Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the seventh edition of a potentially recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.
- Reverend Mayhem is off tonight, and in fact, we haven’t seen him since a butt-punty, concussy LOLfins team edged out his Bills. I’m not worried, it’s not like Bills fans have a reputation for insanity (or public ass eating).
- EDITOR’S NOTE: Apparently I didn’t know what day it was. Thanks to BugEyedBoo for being eagle eyed for a change/conscious enough to know what the hell is going on around here.
- Happy New Year! As of Sunday night, it’s now 5783 on the Jewish calendar. Still feels like 5762 was just yesterday.
- Got any good Rosh Hashanah jokes? I’m still partial to the old classic (paraphrasing from here)–
Two old men are walking down the street, and as they’re walking past the temple, they hear a strange, loud wailing sound. One old fellow turns to the other and asks, “What the hell was THAT?!” The other guy replies “Well I used to work for a Jewish family, and I happen to know that it was the sound of the Rabbi blowing the Shofar! The first guy then says, “Wow, those Jews sure are good to the help!”
- Honestly, I was always surprised more goyim didn’t try to get in on celebrating Rosh Hashanah and a few other Jewish holidays. Partly for the extra day(s) off work/school, but also because New Years is awesome and people love excuses for new milestones. I blame Hallmark for it not catching on more broadly.
- Apparently after he beat Russell Wilson and got BorisNow all excited about maybe earning a new bottle of booze, Geno Smith went out and filed for a trademark on his devastating bon mot–
“They wrote me off but I ain’t write back though.”
- Clearly the man is a poet and the modern thinker of our time. Is he a quality starting quarterback, though? That is the question of the season thanks to an offhand comment/wager I made a few weeks ago. As I have proffered, no I do not believe Mr. Glass Jaw is a bonafide starting QB in the NFL. If he is, I’ve offered to personally deliver a bottle of booze to Borisnow (and no, it’s not an unlimited budget option type of thing). So how about a “Geno Smith: Sucks or Success” Tracker?
- Through Week 3, I would say he’s inching toward success, but again, it’s 17.6% of the season. Regression to the (shitty) mean is very likely.
- I’ll try and keep that sucker up to date, and while I’ll take a look at Geno’s stats, I reserve the right for this to be as subjective as I so choose. Despite his 300+ yards, 2 TD effort in a loss against What General Sherman Missed, I remain confident. But I’ll acknowledge he’s at least temporarily above the very low bar set for him at the onset of this season.
- This is fucking perfect, seriously, click through the whole thread:
https://twitter.com/alohacatss/status/1574509449255047168?s=20&t=B0UObbn3JgPvVMtz9rUhcw
- I had a vivid dream the other day that I witnessed the President self-administering a COVID test, as I imagine he does (or has someone do) daily. And (again, in my fictitious dream) POTUS kept mucking it up. Like picking up the nasal swab and handling it beyond the stick, touching the fluid in the vial, not swabbing enough, all the no-nos. It was kind of upsetting.
- Speaking of a different Joe, on MNF this week Joe and Troy kept talking about how Giants wideout David Sills V has had to overcome substantial obstacles to earn his shot at getting targets. I can’t qwhite put my finger on if they would say the same thing about a different receiver, especially since I don’t think there has EVER been a “the fifth” of anything (non-booze category) that had a toughscrabble upbringing. Maybe I should put away my jump to conclusions mat and see how hard of a life this kid has had to make it to the top of the Giants depth chart–looks like his dad, David Sills IV, is an ubersports parent and I’m sure totally unrelated to him topping out at playing NCAA football for VMI, hired Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Leinart’s “QB Guru,” Steve Clarkson at the old age of TEN FUCKING YEARS OLD, Lane Kiffin tried to recruit him as a prepubescent teenager (thought that was a Penn State move), his dad proceeds TO START A FOOTBALL TEAM AT AN ONLINE ONLY HIGH SCHOOL (which you know, didn’t work because the school wasn’t fucking accredited), then he had some bs at USC, went to Cousin Fuckers U, transferred to JuCo and then back to WVU, that’s enough. It sounds like his “hardships” were a knuckle injury and his father. Real tough fucking life. Glad he’s wearing OBJ’s #13, no notes.
- Oh, and with Sterling Shepard lost for the season to a brutal knee injury, guess he’s got to step up even more.
- In more positive notes, the Bungles revealed their all white unis today. Joe Exotic would be proud/aroused.
Once upon a time… pic.twitter.com/fRr5Fnx1bW
— Cincinnati Bengals (@Bengals) July 26, 2022
- That’s not enough to get me excited about Thursday Night Football, but thanks for trying, I guess.
- Mrs. BFC and I need to buy a new TV, and I am NAWT up on the new trends. A Frame looks cool but pretty expensive and some mixed reviews out there. In terms of the latest alphabet soup, I don’t know my OLED vs QLED, when 8K is worth it compared to 4K, and if any of it matters beyond “don’t get something you picked up from Jim Tomsula.” So any TV recommendations from this august group?
- As a PSA, remember that we approve all users before they can post. We’re doing that manually, so if you’re a real human who tried to sign up with a bikinimodel.com domain email address, email [email protected] so we can remedy the error. [email protected], I’m talking to you, too.
- It is unreal how many Thai and Russian email addresses we’re seeing, it’s enough to get DeShaun Watson suspended another 2 minutes of football or so.
- I’m glad the Brett Favre is a welfare stealing scumbag story has gotten a second wind. I’ve been an early rider on the “Brett Favre is a Piece of Shit” bandwagon, so I’m glad the rest of the world has caught up. Fuck that guy, hard.
- It’s not just the volleyball thing (and apparently also football), it’s not just the speaking appearances he didn’t show up for that ALSO took taxpayer funds for, it’s overall being a terrible person who has never had any repercussions.
- Of course, there are victims here, those directly screwed in Mississippi and the collateral damage often left in the wake of powerful dudes who don’t give a shit what happens to others as long as they get theirs. Reading Jennifer Sterger’s thoughts right after this broke was a poignant reminder of how shitty we are at holding the right people accountable and looking out for the victims.
- Alright, something positive/the fill in the blank I promised to conclude these posts with: Now that the Queen is dead, I can’t wait to see King Charles III ____________.
What’s on tonight?
Pre-season hockey, a bunch of soccer, and some guy’s mom continuing to get mad. Yankees are on at 6:07 PM DFO time, so expect whatever live hurricane coverage you’re watching to get interrupted since they’re are only 9 games left in the season to put even more ungodly pressure on a generational talent.
And why can’t any of these hurricanes train their eyes on Mar A Lago? Regardless, someone wake me when Judge homers. TO THE COMMENTS!
Just landed, looking forward to a non-crippling bed to sleep in!
If you’re wanting to get your MMO geek on, WoW Classic just opened up Wrath of the Lich King. Burning Crusade + Wrath is the way to play it IMO. Need a good guild to really enjoy it, though.
The lollipop guild is the best guild.
Represent.
Just wait until those flying monkeys show up. You’ll be wanting some two-handed axe action then.
ETA: Oh, and if they can avoid standing in fire, they can bring their lollipops.
Hey wait, who’s last one standing in the suicide pool? Because, yeah, you win.
Also it would be nice if ESPN actually showed that.
Not me.
I was out week 1, like (Kramer, George, Jerry, Elaine dammit can’t remember anything)
It went Kramer, Elaine, Jerry. George won.
I’m not even that big a fan of ‘Seinfeld’, but that episode was a classic.
Yes, but didn’t George later admit that he cheated?
No idea. Wouldn’t surprise me though.
I think it’s in the finale (or the ep before that), when they think the plane is crashing.
Since I am a person with who loves women with questionable morals, I had to seek out the Rachel Dolezal leaked only fans pics that Twitter was talking about. They were relatively mild. Unless you like women with no morals, it’s not for you.
Link please?
Never mind. I don’t mind women with no morals but at least make them good looking.
Meh. To each his own.
You’re speaking my language. Will she come up on an “ebony” search is the question.
I feel a Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder duet coming on.
I have friends and family in Florida, and I intend to have my ashes scattered off of Key West, (although realistically it’s going to be somewhere in whatever radius my son can still throw an object), so I say this knowing full well this will hurt people and places I love: I hope Hurricane Ian razes Florida from one end to the other. Just fucking peels that State like a goddamn grape from Tampa through Orlando to Tallahassee, (especially Tallahassee), and then a hard left right down the Panhandle. Fuck ’em. Absolutely fuck ’em.
But leave Key West alone.
Our resident russian has sent me a pic of a basket of booze saying he’s ready for the storm
He can be spared my wrath.
Just as soon as the New Orleans defense gets their shit together.
Key West has all the best bars, with all the best glory holes.
Speaking from experience are we?
Churn like a mofo over the Villages.
Oh look, another fun update on the Favreness:
https://twitter.com/TheTNHoller/status/1574933846520664064?t=YWIfhlGZHmlo2BOiT1TRZQ&s=19
What better way to get Mississippi on board than proposing slave labor?
Yeah, the Mr. Burns of the world are just as evil and less funny.
If we got rid of rich entitled people, holy shit would the world be better.
I don’t see what the problem is here: the more money Brett can save the less he has to steal from poor people. He’s a hero if you really think about it.
New Bachelor in Paradise starts tonight. Basically it’s Whore Island. LET’S WATCH.
I hope there is no stupid beautiful people.
Absolutely nothing but.
“Are”, you stupid beautiful person.
I say this with all seriousness —
In Brett Favre’s defense,
It’s not like Mississippi is the poorest, dumbest state or anything and really could have used that money though.
My brother gave me his golf cart. I need to take off the bag stuff in the back and add a seat plus give it a wrap. I’ve never done a wrap. But I know I am getting this kit in red.
Just use with caution.
And always remember – oxycodone is a proper alternative fuel
For home or work? I just got one for work for our guys to carry materials. It has tiny stake bed for extra safety. Yes, we tricked it out.
If it doesn’t have hydraulic lifts I’m gonna be disappoint.
Home. He had it all set up for golf but it’s street legal and has the sound bar and lights and everything. I went to the Club Car site to see what I could get for it but, besides the back seat, he pretty much got all the upgrades.
That’s pretty cool! I have a friend that has one for home/golf (he lives on a course). Has it painted Raiders silver and black.
That’s solid. Unfortunately my golf cart doesn’t go 156 miles per hour at a parked car with some girl and her dog.
I bet that thing somehow ends up at the bottom of a pond at least once a month.
I have a case where a woman broke her collarbone and sustained a concussion falling off the back of one of those.
What I’m saying is spend a couple of bucks on seat belts.
I need to. Got the boy riding with me.
Woo, pimpin’!
Yankees won and clinched the AL East.
Judge went 0-1, with Toronto pitchers showing the sort of courage usually associated with an Italian infantry brigade and walked him FOUR times.
Hey the Italian army is back! Ole Missus Musso will see to it!
They almost beat Ethiopia!
Got any tips? – Tigray
“Make a deal with Hitler and just never look back!”
-Someone back in 1938 and also probably yesterday, because everything sucks
That was the first time I heard that “blowing the shofar” joke. I have never understood why folks would assume G-d has no sense of humoUr, we’s all gonna burn if that is the case anyway.
The Tribe does a lot better job than goyim in terms of logic and keeping things in perspective.
Because ethics, not morality. Ethics requires you to support your argument with logic, not magic sky-fairy anger.
And furry hats.
Guttersnipe was so good I just had to read it again.
It sucks that I had to work and couldn’t comment properly. A couple of questions:
A) wtf is 5-pin? I’ve never heard of that.
2) brothel? Was that of the legal or illegal variety?
Can you think of 23 more questions about it?
5 pin bowling happens in certain parts of Canadia. Small ball and the pins are further apart. You can also have them put up bumpers over the gutter for kids parties or if you are trashed.
Canadia is a fascinating magical place
Apparently Snowfall wants to film here, which, much like when HBO said they liked our “somewhat weathered” look, feels like a backhanded compliment.
That was a very kewl humble brag about the Deadly Family’s street cred.
raises fist solemnly
Now that the Queen is dead, I can’t wait to see King Charles III hire a hooker that looks just like her for Camilla’s birthday.
Wow.
Oh sorry. Maybe hit a little close to home for you royal-adjacent types.
Banner?
Dr. Oz is getting dragged on Twitter for saying his Democratic opponent John Fetterman looks like he’s ‘kicking authority in the balls’ (msn.com)
Oz knows he can concede the election, right? He doesn’t have to intentionally lose it.
He’s the reason for the term ‘candidate quality’ being in the news a lot recently
Yup. If this was any other era, with the same political conditions, all the Republicans would have to do is speak bland platitudes and they’d pick up 30-50 seats in the House, 56-58 seats in the Senate and measuring the curtains for their return to the White House in 2024. It’d be sad if it wasn’t funny.
But then how can he continue the grift?
“Kicking Authority in the Balls” would be a very solid name for a punk band
So any TV recommendations from this august group?
it’s currently september dumbass
Tabasco Pumas are going to burn me. Damn, was on a good div 2 sexiMexi run.
I can’t wait to see King Charles III attempt to serve Andy Reid a brat and lose three fingers as a result.
Looks like I might be in London for work in a couple weeks, I will try to get a pint from ol Chucky 3
That amount of swelling in the hands of someone that age are the sort of circulatory issue I’d associate with the imminent ascension to the throne of William V.
Or maybe it’s just arthritis from Charles III’s previous vocation as a bricklayer.
Okay, I need someone to explain the Swinger pineapple thing to me. (From the morning thread)
They are a symbol for swinging on cruise ships. Apparently you put one on your door and that is an invite.
Also, in Mexico at all inclusives if you’re wearing shirts with pineapples on them in certain resorts it is game on.
I can see the t-shirt one leading to a lot of misunderstandings.
Also fun, quite a few government buildings in the Caribbean have pineapples on them, so I really kind of hope some horny tourists wander in on the regular
You learn new things every day…
This reminds me of a Star Trek Next Generation episode, where Picard goes on vacation and people keep approaching him because he’s got some little statuette on the table beside his beach chair. Unbeknownst to him, it’s supposedly some signal that he’s seeking, uh, companionship. He only has it because Riker asked him to pick one up for him.
Spock: “Captain, you need to control your emotions for the better part of the crew and the mission.”
Kira: “Captain, you need to screw what the bureaucrats think and do what’s right.”
Chakotay: “Captain, you need to support the crew so they can work together.”
Riker: “Captain, you need to get laid.”
Riker plays practical joke on Picard. – YouTube
That SpongeBob Carnival Cruise to Mexico was a goddamn disaster.
How would it stay upside down on the spikes? Makes no sense. The bowl of keys is usually my first clue.
Everyone needs to eat.
People still buy tvs? Seriously, get a projector. I will never go back
Would you say you’re projecting?
I don’t want a projector.
Out of curiosity, why not? I’ve found them to be strictly better on every dimension I value, but I am aware that I have non-standard preferences and tech setups
Our living room is long but not wide, so a flat screen on the wall is the only real sensible thing. The ceiling ‘s pitched so it’s not like I can mount the projector from it.
Theydo some pretty amazing things with short throw projectors and I’ve always used stacked wall mount shelves that also hold video game consoles and such. Theoretically you can even do a side mount, they’re super flexible and no matter what setup you use can be easily installed by one person.
In my current apartment I didn’t even bother with shelves, I’ve just got it on an antique telephone table with my PS4 in the telephone book compartment. Probably an 8-10 ft throw. Did a nicer setup with 3-tiered wall mount and electric screen in Chicago.
One potential drawback, you might have an idiot friend who frequently stares directly into the projector bulb and comments about how bright it is.
The ultra-short throws work from a few inches away, and give 4k on up to a 130″ screen which is pretty baller, though I’ve never needed that sort of setup myself
I may be gambling on Mexican 2nd div futbol this evening. Did I find an illegal stream? Si.
Cimarrones again?
Oh yes, and against the tobasco pumas, as that is just strange.
That’s mexican for pork rinds
It’s English for “gambling problem”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIfyhYbnSzs&ab_channel=JAYKOOL
Mike Judge just gets better with age.
https://vimeo.com/213931201
As far as the TV, it doesn’t make any sense to get 8K if you don’t have an 8K source. No one broadcasts or streams in 8K right now so the only possible source is Blu-Ray and even then that would have to be movies/shows in 8K.
As far as the Q stuff and LED and all that, it depends on how much bad black bothers you.
Phrasing.
The biggest consideration is probably size.
Yeah everyone’s all “future proof this” blah blah blah but it seems to me they’re all pretty fucking sweet now.
I have a streaming device, so when buying my next TV, I want it dumb. I don’t want it with internet or wifi or whatever. Just power and HDMI, everything else is a waste to me. I can handle turning it on and off with a remote or a button on the TV.
Now that the Queen is dead, I can’t wait to see King Charles III
wear all the Queen’s hats out in public.
Bang Camilla in the ass on the Buckingham Palace balcony.
Harry and the other one are forced to watch.
Both wearing just the hats?
And I figured it would be Camilla pegging him as there’s not enough Viagra to help that dick get up anymore
My daughter has a
friendacquaintance who’s parents were all-in on their kids being athletes. Their dad, more than once, kept his daughter home a few days before soccer tournaments because he didn’t want her to catch whatever creeping crud was making its way through the school. He wouldn’t let her play varsity soccer because he thought she would learn bad habits from whatever two-bit (in dad’s eyes) soccer coach was coaching their kids. She did end up getting a full-ride to Georgetown, so did it work? I dunno. Struck me as weird, but everybody’s somebody’s weirdo.Edit: if my daughter caught me calling her a friend these days, she’d probably kick my ass.
Is it too picky to point out that today is Tuesday here in the Western Hemisphere?
Benoit.
I’ll fix it.
Any day without FITBAW is functionally a shitass Wednesday
But America’s Got Talent is on tonight!
ZISS PROGRAMMING TITLE IS A LIE!!!
just got off a client call with folks in Australia. It’s Wednesday morning there.
Someone at work thought today was Wednesday as well. Weird.