I don’t know how to soften the blow, so I will just rip the bandages off.   With great sadness and mental anguish, Hippo is no longer a BlackBerry user.

Tried everything I could.  Got a replacement device off New Egg, but it would only text and gmail (AT&T wouldn’t support it for phone calls, it couldn’t download BlackBerry work – irony of ironies).  No matter, says I.  I got a Samsung Galaxy tablet.  Yes, I have the stupid virtual keyboard, but it’s large enough to deal.  Plus, I still text on my BlackBerry.  The tablet also had a “phone” app, which SHOULD allow me to make and receive calls on my existing cell number.  And after much tribulation, I got it working.  It even accessed my work contacts to display and look up callers, etc.

Problem is…it logs out ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME.  At least every 2-3 days, without warning (ie, I only knew when I got a kid text saying they tried to call, or I tried to make a rare outgoing call on my own initiative).  EVEN THAT, I could deal with – except (i) the re-logging in process is a huge pain in the ass, with several steps “for security;” and (ii) even after jumping through said hoops…it would randomly refuse to connect, for hours or even days at a time.

YES, I was that comically attached to my BlackBerry, and YES it took that much bullshit to get me off the train.

Anyway, I have a simple Samsung Galaxy phone now,  It’s fine, I just dread having to text now.  The “tablet practice” eased the transition, but I still don’t like it.  But FFS, even with adult kids – I need to be reachable by phone in emergencies.  Plus, I use it quite a bit for work, and still am remote like 95% of the time.  I could tell I was being ridiculous.

Anyway, FUCK Apple forever, and FUCK AT&T for no longer supporting BlackBerry.  To the fixtures!

North London Derby/Blood Feud (FOAR teh Blood Gods??) is well worth waking up for (7:30, USA), especially when it’s a showdown between the two challengers to the City of Men throne.  Spurs have looked shit-hot since incorporating Richarlison more regularly, and the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols are finally, fully on board with Handsome Mikel’s system.  These sides have very few weaknesses, and should give us quite the treat for our morning coffee or seven.

Palace host Chelski in the 10:00 window (USA), while I have to stream a dire Saints/Still Disappointing But At Least with Pickford Back tilt (Peacock).  Mighty Whitey hosting the Bonesaws is likely a smarter option for the neutral.

Rum Ham and Wolves don’t get the full Spotlight Dance treatment (12:30, USA), but neither can honestly say they deserve any better.  A flipping option when JV NFL bores you.

Fuckers have put the Manchester Derby (9:00 Sunday, Peacock) behind the paywall – but whatevs.  We will ALL have our teevee boxes on NFLN for mandatory London game duty.  NO EXCUSES.  Leeds/Villa is boring, but televised and bleeding into RedZone hours (11:30, USA).  BLECH.

It would be trite to say that the loser of Monday Night Footy (3:00, USA) is getting sacked, but few associated with Un-Foxy Footy or the Robins Hood would disagree.  They’ll both surely get sent packing before the Slave LaboUr World Cup break.

Kenfucky (+7) at Ole Miss (Noon, ESPN)

Let’s be honest – nobody knows whether either of these early-season undefeateds are for real.  I would say “hey, at least the Blue Moons beat Florida in The Swamp” – but Vegas seems strong for Johnny Reb.  So now, my interest in piqued.

Okiehoma (-6.5) at TCU (Noon, ABC)

I would have liked Sonny Dykes’ Bloodeyes Gang to put a scare into Steerfuckers North…if they weren’t coming into this one very, very angry.  Still, who knows.  Maybe Boomer Sooner will just suck?

Purdue (+12.5) at Minnesota (Noon, ESPN2)

Gophers have been way better than expected, but how will they deal with the weight of those new expectations?  This week provides a good test, as a legitimate Top 15/20 team should handle Purdue Pete at home.

Alabama (-17) at Arkansas (3:30, CBS)

This would have been set up as game of the week, but Pig Sooey lost late to Bonfire Cult.  They could still put a scare into the Tide.  We shall see.

Iowa State (-3) at Kansas (3:30, ESPN2)

Conrpone State has done absolutely nothing to deserve road favoUrite status against America’s Newest Underdog.  Does the bubble burst in Lawrence?  I would bet NOT.  Rock, chalk, yada yada.