As much as some of you liberals around here are glued to your phones reading about the latest indictment of Trump while masturbating furiously, I have been enthralled by the latest round of college football realignment.
Many have decried it as a sign that greed ruins everything and tradition doesn’t matter anymore and this is not the college football I grew up watching.
Stop clutching your fucking pearls.
This is great and long overdue.
The truth, to anyone that wants to hear it, is that college sports are a business, just like any other. There are good businesses and there are bad businesses. Are you going to shed a tear if the restaurant where you got food poisoning goes out of business?
No fucking way!
The “leadership” of the PAC 8 10 12 4 was arrogant and out of touch. They thought they were better than everyone else and knew better than everyone else. Those types of people usually get their comeuppance.
This all goes back to the reluctance to add Texas and Oklahoma when they were willing to leave the Big 12. The “leadership” thought those two schools were beneath them and didn’t pursue them. Or maybe they just didn’t like the people at those schools. I don’t know. Ultimately, they felt they weren’t good enough for their little club. That has come back to bite them.
Over the course of the whole realignment process, the PAC 12 has been passive and reactive. That has been proven to be an extremely stupid strategy.
I expect Washington State and Oregon State to be invited to the Mountain West Conference. There is talk out there of the PAC 12 merging with the Mountain West but that’s just more PAC 12 arrogance showing. Why the fuck would the Mountain West consider having anything to do with the “leadership” that’s destroyed a century-old institution?
The PAC 4 has nothing of value to offer. The Apple streaming deal is surely off the table so no one can count on that money anymore. The automatic berth into the college football playoff is as good as gone. What is the attraction? The name “Pacific”?
If I’m the Mountain West, I’m laughing at that merger talk and saying, “Maybe if we feel like it, we’ll take all your teams. But only two make sense. You can go fuck yourselves, Stanford and Cal. Unless you beg us. Then MAYBE we’ll think about it.”
I suppose Stanford is arrogant enough to think that they could be used as bait to get Notre Dame into the Big Ten. Not only are they arrogant, they’re delusional. That’s not happening.
The Domers have a nice fat TV contract that isn’t going away any time soon. They don’t need Stanford and they don’t give a shit about Stanford.
I’ve heard rumours of the American Athletic Conference getting interested in the last four teams standing. That conference gets more TV money, so the arrogant and greedy PAC Leftovers might go there even though geographically it doesn’t make sense. Remember, this is about money. It’s a business.
“Oh, but what about the non-revenue sports?”, cry out the naysayers. Those are businesses too. Smaller businesses but businesses nonetheless. The “amateur sports” model has been revealed to be a sham. Colleges are free training for the federations and organizations that run Olympic Sports in this country. That free training has been provided on the back of the revenue-generating sports (football and basketball). It is time those organizations paid for that training. That model was not sustainable and we are at the point where it has stopped being viable.
If anyone in this country gives a shit about Olympic Sports, then pay for it. Title 9 is fine and good but it needs to be funded. Football and Basketball have their own shit to worry about and don’t have to subsidize Title 9 compliance.
If the universities won’t take money out of their endowment funds to pay for those sports and Olympic federations and organizations won’t pony up some money then I guess we won’t win as many medals in the Olympics. Who cares?
I love it when arrogance, passiveness, and incompetence are punished. That’s happening right now. I also love it when people that think they’re in control lose everything.
None of us are in control of anything but our own actions. To think you can control other people is ridiculous and stupid. The way you get things done is to be pro-active and engage with people and always be looking for opportunities. You need to be looking at the future, not living in the past holding on to outdated standards and ideals.
The PAC 12 thought it could control everything and everyone. They said tradition mattered and values mattered. That’s hypocritical. The talk of values and tradition was just a justification for controlling people. It didn’t work and the truth is tradition and values don’t matter. They’re just marketing slogans.
So, all good things come to an end. People leave when they realize the people they are surrounded by are no longer going in the same direction or in the direction they want to go. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I have done that many times and will continue to do that. Life is too short to be surrounded by assholes.
I was thrilled when UCLA announced they were leaving with USC and I’m very happy the schools that left on Friday finally pulled the trigger. Congratulations to Arizona, Arizona State, Utah, Colorado, Oregon, and Washington. You finally did the right thing.
Enjoy your Saturday night!
Alexei Lalas is telling me to stay up and watch the US Women at 4 AM, (game actually starts at 5), so I’m going to do what I usually do, the opposite of what Lalas says, and go to bed.
Go Sweden.
Hey, I should probably go to a pub and watch that.
But I’m already walking to a distillery so…
Say hello to Dok’s stowaway, tripped out friend on your future adventure.
The announcers are bending over backwards to say how technically great this fight is. Meanwhile the fans are booing louder every round and Twitter is unanimous that it’s one of the worst fights ever.
Balls to the chin!
Just ask if Buddy’s here.
I did want to see a Dutch facial.
South Africa in the first half — Kobe wearing #24 shooting everything no matter what
South Africa in the second half — Kobe post helicopter crash just doing nothing but dying out there
The Dutch are just better.
That’s what the De Boer family always said
Crowd may start throwing trash in the ring if this keeps up.
Boston you said? Plenty of options in the crowd then.
That’s where one of the fighters is from. I think the fight is in Nashville, so I’m expecting someone to throw a live opossum any minute now.
This is absolutely horrible. If all UFC fights were like this they’d have gone bankrupt 25 years ago.
Watching a Bourdain episode and I think I saw the very first application of beef sand.
[calls his travel agency to book a beach vacation] – Coach Reid
Might be the worst UFC fight I’ve ever seen. Crowd just raining boos after round 2, and they’re right.
Wrestle-fucking at its absolute worst.
Japanese are winning the womens world cup.
Well, that certainly quenched my thirst for howlers.
Hey BFC, as Spitse is busy, have you tracked down her moar famous cousin Swalose?
I’d love to hang out with either
Why does Van de Donk miss the next match for that yellow card?
Ted Lasso failed to teach me everything.
WOO!
Accumulation of yellows
Dude that’s pretty racist
South African fans and coaching staff after the yellow card (artists’ rendering)
That was some shoddy keeping.
The UFC main event involves a Puerto Rican from Boston.
Betting on him, because you know that guy had to learn to fight early and often.
For paper towels?
I will note for the record that Don did, in fact, keep the paper towels.
How long before the South Africans and the Dutch team up and attack Britain?
By God we need Cecil right now.
Oranj is the new VAR
Hippo will be proud to know the stadium is loudly booing VAR
Like before they changed the call, the mere fact of VAR was booed lustily. Now it’s a mix of cheers and boos based on loyalties.
This is one of the best things ever.
Except the Jesus freak won.
“Money isn’t real either, now try living without it. Thank you, Chief, and now let me show you a little thing we call ‘the wheel.’ Oh, and now you’re Catholic.”
“All Roads Lead Down Under” sounds like a pretty good hardcore film title
Sheeeeit fahr, we got us a FUTBOL MATCH going on!
You’re going to spoil my BOTG
/s
BFC gonna have to send Lady BFC down to be a volunteer Springbokess at HT?
She’s back in the States and has never played soccer in her life but yes
Bfc, did you hear that ankle break?
I see the academy award voters huddling…
Which one of you assholes is this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouGLEtapOX8
is this some kind of psychological experiment, like the video with the gorillas?
it’s apparently real, although I have a hard time believing it.
This was the freshest, most convincing and satisfying article on college sports I’ve read. Thanks Balls, because this is the mind bleach I needed after reading this earlier this week
noted 😅
FYI, that’s from si.com, not the babylon bee
My decision to cancel my subscription to Sports Illustrated years ago is once again confirmed.
Plus I never got my helmet phone
I don’t believe you.
But on the other hand it gave us a solid band!
Hey bfc. Go to 7ev and have a FourandTwenty pie for me.
I miss that place.
Wat
Go to a bar and eat something Litre had there years ago.
Yeah I’d do that but I think he’s telling me to go to 7/11….
Go to 7/11 and buy a meat pie. Four and Twenty is the brand.
But why would I do that? I had a meat pie at the match last night and don’t associate 7/11 with nonfood poisoning (sponch excepted)
7/11 outside the United States is amazing. Japan is a good example but I’ve heard Aussie 7/11s are great too.
Thank you stoner translator 2000.
Sweet dreams, Timmy
https://twitter.com/Lal0_14/status/1687994058244005888
This is Celine Dion “My Heart Will Go On” worthy, or of course the Yes “Roundabout” meme.
I’ve gotten so used to seeing own-goals on passes back to the keeper that I’m genuinely surprised there hasn’t been one yet in this game.
If it happens, it’s going to be because 13 for South Africa intentionally hits it real hard back at her keeper. She’s been jawing at her hard.
mood
Haven’t seen a beached whale in awhile
That’s a carp. Booooooo!
BF Catfish
Watching UFC and someone just lost an elbow.
The guy who lost had earlier kicked the winner square in the balls.
Yeah, that’s slightly not allowed.
So… Tim Anderson got slept, so that’s amusing.
https://twitter.com/awfulannouncing/status/1688005649651707905
You hate to see it.
Mostly because Anderson got up.
#Oranje4Lyfe
If #s 6 and 10 want to keep touching each other in slow motion, that’d be a’ight by Hippo.
Gooooooool for the freaky deaky Dutch
Definitely more Dutch than SA fans in the house, but the SA fans are louder when their side does a good
(or almost does a good)
Classic poacher’s goal there.
Well, gotta figure it’s a colonialism matchup so the oppressed have to be the loud ones.
New kitty grandson in da hizzy
Guh, first pic is his Uncle Kruger. THIS is grandson Bronco.
Tell Kruger he’s my favoUrite
I love Kruger! And Noodles. How are they doing with the new guy?
Grumpy, but within reason. It will be all good in a few weeks, methinks.
Yay, it’s a Shemp!
Sabado noche Hippo be all liek GANGSTA and shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJtHdkyo0hc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9wsjroVlu8&ab_channel=RP
The office printer at work is dangerously close to experiencing this, too.
Oi, i’m at the Netherlands vs South Africa match, AMA
What’s the crowd like?
I haven’t seen this many Dutch people since….well December when I was in Amsterdam I guess.
Is the lack of fans depressing?
Also who is everyone rooting for?
It’s filling in. No tickets available online as of this am.
Decent representation for both countries, seems more Dutch to me.
Have you painted your belly so we can pick ya out??
My belly is naturally hued.
I’m in Riverside, babysitting my SIL’s cats until tomorrow afternoon. Time to spark a doob and then watch some Three Stooges, followed by Midsomer, and then Poirot. Life is good!
Rub some furry kitteh belly for me!
The ginormous kitten lurves belly rubs.
We are ONE HOUR away from Lady Atomic Dustbins v. Springbokesses. WHO YA GOT??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4a9E89Iq3o
I like atomic everything
Nuke.
Give me the Tulips!
that’s what SHE said!
I know it was only against Vietnam, but the Dutch looked Much The Best the other day. I’ll take ‘em!
I kind of want to watch the Woodstock 99 documentary because I went to Woodstock 99 and had a fantastic time, but I don’t want to pay $1.99 to do so. Back in ’99 I could have gotten it off Napster or Kazaa
You actually went to that shitshow?! How in the hell have you never told this before?!
Maybe she’s talking about the Woodstock (the bird) (from Peanuts) Convention in ’99.
I guess it never came up? I’m sure I must have mentioned it at some point because it’s the only time I’ve ever gotten a contact high. Also my friend bummed some water off a bunch of hippies and ended up in the infirmary because it had a bunch of LSD in it and his head turned into a cube when he went to use the portapotties.
Lucky friend !
Different friend discovered that if you bum grape jello off random people at the HFStival it also had a bunch of LSD in it. He ended up in Lancaster, Pennsylvania somehow. His parents had to go pick him up
Amish On Acid would be an amazing TLC show.
Wasn’t there something about Amish when they do their Rumspringa?
Whatever happened to your hallucinogenic friend last night?
He might be in the cargo hold of a freighter at sea by now.
I’ll probably find out in a couple weeks, I’ll let you know
See?
BRING HIM TO VEGAS???
My favorite person from the documentary is the girl who got trenchmouth.
Who’s got two… wait no, one thumb and has reserved seats for Barbie next week?
No idea. Could be anyone.
Who’s got genitals and reserved seats for Barbie next week?
Not Ken.
It will never not blow my mind that one gets reserved seats…for the goddamned movies now.
It makes me even less likely to go
Second new Futurama episode is MUCH better than the first one. Very much enjoying.
And not JUST because there are Tardigrades in it
Only on Hulu ?
Yeah, for now at least
Arby Poal::
1) beef n cheddar
2) double beef n cheddar
3) two beef n cheddar
4) two double beef n cheddar
Curly fries are assumed
Nevermind. Half pound beef n cheddar is a thing. A thing that I will be eating soon
MOAR sodium!
Omfg now I’m going to be disappointed
I might make it to western PA here soon. If I do I’ll let you know beforehand.
I really don’t have a “day off” in any capacity until a week from Tuesday (8/14). Keep me in the loop, and I’ll see how things pan out.
Tell them you’re meeting me. They’ll understand.
I miss being capable of enjoying Arby’s.
I got Dog Haus
I hate their curly fries, but I had a beef n cheddar today with a bunch of horsey sauce, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.
My wife had to have a beef n cheddar last weekend. I just got a fake roast beef sandwich, because I like it with their ‘barbecue sauce’.
.
The whole conference model has always seemed absurd to me. I’d much rather see geographical divisions with various tiers, along with promotion and relegation from year to year.
I don’t mind making exceptions to geography for rivalries, but most rivalries seem to be between geographically close schools anyway so it seems like a logical model
Weird how that’s exactly how conferences began in the first place…
Yeah. How far you could travel overnight by train was pretty much the limit.
Using the Big 10 for reference, they were relatively close, and all similar schools – public land-grant universities (with Northwestern being an exception).
This could be completely made-up history, but I read that the Ivy League schools really didn’t GAS about football; to them it was just crazy students doing crazy student shit. Then they found out that “their” football teams were making more money selling tickets than the universities themselves were bringing in. Granted, this was back when universities were different beasts than they are today, but money was still money back then, and the university got control of that pretty quick.
WSU, OSU, Stanford, and Cal are being relegated
Hippo’s ideal, land grant-based “Fuck All Y’All” Conference (if moneys not an issue):
NC State
VPI
Wahington State
Oregon State
Oklahoma State
Purdue
Michigan State
Georgia Tech (or Louisville)
Texas Tech
Mississippi State
Iowa State
Kansas State
Look, y’all is too high-fallutin’ for Hippo’s League. Even if that state is West By God Virginia, yinz is still the primary state university.
By that logic, Pitt and WVU are on the same level.
Now you’re pissing off Gumbygrl, too.
Stanford? Arrogant? Nahhhh……Next you’ll be telling me they’re also elitist and totally in bed with amoral venture capitalists or something!
Palo Alto is the weirdest ‘college town’ out there, even more surreal than Princeton where, incidentally, there is a lovely little tea shop
Cal is deep under the bed covers with major U.S. Government defense and intelligence projects. Big big big secret bucks.
I’ve met several people from Princeton and if every one of them turned out to be a serial killer I wouldn’t be remotely surprised.
Gotta be something in the water down there.
I was going to apply there but decided nawt to after the campus tour, so whatever it is it’s strong enough that 16 year old me picked up on it
It’s South Jersey. Nothing else needs to be said.
I….agree with Balls pretty much 100% here??
But I do think some of this football moneys should fund the non-revenue sports. Everyone gets a plane, huzzah!
I’ll make an anal enthusiast out of you yet!
Ply him with lemon gin and whisper sweet nothings in his ear
I agree with him too. U r fucking right that Cletus T Arbuckles booster money should fund womyns luge! Dabo aint need that much money.
Agreed also, and agree with you on the funding. I don’t care about medals or whatever, but people should have the opportunity that having those sports available in colleges provides. When I was at NYU, NYU had a baller fencing team, and as a result there were all sorts of lessons and stuff available for people to try it out.
Dang Balls you write well.
I swear I’m working on our project. Just wait, you’ll like it.