The San Diego Bye Week Report: A Fantastic Journey (To Last Place/Angeles)

Old School Zero - November 19, 2015November 19, 2015

[Deep within a hospital, a patient lies prone, still, and hooked up to many medical devices and machines that whirr, beep, and occasionally print out some esoteric bit of information to be collated later. There are no flowers, no evidence of visitors. A doctor stumbles into the room.] Dr. David Chao:

…but was it a catch?

Old School Zero - November 18, 2015November 18, 2015

(Some Sunday Night in the near future) Al: Stafford drops back, looks, and fires one out… Calvin Johnson grabs it and runs out of bounds! Cris: Athletic play by Megatron… that was one of those throws only he seems to be able to find. Al: We now go to review, as any play

Around this time every year…

Old School Zero - November 16, 2015November 16, 2015

Around this time every year, for the past few years, I get this cough. It feels like I get suddenly somewhat congestion, and just start coughing off and on. Sometimes, especially at night, it gets really bad and I get super wheezy and can’t sleep easily until I take something

A fearless and moral inventory

NotKontent

Old School Zero - November 2, 2015November 2, 2015

(As the sun comes up, a gathering of lost souls is happening in Nearby Church Basement, Anywhere, USA) Todd: I'd like to thank everyone for coming out this morning. We'll begin, as we always do, with the Serenity Prayer. All: (said in unison) Rog, Grant me the serenity, to accept the injuries I cannot change The courage

It’s quiet… too quiet…

Old School Zero - October 29, 2015

So here's something to listen to--the great voice of Ken Nordine reading Edgar Allen Poe's "The Conqueror Worm", from the album Closed On Account Of Rabies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qnj17goUP0 It's a great album, also featuring Christopher Walken reading "The Raven", Iggy Pop reading "The Telltale Heart", Gabriel Byrne reading "The Masque Of The Red Death",

The Masque Of The Yellow Lightning Bolt

Old School Zero - October 28, 2015October 28, 2015

I’m not sure why I went back. I can’t even remember the time between when I left and when I returned. I remember the end of the game—well, okay, more like the end of the 3rd quarter—being taunted by Raiders fans as I trudged out, cursing the powder blue #17

CONTENTBOT3.5 GENERATES HEADLINE

Other

Old School Zero - October 26, 2015

NEW POST GENERATE START SPONSORSHIP FROM [ERROR! SPONSORSHIP DOLLARS NOT FOUND! DUMP CASH!] HOWABOUT THOSE [ERROR! YOUR TEAM SUCKS AND CONTENTBOT3.5 WILL NOT ALLOW! ABORT/RETRY/FAIL] retry [RETRY.BAT NOT FOUND! ABORT/RETRY/FAIL] retry [STILL NOT GONNA WORK! ABORT/RETRY/FAIL] fail [YES YOU DO! CONTENTBOT3.5 UP TOP TO SELF! ERROR! BURNCREAM.SAV NOT FOUND, SUCKER!] FUNNY IMAGE GO! AND IN OTHER TOPICS, [ERROR! TOPICALHUMOR.TXT LAST

Kommenter Beer Barrel: Pucker Up, Buttercup

Kommenter Beer Barrel

Old School Zero - October 24, 2015October 24, 2015

[Ed. Note--Having pulled off an upset against make it snow in fantasy football this past weekend, OSZ won the privilege of penning this column this week. Well, it's either that or snow wanted a week off. Either way, that's what you get for relying on Sam Bradford to see you

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston Shares His Secrets

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 22, 2015October 22, 2015

Greetings, dear Winstonians! I trust you are enjoying this season of football to its utmost--biting your nails at the close finishes, cursing the ineptitude of your teams' coaches, and reveling in the glory that comes from a decisive win! Your dear old Bud has been following the ins and outs

Coping With Loss in La Jolla

Old School Zero - October 13, 2015

(somewhere on a sunny beach in La Jolla, Callifornia) Brad: Brah! Good waves out there today. Jackson: Totally, brah. And my gal K8 [ed. note--literally spelled that way] packed me a whole box of fresh fish tacos. Brad: Rad! With the guac? Jackson: Yup. And I made some of that mango salsa. Brad: Sweet. So, did you go to the game

Somewhere outside of Jersey City…

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 8, 2015October 8, 2015

Corn Maze Employee #1: I'm telling you, man, he was in there all night. Corn Maze Employee #2: Doing what, though? #1: Hell if I know. We closed up all the snack bars tight, and none of them looked disturbed. I don't think there was even a corn stalk out of place. #2:

Meanwhile, in the San Diego Locker Room…

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 2, 2015October 2, 2015

Brandon Flowers: Damn, it's been almost a week and I'm still bummed out from losing so badly to the Vikings. Malcolm Floyd: Tell me about it. I keep running through how we could have turned it around in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong. I've hardly slept, man. Flowers: