“I Would Like A Selfie”

For context: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7xWw-_VIy0&ab_channel=JASONSCARYSTORYS

Outside of a small town in Central Texas was a supposed haunted house. This house was surrounded by a relatively thick woods, and had been abandoned for untold years. Local children had learned legends of how every night, a severed head would fall down its decrepit chimney. A few of the bravest kids would take triple-dog-dares to spend the entire night in the house; no one had ever made it until dawn.

One day, a very rich man came into town. This man was in search of the strange and macabre. He had learned of the town, it’s supposed haunted house, and decided to visit. Upon arrival, he announced he was a very rich man, who owned a supposed NFL franchise in Houston; very strange and macabre indeed. He told the locals he would pay anyone $5000 if they spend the entire night in the haunted house.

After trying without success to find someone to take him up on the offer, the rich man was about to give up and move on. The league owners’ meeting was in a few days in New York City, and the evil Ginger Demon required him to be there. However, just before the rich man was ready to leave town, a large, strapping young man who called himself “JJ” said he would take up the offer. “JJ” only asked that the money be donated to his personal charity, which was set up for children to learn “passion” and to “chop wood.”

The rich man was delighted, and instantly accepted. “JJ” agreed he would spend that night in the haunted house, alone, except for his beloved truck of tree, his best friend he named, “GRIT.”

Later, “JJ” went to the house, and settled in. He had brought a gallon of Gatorade, his axe, his Microsoft Surface for film study, several protein bars, and GRIT. Indeed, the house was a bit spooky. It was located in a clearing of the woods, and was very rundown. “JJ” shrugged any nerves away, telling himself:
“WINNERS AREN’T SCARED! YOU HAVE TO WANT! NO DAYS OFF!”

A few hours later, “JJ” had set up an area where he would sleep, next to the first floor’s fireplace. His protein bars and Gatorade were close in case he needed a few breaks in between the #Grind of life. It was several hours before bedtime, so he decided to take GRIT outside and chop some wood.

After a few hours of CHOPPING WOOD in full pads and uniform, “JJ” looked at GRIT and said, “You see this, buddy? #Rise #Grind #NoOffDays. You have to WANT IT MORE! I want that money! I want to #WIN!”

As if in response, “JJ” heard a voice, deep in the wooded distance:

“I would like a selfffiiiieeeee….”

“JJ” was shocked, but not frightened. “Probably just another person who #DoesntGetIt lost in the woods.”

But, then, “JJ” heard something else, this much closer: “Rise & Grind, No Off Daaaysssss….”

“JJ” looked around, bewildered. “Who said that?!” he asked. Then he realized: GRIT had said it!

“I would like a sellfffiiieeee….” It sounded closer this time.

GRIT responded: “Rise & Grind, No Off Daaaysssss….”

“JJ” couldn’t believe his All-Pro eyes or ears. GRIT had never made a sound before. GRIT was just a piece of wood! How could he talk?!
“GRIT! You can’t talk! Who do you think you are, Brian Hoyer?! He shouldn’t talk, either!”

“JJ” collected his axe, picked up GRIT, and he proceeded back into the house. There would be no more #Distractions as far as “JJ” was concerned. It was time for film study, anyway.

*******

“JJ” shrugged the recent developments off, and took a sip of Gatorade ICE: NO EXCUSES. He needed to study tape. After a little while of film, he heard the voice again:

“I would like a selllfffffiiieeeee….”
This time, it sounded much closer, almost on or near the property, “JJ” thought.

Once again, GRIT responded: “Rise & Grind, No Off Daaaaayyyyyyysssssss….”

“That’s enough out of you, GRIT!” “JJ” shouted. “#NODISTRACTIONS! We need to be ready for gameday! Don’t you understand that?!”

“I WOULD LIKE A SELFFFFFFFFFFIIIEEEEEEE….”

This time, the voice sounded very close, almost as if it was on the roof!

“RISE & GRIND, NO OFFFFFFFF DDDDAAAYYYYYSSSSSSSSS!!!!!” shouted GRIT in response.

“JJ” unwrapped one of his protein bars, and tried to stuff into GRIT’s mouth. “THEY CAN’T BE ABLE TO HEAR US!” “JJ” shouted. “WE NEED TO PREP!”

“IIIIII WWWWWOOOULLLLLDDDDDD LLLLLLIIIKKKKEEEE AAAAAA SSSSSEEEELLLLLFFFFFIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!” roared the voice. It sounded like it was falling down the chimney!

“JJ” looked at GRIT, and once more the piece of wood shouted in return:

“RRIIIIISSSEEEEE AAANNNDDD GRRRRINDDDD, NOOOO OFFFFF DDDDAAAAYYYYSSSS!!!!!!!”

“JJ” threw his Microsoft Surface to the side, but, at that same time, a bloody, severed head fell into the fireplace. The head rolled over, and it looked directly at GRIT. GRIT was so terrified, it fell over, dead from fright. The head then fixed it’s gaze on “JJ”. Terror washed over him as he recognized the sanguine vestige next to his Gatorade ICE: NO EXCUSES.

            “Mettenberger….?!?”
“IIII WOOOULLDDD LLLIIIIIKKKEEEE AAAAA SEEEELLLLLFFIIIIEEEEE!!!!”