TGIF! After today, only 7 of the 67 tournament games remain to be played. Where does the time go? Also, it’s spring time! Time to get out there because love is in the air.
Survival – Personal Edition
Speaking of which, let’s talk about dating someone new. Those wonderful days and weeks where a budding romance leads to the two of you feeling extra frisky, even in public spaces. Let’s go over some best practices for indulging in that friskiness in a small public space. That’s right, the mile high club in an airplane loo.
- Make a plan on the time to convene when you’ll be less likely to be interrupted. On shorter flights, this will be right before beverage service. The timing here is to get in the loo right before the carts clog up the aisle. On longer flights, aim for the beginning of the in flight movie when everyone is focused on the entertainment. Stagger your arrivals to the loo by at least a minute.
- The first partner in needs to do some prep work. Close the toilet lid and get to cleaning and sanitizing. Wet wipes are ideal if available, otherwise use a wet paper towel to clean the surface. After drying, place one of those paper toilet seat covers down for added protection.
- No pressure, but this needs to be quick and quiet. No need to draw attention to yourselves by creating a line.
- Be ready for turbulence. The safest positioning will require one of the you to be seated on that cleaned up toilet lid with the other on top. The person on top should brace themselves on the sides of the loo. If there is turbulence, remain in position and ride it out. Trying to move will only cause both of you to bang your heads off of something.
- For the dismount, well first disengage and get your clothes in order. Then exit at the same time. If anyone is around or asks, claim illness and that you were just helping out your ailing partner. Do not tell anyone, as sexy time in an airplane loo is quite illegal.
Congrats on joining the club and not going to jail! Now you have a tale to explain over several weeks in the comments section of future Balls Magazine posts!
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
I’ve had quite the day: Lowest Commander had planned surgery to remove his adenoids, which he badly needed but still had me emotional over him going under at all. SDSU did the incredible and bounced a (shockingly) hateable Alabama team. Lower Commander had his third Little League game that finally wasn’t rained out and ultimately tied, but I encountered the first ASSHOLE parents on the other team that may warrant a post all on their own.
All I’m saying is I’ve really earned this whiskey and alone time and you people (YOU PEOPLE) remain amazing.
Have you done adequate ice cream testing for Lowest Commander? You’ll want to make sure you know which flavors to recommend, and there’s only one way to be sure.
Popsicles, ice cream, pudding, there have been many tests, all of which have passed with flying colors. Mainly the salted caramel ice cream.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRImMw_feOo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fe4EK4HSPkI
Hey man, Nice Shot. With a great playlist. Turn it up!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9mJ82x_l-E&list=RDFa9nN3G2CSg&index=12
[Books flight to Ibiza]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9j8RGTqju0
I’d update the mile high instructions by deleting the start of the in flight movie timing cue. Haven’t seen one of those in over 25 years. Everyone does their own thing now right there on their seat back. Grazie Mr. Ayo. Marika smiles down upon you.
Good God!
She’s been a great Insta follow. Much gratitude for the heads up.
She is my kryptonite
Good point.
True story: A long time ago, I was in an overnight flight seated near the back. It was not crowded at all, so I was able to stretch out and get decent sleep.
I could swear that at some point my sleep was interrupted by a couple doing the deed in the back row. The only things back there were a couple of bathrooms but the few people that were in the area were asleep and no one was using them.
Kudos to that couple for their commitment to excellence!
Back in the days when flights were not jam packed. I have not been able to score a free row of seats for the past 10 years. I once on a short domestic hop applied a handful of pleasure, under a blanket, to a lady. The dude in front of me knew what was up, we both could smell it.
Is that the Three Quarter Mile Club?
Half mile club, she really enjoyed it.
BFC and Brick had a summit meeting on Capitol Hill this evening.
At one point, while looking at a list of electric vehicles on BFC’s phone, he switched windows and there was a list of all of you DFO kommenters.
We then proceeded to discuss and judge each and every one of you.
tuff butt FARE ah hopes
BALL WAX TWINS!!
The jury:
The judge:
You need to do the filtering on this photo like you do with Buck and Aikman. Make you two the most beautiful girls in the world
Nailed it!
— Ayo
We need the official rankings from this composium.
Seconded
can a brutha get an AMEN!
37th’d
I’m sure your higher than that.
*you’re
*ur
“Nope.”
— #500, Houston, TX
About me, it’s probably all true.
Well???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXS1sJm7QEA
Is this what Brick and BFC said to each other parting ways earlier?
That’s what BFC said when he left.
This time Wonka has gone too far!
2 dead, 9 missing after explosion at chocolate factory (msn.com)
Fucking grandpa Joe
No need to panic. I checked. It’s all shitty candy.
That’ll teach them Oompa-Loompa to think about unionizing.
Today in tactical errors:
Getting cheese on my tacos from one of the six Mexican places in a two-block strip by Senorita Weaselo. (Please note this does not also include the 2-3 taco trucks.). Not for the cheese, but for forgetting to ask to omit the onions.
There was some serious rounds of “Cheese or onion?” there. Took some of the luster out of the chicken, steak, and chorizo tacos (yes one of each).
I want to respond to this, but my day long drinking session has killed the last of my brain cells. If I were to respond I would say cheese is not necessary for a proper taco, but lovely on an American taco. And onions are great on real tacos and American tacos. But this all begs the questions of why onions were such an issue with your taco order.
I really despite both cheese and onions, probably due to self-protection (lactose intolerant and migraine trigger, respectively).
No wonder you love pills. You obviously can’t enjoy tasty food.
yeah, my body absolutely hates me. I get it, but still.
Neither cheese nor onions belong on MY Mexican tacos.
However, most Mexicans will say it’s sacrilege not to have onions.
Xavier University on Twitter: “@BIGEAST @jesuitcolleges @UConn @GonzagaU … And we’re proud to represent the great state of Ohio as well! https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f60f.svg https://t.co/mHmDBNL5D2” / Twitter
Muskies only have themselves to blame for this primetime egg laying. You don’t invoke the Ohio Sports Curse and live to see tomorrow!
Fun fact.
DONKS WOO don’t pick until the 3rd round this year. They do have 2 3rd round picks, then 4th, 5th, and 6th round picks. WOO!
This year DONKS WOO will transfer 22MM to the Charmslinger. Next year they will transfer 39MM to said slinger. HOWEVAH, they could just part ways and eat 85MM in a dead cap hit while still having to pay him an additional 20MM of his signing bonus. Good times!
This is why LAMAR! needs an agent. If Russell Wilson could be billed as a QB worth trading for, just imagine what Lamar Jackson’s agent could get him.
but Fat Sean is signing…every marginal player he remembers from the Saints’ twilight years, so WUT ABOUT THAT HUH????
I posted this just to get your reaction. And IT IS GLORIOUS!
Imagine the Saints dying years with Charmslinger instead of Breesus.
Right, almost forget. Everyone who’s enjoying this evening’s open thread should send a heartfelt thanks to SonOfSpam. Without his help, this thread would not exist.
Aw, video of me as a baby.
j/k was never that cute
Aw, he’s so cute and tasty.
Princeton’s coach has the look of a fellow who can gain interest to ANY of the nation’s supper clubs.
Beers were consumed here, and also at other places.
Can confirm.
You consumed beers there. I had whiskey.
Beer and whiskey was consumed at this location. Many issues and persons were discussed.
How many flags were acquired?
None – – – yet.
Although I once stole a U.S. Flag from the Washington Monument, if that counts.
We need this story immediately.
This Renfield movie looks astoundingly bad. Which bums me out because the three big names in it (Nick Cage, Nicholas Hoult, and Awkwafina) are all pretty great in their own right.
There is…actually a human being who goes by the phonetic spelling of Aquafina??
God help us one and all.
https://youtu.be/HvnqU-1uDUU
The Farewell (which she starred in) was actually quite a good movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RofpAjqwMa8
Here’s my “actual” contribution for the week
Of course, this was WordPress moderated. But I’ll allow it because WordPress sucks.
Alright, so, unsolicited observations:
1) #4 is Anya and I can’t make sense of the leg situation
2) #8 is marriage material
3) #16 is actual marriage material
Anya had to do something with her cheeks.
No not those cheeks balls get your head out of the gutter
https://youtu.be/OxBrmqmE4j8
There are other cheeks?
Does this count as a Sexy Friday post?
Absolutely. One of the greatest pshops ever.
More like seXXXy Friday but yes.
HAIL CHAOS
Princeton (Sideshow Bob grimace gif) will end up the national championship game.
I’ll thank you not to refer to Clown College that way.
My weekly contribution
Got you! 🤪🤪🤪
On the positive side this one wasn’t moderated by WordPress.
Figures he flunked out of Milford, too.
Lucky #13 with the long black gloves…. my goodness
Dude. I don’t number these for a reason.
But, by my count, you nailed it and I guess I’m going to go ahead and not number them going forward.
9 days left of my hockey pool and I’m hanging on by a thread. Tonight’s results so far hasn’t been kind for me. Fuck.
That damn global warming, ruining ice rinks every where
Come on stupid Sabres!
Time to see if a disgruntled senior Bama player gives a Memphis Congratulations.
He didn’t see nothin
Restaurant by me has the right idea.
But I’d much rather drink the rye
Clowney call, bruh
Let the Flacco Eight sinew harvest begin!
“DON’T FORGOT TO PUT SOME LIME ON IT!”
They made a sequel to Football In The Groin.
https://twitter.com/drewgrof/status/1639092327707975680
Also in no way shape or form is that better than the original Here Comes The Pizza incident.
https://youtu.be/ufSQMXLO95w
I guess it’s just one ball and it’s over
I originally thought this was for the grounder through the wickets, but then I got to laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6qDnh-W0PE
Great hustle, as always.
Don’t think Coach Bryant wud put up with these shenanigans from his’n BAMA boys…wut say yewwww?
This Mensah kid is so cool, unlike that other Mensa dude…
Kevin Harlan’s disdain for calling that “Creators League” promo last night was legendary.
He will not be calling both games.
Great googily-moogily.