In a move likely to save improve Fitz? Really? WHAT THE FUCK? make absolutely no difference whatsoever to the Jets season, Linebacker Ikemefuna Enemkpali ended the Jets’ most intriguing pre-season storyline. Enemkpali, the Jets’ 2015 6th Round Draft Pick, ended the QB Controversy when he reportedly sucker punched Geno Smith in the locker room, fracturing Smith’s jaw. Smith is now expected to miss 6-10 weeks.
The Jets now turn their offense over to former Texans, Titans, Bills, Bengals, Rams journeyman Quarterback and Harvard graduate Ryan Fitzpatrick, who is best known for graduating from Harvard. Fitzpatrick has thrown 101 interceptions in 97 career games* and was signed by the Jets in the offseason as a result of Brian Hoyer refusing to sign with the Jets and instead, signing with the Texans, necessitating Fitzpatrick’s release. That is the saddest sentence this Jets fan has ever written.
Enemkpali was promptly released after the altercation. In his brief career, Enemkpali was one of the most historically successful Jets draft picks, recording 0 games played and 0 tackles.
*Fitz played in two games where he likely just kneeled down or was the holder for the kicker. I don’t know…look it up yourself if your so goddamned interested.
People with glass jaws should not take pun………. shit, can’t do it……… here’s a gif.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/b935c5429b101dd5ec2077942bc459da/tumblr_mf3jp9tYLr1r1wzb3o1_500.gif
So…is this good news or great news?
as far as being an entertaining trainwreck.
Is anyone doing a Hard Knocks Liveblog on here tonight? I have absolutely no idea who is on it but I would probably be in to watch it (Texans, I guess, just googled it, ::slowly backs out of room:: ::slinks back in::) I am totally in
So the Jets have the broken jawbone of an ass? They should trade for Samson Satele.
That’s some good Bible.
Or maybe a Dead song. Either way, some story made up for profit
Damn it! Your is better anyway. Damn you work!!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/13cf9d387adce21f3708f717342892ba/tumblr_nqi8rwP2cL1s2i1z2o1_500.jpg
*yours
http://33.media.tumblr.com/996747c3af74679cc7c25fc3474a16db/tumblr_nn4c2abvSS1rh844qo1_500.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/6f08a7d91e2d7d64e96e7df8f8a65eed/tumblr_npulu3N4tu1r0ix14o1_1280.jpg
Jets reached out to Sexy Rexy but won’t sign him because he’s injured. SO CLOSE.
Via 1 random twitter RT: Jets are looking into Sexy Rexy but he suffered an injury in training. I am assuming sprained penis.
Joining Grumblelord for a spit roast?
/ugh
*Jaw breaks open*
Reporter: Why did you punch him?
Enemkpali: There’s a bonus in my contract. If the Jets get to 6 wins I get an extra 10K. I
Enemkpali becomes a falcon so he can
FALCON PUNCH.
OK. I am a Jets fan (yeah, yeah) and while my posting on KS was pretty light, you guys made me laugh enough that finding DFO made my fucking week.
Now, I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad. Geno showed flashes of mediocrity in the preseason this year, and Fitz is, well… Fitz. Fucking hell this is going to be a long goddamn season.
We’re glad to have ya!
But really, does Geno Smith being hurt make the season worse? And I’ve had Sam Bradford’s ghost at QB for 2 years, so I’m legitimately curious.
soooo status quo for you guys?
You never know, Fitzmagic might be growing extra special plays in the portable biome that is his facial hair?
I’d call this the worst case of a guy with an unpronounceable name destroying a Jet in New York, but…well, you know.
Oh man, I am going to hell for laughing at this.
W-O-W
::Uproxx editor takes screengrab::
“I thought I was reading a story about Geno Smith. When I finished reading this comment, I had to know more!”
::Post::
“The Internet Reacts to Geno Smith’s Injury”
*Posts a dozen clips from other sites*
*Collects paycheck*
*Complains about DFO on Twitter*
Uproxx literally just did this for real. I can’t make that up.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/c8cb3cf087a0222a1b2afc01204eba9f/tumblr_nn7dr8Cx6V1rfd7lko1_400.gif
broken jaws cant melt steel beams
Please tell me you’re Earl the Squirrel.
Earl @The_Squirrel_ 2h2 hours ago
I’d call this the worst case of a guy with an unpronounceable name destroying a Jet in New York, but…well, you know.
Or “Possums” on deadspin:
http://deadspin.com/i-d-call-this-the-worst-case-of-a-guy-with-an-unpronoun-1723483988
Correct on both counts, sirs.
Oh good, I was afraid we had another Pelican Pierre outbreak on the Twitters. Instead you just have TOO MANY NAMES!!!
http://screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Too-Many-Cooks-Smarf.jpeg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/74ac28550f1abc22df5281fbbe3421a5/tumblr_npzfwtlik41u2ioxuo1_500.gif
Shit, KOTW.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/4ab41f0285511c77f79e6111c38fc4c1/tumblr_n728lyHMH61r6aadzo2_540.png
Well done.
Damn it! I knew in the time it took for my image to upload, someone else would make a post.
And that it would be better than mine.
::Stomps off to take down post and promises to open own site with blackjack and hookers::
Before you take it down, we could combine it with TSHU’s post – I hate to see your work go to waste.
Would be super.
Let’s have two; I want to hear………….
your side of the story.
I cannot hear or read the name Ryan Fitzpatrick without immediately thinking “and Patrick fits Ryan”
Is this some new disease?
Is it boogie fever?
It’s called “Jetslexia.”
Not to break our arms jerking ourselves off, but it’s nice to see everyone getting back into commenting shape as the season looms.
“Now you tell me.” – Eddie Griffin
I told you guys, THAT’S NOT HOW I BROKE MY ARM.
I’m not your EnemkPALi, guy. I’m not your guy, friend. I’m not your friend, EnemkPALi.
Maybe this is a good thing. Michael Corleone’s career didn’t take off until he got his jaw broken.
“I saw his brains.”
– Jenn Sterger
Sounds like time for the further adventures of Shonn Greene’s empty locker. If we can’t have the real story, invention will just have to do.
I’m sure Silky’s in there somewhere.
Geno Smith’s Wired Jaw: “…..”
Very eloquently put.
I think we found our newest
kharacterdfoharacter…persdfonality…um…DFOotballer?
Doork?
“Kissing Suzy Kolber” becomes “Punching Geno Smith”
Rumor has it that alcohol played a role in the incident.
http://asetniop.com/Random/coldcock.jpg
Why’s it gotta be malt liquor, huh? Why couldn’t it be this?
http://www.coldcockwhiskey.com/res/img/bottle.png
HERBAL FLAVORED WHISKEY? holy shit the idea of that pretentious hipster assjuice makes *me* want to punch someone in the jaw
Hey, at least they’re using American herbs. No foreign herbs allowed.
Those furinurs is takin’ our herbs!
Well, I believe the Irish hippy that came up with it could kick your ass
…….. but would want to talk it out first with some free samples.
I remember coldcock whiskey signs popping up all over the place during one Vegas trip. It was kind of eerie.
They’re up all over San Diego. I refuse to try it.
I have yet to see those. I feel the need to apologize in advance to whoever is near me when that happens, because I’m going to turn into an expletive volcano.
If you are self-righteously angered by…. herbal whiskey….. there are underlying issues, brother.
Good hustle on that headline.
Yes, that was great work!
This would have been a Hard Knocks Emmy award moment if only they had chosen the Jest instead of the uh.. The.. Who did they choose again?
I don’t think they’re doing it this year.
Some team so forgettable that HBO is letting everyone see Hard Knocks for free.
Jets are gonna Jet
Stealing from our former leader:
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/631171074152120320
This could really change the Jets’ season. They might go 5-11 instead of 4-12 or possibly the other way around ha ha they really suck.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IDcbV8im1Og/TrhSfstFSjI/AAAAAAAAAJg/Ma12GdfpeUQ/s1600/original_image.png
Geno Smith: “Hey, Ikemefuna…did you know your last name is an anagram for ‘Milk a peen?’ That’s some funny shit, right?”
Let’s get this handsome motherfucker back under center:
If it gets him out of the announcing booth, I’m all for it.
Smith’s real weakness was is inability to digest the complexities of an NFL playbook.
Something that will be easier now that he has to ingest all his food through a straw.
*his
From reddit
:large
New game: What controversial topic triggered the attempted Geno-cide?
(My vote is obviously greatest prime minsters.)
The estate tax.
Is Donald Trump a Democratic plant engineered by Bill Clinton to torpedo the GOP’s chances?
Zayn vs. Liam
pokemon
Since it was something that sixth graders argue about (per Bowles), it had to do with boobs. Or boobs. But definitely boobs.
Britta vs. Annie
http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Alison-Brie-GIF-01.gif
Fuck you for even making that a question
I was gonna post just a Gillian one to make it even, Found this first instead. I am ok with this.
http://img005.lazygirls.info/people/avatar/avatar_alison_brie_gillian_jacobs_kyUfj0bI.sized.gif
Thin Mints vs. Tagalongs
White/gold vs. blue/black
If you read the playbook left to right or right to left.
Possession of a certain empty locker.
Why yes, I am repeating myself … repeating myself.
Which team the quarterback is supposed to throw to.
The seminal Supreme Court case of Smelt it v. Dealt it
Heh heh, seminal
It’s north Jersey. So it’s either the best way to avoid Route 3 or whether to fold a slice of pizza or not.
Mike Vick is still on the Jets, yes?
I think now Smith can get back to his fall-back career.
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5ZxH76Q6nRc/hqdefault.jpg
8/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB
One punch is not enough to melt a jawbone.
Counterpoint: this is one case when Jet fuel is a totally plausible cause of a catastrophe.
Solution
http://sportsnaut.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/orton_drunk.gif
All my solutions involve whiskey, so take it for what it is.
Jet fans are totally buying this guys jersey (until NFL.com stops letting fans make them).
You know, it was a matter of time before one of the Jets defensive players snapped and tried to solve the Geno problem.
So, is this a good day or a bad day?
Its a Jets Day. The Jetsiest Day ever.
Like most days for Jets fans, it means very little
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-36963-I-dont-dislike-you-I-nothing-y-w0b5.gif
I was sort of hoping the Jets would distract from the waking-death that is the Bills backfield. On the other hand, I have a Ghost of Empty Lockers Past post rattling around in my head, so “mixed”