Marcus Mariota Takes a Midnight Stroll

NFL News

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - November 4, 2015November 4, 2015

[Late at night, Marcus Mariota walks alone through a suburban park just outside of Nashville, Tennessee. He seems to constantly be looking over his shoulder, nervously.] Marcus: Come on... Where is he? [The bushes rustle loudly nearby. Marcus freezes.] ???: Quack quack quack! USC: University of Spoiled Children. Marcus: Quack quack! Stanford is

Somewhere outside of Jersey City…

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 8, 2015October 8, 2015

Corn Maze Employee #1: I'm telling you, man, he was in there all night. Corn Maze Employee #2: Doing what, though? #1: Hell if I know. We closed up all the snack bars tight, and none of them looked disturbed. I don't think there was even a corn stalk out of place. #2:

Elaina Watley Sends a Group Text

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - October 6, 2015October 6, 2015

Elaina Watley: That cheating bastard! I'll show him! [Phone Flies Open] Morris Claiborne: Oh, ha ha ha! Very fucking funny!

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s Special Injury Report

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 23, 2015September 22, 2015

Dateline: September 23rd, 2015 Greetings, loyal Winstonians! Long time readers know that for years, I've been telling my learned readership that Week 2 in the NFL is often a singular moment of specialized disaster, and this year was no exception! Up was down, wrong was right, and even the Raiders won

Kirk Cousins Visits A Subway

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 23, 2015September 23, 2015

[WASHINGTON D.C., SUBWAY INTERIOR] Sandwich Architect: Hey man, don't you think it's about time we took down that RGIII cardboard cutout we've got by the door? He's not even starting for the Redskins anymore. Assistant Manager: Yeah, you're probably right. Someone said the same thing yesterday. Is there room for it in

The DFO Interview: Scott Hanson

The DFO Interview

WhyEaglesWhy - September 23, 2015September 22, 2015

“Honey, where’s my pajama pants with the little helmets on them?” I’m catching up with Scott Hanson at home as he gets ready for another Sunday behind the desk. “Yeah, I wear pajama pants at work. I’m behind that desk for 7 hours, so I want to be comfortable.” Hanson is the wildly

French Jay Cutler Goes On Strike!

Not Pictured: The Mouse Toy He Brings on International Travel

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 21, 2015September 21, 2015

/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c'est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As ov right now, I am on strike. /drinks a small and bitter cafe noisette, ashes his

An American Football Fan in Paris

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 12, 2015September 11, 2015

As many DFOers/Kommentists/DFOoses/whatevers know, our own Old School Zero is currently training for a cheese eating/surrendering contest by exploring France from the tip of her Eiffel Tower to the taint of her Larzac Valley. 'Twasn't shortly after arriving in Paris that he intrepidly snapped this photo: Since he didn't get a

Andy Reid Arrives Late to Practice

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 11, 2015January 9, 2018

[Kansas City Chiefs Locker Room] Jeremy Maclin: Hey Coach Culley, thanks for feeding us this morning. These catering companies here in KC really know how to put together a great spread. Sure is a lot better than those smoothies we were getting everyday back in Philly. David Culley: My pleasure. I wanted

Bucs Preview with #CaptainWarrenSapp

Sep - September 4, 2015September 4, 2015

[Dfo-claimer: This preview should be read at high volumes. Preferably in a residential area. Welcome aboard.] Captain's Cabin Door Flies Open Warren Sapp: YAARRR Mateys! Welcome to Captain Warren Sapp's 2015 Tampa Bay Bucs preview! I'm ye scurvy dawgs Captain, Warren Sapp. Joining me in this parlay as always is my faithful