YEEEAAAHHHHH BOOOYYYEEEEE! I AM SO FREAKIN’ PUMPED FOR THIS GAME! (it’s midnight somewhere, right?) And I don’t even have a dog in this fight. I imagine Bronc/Panthers fans have spent the day peeling themselves from various ceilings much to the consternation of their co-workers/loved ones/friends. I liken this feeling to when I was younger and anticipated playing in a championship baseball or basketball game-giddy and excited and revelling in the anticipation itself.
Sure there’s a shit-ton of detritus that surrounds the sport and there’s no need for me to go on about it here. We tackle that shit on an on-going basis the same way that a certain coach from Kansas City tackles the “All You Can Eat And Rub On Your Face Innards Special” at The Offal House. There’s…Just…Something…About…This…Game. Whatever it may be, it is my master tonight. TO THE GAME!
Panthers/Broncos: There’s tons of hand-wringing out there in Denver fandom about this Siemian fella. The qb’s CV is thinner than the audience at an “Anne Coulter Appreciation Night”. He’s got all of three quarters of exhibition play under his not-onion belt. No one seems to know anything solid about his arm strength but he is said to be a fan of the slant route but crap, what qb in the league isn’t? Kubiak, a big fan of the Northwestern grad, and the coaching staff will do their best to keep Trevor (Trevor? Who names their kid Trevor?) out of 3rd and long spots because that talented Panther lb crew will be jumping those slant routes looking for an easy pick-six. In useless stat news, Denver has won 15 of their last 16 home openers.
Possessor of 16 career sacks, dt Kawaan Short is only 121.5 short of the record at his position. My money says he doesn’t get it tonight. Cam has a paltry 11.1 QBR vs. Denver in two meetings and Von Miller aims to drive that rating down even lower. In related news, Michael Oher’s ears are burning. Wr’s Funchess and Benjamin have to be the biggest pair in the league, right? No, I don’t acknowledge the existence of one year wonder Ted Ginn Jr., thanks for not asking. Both teams are relatively injury-free right now although I just learned that wr Bennie Fowler is out. Thing is, I don’t know which team he plays for.
And there you have it-one of the most comprehensive, salient, insightful game intros that you’ve ever just read. Of course you’re welcome! NOW LET’S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!*
*in an orderly, respectful manner
…and my wife has CJ in our FF league.
was she impressed with his bowling stats?
The Pirates beat the Reds to even their record at 69-69.
http://img.pandawhale.com/111817-South-Park-NICE-gif-Imgur-VAIS.gif
http://media2.wcpo.com/photo/2015/04/21/20150421_Price_640px_1429634592633_17140977_ver1.0_640_480.jpg
Fuck yeah…we gotz a game fellers.
Donald Trumps ads are just lame.
I get to see this shit about 5000 times a day. This election can’t end soon enough.
oh its going to be worse when after 9/11 Hildawg pulled her ads from labor day through 9/11 I think
Right wing media up here in your hat reported today that in 3 polls he edged ahead. I had a good chuckle that my co worker was taking his information from the right wing media.
SEMENCHECKDOWNDOWN
At least it wasn’t another fullback touchdown.
My kitchen still smells like the pan fried ribeye I made tonight. I keep walking through for no apparent reason, and then leaving saddened when there is no ribeye.
http://s.quickmeme.com/img/6b/6bb56ea94e5f2ffb60b3e3c4aa4d19a8354ddc38319ac746faa55ec8be942fef.jpg
I’ve got a new skillet. Well it’s new to me. Has the raised grill bits…gon’ be good for my meat.
/let me rephrase that
Heh.
It’s just not that easy to throw a six yard pass to a stationary target.
Wow these hair farmers are fucking cheap, cashing grandma’s birthday check to keep going on their asshole hipster vacation
Trevor Siemian looks like the lovechild of Peypey and Colin Hanks and it makes me hate him more.
I hate Colin Hanks so much I almost didn’t watch Fargo.
I defended him until that fucking season of Dexter
Heh. Speaking of unbridled hatred…
He was in Band Of Brothers, then again so was Jimmy Fallon.
Okay, shutting it down for the night.
Just want to say this was…well, it was nice. Cya.
Does really wanting to fuck Ariana Grande make me a paedophile even if she is in her 20’s?
It does….
…not.
If so, I’m in trouble with Selena Gomez.
If so, I’m one too.
That’s a great question. I’m not really sure myself. I’ll have to ask
That’s a great question. I’m not really sure myself. I’ll have to ask
Reply fail
Does she violate The Rule?
1/2 your age + 7 is as low as you can go.
I just hit the age where that now gives me a legit legal number… Not a Sanchez legal number.
“I’m not a placeholder for Paxton Lynch”
Sorry Al, the stats say differently.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/FratMusic-Site-Images/assets/cover/1416530385-18fz1zxxbtovqjpg.jpg
I’d like to see a version of the browns quarterback jersey but for denver runningbacks:
Anderson, Hillman, Moreno, Bell, Bell,…, Droughns, …, Portis,… Davis, etc….
NARRATIVE NARRATIVE NARRATIVE NARRATIVE
Crise Collinsworth: undeserving of saying the phrase danger zone
I see that Cris has found his way back to the narrative.
Cam’s going to start to do his taxes on the sideline.
I’m in a bar in Boulder, and the wait staff is far more excited about FOOTBAW than the clientele.
Misses Colorado.
They’ve got weed.
New weed store in our (general) area!
Gotta find out if I’m still having allergy problems with that…
Benedryl is your friend.
That is fair.
Microwindow: a window so small you can fit a Costas in there!
Collinsworth is full blown in love with this monkey fuck Siemian
The AIDS Quilt from Hell
I’m sensing another Denver turnovef
Hey, anyone who likes to cook good food but hates the actual cooking part…pressure cookers are fucking amazing. Perfect pot roast in 45 minutes. Fuck and yeah.
SOMEBODY SAY POT ROAST?!
http://itiswhatitis.weei.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/453527200-defensive-tackle-terrance-knighton-of-the-gettyimages.jpg
Every time I hear Siemien I think of Harambe. His nickname should be Harambe.
So is Cam also going to get his vaccination shots in the 4th quarter?
Okay, my instinctive reaction is to defend Cam, but flossing on the sideline IS pretty weird.
Dental health is nothing to joke about, young man!
What you got against oral hygiene, whitey?
Give the guy a break, he was just feeding his wild side at halftime.
http://store.bbcomcdn.com/store/deploy/images/brand_headers/jack-links-header3.jpg
That shit really gets stuck in your teeth.
Panthers’ punter is totes gonna hand in his transfer request tomorrow. I wonder if they’ll have the heart to tel him that’s not the way non-Lesser Footy works.
*Ring* *Ring
“Hello dishwasher, this is purple monkey”
“Purple monkey, this is dishwasher. Please advise, I’ve got zips in the wire.”
“Break, break, Purple monkey, Dishwasher, Sex Cannon Actual is ready for a fire mission.”
“Negative Sex Cannon, pattern is full”
Someone need to put this as a caption on a picture of Trent Green.
HOW WAS THAT NOT A BLOCK IN THE BACK
Run a fake punt. Fuck it riverboat ron!
I admire the dedication to sweeping the leg, though!
3rd and 30? First NFL Blitz!
Quick! Enter the code for Big Head Mode!
But Pey-Pey just left.
I’m studying for my CPA exam, I’m 99% certain that we’re not trained to be badasses. Like in that trailer.
That movie looks so fucking stupid I felt myself losing IQ points.
MOAR FRRRRRRRRRAAAGGGSSSS
Marshall launching himself to go head to head with Cam. No flag. Not even a comment. Just” goes after Cam”
That looked like a head shot for certain.
Doesn’t look so bad now, does it?
Dammit Sill.
I left my heart in Brandon Moore’s asshole.
That was a pretty shitty call.
im gonna go eat ice cream
Is that a euphemism? Because that sounds a lot like a euphemism.
These Broncos are falling flatter than Anne Coulter at the Rob Lowe Roast.
…. is cam concussed?
http://www.wetheunicorns.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/alcohol-4.gif
Almost fooled me into making a coupe/backdoor/hatchback joke
Did I just hear that Ken Dorsey has a job in football? I totally would have pictured him a strip club owner in Ft. Lauderdale by now.
Why can’t he have both?
That was out of the pocket?
Is Fetushead gone yet?
I am finally caught up on my DVR. I almost miss the Apple Store.
Poor Hippo.
I take a LITTLE comfort in that this makes my preview (supporting Sanchize and calling supporters of Siemian amongst the fanbase idiots) seem a little less dumb.
That makes one of us. But having an overflow is good for when the voices in my head kick in. Which is always.
Ben Affleck should be force fed ground up sheep entrails until he explodes.
You should sew his asshole shut first but after seeing him talk with Simmons i think you’d be alright
“What the fuck did we do to deserve this?”
-sheep entrails
Jimmy Buffett music plays in the background.
Audible moans from many different women.
Phone rings.
Hello, Grossman residence.
Anywhere Grossman lives is either called or contains a place called “The Grotto.”
I will watch anything with Anna Kendrick, but this is pushing it.
Someone needs to take Al out back and beat him for forcing me to hear “Omaha” again.
Oh, they should beat him for a lot more than that
WHY IS OUR OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR CALLING SUCH CONSERVATIVE PLAYS ON 3RD AND 14 WITH OUR SHITTY NEW QUARTERBACK?
– Denver fans
THIS WOULD NEVAR HAPPEN WITH SEX CANNON