, Spurs are in a real mess now. They have to show something quickly, or things could spiral out of control. Villa, on the other hand, wisely sold high on Grealish, and took advantage of the uber-depressed “middle class” transfer market. Different strategies, different trajectories. Villa are becoming what I want Everton to be, and that’s just nauseating.
Also, I would be remiss not to chuckle heartily at the European misadventures of Real Cuntfaces of Madrid and Braying Jackass Ronald Koeman’s Barcelona. Warms my cold, black soul. For once, maybe continental footy will have some REAL new blood?
There is also, naturally, ample JV NFL action (though not as much depth as I would like – PHRASING):
Arkansas (+17.5) at Georgia (Noon, ESPN)
Pig Sooey is basically the Brighton of the SEC/JV world. One keeps expecting them to lose, even after smashing BOTH Texas and TAMU in September. This is a rough draw for a “minnow” already facing an SEC West schedule, and the Dawgs have looked terrifying. Deffo worth a watch.
Michigan (+2) at Wisconsin (Noon, Fox)
This line is so ridiculous that I sense a trap. But then again, I couldn’t believe Bucky Badger was favoUred over ND last week, neither. And that bet turned out just fine. Just don’t watch much of it, even Gus Johnson will struggle to find the style of play exciting.
Cincinnati (-2) at Notre Dame (2:30, NBC)
As many SurvivoUr pool enthusiasts (myself included) noticed, the Varsity WKRP rescued their TNF match from the precipice of death. I never expected to see JV Team WKRP as a favoUrite in South Bend, but maybe things are turning around for diarrhea chili town.
Ole Miss (+14.5) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
That’s some serious GAMBLOR respect for Johnny Reb, or really any team headed into Tuscaloosa. There Will Be Points, whoever gets the first stop likely wins. Psssst, that will be Roll Damn Tide.
Oklahoma (-11.5) at Kansas State (3:30, Fox)
I am wondering what Steerfuckers North – who needed a bad shotgun snap to suck out a close win over Fuckers du Cousins last week, at HOME – have shown to deserve such a massive line away to even a semi-sentient foe. And the Unded Bill Snyders are legendary at winning games as double-digit underdogs. FUCK IT, something has to be a channel flipping option.
All I know is, from these crowd shots in the Alabama game, is that Brent Musberger is NOT the cameraman.
That might just be representative of the average Alabama fan.
Somebody put Tom Brady into my college football halftime show. Urge to kill rising…
Tom who?
I just found out about this. How come no one told us???
he keeps his light so much under a bushel smh
Tom Brady was beatified during halftime of a Notre Dame game.
Some 6th-round nobody. I bet he’s out of the league in 3 years.
I can’t be happy. A lifetime of watching Cincinnati sports has conditioned me to accept any lead as not safe.
Hippo I am really going to need the B.F.I.B Cardinals to beat the blue team in the playoff. Thx.
We will try, but very likely fail. #TheRightWay
ROLL DAMN TIDE!!!
They should be called NFL Farm System at this point.
Oh-ray-GAWNE looks determined to eliminate the PAC-12 from playoff contention in the first weekend of October.
Cincy looking good courtesy of an ND cornerback putting himself into the spin cycle.
Brian Kelly was an inside job this whole time
What’s with this “winning” thing that the Red Wings are doing in the preseason, huh?
They did that 2 years ago and… well…
Rutgers might not make it past their own 25 yard line, much less score a point, much less not completely embarrass themselves.
Guess which recently referred-to team lost to Rutgers. Go ahead, guess.
September schedules turn that maths inside out.
Delaware?
How is Sillycuse football 3-1? It’s funhouse mirrors, isn’t it?
Irish bed: Shat.
Yes, but also: they were losing 13-10 at beginning of the 4th quarter last week. They won 41-13.
It ain’t over ’til my ex-girlfriend sings.
“It ain’t over ’til my ex-girlfriend sings.”
I’m going to steal that.
Have at it, brother
My Hammers London derby tomorrow vs the Bees Knees of Brentford. Missing Coufal AND Fredericks will hurt us at the back, especially against the likes of Ivan Toney, who is truly terrifying. You can only expect so much salvation from Antonio, and for the life of me, I cannot fathom why Yarmolenko can’t get more look than he’s been getting. Then again, I think Lanzini, our poor-man’s Bruno, should start every week, so what do I know? Rice and Soucek seem to paper over a lot of our flaws, so who knows? If you can get a good price on the Bees, I’d invest. European fatigue could set in for Rum Ham right before the Int’l break.
This is as gloriously incomprehensible as the finest Hippo post! I didn’t get a word, love it!
I don’t understand it either so I’m just going to go ahead and assume it’s an incredibly racist screed. What’s the harm in that?
Beat the fucking Bees. Chelsea won, QPR won, Fulham lost, stop the trend.
I have Gronk in Hippo’s league. Do I have a backup tight end? No, I do not. Anyway, would you stream Maxx Williams (vs Rams), Firkser (Tenn) or Jarwin (Panthers).
Firkser. Julio AND A.J. are OUT.
FOAR the uninitiated, the last waivers in our league are 8p on Friday.
/of course, you couldn’t be a man short playing HIPPO last week
I suspected as much because I had a late scratch last year* and went without a kicker or somesuch. Fuckballs!
*it finally healed
Badgers looking to lock up that invitation to the Tidy Bowl in December.
Sooooo, another year of the sportsball media sucking off Brian Kelly until their inevitable semifinal pounding.
If only he could get that final pounding!
Guess where I be
Maryland?
I got crab nachos and there is Old Bay in the salt shaker
A bar
The Kyiv chapter of the Maryland Alumni Association?
I wish!
Look, neither of you assholes deserve all three points. – VAR
The water pistol seems to have sprung a leak and become quite ineffective.
But what a wonderful opportunity to teach our children the principles of fluid dynamics!
Maupay showing admirable restraint not kicking Arsenal’s keeper in the head after getting to the spot to late to play the ball.
Unlike, say, last season.
The Yankees seem well on their way to getting swept by the Rays, meaning they could well miss the play-offs entirely despite having gone into the weekend with a two game lead in the wild card.
And I’m not the least upset about it because a) they’re clearly not as good as the Rays, and b) missing the play-offs by blowing this kind of a lead is the only way Boone isn’t back next year. And Boone is, by far, the biggest problem the Yankees have going forward.
(I do have to admit that the Yankees, while losing, are outscoring the erstwhile allies, the King’s African Water Pistols)
Save your hopes FOAR TONITE. The entire Clubhouse shall cheer the mighty Fightin’ Horatios to gridiron glory.
Will the Commodores be the first to fall, signifying the return of the Huskies to Fiesta Bowl glory?
[barges into clubhouse. harried. late.]
HOW THE HELL ARE Y—-
[bounces off doorway. crashes into coffee table.]
[surveys scattered drinks, snacks and paraphernalia.]
[bounces up. embarrassed.]
[pushes back hair. shoots cuffs]
I’ll clean all this up. Sorry about the bongwater smell. I think I have some nag champa.
Grab a beer. Don’t cost nuthin’
Were you with Fozz last night?
Did you enjoy your trip?
/ 8th grade jabs NEVER grow old!
Jarwja qb Stetson Bennet: never trust a man with two hats for names.
“How dare you, good sir! I’ll have you know that my pick-up artistry courses are of the highest quality!” — Trilby Fedora
Litre how is perci-pug?
He is definitely a pug. He is 8 weeks old and has the same mannerisms as Oxipug did when he was a puppy.
Awww. What a good boy
If he disappears in the near future it was definitely NAWT I who stole him and took him to my house.
No sir, not I.
I’m squeeing my pants!! (again)
Primus bassist Claypool out for the Stillers tomorrow. Adjust accordingly.
He’s busy sailing the seas of cheese.
“Permission to come aboard, Captain?” — Andy Reid
He’s got his pride
Hey, you were asking about Delallo’s last night! Lemme tell you… They started as a small market in Jeannette PA( about 25 miles east of Pittsburgh.)The market is still there, run by the family. I’ve been going there since I was a little kid. The old folks who founded it are the real deal, didn’t speak much English, off da boat Italian. They would give you a pizzelle when you came in! The family only recently started the nationwide food business. It’s excellent quality, you can trust it. If you are ever in Western PA, you should go to the store, it is fantastic!
My word, is this match being played in Brighton, or in Stanleyville? The presence of a Belgian in the Brighton lineup suggests that we are indeed in deepest darkest Africa. At least the King’s Finest are used to dealing with such suboptimal weather conditions!
I believe that in Stanleyville their favoUrite dish is roasted seagull, hence the nickname sir.
Even Kansas is embarrassed by this Georgia-Arkansas game
So they called the Wrexham game in the 51st minute, because of the conditions of the turf (weather). This was after Wrexham was up 2-0 and 2 of our players, including our newly appointed team captain, were both taken out of the game with injuries from the shitty playing field.
Didn’t realize that the new American owners had rented out Fed-Ex field.
If I walk to pick up bagels instead of driving, then I am totally justified in NOMing multiple bagels, correct?
Yes. The calories are cancelled out.
That checks out. It’s 2021, so “some guy on the internet” is a reliable source of health information.
If that ain’t research, I don’t know what is.
TWO MINUTES until Brighton/King’s Afrikan Water Pistols!!
Is that the Cecil Rhodes signal?
This Arkansas O-line I call it Prom Night because there are so many false starts.
I hear tell of Katie Nolan leaving/fired from ESPN, which I can only assume means she finally accepted our offer here?
I mean, I’d follow up but the restraining order was pretty definitive.
She insisted on being paid in US dollars, instead of PR Electric Power Authority bonds. Well la di dah.
Does this mean we can finally institute Bikini Mondays, Thong Tuesdays, Naked Wednesdays, and Sexual Harassment Seminar Thursdays?
Ant’ny was right about midnight FOAR Hog Cinderella
“…and the barbecue sauce turned back into motor oil!”
That drive was strong.
And the “response” drive is pants-shitty
Nothing wrong with woo pig sooey; UGA’s just a slaughterhouse this year.
UGA pointing and shouting at Pig Sooey:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/109916047133266238/
I was cautiously optimistic about UC beating ND, but the Bearcats being 2 point favorites makes me nervous that the Combative North Atlantic Islanders will now be more motivated instead of overconfident. Nothing says “No one respects us” like being underdogs at home.
Apologies for my silence lately, my little neglectorinos! I’m visiting family in Ithaca and Lewisburg. I’ll be back to normal by Wednesday, I hope.
Isn’t being “normal” a violation of the DFO Charter?
I will take this to the board for consideration of sanctions.
Is Spain they pronounce it Issaca
That’s a great joke, Anthony
Thanks, Anthony
Edit: damn typos
Update New York is beautiful once you get past the rust belt/ ruin porn element. So many rivers, lakes and trees!
“Update New York”
Tell me you’ve never been to Syracuse without saying “I’ve never been to Syracuse”
But I HAVE been to Syracuse. Ate at Dinosaur Barbecue and everything.
Prior to that I had never been to Syracuse.
You can now get 21-to-1 on Saints to win!
substantially MOAR now
This week in that escalated quickly!
QPR 3, PNE 2
Impatiently waiting on my Barnsley bet to come good. Perhaps I should wager on a QPR comeback win? I hate Preston North End, for reasons that elude me.
You ever met anyone named Preston who was a good lad?
Maravich the younger was indeed a right cunt!
Preston School of Industry was pretty good.
https://youtu.be/slCzLoi-JUU
I bet $20 at +900, right before Most GlorioUs Equalizer
Anyone checked in on jjfozz? I imagine his headache right about now could take down several armed forces.
The EPA made it to his shed, tho. Live feed:
&ct=g
His increasingly drunken posts last night had me howling
I enjoyed how he thought none of us were around at 1st.
I almost wanted no one to reply to see how far he’d go, but was a little worried he’d interpret that as us not wanting to deal with him, so ultimately it’s good everyone was engaging.
I love his bourbling! I’m so glad he’s back, I missed him. Now if we could just get Moose and Beastmode to forgive us, for whatever we did?
In conclusion, King Herod needs a fan club.
Wut. Socks no a thing?
I see a lot of sock less people on tv. Do their shoes not smell after a time?
As a parent of this generation of chill’uns – yes. Yes they certainly do.
Not to mention the shoes lose about half of their life expectancy.
1 point from 6 against Villa and Everton at OT. This is why United is not winning anything this season.
The biggest need in the last transfer window was a Defensive midfielder or a box to box. Midfield wasn’t addressed and that’s how we became Donut FC.
The next run of games could pretty much torpedo the season if this is how they’re going to play
Tell me more about these donuts
“Tell me more about ‘a box to box'”-Balls, probably.
If they’re jamming mandatory IRA contributions into the reconciliation bill then is also like that c-word terrorist Sinema to include language that any recipe site that generates ad revenue must include nutritional information or be limited to 30 words about how the author’s obsession with the dish formed but her kids and husband don’t like vegetables.
I’m not sure why the Irish Republican Army is involved in the reconciliation bill but then, I don’t get out much.
Fucking Sinema.
Runs on raising minimum wage and fighting big pharma, and the instant she gets in office says, “Fuck all y’all.”
She’s a sleeper agent like that fuck face Manchin. Getting rich while pretending to be a Democrat.
First parliamentary procedure, vote both of those fuck bags right the hell out!
The progressives are gearing up hard for her primary. But she’s not up til ’24 so that gives Wells Fargo plenty of time to fund up anyone they want in their pocket to run against her.
I mean, Manchin, I get. He’s the best we libtards will get out West By God Virginia for the next 100 years, minimum.
Arizona can and should do better than Sinema. I almost wonder if she’s trying to get Mark Kelly defeated, to serve her Messiah complex?
She spent, literally, her entire career in the minority at every single level. And she never got anything done and said, “all its because I’m not in the majority so it isn’t my fault.”
US Senate is her first shot at having sway and she has solidified her goal to be a career politician. Say what you will about ‘outsiders’ running for office, there’s something to be said for people who have career skills outside of bend whores for corporate donations.
No Pulisic no problem
Chelsea gonna get the W right?
Well let’s see, Puebla lost, Fulham lost so yeah Chelsea should roll due to my personal timeline.
Gonna go ahead and hazard a guess that QPR will win by 7 goals
“As much as I hate Benitez”
What is something I’ve overheard half of all my employers say? Great. Potpourri for $600.
is funny b/c ah noe DonT’s Christian name
TBH, I’m not fond of el primo Rafa either
This 4 pack of games is kind of shitty. May watch TurkeyLurkeyball. Come on Somethingspor!
So many spors is like an intense biology lab amirite???
So up here in your hat Onesoccer was 14 bucks a month and you get Can Pl, 1 or 2 sexiMecsigames. Fubo Tv is 12 bucks a month, you get One Soccer, Ligue 1, Turkeylurkeyball, BeIn. Seems like a no brainer to me.
Only difference is that if 2 games are happening in Canadia at once you only get one feed. 1/8th of the time I will be at the game.
a fungi orgy!
Found a funny;
Me now that we’re in October
I hate how Everton play, but I do like the team spirit. Just don’t ever let Benitez spend any money.
Fucking hell. What the fuck was that Mighty Whitey???? Playoffs here we come as is custom.
something something GREAT REPLACEMENT smgdh
I’m just waiting for Tucker Carlson to go full Marge Schott and start talking about how Hitler just took his “good ideas” too far.
You go, girl!
—Henry J. Ford
Tucker Carlson: “He made the trains run on time!”
Me, (or anyone with a brain, really): “Hey, where were those trains going, anyway?”
TC: “WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA!!!??”
Arkansas has been fun to watch, but the party takes a break this week. Right now Georgia looks like they’re going to be the only team who can really challenge Alabama and I don’t think this is going to be a letdown game for them.
Quality strike from Martial, that.
There’s something just wrong about this United side. No energy whatsoever.
I like that Ole is rotating his players, but I wonder if he’s switching too many off at once, which hurts the chemistry.
Also hurting us is the fact that our midfield is garbage
1) Manchester United is supposed to be the Yankees or Leafs or Cowboys of the Prem, right? Then why the shit are they constantly getting all the bullshit early matches and not primetime (in the UK)?
2) Disappointing Everton has a shot today as Ole has decided to rest most of his big dogs after having played on Wednesday. It’s a ballsy move on Ole’s part because United need these three point before they start a 6 weeks gauntlet of difficult matches.
The days of “Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys, ManU” are long gone. They’re still a massively popular side and expect to play for the top spot every year, but I’d argue Barcelona replaced them as the starfucker front-runner team for casual sports fans, with Real Madrid, PSG, Bayern Munich, and Man City as close runners-up.
“starfucker” is one of me favoUrite terms
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1zgmM2lalo
My brother maintains that this is Queen Elizabeth’s favoUrite song. It’s a long running joke that he hasn’t beaten to death years ago.
It’s just so descriptive and we’ve all met someone like that.