2016 U.S. Open Primer

STANLEY CUP WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Enjoy the golf.

 

No, just kidding. Today marks the start of the year’s second golf major, our national championship, the US Open. It’s second of the four annual biggest events on the golf calendar, and has an earned reputation as being the “toughest test in golf.” That is most definitely the case this year, as the US Open returns, for the record, ninth time to historic Oakmont Country Club, located just outside of my hometown of Yinzburgh, PA.

For me, this is where the fun really begins. There’s none of the snooty attitude that Augusta National carries with it. This is supposed to be challenging, and the best test there is. It’s also the most democratic field in golf: anyone who wants to try, can sign up for local qualifying. Make through that, you’re on to regional qualifers. Pass that, you’re into the sectionals. If you finish in the top 35-45 (depends on the year) in the sectional round, you’re in the Open. Tony Romo infamously tried this twice in the early 2010s, with typical Romobylian results.

 

The proverbial favorites are again listed as those expected to raise the trophy Sunday evening. World Numbers 1-3, Jason Day, Jordan Speith, and Rory McIlroy all have wins around the world in 2016. Others mentioned as contenders are Dustin Johnson,  2013 US Open champ Justin Rose (provided his bad back allows him to play), and Masters champion (and successful WCS pick) Danny Willett. Let’s also not forget this is Phil Mickelson’s 26th attempt to win the national championship. It’s the only major he has not won; he’s been runner-up a record six times. If it is Phil’s week, he’ll become just the sixth player to complete the career grand slam.

Oakmont is known for it’s ridiculous rough, and it’s lightening-fast greens. Whomever wins will need their short game and putter on point. The weather is also expected to have a major role. Thunderstorms and showers are predicted all through Thursday, and early Friday. This will soften the course, and essentially end the hopes of guys like Luke Donald, 2003 winner Jim Furyk, and 2014 champ Martin Kaymer. All three all world-class players, but, just don’t have the driver distance to make up for a soft course.

The coverage begins at 10:00 EST on FS1, and then at 17:00 on Fox. I honestly don’t have any intuition who will be adding “US Open Champion” to their resume Sunday night, so I’m going cheap, and saying Rickie Fowler.

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Sill Bimmons

Germany has perhaps the widest range of foreign names of any country in the world.

Today, my Spanish announcers are calling it Alemania.

Despite what you may be thinking, this is not due to their legendary love of beer. They don’t really make ale in Germany anyway.

What it means is “land of the Alemanni,” “a confederation of Germanic tribes on the upper Rhine river. First mentioned by Cassius Dio in the context of the campaign of Caracalla of 213, the Alemanni captured the Agri Decumates in 260, and later expanded into present-day Alsace, and northern Switzerland, leading to the establishment of the Old High German language in those regions.”

This land was in what is now the upper Rhineland and Alsace, which is why the French also call Germany a name derived from the Alemanni–Allemagne.

Language is fun!

Sill Bimmons

Oakmont.

The only Open golf course with a turnpike running through it.

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YINZERS GON YINZ

Horatio Cornblower

THIS POLISH GOALIE I CALL HIM THE WARSAW GHETTO, BECAUSE HE’S GOT A WALL IN FRONT OF THE NET!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes dear, that’s lovely.
But when I asked you to tend to the flagstick I had something else in mind.
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blaxabbath

#wouldpen

Wakezilla

If Poland gets a point out of this game, they should throw a parade. Germany is playing really good and look like they’re about to break out.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/07/13/article-2690694-1F9DB1B100000578-964_306x423.jpg

Wakezilla

Apparently Crosby edged Kessel by 3 points in a non-transparent Conn Smythe media balloting. What I want to know is, how many members from the Toronto media get to vote and how many of them placed Kessel 3rd or not on the ballot.

I demand a recount and transparency!

Wakezilla

Germans looking to annex 3 points from Poland. Poland has benched their starting goalie and Kapustka. The goalie is said to have a calf strain, so that makes sense. But Kapustka? I thought he was Poland’s best player last game. I get that he’s young, but, why not reward him for last game?

ArmedandHammered

Maybe they are afraid that the German Blitzkrieg will render him Katput-ski.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

After the Gleiwitz incident they were justified.

Wakezilla

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nomonkeyfun

Gun is too near poop stain. Will not go bang.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He always carries a shit stain?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think you misunderstood my joke.

nomonkeyfun

Maybe he was just listening to the wrong radio station.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Grossmutter gestorben!!”

Unsurprised

This made me laugh so hard.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

I want to see those two dogs take on two Kangaroos.

Senor Weaselo

This is the best round of Mario Kart Double Dash I’ve ever seen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I like this.
I would have liked it better if the chick in the VW(?) would have hit a rock and face planted…but we can’t always have everything.
Go Team Dogface.

nomonkeyfun

If NASCAR ran it, the winning pusher gets to fuck the other driver.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did that gif stop giffing on your screen? I HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE that.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad is alive and came back after 5 hours of being gone. I still have no idea where he went

Wakezilla

Glad to hear everything you’re old man is back and safe. Does he not carry a cell with him? Did he tell you where he was going? How old is he?

Wakezilla

Did you see a card that looked something similar to what’s on the car? I hear Classi is touring

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Wakezilla

He won’t win, but, it’ll be interesting to see Tiger Woods play

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Wake, unrelated, but I saw your question on getting a next gen console in the open thread this morning and wanted to put my two cents in.

To me, it really comes down to 2 things:

1. Do you play games with friends? If so, get the console they own so you can.
2. Do you care about Halo? Yes? Get a Rex-box. No? PS4 has and will continue to have more and wayyyy better exclusives. See Naughty Dog, all.

Wakezilla

I’m just a casual gamer. Why is Xbone considered a better entertainment system? I sold it to my wife that way. Ps4 can still show Netflix and shomi and those kinds of stuff, right?

ArmedandHammered

Also, at E3 MS just announced a new version of the XBOXone which is smaller, has no power brick and does 4k output. It will also play new 4k Blu-Ray discs.

http://www.cnet.com/products/microsoft-xbox-one-s/

ArmedandHammered

What I was trying to say is that you may want to wait and get a better media center/game system, especially if you own or plan to get a 4k tv.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

A little light reading on the subject: http://www.usgamer.net/articles/xbox-one-vs-ps4-finding-a-spot-in-our-living-rooms

Full disclosure: I’m a pretty avid gamer. I own a PS4, and think that it works flawlessly for any entertainment functions beyond the actual gaming experience, but so did my PS3, save for some longer loading times. I only know one person who owns a Rexbox One, but from my understanding, M$ is trying to hype the voice commands a lot, and they don’t work as well as they should. The true difference is what I talked about above, and the “entertainment” aspect is really negligible in my opinion. You’d be fine with either.

But yes, as ArmedandHammered says, there will be new versions later this year, as well as a slim for the Rexbox, but unless you own a 4K TV, or have plans for one in the future, you’ll be fine with the ones out right now, but they will be much cheaper when those are released.

Sill Bimmons

Heh. Xbone.

Wakezilla

Dustin Johnson will win because apparently Wayne Gretzky has been giving pointers.

http://fansided.com/files/2014/04/paulina-gretzky-golf-digest-photoshoot.jpg

Wakezilla

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A swinger!

ballsofsteelandfury

Didn’t want to thread-jack, but I want to make a public service announcement:

Due to unforeseen conditions, I will probably be posting last week’s AFL Beat sometime late tonight. Also, don’t forget to PUT THE TIP IN!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I always assume you are gonna try to stick the tip in. I would be more surprised if you don’t

blaxabbath

Obama doing immigration sweeps again?

http://www.wnd.com/files/2016/01/obama-cries.png

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT’S NOT MY FINGER!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still hate you all, I just liked that pic

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Alison Brie on imgur. Fuck imgur

http://i.imgur.com/0BTcr.gif

nomonkeyfun

I think she needs to enter the concussion protocol… and not drive anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure they could differentiate from her baseline and a concussion state.

Spanky Datass

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nomonkeyfun

You know who sucks?

http://www.stuffking.com/images/Family_Guy_Your_Mom_Navy_Shirt_POP.jpg

I saw the ball sitting on the tee and I just couldn’t help myself.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was a good drive, straight down the middle.

nomonkeyfun

The fairway was a lot tighter than I expected.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have like 1.5 liters of whiskey and it is only noonish. I should do some day drinking

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like that Zebra

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Really hoping Lefty gets the win and pulls off the career grand slam.

He and Jimmie Johnson are the only sports related things San Diego can be proud of for the foreseeable future, and while I don’t really care about either sport they’re involved in, I think it helps to at least quell the STOMP STOMP CLAP from plunging us into eternal darkness.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These crash test dummies are OK too.

http://www.ohmagif.com/gif/0811/car-crash-and-spin.gif

montythisseemsstrangetome

These crash test dummies are not OK.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/112011/1322508191_family_guy__peter_lockedhis_keys_out_of_the_car.gif

I think I liked about three of their songs….. not sure, it’s been a while. On the other hand metered and gauged crash test dummies are pretty cool.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I blame Moose for that accident

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad is the most angry person you ever met, but he needs steroids so he doesn’t die in his sleep. I am just assuming he didn’t tell me he was heading to Chicago today

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have worn pants far too long today, i should turn off my computer and nap for a couple hours

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am not lying when I worry my dad might be dead somewhere because I have absolutely no idea where he is and he is sick all the time

Fronkenshteen

I don’t know what to say. I hope everything turns out ok.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He should be ok. I am just being ultra paranoid. We talked like 5 times this morning and he never mentioned a trip though

Brick Meathook

Posting test. Have I finally replaced the-no-longer-works Imgur?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Slight breeze.

Brick Meathook

And that’s a 747.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad decided to fuck off to Chicago without telling me or just spend 3 hours at the store. I am hoping he is not dead but I have no clue where he is

blaxabbath

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still had this search tab open. I feel I shouldn’t waste it

http://img001.lazygirls.info/people/avatar/avatar_alison_brie_gillian_jacobs_LnjZk9SO.sized.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
nomonkeyfun

That’s the gif I was looking for earlier.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Last night it was 95 degrees with 100% humidity. Today it is like 55 with a stale humidity level of a hockey rink. I am home

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment is always awesome to see. It was also sadly her peak. I could spend like 3 hours talking about how great a peak it was. I almost want to now

Horatio Cornblower

Use plenty of pictures and no one will complain.

laserguru

I think Spieth has a great chance. He just needs to build a big enough lead that he can choke on Sunday to his heart’s content and still have a big enough lead to win.

Cuntler

What about Rory Macklemore?

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Fronkenshteen

/dying

Horatio Cornblower

Poland-Germany later today.

No history between those two.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am pretty sure they forgot all about that stuff by now

nomonkeyfun

In the second half the Russian National team will assault the goalie from behind.

Horatio Cornblower

I used to go to a lot of soccer games at UCONN where I was one of the chief hecklers.

Try to hide your surprise.

During one game we were criticizing the other team for playing “German style”, which at the time involved packing the box and doing nothing interesting. At least that was my understanding; at the time I knew far less about international soccer than I do now, and that’s not a lot.

ANYWAY, after a barrage of “German-style” chants one of my friends yells “Oh for Christ’s sake, just cut a deal with Russia and go ahead and attack Poland.”

Cuntler

“. . . . which at the time involved packing the box and doing nothing interesting.”

-Horatio’s wife describing the first time they slept together

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, that brings back memories of the time I heckled the Caltech goalkeeper so hard their coach yelled at me.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The line that ruined golf for everyone

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Cuntler

Hey! Let’s dance!

http://i.imgur.com/SQZ82eP.gif

Cuntler

I played golf yesterday with a guy like this. Took him 25 seconds to address the ball, and then he would shank it right every time. At least I very quickly shank my shots. IT’S CALLED GOLF ETIQUETTE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I very quickly shank my fellow prisoners; you need to be consistent.

Cuntler

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ballsofsteelandfury

I like that Danny Noonan kid.

Horatio Cornblower

Man, the last time the English crushed the Welsh like that Edward I was in charge.

nomonkeyfun

Motherfucker.

I thought we were going to beat the other country in my ancestry for once.
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http://zntent.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/6992280-catherine-zeta-jones-wallpaper.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P0eI_sVadc8/VOSxOwGXsdI/AAAAAAAA1n4/O-bc6jtUoMA/s1600/Entrapment-1999-Catherine-Zeta-Jones-5.jpg

/I’ve never seen that first woman before. I have no clue who she is honest.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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“It’s not sexual, just a really big fan.”

“Really cuz in that picture she is wearing a bikini”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tits.

Just trying to drive traffic to the site.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Sorry. I have been up 5 hours. I should have posted something. Summer Glau

http://img.ifcdn.com/images/e53d787395b7111046f8309558ae54fe43d8caa548f9036ec3b57bfa8ed91b69_1.gif

blaxabbath

re The Video: What’s up with that bitch’s chin?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Also Tin Cup is a great movie

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah, it is already being delayed for weather at 9 am