Meanwhile, at the Luxor

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - December 9, 2016December 9, 2016

INTERIOR, LUXOR CASINO & HOTEL - MAIN STAGE [A large audience sits in their seats and murmurs in anticipation of the premiere of Las Vegas' most talked about new show. After a few moments, the lights shut off, and the stage begins to fill with smoke.] ANNOUNCER: Welcome, everyone, to the Luxor

Commentist Beer Barrel: Welcome To Your Local Brewery

makeitsnowondem - November 27, 2016

Even in a pretty miserable year—and let's not kid ourselves: this has been, by any measure, a pretty miserable year on the global scale—I've got a lot to be thankful for. Most of all, of course, there's my beautiful fiancée lady snow, to whom I became formally engaged this past

Chargers at the Bye: A [DFO] Roundtable

Old School Zero - November 23, 2016November 23, 2016

OSZ: Hello from the DFO Chargers Posting Brigade—me, Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, sunrisesunrise, and blackroseMD1. Having just watched Floatception Rivers re-emerge during the Dolphins game and our secondary get burned by Ryan Tannehill... well, my optimism for the rest of the season is, shall we say, waning. My

Your “+1” Sunday Night Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - November 20, 2016November 20, 2016

385

Hey guys, isn't it fun how KICKERS are missing all over the place today? I sure do love how much more EXCITING this is making the game of football! Roger Goodell knows a smart rule change when he sees one, and this certainly cannot POSSIB-LIE go wrong. Scotchy is out tonight

Chip Kelly Calls a Press Conference

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - November 16, 2016November 16, 2016

INTERIOR – 49ERS PRACTICE FACILITY - SANTA CLARA, CA [A group of reporters are seated around a podium, chatting among themselves. A large figure enters the room and slowly waddles up to the microphone.] Chip Kelly: Thank you all for gathering here today. I know that there have been a lot of

Drew Kaser Takes a Tour of Qualcomm Stadium

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - October 12, 2016October 12, 2016

INTERIOR - QUALCOMM STADIUM, SAN DIEGO - MIDDAY [DREW KASER is walking deep within the halls of the stadium with teammates ANTONIO GATES, MELVIN INGRAM and JOSH LAMBO. It is dusty, dank and rusting and the lights occasionally flicker, casting ominous shadows across the narrow, seemingly endless corridor.] KASER: ...so after explaining

“Summoned by BOLTMAN” – A Boots On The Ground Chargers Game Experience

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 22, 2016September 22, 2016

It's not every day that one of us gets a call to greatness; it's even less often that we actually answer. At 9:15am on Sunday morning, I was roaming the aisles of a grocery store about a mile from my ziggurat, in search of a few missing items for my hosting

Colin Kaepernick Makes A Tough Decision

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 15, 2016September 15, 2016

2 WEEKS AGO - INTERIOR - COLIN KAEPERNICK'S BAY AREA HOME [COLIN KAEPERNICK is on the phone with his AGENT and is clearly very upset] KAEPERNICK: Absolutely not! I won't do it! AGENT: But Colin, if you don't, he'll cut you from the team. He's been trying to since day one! And you know how

A Perfectly Cromulent San Diego Chargers 2016 Season Preview

Old School Zero - August 17, 2016August 16, 2016

(This preview has been brought to you by Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, Old School Zero, and sunrisesunrise) Keenan Allen: Damn. This shit again. Brandon Flowers: Yeah, tell me about it. Hell, I don’t even think Rivers has healed up from last season yet! Philip Rivers: [Limps in on crutches, most of

Is Jim Caldwell Really A Pokémon In Disguise? A [DFO] Investigation

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 9, 2016August 9, 2016

Not a lot is known about Jim Caldwell. For example, we have seen him coach at both the professional as well as collegiate levels during his years of employ, but despite all of this, we have only known of his true form for less than a year. I am sure

Request Line: Top of the Class

DFO radio

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 5, 2016August 4, 2016

125

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY A pair of radio station employees stand in the production booth, obviously upset and arguing over something. STATION MANAGER: You said you wanted a businessman! That's what we've got! PRODUCER: I said a smart businessman! I'm amazed this guy can even tie his own shoes! DAN SNYDER: [In the

A Year Ago: KSK in Memoriam

The Commentist Party - July 31, 2016July 31, 2016

343

A year ago today, KSK Smelled Us Later, Forever. It's hard to think it's been so long, or even so short sometimes, but I know that many of us feel that we owe the good folks who Made U-----X Great Before a debt of some kind. We've heard from Ape,