Your illustrious host for the Sunday evening Open Thread is in Toronto this weekend for the Canada-Jamaica World Cup Qualifier game.
This is important for two reasons:
- Canada needs just one point to qualify for the World Cup for the first time since the 80’s
- Litre has been running a Twitter account posing as Canadian goalkeeper Milan Borjan’s pants. It should be noted that Borjan famously plays in sweat pants instead of shorts. The Twitter handle is Borjan Pants. Well, Mr. Borjan is aware of it and likes it so much that he sent Litre a pair of pants and has made arrangements to meet Litre at the game!! Please see below:
So, if everything goes to plan, Litre will be good and drunk with members of the Canadian National Team celebrating Canada’s qualification by the time you read this.
All I have to say is that I’m looking forward to the Boots On The Ground post!
UPDATE: CANADIA WINS IN A ROUT! LITRE IS DRUNK AF!
***
The NCAA tourney continues even though all of our brackets are trash. In the DFO contest, Señor Weaselo has a commanding lead and should take this baby.
On the Women’s side, Litre has the lead with 690 points (The Mighty 690!) with Game Time Decision right on his heels with 680 and me with 650 and Spam & teh Hippo tied at 640. All our potential champions are still in play so it’s still up for grabs!
***
Your sports choices tonight are USA-Panama or Honduras-México. Other than that, all you’ve got for entertainment is what we used to call The Gay Super Bowl (The Oscars).
Not sure if it’s PC to call it that anymore, but I think it’s appropriate. It’s like the Super Bowl in many important ways:
- No real people can attend the actual event.
- People host parties to watch it.
- The people at these parties typically have not seen anything related to the show. ( Don’t watch football = Haven’t seen the nominated movies)
- They’re all distracted by other things (Super Bowl commercials = Red Carpet Fashion)
- People can and do gamble on the outcome.
- No one from Cincinnati ever wins.
- At the end of the night, we always wonder why we bothered to watch again this year.
I myself have not seen a movie in the theater since COVID started. Rikki probably has friends that have been in some of the nominated films but got cut out at the last minute. At least they still get paid.
Spam set up a DFO Oscars pool on ESPN. Here is the link if you want a Gently-Used Fleshlight:
That’s all I’ve got. Have at it in the comments.
…and now it’s time for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel!
(at least this show makes me laugh sometimes)
I bailed on it in season 2, but I’m still sort of glad it’s doing well. I know Jen Kirkman is a writer on it, and I really like her, along with most of the cast.
Season 4 is out already?!?
I’m back from my nature walk. Why is everyone staring at the TV screen like they just witness someone committing Career Suicide on live TV?
Part of the reason I don’t entirely rule out the “it was staged” theory is that I’m not sure it’s bad for either guy’s career.
Will Smith will get praised for being a dude who stood up for his wife but didn’t actually hurt Rock.
Chris Rock will be culturally relevant for the first time in years, and will no doubt milk a good 15 minutes out of this in his next comedy special.
Within a year, Smith and Rock will be joking about it like Tyson and Holyfield.
Funny way to spell “week”
Laneway!
Don’t come up the property.
Ah, the Florida State Seminal Vesicles
For my part, a gentleman’s 16-7. Can’t complain.
I’m just happy to beat Lady BFC.
In the pool, I’m no Ike Turner.
You would have tied with Maestro for third, behind Spam and the bot.
22 and fucking 1.
Un fucking believable. We’ll never see something like it again in our lifetimes.
Also, 2-21.
Proud to have been here to witness it. More satisfying than if someone really slapped Chris Rock.
It was an honor to finish in 22nd place and win nothing.
I wouldn’t call a Gently-used Fleshlight nothing.
You deserve a fleshlight for the almost unbelievable suckitude!
Damn my overactive imagination. I’m imagining his voice while doing…that.
$10 million to the charity of their choice if the cast of ‘The Power of the Dog’ attacks and cannibalizes the folks from ‘Coda’ right now!
I’ll donate $1k to this.
How much more do we need?
Ask BFC
About tree fitty
Kodi Smit-McPhee has earned this, frankly.
He looks like he could use the meal, honestly.
“Wow, thank you Liza for applauding in ASL”
“I’m doing what now?”
Lady Gaga is Hollywood’s choice to hang out with old people who don’t know where they are anymore.
-T. BENNETT
Lady and the Gaga’s
So Liza’s not in good health I see.
Maybe Will Smith can put her out of her misery.
How do we banner this, with context, and in a way that ensures we don’t all go to hell?
I see what you’re doing.
You’re trying to piggyback onto the banner.
I was going to point to the banner and yell “Scoreboard” at you, but I see it’s already been changed. Since when did we get so efficient?
Jesus, that was just cruel.
Also, erotically hilarious.
Looks like Liza’s wearing floaties on her forearms.
The main question left tonight is this: has the Academy done enough to keep Sean Penn from melting his Oscar with a welding torch? The world waits with bated breath to find out.
That’s what the Rock-Smith fight was really all about!
THIS is the one Sharky gets right!
The spell is broken.
21-1 and 2-20.
Somebody just lost their HOF vote.
Stupid Sharky.
$4 million to the charity of her choice if Jessica Chastain takes a swing at Sir Anthony Hopkins right now!
$5 million if Olivia Colman goes up and does it.
The problem is that you need $5 million, because Coleman would do it for the laughs.
Stanford advances to the final four. They get the winner of NC State/UConn.
I hope Jada Smith somehow wins this award.
Who plugged an air pump into Jesse Plemons?
Someone called him Fat Damon
This is unreal.
20-1 and 1-20
“Eh, have to say I still prefer 19-1.” — Eli Manning
At last, the award we’ve been waiting all night for.
Editing?
Makeup and Hair, silly!
Gumbygirl’s Favorite Performance By a DFO Commenter? I hear I’ve got this one locked down.
Don’t tell the others!
The afterparty is going to be hella awkward.
Yes. The spontaneously suave and witty one was the decider!
Thirty years from now someone will finally admit in their autobiography that the slap was staged, but until then, we are free to choose to believe.
I genuinely believe that Anthony Hopkins would have put up more of a fight than Chris Rock did, although Hopkins never would have said something that shitty in the first place.
Ok I think that ESPN fan entry tied with maestro is some rando who does a shitload of entries and joins all the groups to try and get a perfect bracket with all the permutations. In other words, no gently used flashlight for that spambot, especially when the real spamboy is dominating.
“Thank you all, good night, and fuck Chris Rock”
Should have shaved his head onstage
And the winner for Best Actor: Furious 9.
This is absolutely the best Oscars ever.
Yeah but this episode of Good Trouble is pretty good too.
If you DM me your address I will have a second TV shipped to your home.
Cool, then we can watch Gray’s Anatomy on a second screen!
I remember the streaker in the 70’s. That was my favorite. I really can’t stand Will Smith or Jada. Performative assholes. Not a Chris Rock fan either. SO fuck all of them. But that In Memoriam with the gospel choir was truly insane.
I want for this to end with Will Smith having to move to West Philadelphia.
19-1
And 1-19!
Shit, forgot riley and jonesy used to chaw in s1
SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH
Ok, now I’m coming around to “it was planned” because this is a little too neat.
Exactly
This will become the grassy knoll of our generation.
A generation of lazy shut-ins.
No fucking way they’re starting the orchestra on this speech.
Goddamn that was a good speech by Kevin Kostner.
Please let Will Smith win. Please let Will Smith win.
Welp..
I would have bet all the money I promised to Jane and Jake that it was Cumberbatch, but I admit I haven’t seen ‘King Richard’
Oh shit!
Can we make a Travolta GI Jane 2 joke?
Uma Thurman is still gorgeous.
What do you suppose Will Smith would have done if The Rock said that instead of Chris Rock?
Said “ia aua ne’i alu atu i lou gutu le igoa o lo’u toalua”
That is very good.
E matua tele lava oe ma malosi. E mataga lo’u toalua.
Not that. Definitely not that.
Tonight’s TV watching in the Deadly household has included Bridgerton and Good Trouble. Guess who has control of the remote?
You?
Thank you for taking in that homeless 50 year old white woman.
the cat
Or a homeless 50-year-old white woman who owns 43 cats
18-1
And 1-18
SHARKY! SHARKY! SHARKY!
$2 million to Jane Campion’s charity of choice if she starts teeing off on Jada Smith right now.
Kevin Costner is stoned.
Good for him.
Meanwhile, 17 and fucking 1!
And, equally impressive, Sharky is 1 and fucking 17!!
“Oh sure, when Spam does it it’s cool, but when I do it I’m facing 20 years in a federal penitentiary”
-Gaetz, M.
So Chicago dude has a real job now and he’s all like “it’s 9:30, I have to go because I have a 7 am zoom call tomorrow” and I’m all like, “hey, remember all those times I had to be at work at 7 and stayed up till 3 drinking with you? Or the time I went to an interview on no sleep because I was up with you?”
Him: “those seem like bad decisions”
Me: “got the job from the interview, didn’t fuck anything else up”
Him: #has to go to sleep cause he can’t hang but maybe probably not is slightly more appreciative of past stuff#
A Michael Mann film
Someone please photoshop this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbINBMiTsZA
$1 million to the charity of his choice if Jake Gylenhall punches Zoe Kravitz out right now.
No one would even type the name “Chris Rock” into Twitter tomorrow if this happened.
Lol. I’m in for a grand.
Well then we’re only $999,999 short.
This is why lawyers don’t do math
I saw “grand” and translated it “a buck”, because that’s what I would have done.
This is why my legal assistant reads every thing twice before it goes out.
I was just reading about the reason lawyers do the whole “two (2) dollars” thing. IT’S NEEDED!
What the actual fuck was that?
We think either really bad acting or Will Smith can’t punch for shit.
Why not both?
The Aristocrats!
I didn’t realize until I read his obituary that William Hurt was kind of an asshole.
If that was real, Will Smith can’t punch for shit.
It was a slap. Saw it in slo-mo on the Twitter.
(Yes, of course someone already tweeted the slo-mo version)
That makes it worse. Who the fuck slaps someone they’re pissed off at?
What’s even worse is that Rock just took it. Someone slaps you in public like that and you’re kind of obligated to go.
Especially in a situation like that, where there’s presumably a lot of security and you can land a couple of cheap shots and then have a bunch of burly motherfuckers jump in and pull everyone off.
Exactly! Which is why I think it was a bit.
I disagree. I think that taking it in stride like that and continuing on unruffled kind of shows that the dude didn’t hit you that hard and he’s got nothing.
I would have expected a joke in reply. In the Japanese/ Australian feeds, you can hear that Rock backs off and says he won’t mention her name.
Total pussy move.
I don’t know, it’s hard to be spontaneously witty and suave when weird shit like that just went down.
For other people, I mean. I can pull it off.
Don’t tell the others.
Oh, my wit and suaveness (suavity? suavaciousness?) are a very very well kept secret.
Oh, he was not unruffled, and Chris Rock is not a good enough actor to have faked that.
So, I’m really shitting on Rock, and here’s the reason. The guy was a genius early on. Hilarious and fucking smart as fuck. And then he got divorced, pretty clearly because he was fucking everything that moved. And after he got taken to the cleaners so much of his act devolved into “women be bitches” and “all men cheat if given the chance” and it’s like, dude, you fucked up. Own it. You sound like a little bitch, and nothing I saw tonight says otherwise.
https://twitter.com/davidmackau/status/1508270575902687232?t=mKL_-S9gRRETQSng7dcLGA&s=19
EVERYONE ELSE GETS ALL THE GOOD SHIT!
“Ya call that a slap? Now THIS is a slap.”
https://twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/1508270716063469576
YOU DA MAN!
More convinced than before that this wasn’t real.
For both their reputations, I hope it was fake.
It’s so bad I have to believe it’s real. I mean, that was worse than the forced comedy routine from Sykes and Haddad just before it, and that’s saying a lot.
I had it on mute. What was the joke that Chris Rock said that caused Will Smith to react?
Made fun of Jada’s shaved head.
Was it funny?
It’s Chris Rock. So no.
He congratulated her on her upcoming movie GI Jane 2.
That’s funny to me.
Except she has an actual medical condition which is why her head is shaved…so, can’t say that.
Wait, baldness is called a medical condition now? What a world…
I mean most middle-aged women still have a lot of hair, so in her case, yeah.
And she actually has a hair loss condition. Which is why it might’ve been real?
I did not know that. I have changed my opinion to “Yes, Will Smith should absolutely have tried to hit him, and in fact should perhaps have tried harder.”
Ooh, wasn’t aware of that.
He made a comment about Jada’s haircut, I think? GI Jane 2. Get it? She’s bald. I mean, Rock’s pretty unfunny these days, but I don’t know that that comment s the one to lay him out over.