Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s Special Injury Report

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 23, 2015September 22, 2015

Dateline: September 23rd, 2015 Greetings, loyal Winstonians! Long time readers know that for years, I've been telling my learned readership that Week 2 in the NFL is often a singular moment of specialized disaster, and this year was no exception! Up was down, wrong was right, and even the Raiders won

French Jay Cutler Goes On Strike!

Not Pictured: The Mouse Toy He Brings on International Travel

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 21, 2015September 21, 2015

/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c'est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As ov right now, I am on strike. /drinks a small and bitter cafe noisette, ashes his

BOLTMAN’S 2015 CHARGERS GUARANTEE

Old School Zero - September 3, 2015August 22, 2015

(Pictured above: a child's conception of Boltman) [Ed. Note--for best results, open the links in a new tab as you read and close them after about 10 - 20 seconds; this will provide the full experience of having songs emanate from various foam parts of Boltman's costume] FINALLY, BOLTMAN can see the END

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s 2015 Centers Preview

NotKontent

Old School Zero - August 26, 2015August 26, 2015

Dateline: August 26th, 2015 Hello once again, dear readers, and welcome to that most exciting time of the summer: the end of the offseason! We are but tens of days away from kicking the 2015 season off, and much like my Bouncy Blonde Bombshell after one of my patented rub-a-dub-and-dab in

NSA Telephone Transcript #68U127IP93

Old School Zero - August 19, 2015August 19, 2015

[brief ringing sound, then a phone picking up] OSZ: [brief sound of a phone being fumbled then dropped; faintly] Ah, what the fuck… Drunk Uncle Roy: ZERO! ARE YA THERE MY BOY? OSZ: [sound of a cat meowing loudly] Gimme that… hullo? DUR: ZERRROOOOO! WE’RE UN! DEE! FEET! ED! OSZ: Oh no. Is that you

Mad MaKSK: A Furious DFOde

Old School Zero - August 12, 2015October 31, 2015

[Photoshops and writing help from Mike Wallace And Gromit] (A hot summer sun is rising over the wasteland, and while the misery of life after the end remains, something is in the air--today is different, and feeling this shift, a brainless beast emerges from its cave) THE BEN: HAAARF! THE BEN HAVE

[DFO] Status Update

Old School Zero - August 7, 2015

Hi everybody. WHAT A WEEK! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEEK! In just one week since the events of 7/31/15, the views of our site have increased five-fold! That's good! However, as you have undoubtedly noticed, it's caused some issues with site performance--slowness, some features not working as we want them to, and a

The Do’s and Don’t’s of Great Brownies

Old School Zero - August 5, 2015

Tonight I'm making my can't-fail : brownie recipe to take some treats into work tomorrow, which brought to might making a post out of it. Now, these brownies are very easy to make, but I thought it might be fun to track the finer details of the process to show what

Thirsty Thursday

Open Threads

Old School Zero - July 30, 2015

I'm so thirsty. Won't someone give me something to drink? I feel like I haven't had a drink in ages. Why am I so thirsty? Can I please have some water? Ah, that's better. The nurse always says my vitamins have a side effect of dry mouth. I don't know what that means, but I'll

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston Asks You To Give

Old School Zero - July 27, 2015

Dateline: July 27, 2015 Hello, loyal Winstonians! My drunken summer vacation dried up like a Palm Springs housewife recently, and, boy, did I have a time. After my vacation breakfast of four Ojai oranges and a pint glass of Mezcal, it was time to head home, which meant getting to the

[BOOK FLIES OPEN] – A List Of Things That Didn’t Kill Me

Old School Zero - July 24, 2015July 23, 2015

[I'd like to thank yeah right for starting the book articles going, and apologies for changing up the article naming convention, but I couldn't resist] Have you ever been to some sort of festival or concert filled with hippies and their kids (*coughcoughCUNTLERcoughcough*), or seen some picture of people with kids

Meanwhile, in San Diego…

Old School Zero - July 16, 2015July 16, 2015

City Councilman: All right, this has been a full day of hearing public testimony on the issue of the proposed new stadium, and I think we have our last citizen. If you could please step up to the mic, mister... BOLTMAN! [pounds chest, a brief snippet of the 'San Diego Super