NFL Notes:
- A saviour has been found for The Factory! Clipboard Jesus himself, Charlie Whitehurst, has come home from vacation and has been signed to become the Browns designated injury for Week 4. Cody Kessler will likely start Week 3 against the 0-2 Dolphins, but once he gets hurt it’s either the punter or Chuck taking it home.
- Josh McCown is expected to be out 2-3 weeks.
- Florio seems quite insistent this morning that the NFL adopt the CFL rule of being allowed to challenge Pass Interference calls. Really, it just gives John Fox & Andy Reid more chances to worship BLEERGH!
- Lane Johnson’s appeal of his 10-game PED suspension will take place during the Eagles Week-4 bye.
- Crimebeat! update: LeSean McCoy is being sued by two cops who were involved in the bar fight Shady was part of back in February. claim to have suffered personal injuries as a result of trying to break up the altercation.
- Forgotten in all of this is the fact that the cops were off-duty, the fight allegedly started after the cops tried to liberate a $350 bottle of champagne from Shady’s table, and the “cop card” only got pulled out after the incident. Both the DA and Attorney General refused to lay charges.
- Here’s the gold: “Our investigation has confirmed that [officers] Darnell Jessie and Roland Butler were viciously attacked and beaten by LeSean McCoy and the additional defendants,”said Fortunato N. Perri Jr., the attorney for the officers involved in the incident. “As a result of the violent assault, both men have suffered serious and permanent injuries.” No word on if they are still on the job.
- Andy Reid is accusing the Texans of “flopping” to get calls. Someone should ask Lindsey Vonn if there’s a difference between a limp Texan and a flopping Texan.
- People sure seem to be pumping the tires on Carson Wentz. After all, he’s beaten perennial playoff-watching teams like the Bears & Browns.
- Talk to me after he’s faced the Steelers this weekend and Deebo’s stopped by to say “hello” to his head 2-3 times.
- The Packers are apparently going to kick the tires on CJ Spiller.
Let’s see who’s hurt:
- Running Backs: Adrian Peterson, Jonathan Stewart, Doug Martin, Thomas Rawls, Danny Woodhead, Ameer Abdullah and Arian Foster.
- Quarterbacks: Jimmy Garoppolo, Josh McCown and Jay Cutler.
- O & D Linemen: DeMarcus Ware, Carl Nassib, Cameron Erving, Leroy Guion, Donald Stephenson and Eddie Goldman.
A couple more weeks, and people like Johnny Football and Tim Tebow are going to think they’ve got another shot. Y’know, except for the whole “4-game suspension” and “a terrible player” things holding them back. Last night, I hoped that Belichick would troll the league and bring in guys like Flutie & Favre just to cover up something else he was planning. But you just know some knucklehead GM is going to throw real bags of money at Beastmode or Megatron just to be sure.
FYI: Marshawn Lynch is scheduled for “Conan” tonight. Not sure if it’s a repeat, but links to past appearances can be found here.
Finally, perhaps not recognizing the irony in their word choices, cbssports.com has a story about how kindly ol’ Rog wants the Raiders to stay in Oakland. “‘Well, you never want to see a community lose their franchise once, much less twice,’ Goodell said.” Now, that’s all fine and dandy, but the real kicker/curb stomp comes a few lines later, after he makes mention of how teams and cities need to partner on solutions.
“‘The Minnesota community did that in a great way. I think we can do it in Oakland. I think there’s a solution there, but it takes the community to help identify it,’ Goodell said.”
The story then notes the level of community “contribution” required to keep the team where it is:
- “In Minnesota, taxpayers contributed $498 million out of the $1.1 billion total cost.”
- “In Las Vegas, taxpayers would contribute $750 million of the total $1.9 billion cost.”
And in case you forgot about other cities and their contributions to NFL franchise viability:
- “The Edward Jones Dome, Reuters reports […], is still saddled with about $144 million in debt and maintenance costs.”
- “San Diego voters [will vote in November on whether] to raise taxes for nearly $1.2 billion in public debt to help the team build a downtown stadium and convention center.”
As follow-up, si.com has a story about the facilities left behind after the Rams buggered off for LA. Much like other abandoned-but-still-functional spaces, the story regales about the benefits of being able to book events without concern for a most pernicious tenant. “Now that we have X number of available weeks,” the stories usually go, “we can schedule events that might normally have passed us by.”
Also, a section of the story is given to the rise of a “St. Louis Titans fan club” – not for relocation, but for road-tripping to Tennessee. That seemed to be borne more out of hatred for Kansas City or Chicago than love for Nashville. Why, I can’t imagine any Cardinals fan having a tough time at Soldier Field.
Google says it’s 313 miles via Interstate, so it can make for a good weekend. In case you were wondering about other options:
- St. Louis – Kansas City: 250 miles
- St. Louis – Cincinnati: 350 miles
- St. Louis – Indianapolis: 245 miles
Hmm…Andy Reid, Skyline Chili and Gravy Boat races. I do kinda see the Tennessee attraction. Plus, having recently been to Nashville myself, I can attest that it’s a great place to visit. And the stadium is just a bridge across the river from the Broadway strip of bars & clubs.
So, I get that. I drive half as far to go to Seahawks games, and I’ve never not been disappointed in the experience. You want to pick a place you’ll enjoy yourself, not one where you place your life in danger.
Tonight’s sports:
- MILB: Minor-League Baseball: Triple-A National Championship – 8:00 PM | NBCSN
- your Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders and your El Paso Chihuahuas
- World Cup of Hockey 2016: Canada vs. U.S. – 8:00 PM | ESPN/Sportsnet
- MLB Baseball:
- Giants at Dodgers – 10:00 PM | ESPN2/TSN
- Blue Jays at Mariners – 10:00 PM | Sportsnet1
God bless minor league baseball.
Who needs focus-group tested mascots? IT’S A PURSE DOG VERSUS A PORCUPINE!
That big fight, this requiem nearly buried her. The requiem we’re playing on Saturday has to finish the job.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohwWBT8rW2M
And my lip was quivering at the end, where I locked eyes with cellist friend and she could see the emotions taking hold. That was one of the best performances I’d played in a while though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vm_uIKVHQo
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I GUESS S&M STANDS FOAR SWISS & MUSHROOM AMIRITE UP TOP
Gentlemen (and lady/ladies): I had not had a drink since Saturday night. That has been remedied.
Phil Housley would have been a great coach for this team. Up tempo, defense pressing, not leaving gifted offensive players at home.
USA Hockey is getting killed but at least Tortorella has got his guys standing for the anthem.
Piece of shit guy and apparently a worse coach.
Oh shit, Elvis is at a AAA game! Wait… oh shit, I’m watching a AAA game!
How does Tortorella keep getting work? He crashed for the Ice Giants, was horrific for the Ice Lions, and underachieved last year for the Ice Buckeyes. Then they give him the nod for the US team???
He hates the media even more than the traditional hockey establishment does and will say the things they’re only allowed to think.
Pardon me sir, it appears we share an opinion. Might you have a newsletter to which I could subscribe?
Also fuck Tortorella.
I’m proud to be Mexican, but holy shit do we suck in lots of ways as a culture. This machismo shit is the first of the bad traits that should be put against the metaphorical wall and eliminated
Try being white.
Seriously, try it. It’s fucking great. Do whatever you want, whenever you want, with no, sense, of, rhythm.
As a straight white male I can attest that this is, in fact true. This rules.
Which makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with those alt-right, MRA assholes. If you can’t make it in this world as a straight white male then brother you do not belong in the gene pool.
No shit! I mean, if you fall behind then, yeah, there’s no one looking to give you a hand up (sorry Appalachia) but, you gotta really fuck up being a white male.
Like, the drawback to being a white male is that people might accuse you of ‘mansplaining’ or ‘showing your privilege’. Like, LITERALLY, I cannot think of a smaller downside for all perks.
Gee. I wonder what the chances are of whether the Mexican who caused the accident that clipped my brother’s car in L.A. has insurance
Trump says no.
Yeah, but So does everyone in California
Really wish I had the ESPN feed of this game instead of these chuckleheads on Sportsnet.
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Would like to hear Roenicks analysis. We get Kelly Hrudey who is a class A asshat, Nick Kypreos who couldn’t skate his way out of an Ice Capades show among others.
We got Hull and Chelios.
I’d call it a draw.
Oh lord, I thought that your worst was Barry the Mullet Melrose
We get to hear him ruin the play-by-play!
That demon looks pretty jacked and last I heard Jesus has got a couple of pretty serious hand injuries.
Christ, Jesus–Questionable (stigmata)
From a page about the Browns signing Whitehurst. One commenter suggested they go pick up an additional QB before this guy chimed in.
Do we got anymore room on the staff???
Is it 1996?
I hope Shady is suing the fuck out of those cops in civil court. I’d happily intern for his legal team.
Tweet him.
ppl. love free lawyer’s,, lawyers forget taht smh
http://i.imgur.com/K1Q5u.png
No Twitter. Besides, I would want to go to the source and fondness out who his lawyers are.
Is “fondness out” a fancy law-talkin’ guy term?
Autocorrect fucked me.
Considering that the all the cops need to do in Oklahoma is tell someone to raise their hands, and when they do, shoot the brother for doing so on camera…
Methinks he is going to get his ass handed to him.
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I guess I need to do some grocery’ing tomorrow.
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OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!
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“Toyota Roster Tune-up
Don’t worry, Broken Grat Hardy, the Toyota Hall of Fame says losing isn’t contagious. But it is embarrassing. And you should be embarrassed.”
I don’t think I like fantasy football anymore, guys.
http://www.sharegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Pitch-Perfect-quotes-87.gif
y u no gif?
Fuck it, time to ride the Wentz train to 0-3. At least I’ll get to root for fantasy players I actually want to win.
The virtual ads on the boards are very distracting.
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Impressive ball handling
Sup?
I’m listening to the 538 podcast. This election is fucking out of whack.
Sill and Hippo so sayeth….who am I to say differently?
For Senor…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmBJje4g0ck
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If you ate only recipes people shared on Facebook for a week, you’d have died a month ago. Smgdh.
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HEY GATORADE YOUR “LETS RUN THE WHOLE THING BACK” ADS DONT FUCKING RHYME INCREDIBLE AND INEVITABLE DONT EVEN HAVE THE SAME NUMBER OF SYLLABLES GET A RHYMING DICTIONARY AND A METRONOME YOU FUCKTARDED IDIOTS
That’s the concussion rhyming.
Go RailRiders, because the big club ain’t making the playoffs.
So we finally talked. The good news is she’s no longer seeing the guy who kinda started this whole mess at that party I got pissed at her about and is kind of meh. But she’s realized how important religion is to her, and something she’s sorely missed, and is part of why it hasn’t worked out in her past relationships as much as she tried to deny it. So she will never be mine. To put a funny spin on it, she’ll never choose me because I’m not Chosen.
It’s a Lonely Hearts kinda night for me. You’ve been warned.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyds_hqw-gY&index=9&list=PLl0kPx2XyetcO5kRbk88embZktjfjIBf8
http://1cr9883up6mem97ddj01yxgu.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/images/tumblr_n491y0PSxm1rm4mpho1_500.png
Or, not.
Do not walk, RUN FOR YOUR GODDAMN LIFE
WHAT SILL SAID. This gal likes attention, and getting it without having to give anything back. And she finds anyway and every way to spin you around so that cycle continues.
I know because I’ve been on the receiving end of this cycle of terror. And I saw all the signs and refused to read them, and refused to listen to any warnings of friends, real or imaginary.
It will hurt like hell, but you need to cut this leech out thoroughly, cleanly, and completely.
Period. Full stop.
Youse guys is harsh. But not wrong.
We’re always going to be close. We’re bonded by that solo performance, and thanks to her, I finally realize I’m more than my past mistakes. I finally realize I’m good enough for someone. I wish she could have at least gotten to finish the job opening me up *wink wink* but she’s one of my best friends in the world. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with her, the first girl I’ve fallen in love with, if we didn’t have that bond. But the writing is on the wall. The dream of her was wonderful, but it’s time to wake up, I’ve hit the snooze button too many times. She will never be mine.
Whoever she is, Senorita, then Senora Weaselo, she’s gonna be someone special. This girl got a piece that was meant to be my apology if we never reconciled after that fight (which’ll be on Lonely Hearts Redux whenever that is), and she’ll always have a motif and a place in my heart. But I’m saving the Romance. That’s my wedding present for whoever that unknown woman is. And it will have to be nothing short of the best thing I ever write, and the best performance I ever give.
The gifs are here.
http://media.giphy.com/media/GY3eoqSJyc2m4/giphy.gif
At least now you know. It’s done. You’re alive and made it out the other end. There will be residue for a bit, but that’ll fade. From what it sounds like presumably you keep her as a friend too if you wish so good.
Used to go to a lot of Scr/WB games, but back then they were the Phil’s triple A club.
I like the name Railriders better than Red Barons.
And warned? I love it when you go all lonely hearts and shit. Makes me know I’m not so fucking alone in the whole feeling sorry for meself game. You go girl.
But yeah, the religion thing might be something to think about fo sho if that’s not your bag. If it is, no judgement.
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I thought Nashville was the sucky part of “Tennesseein’ Is Tennebelievin’!”
Ummmmm….you’ve obviously never been to Tennessee. To say there’s a sucky part would be to say there is a non-sucky part.
They have fairly nice rest area facilities is about the nicest thing I can say. Fuck that state.
Never been, never going.
Me thinks Torts should put Bishop in soon.
http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/the-wrap/article/Megyn-Kelly-Produced-Comedy-Series-Embeds-9234892.php
Beerguy-you’re thorough.
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http://i.imgur.com/GAYQTdq.gif?1
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Thanks. The depth of the thread is directly related to how little I had to do at work.
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I had to approve my own comment awaiting moderation. Come on, Balls. /phrasing
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Lol never mind, 2-1 Canada, we’re cool now.
Goddamnit America, you broke Carey Price’s shutout streak. Dicks.
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Holy shit am I hungry right now.
How did they find a dancy lady short enough to galabant around with Flutie?
Also, tonight I was trying to get a stubborn brown rice grain that was stuck behind my back tooth…and the goddamned tooth came out instead. Not a lick of blood, either. Just a clean, apparently dead-ass tooth.
Another joyous day in the life of being an old muthafucka.
The same talent scout company that used to do the scouting for extras for Walker: Texas Ranger.
Seriously…Chuck Norris is only 4’11”
Walker and Texas Ranger
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiDqUYfs6P8
http://www.celebheights.com/s/Chuck-Norris-140.html
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Fuck dude. Want contact info for hottie oral (hee hee) surgeon? She’s engaged to some dillweed as I understand it, but we can easily get rid of him, and the body too.
ha!!!!! it’s in the back, I’m not seeing the need for oral surgery except that she is pill-friendly CHUH CHUH
Hee hee…..She is semi-pill friendly. She doles it out, but not in quantities which would likely make a shit to you, LMAO. I thought you might want to bang her, but you went in a completely different direction. No judgement tho.
http://media2.giphy.com/media/D0iVUGKDEZne8/giphy.gif
re one’s stash, ALWAYS be a grower, not a shower…
http://unmaintained.com/wp-content/uploads/tumblr_lxpxg15cz11qeedtko1_500.jpg
Goddamnit- the week I’m in trial and there’s another Teflon LeSean story. Fuckery
[looks at header picture]
[jaw drops]
– Jim Kelly
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http://www.jockington.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Mike-Tyson-Mysteries-Gets-Animated-In-His-New-Adult-Swim-Series.jpg
Obligatory. “Flakes”…noun or verb?
Yes.
Sonofabitch….I really need sleep. Yes, forgot to link the image.
Fuck.
http://images.mentalfloss.com/sites/default/files/flutie-flakes1_5.jpg
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltnd25BR6g1r3pu2jo1_r1_400.gif
Does Nashville have good strip clubs?
No. Their “sexually oriented businesses board” (no joke) mandated distance between nude dancer and customer, so lap dances feature bikinis. And byob but you buy ice. Or so I’ve heard.
So the famous Fister Sisters don’t do shows there?
http://media.giphy.com/media/5WaVmEu7A5CxaNoFo2c/giphy.gif
http://wallpaperswa.com/thumbnails/detail/20121101/cartoons%20cartoon%20network%20food%20meat%20aqua%20teen%20hunger%20force%20funny%20adult%20swim%20meatwad%201366×768%20wallp_wallpaperswa.com_35.jpg
Dunno – wasn’t allowed out to that part of town.
http://media.giphy.com/media/d5nHfEPQXyNi0/giphy.gif
A double Hankey, is what I believe those are called.
It’s just Ameer knee injury.
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WOOOOOO! GO FIGHTIN’ PURSE DOGS!
It’s the closest the Padres will be to winning anything other than the race to the cellar for many years to come!
St. Louis Titans Fan Club? That is either Grade A spite or bottom shelf self-loathing.
Hmm… Checks out.
Via @StLouisTitans