I was going to do this last week, but I ran out of time. Luckily, I had plenty of time last weekend to work on this. This will be the first of many World Cup 2022 posts.
Yes, they’re being held in a country with a very questionable (to put it in the kindest terms) human rights record and yes the Canadian National Team is currently in a dispute with the Canadian Soccer organization over equal pay for men and women and appropriate shares of World Cup revenues and yes the Mexican National Team looks like a warmed-over refried bean burrito that exploded in the microwave, but I choose to be an optimist and I choose to look at the bright side of life.
We are going to have a LOT of games coming up this autumn that will fall right around US Thanksgiving, which means we can take extra days off work and watch them all until we can’t watch no more and then it’s Christmas and we’ve survived the cold winter thanks to football/soccer!
To start to get you ready, I’ve prepared a handy dandy sheet with all the times/dates/games/TV channels so you can prepare appropriately.
In addition, we have lovely ladies from each 2022 World Cup country! Enjoy!
I do suggest you follow the links in the captions to go down some fun rabbit holes.
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For those of you prudes that don’t like cheesecake or beefcake, click HERE to skip to the music videos.
Here are your pictures of the week!
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YOU’RE-A-PRUDE
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And now, for the music!
As I mentioned before, I’ve decided that I must take up the mantle that tWBS ran with and help to make this world a better place. I will do this in the one way he couldn’t: By introducing you to good music!
Song Number One:
Canción Número Dos:
Chanson Numéro Trois:
Canzone numero quattro:
Canção número cinco
Seigarren zenbakia:
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That’s all for this week, folks! Be good to each other and fly low and avoid the radar.
If you don’t know the Wales lady, she is also a Wrexham supporter. She’s on twitter. Name is Alaw Haf. And like all Wrexham supporters she is a badass mofo.
I never have time to stream shows but I somehow find time to stream Lost City on Paramount+.
Totally about Sandra of course.
And yes, it’s not great.
It’s not great, but it’s mindless fun. And I enjoy that level of entertainment sometimes. So, enjoyable, but not a good film.
Wasn’t planning on having a memorial for human rights the day before I’m having a memorial for my ex wife but I’m here in San Diego and we’re going to do something tomorrow.
One thing I can say for sure is my former wife would have hated this country for today. And that’s why I’ve always loved her.
I just couldn’t stand being married to her no more.
Nice roll up Balls. We get overload sports this fall.
It’s going to be great!
On one hand, fuck him and his coup-catalyst wife. On the other, they’d just say the nothing is annulled, just new marriages. And that would be bad then specifically for future me!
I was going to make a “since we’re back in the 1950s, someone tell Jack Kennedy to skip the afternoon drive in Dallas in 1963” joke, but I see the banner has already been updated with a much better joke.
I don’t like the seasons of space Archers.
I liked some of it, and I appreciate that they keep trying different stuff.
Pam as Rock Monster is good.
I am on season 11. Remember very little as always high when watching but the space ones no good. Pam as a slut is best.
Do NOT slut-shame Pam. Or anyone on Archer. Especially Archer.
About 6 months ago I went to an Islanders game, curious to see the new arena. I forgot they built a new train hall for Amtrak/LIRR in Penn Station.
Long story short I really had to take a crap on the way home, and ended up evacuating myself in New York Penn Station. To Buddy’s chagrin, there was no toilet paper in this particular stall, a fact he came upon after ruining the bowl. Panic set in, what the hell do I use? Sticking a pen up my ass while possibly exciting to my prostate, was simply not an option. Aha, but one saving grace remained: the disposable face mask in my backpack.
Let me tell you something, I don’t know what ply it qualified as, but it was the most heavenly wipe I’ve ever done in my life. Out of desperation and anxiety came pure bliss, and I was overjoyed what it was in fact flushable.
FREEDOOMMM!!!
First off, thoughts on the Isles arena. Second, even as a Rangers fan, I live in Queens and you didn’t hit me up? We could have gone to… well actually we can’t go to the Triple Crown diner, it’s closed.
It’s nice, pretty good sight lines. The bathrooms have no business being as nice as they are.
They don’t let you bring in a backpack though, which pissed me off because I read on the train. They make you buy this Binbox thing (sadly, it’s not a mailbox sized Fleshlight) for bags and whatnot. Chicken tenders and fries also ran me $16, and that was on the low end of food options.
Maybe being a product of frugal parents molded me in such a way, but going to sports games infuriates me. Can’t bring in water, and they bust your balls over bringing in anything really.
Jail or the Emmett Till thing, whatevs.
Tampa has no gas left in the tank. Trying to hang on like that closet rod while Mikey Hutchence was going about his business.
And much like the closet rod, they held up long enough to get the job done.
“Wales – I’d like to buy a vowel”
Is it an O?
Hockey Finals Update
Tampon has
stopped the bleedingpulled ahead 3-2.Think they’ll pull it out?
At least we have to assume they won’t pad the score
This hockey tilt is amazing but I had to build a million billion* skids of product last night because we were so badly under-staffed and the eyes want so badly to close.
*ok, it was slightly less than a billion
THIS SCOTCHNAUT I CALL HIM NAJEH DAVENPORT’S HAMPER BECAUSE IT’S ALL SKIDS EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK
THIS SCOTCHNAUT I CALL HIM A STREET THAT HENRY RUGGS DROVE DOWN BECAUSE…oh wait I see it’s already been covered.
“Skids of product” is code for “products of Skid Row,” right?
This was fantastic. Came for good guys vs presumidos, stayed for the nipple stimulation.
These darn Republicans are shipping all our good American abortion jobs to Mexico.
EXACTLY!
Will Mexico pay for them, too?
You’ll get a punch card. Tenth one’s free!
Punch Card…Tenth one’s free, but it’s just a guy punching you in the stomach.
They might if you can seduce one of their muy bonita chicas and they correctly determine they don’t want your filthy bloodline in their country.
Just wait until they start opening up abortion clinics on Native American reservations.
“That’s our medicine man. His name is Scrapes The Lambs.”
Shit, Hoover’s moving operations to Guadalajara.
Own goal!
The musical theme is rabbits
My first guess was tinnitus.
As long as we’re dreaming of impossibilities-maybe Trump could go to jail for everything that he’s done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMt7C3COiVM
Goddamn do I love Echo and the Bunnymen. Well done Senor Balls. Well done.
Saw them at the Roxy on the Sunset Strip. Loudest concert I’ve ever been to. And I’ve seen Ministry, Pantera, and Sepultura.
“This keyboard goes to eleven.”
I’ve seen them at San Diego open air and in Costa Mesa. Incredible live. Fucking incredible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTraCRQWFlc
I’d rather he just die, honestly.
Her too, but after having been in jail for seven or eight years first.
Here’s why you should always do proper maintenance on your aluminum extruder’s hydraulic system. It’s just common sense, folks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4qSTqCmA9Q
“Extruding is so hot! But truth be told, I’m more of an ‘intruder’.”
-D. Watson, Cleveland, Ohio
That’s a nightmare fuel fire. It’s burning down the metal roof!
Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams. But hydraulic fluid? Totally different ballgame.
If you like Echo & The Bunnymen then you’re going to love Hoover Dam under construction in 1934:
Such a cool project. Too bad it won’t be needed soon.
My daughter just referred to Amy Coney Barrett as “Amy Cumbucket” and I’ve never been more proud.
Cumbucket also acceptable for Marj Greene me thinks or was it Boebert the escoUrt?
I don’t know. Thinking of that c— in a sexual manner for any reason is a Critical Hit to my heterosexuality.
I call her Amy Coney Island Forced Babymaker.
That’s a “wipe a tear proudly” moment
As a Cincinnatian, this is an extra level of hurt. The word “Coney” is supposed to provide comfort, not harm. Force things to leave your body, not keep it in there unwantedly.
Sorry, Gumbygirl:
https://theathletic.com/news/uab-coach-bill-clark-retires/DUx94xqkfc7y/
Don’t tell the other assistant coaches.
Tampon just won’t go away. Up 2-1.
Though, Cory Perry losing again would be quite amusing.
Preach! His work on Beverly Hills 90120 back in the 90’s? So bad. His WAR (Wins After Radish) is so disappointing. I just can’t take that guy seriously.
I’m currently reading a bio of Marcel Duchamp-so, yeah… That explains everything.
I will once again remind everyone, perhaps for the last time of the year, that the Colorado Avalanche are owned by both a Kroenke AND a Walton. Adjust your novelty pennants accordingly.
Tampa doesn’t need another victory, and Bettman sure as hell doesn’t deserve more “vindication” for his Southern Strategy.
#GaryBettmanIsAnIntergalaticDisgrace
Is Bettman a reincarnation of Sherman? The Southern Strategy of both being highly destructive.
Timely!
Greetings from the safety of the gated compound, dear fellows! This post really raised my spirits — if you think inflation is bad in the New World, just look at the cost of a loaf of bread in Rhodesia! I shall have to curtail my weekly gambling investment to save up enough shillings to enjoy a springbok sandwich at the end of a hard day’s work!
On a slightly more serious note, I am interested in offering my penmanship to the real World Cup preview posts when the time is upon us. What does an empire builder have to do to get involved? Would anyone like to rent out my beautiful estate on Lake Tanganyika for a week?
Make this happen!
We can make that happen. We’ll have signups at some point after our high level executive meetings in the DFO clubhouse. You will definitely be invited my good sir. Keep the chin up and God speed!
Goodness folks, how we gonna get #upforwhateverLIME ad bux if you run all the traffic off the site?
I say, dear chap, someone with greater technical acumen than I must invite you to the Slack channel, and post haste!
You will be invited to a certain Slack channel-you’ll be asked to strangle to death less than three servants per month. This is the sort of sacrifice-on your part-that we demand.
Sounds like someone needs to work harder then
Always loved your screeds.
I am counting on you, good sir!
Wish I could claim credit for this.
Won’t someone please think of the (miniature American flag industry)!?!
And there’s nothing that can be done about THAT.
END. OF. STORY.
STATE GOVERNMENT: Well, maybe we can make it illegal for them to conceal it so the kids will at least have enough time to see them coming and duck under their…
SUPREME COURT: Not so fast…
Uh yes, hellow everyone, you may have noticed the domain snafu from a few days ago. Well, I swooped in and bought it so now I technically own everything, and everyone, here. I am especially interested in those of you with B- blood types and healthy knee ligaments…
Well that lets me out on both accounts.
“B-? Wasn’t that what you got in Geography last semester, Eli? Oh, right, my mistake, it was a C. I was thinking of your brother Peyton, he always got so much better grades than you.” – Olivia Manning, once again deep into her Friday night Chardonnay
I thought about doing that, but figured the braintrust had it covered. Once again, laziness pays off as the right choice!
So you are The Master of your domain?
Tampon!
Very nice fans. Would make an ideal harem.
Seems like some weird times in the USA right now. In Canada, the gov is going to give the CRTC, our tireless media censor, the ability to regulate internet porn to ensure Canadians get their required 35% Canadian content.
They already have this power over TV porn channels. In 2014 a company was threatened with licence revocation over not meeting that threshold and was also reprimanded for insufficient closed captioning. Not a joke. The big issues up here.
Well, if that means every website has to have at least 35% Peter North videos, I suppose that’s a fair trade.
Probably wouldn’t qualify. Bryan Adams doesn’t. It’s going to be a whole lot of low-fi hoser porn. Toques and parkas and polite gangbangs where everyone insists the other guy goes first.
“Honey, why is ‘Canadian porn stars’ showing up as an autocomplete suggestion?” – the Dr. Mrs. Deadly, tomorrow morning
Persians (women and men, if into the latter) are a really attractive people, generally. Too bad about the whole…everything else.
I had the opportunity to engage in courtship with a Persian woman earlier in life. She had hair in places that you people wouldn’t believe.
So glad that you crawled out of The Hair Pits Of Arm and lived to tell about it.
I probably could have hooked up with an Iranian lass, if I’d played my cards right. Sadly, I played that hand about as badly as any hand I’ve ever played in my whole life.
Gonna do a “Dry July” because it rhymes. No other reason whatsoever. Please subscribe to my non-existent social media accounts.
Ugh, if you’re going to do a dry month, pick February, not one of these 31-day mofos.
I’m 12 days into my own dry month.
I’m importing that schedule straight into my work calendar.
Savvy Pundit Douchebro: “Calm down, liberals, they’re never going to overturn Roe.”
Alito: “We’re overturning Roe.”
SPD: “Ok, fine, they’re overturning Roe, but calm down liberals, they’re not coming after Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell.”
Thomas: “I’m totally coming after those.”
SPD: “Well, all this does is return abortion to the states.”
McCarthy: “We’re totally passing a national ban on abortion when we get the chance.”
Bellgum vs Canadia right off the hop. FIFA is a son of a bitch. There, I said it.
Hellloooooo, Tunisia!
Gotta love women with tiaras. Why yes, I have a type, why do you ask?
Balls’ Pic O’ Da Week!
Also this:
https://www.espnfc.com/uefa-womens-european-championship/story/4689717/blockbuster-summer-of-womens-soccer-your-guide-to-eurosuswnt-world-cup-olympic-qualifying-and-more