Sundays With Litre, Now with Less Litre!

Your illustrious host for the Sunday evening Open Thread is in Toronto this weekend for the Canada-Jamaica World Cup Qualifier game.

This is important for two reasons:

  1. Canada needs just one point to qualify for the World Cup for the first time since the 80’s
  2. Litre has been running a Twitter account posing as Canadian goalkeeper Milan Borjan’s pants. It should be noted that Borjan famously plays in sweat pants instead of shorts. The Twitter handle is Borjan Pants. Well, Mr. Borjan is aware of it and likes it so much that he sent Litre a pair of pants and has made arrangements to meet Litre at the game!! Please see below:

So, if everything goes to plan, Litre will be good and drunk with members of the Canadian National Team celebrating Canada’s qualification by the time you read this.

All I have to say is that I’m looking forward to the Boots On The Ground post!

UPDATE: CANADIA WINS IN A ROUT! LITRE IS DRUNK AF!

***

The NCAA tourney continues even though all of our brackets are trash. In the DFO contest, Señor Weaselo has a commanding lead and should take this baby.

On the Women’s side, Litre has the lead with 690 points (The Mighty 690!) with Game Time Decision right on his heels with 680 and me with 650 and Spam & teh Hippo tied at 640. All our potential champions are still in play so it’s still up for grabs!

***

Your sports choices tonight are USA-Panama or Honduras-México. Other than that, all you’ve got for entertainment is what we used to call The Gay Super Bowl (The Oscars).

Not sure if it’s PC to call it that anymore, but I think it’s appropriate. It’s like the Super Bowl in many important ways:

  • No real people can attend the actual event.
  • People host parties to watch it.
  • The people at these parties typically have not seen anything related to the show. ( Don’t watch football = Haven’t seen the nominated movies)
  • They’re all distracted by other things (Super Bowl commercials = Red Carpet Fashion)
  • People can and do gamble on the outcome.
  • No one from Cincinnati ever wins.
  • At the end of the night, we always wonder why we bothered to watch again this year.

I myself have not seen a movie in the theater since COVID started. Rikki probably has friends that have been in some of the nominated films but got cut out at the last minute. At least they still get paid.

Spam set up a DFO Oscars pool on ESPN. Here is the link if you want a Gently-Used Fleshlight:

https://fantasy.espn.com/games/oscars-pickem-2022/group?id=73cbf8d8-ae9a-47ac-bebe-2ab99fc21891&joining=true

That’s all I’ve got. Have at it in the comments.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and now it’s time for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(at least this show makes me laugh sometimes)

Dunstan

I bailed on it in season 2, but I’m still sort of glad it’s doing well. I know Jen Kirkman is a writer on it, and I really like her, along with most of the cast.

Mr. Ayo

Season 4 is out already?!?

Redshirt

I’m back from my nature walk. Why is everyone staring at the TV screen like they just witness someone committing Career Suicide on live TV?

Dunstan

Part of the reason I don’t entirely rule out the “it was staged” theory is that I’m not sure it’s bad for either guy’s career.

Will Smith will get praised for being a dude who stood up for his wife but didn’t actually hurt Rock.

Chris Rock will be culturally relevant for the first time in years, and will no doubt milk a good 15 minutes out of this in his next comedy special.

Redshirt

Within a year, Smith and Rock will be joking about it like Tyson and Holyfield.

Horatio Cornblower

Funny way to spell “week”

Doktor Zymm

Laneway!

Col. Duke LaCross

Don’t come up the property.

Don T

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Doktor Zymm

Ah, the Florida State Seminal Vesicles

makeitsnowondem

For my part, a gentleman’s 16-7. Can’t complain.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m just happy to beat Lady BFC.

In the pool, I’m no Ike Turner.

Gumbygirl

You would have tied with Maestro for third, behind Spam and the bot.

SonOfSpam

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makeitsnowondem

Proud to have been here to witness it. More satisfying than if someone really slapped Chris Rock.

SonOfSpam

It was an honor to finish in 22nd place and win nothing.

Gumbygirl

You deserve a fleshlight for the almost unbelievable suckitude!

8-B14-D7-D7-05-CE-49-D8-8-E26-DB7-E66947176.jpg
Redshirt

Damn my overactive imagination. I’m imagining his voice while doing…that.

Horatio Cornblower

$10 million to the charity of their choice if the cast of ‘The Power of the Dog’ attacks and cannibalizes the folks from ‘Coda’ right now!

Mr. Ayo

I’ll donate $1k to this.

How much more do we need?

Horatio Cornblower

Ask BFC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

About tree fitty

makeitsnowondem

Kodi Smit-McPhee has earned this, frankly.

Horatio Cornblower

He looks like he could use the meal, honestly.

SonOfSpam

“Wow, thank you Liza for applauding in ASL”

“I’m doing what now?”

SonOfSpam

Lady Gaga is Hollywood’s choice to hang out with old people who don’t know where they are anymore.

Gumbygirl

Lady and the Gaga’s

Don T

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Horatio Cornblower

So Liza’s not in good health I see.

Col. Duke LaCross

Maybe Will Smith can put her out of her misery.

Horatio Cornblower

How do we banner this, with context, and in a way that ensures we don’t all go to hell?

Mr. Ayo

I see what you’re doing.

You’re trying to piggyback onto the banner.

Horatio Cornblower

I was going to point to the banner and yell “Scoreboard” at you, but I see it’s already been changed. Since when did we get so efficient?

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, that was just cruel.

SonOfSpam

Also, erotically hilarious.

SonOfSpam

Looks like Liza’s wearing floaties on her forearms.

Horatio Cornblower

The main question left tonight is this: has the Academy done enough to keep Sean Penn from melting his Oscar with a welding torch? The world waits with bated breath to find out.

Mr. Ayo

Somebody just lost their HOF vote.

Stupid Sharky.

Horatio Cornblower

$4 million to the charity of her choice if Jessica Chastain takes a swing at Sir Anthony Hopkins right now!

makeitsnowondem

$5 million if Olivia Colman goes up and does it.

Horatio Cornblower

The problem is that you need $5 million, because Coleman would do it for the laughs.

TheRevanchist

Stanford advances to the final four. They get the winner of NC State/UConn.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope Jada Smith somehow wins this award.

WCS

Who plugged an air pump into Jesse Plemons?

SonOfSpam

Someone called him Fat Damon

Dunstan

“Eh, have to say I still prefer 19-1.” — Eli Manning

makeitsnowondem

At last, the award we’ve been waiting all night for.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Editing?

makeitsnowondem

Makeup and Hair, silly!

Dunstan

Gumbygirl’s Favorite Performance By a DFO Commenter? I hear I’ve got this one locked down.

Dunstan

The afterparty is going to be hella awkward.

Gumbygirl

Yes. The spontaneously suave and witty one was the decider!

makeitsnowondem

Thirty years from now someone will finally admit in their autobiography that the slap was staged, but until then, we are free to choose to believe.

Horatio Cornblower

I genuinely believe that Anthony Hopkins would have put up more of a fight than Chris Rock did, although Hopkins never would have said something that shitty in the first place.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok I think that ESPN fan entry tied with maestro is some rando who does a shitload of entries and joins all the groups to try and get a perfect bracket with all the permutations. In other words, no gently used flashlight for that spambot, especially when the real spamboy is dominating.

Horatio Cornblower

“Thank you all, good night, and fuck Chris Rock”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Should have shaved his head onstage

makeitsnowondem

And the winner for Best Actor: Furious 9.

Horatio Cornblower

This is absolutely the best Oscars ever.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but this episode of Good Trouble is pretty good too.

Horatio Cornblower

If you DM me your address I will have a second TV shipped to your home.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cool, then we can watch Gray’s Anatomy on a second screen!

Gumbygirl

I remember the streaker in the 70’s. That was my favorite. I really can’t stand Will Smith or Jada. Performative assholes. Not a Chris Rock fan either. SO fuck all of them. But that In Memoriam with the gospel choir was truly insane.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want for this to end with Will Smith having to move to West Philadelphia.

Doktor Zymm

Shit, forgot riley and jonesy used to chaw in s1

makeitsnowondem

SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH

SonOfSpam

Ok, now I’m coming around to “it was planned” because this is a little too neat.

Horatio Cornblower

This will become the grassy knoll of our generation.

A generation of lazy shut-ins.

Horatio Cornblower

No fucking way they’re starting the orchestra on this speech.

yeah right

Goddamn that was a good speech by Kevin Kostner.

Horatio Cornblower

Please let Will Smith win. Please let Will Smith win.

WCS

Welp..

Horatio Cornblower

I would have bet all the money I promised to Jane and Jake that it was Cumberbatch, but I admit I haven’t seen ‘King Richard’

Horatio Cornblower

What do you suppose Will Smith would have done if The Rock said that instead of Chris Rock?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Said “ia aua ne’i alu atu i lou gutu le igoa o lo’u toalua”

SonOfSpam

That is very good.

SonOfSpam

E matua tele lava oe ma malosi. E mataga lo’u toalua.

SonOfSpam

Not that. Definitely not that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tonight’s TV watching in the Deadly household has included Bridgerton and Good Trouble. Guess who has control of the remote?

Mr. Ayo

You?

makeitsnowondem

Thank you for taking in that homeless 50 year old white woman.

Don T

the cat

Horatio Cornblower

Or a homeless 50-year-old white woman who owns 43 cats

Mr. Ayo

SHARKY! SHARKY! SHARKY!

Horatio Cornblower

$2 million to Jane Campion’s charity of choice if she starts teeing off on Jada Smith right now.

Don T

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WCS

Kevin Costner is stoned.

Horatio Cornblower

Good for him.

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh sure, when Spam does it it’s cool, but when I do it I’m facing 20 years in a federal penitentiary”

-Gaetz, M.

Doktor Zymm

So Chicago dude has a real job now and he’s all like “it’s 9:30, I have to go because I have a 7 am zoom call tomorrow” and I’m all like, “hey, remember all those times I had to be at work at 7 and stayed up till 3 drinking with you? Or the time I went to an interview on no sleep because I was up with you?”
Him: “those seem like bad decisions”
Me: “got the job from the interview, didn’t fuck anything else up”
Him: #has to go to sleep cause he can’t hang but maybe probably not is slightly more appreciative of past stuff#

Don T

A Michael Mann film
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SonOfSpam

Someone please photoshop this

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Horatio Cornblower

$1 million to the charity of his choice if Jake Gylenhall punches Zoe Kravitz out right now.

makeitsnowondem

No one would even type the name “Chris Rock” into Twitter tomorrow if this happened.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lol. I’m in for a grand.

Horatio Cornblower

Well then we’re only $999,999 short.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is why lawyers don’t do math

Horatio Cornblower

I saw “grand” and translated it “a buck”, because that’s what I would have done.

This is why my legal assistant reads every thing twice before it goes out.

Mr. Ayo

I was just reading about the reason lawyers do the whole “two (2) dollars” thing. IT’S NEEDED!

Gumbygirl

What the actual fuck was that?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why not both?

Horatio Cornblower

The Aristocrats!

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t realize until I read his obituary that William Hurt was kind of an asshole.

SonOfSpam

It was a slap. Saw it in slo-mo on the Twitter.

(Yes, of course someone already tweeted the slo-mo version)

Horatio Cornblower

What’s even worse is that Rock just took it. Someone slaps you in public like that and you’re kind of obligated to go.

Especially in a situation like that, where there’s presumably a lot of security and you can land a couple of cheap shots and then have a bunch of burly motherfuckers jump in and pull everyone off.

Dunstan

I disagree. I think that taking it in stride like that and continuing on unruffled kind of shows that the dude didn’t hit you that hard and he’s got nothing.

Dunstan

I don’t know, it’s hard to be spontaneously witty and suave when weird shit like that just went down.

For other people, I mean. I can pull it off.

SonOfSpam

Don’t tell the others.

Dunstan

Oh, my wit and suaveness (suavity? suavaciousness?) are a very very well kept secret.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, he was not unruffled, and Chris Rock is not a good enough actor to have faked that.

So, I’m really shitting on Rock, and here’s the reason. The guy was a genius early on. Hilarious and fucking smart as fuck. And then he got divorced, pretty clearly because he was fucking everything that moved. And after he got taken to the cleaners so much of his act devolved into “women be bitches” and “all men cheat if given the chance” and it’s like, dude, you fucked up. Own it. You sound like a little bitch, and nothing I saw tonight says otherwise.

SonOfSpam

“Ya call that a slap? Now THIS is a slap.”

makeitsnowondem

More convinced than before that this wasn’t real.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s so bad I have to believe it’s real. I mean, that was worse than the forced comedy routine from Sykes and Haddad just before it, and that’s saying a lot.

makeitsnowondem

Made fun of Jada’s shaved head.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s Chris Rock. So no.

SonOfSpam

He congratulated her on her upcoming movie GI Jane 2.

SonOfSpam

Except she has an actual medical condition which is why her head is shaved…so, can’t say that.

SonOfSpam

I mean most middle-aged women still have a lot of hair, so in her case, yeah.

SonOfSpam

And she actually has a hair loss condition. Which is why it might’ve been real?

Horatio Cornblower

I did not know that. I have changed my opinion to “Yes, Will Smith should absolutely have tried to hit him, and in fact should perhaps have tried harder.”

makeitsnowondem

Ooh, wasn’t aware of that.

Horatio Cornblower

He made a comment about Jada’s haircut, I think? GI Jane 2. Get it? She’s bald. I mean, Rock’s pretty unfunny these days, but I don’t know that that comment s the one to lay him out over.