Chapter 1: Awake in Dove Valley

Alex_Demote - April 20, 2023April 20, 2023

Russell Wilson's golf cart tumbled helplessly, carried ever downward by the slope of the 5th green's approach. The sand trap's embrace was no softer than the laminated plastic seat cover now pressed obstinately to the flat of his cheek. Both the sand and the seat were a great deal more

Change is a Controlled Substance

DFOing Good

Alex_Demote - April 17, 2023April 17, 2023

I got laid off on Thursday from a company I've worked for and been happy with for about 4 years. It's not that long in the grand scheme of things but it's the longest I've ever worked for a single employer. I also left my mark in some ways that

I Need A Villain

DFOing Good

Alex_Demote - March 27, 2023March 27, 2023

There are no good villains left in the NFL. With Brady gone, who else is there that's fun to hate AND can instill the kind of fear in a fan that no matter the lead, no matter how little time there is on the clock, your team can still get

Joseph Schooling & Beating Your Heroes

Alex_Demote - February 27, 2023February 27, 2023

We're about 14 months away from the 2024 Olympics in Paris. For me, this means the hype train is well underway. The only thing above football in the world of sports for me is the Olympics, and I can't get enough of the narratives that build and break around the

Danger Elbow: A Puppy Injury Tale

Alex_Demote - February 17, 2023February 16, 2023

I got my first Kai Ken in early 2014. They're a special and exceedingly rare breed of ancient Japanese hunting dog that bond very closely to their owners and otherwise don't want much to do with people. For this reason, they're very hard to re-home and breeders are very selective

TALES FROM THE METEOR! — Retirement

Alex_Demote - February 9, 2023February 9, 2023

Editor’s Note: here at DFO, many of us are not satisfied with the Super Bowl matchup. For some of us, this is because we hate both teams at a level that rivals a lefty's hatred for regular-shaped scissors. For others, our seething hatred of one team is more than enough

Self-Immolation is Overrated

Alex_Demote - February 3, 2023February 3, 2023

I drove 4 hours south of home on Monday, back to the office that I used to commute to daily and have since moved away from thanks to my position transitioning to full-time remote. We're going through an acquisition and their people wanted to understand work that I used to

Q&A-Hole: Spiffin’ Edition

Alex_Demote - February 1, 2023January 26, 2023

Welcome back to Q&A-Hole, a series where I make up a question asked by a straw-man rube suckhead and then provide a magnanimous answer that proves once and for all that I am so very, very wise. That's right, I control the narrative, and today's narrative is "narcissism isn't a

Brain Dump Boil-Down Entry 2: The Five Rules

Alex_Demote - January 27, 2023January 25, 2023

My dad didn't know how to be a dad. He got married to a high-powered DC businesswoman who out-earned him significantly, and when they decided to have me, she started the process of transitioning to stay-at-home work in her field and my dad gave up his hobbies to pursue senior

Broncos Country Discovers Absurdist Horror – Or, How I Survived The 2022 Season

Alex_Demote - January 20, 2023January 19, 2023

Foreword In week 5 of the 2022 regular season I was tasked with taking over the Broncos blurbs for r/NFL's Power Rankings weekly thread. 32 volunteers ranked the teams each week and wrote a short synopsis of their designated team's previous game. Excited to contribute but never one to miss a

Brain Dump Boil-Down Entry 1: These Posts Were Supposed To Be Shorter

Alex_Demote - January 13, 2023January 13, 2023

In this Boil-Down, I illustrate the reason why none of these ideas ever make it out of the concept phase! I've put together a rough outline for the Peyton Manning/Tom Brady movie concept that will serve as a skeleton for the first draft of the script. I've separated it by

The Brain Dump: Out Of My Head & Into The Toilet

The Brain Dump

Alex_Demote - January 6, 2023January 6, 2023

Welcome to The Brain Dump, a series where my archive of brain farts are cataloged and then flushed for the amusement of no one and the benefit of my mind colon. For 5 years I've kept a notepad on my phone, and every time I come up with an idea for