Please, allow me to extend to you some traditional Canadian US-Thanksgiving hospitality.
Have a slice.
Maybe make a small plate and take it into your den, because I hope you’ve got room for one more game. Your old pal Roger has gifted you the Steelers & Colts. YINZERS & HUMPS, BAY-BEE!
News of note:
- Injuries:
- HODOR is out. He couldn’t clear concussion protocol in time, which is also the euphemism Jim Irsay uses to explain why he can’t make a court-order drug test. So get ready, fantasy owners of the Steelers defence, it’s TOLZIEN TIME!!!
- listed as questionable: Donte Moncrief (hamstring)
- Steelers backup RB Karlos Williams has been suspended 10 games for a second substance-abuse violation this season.
- will-play-but-injured: Sammie Coates (fingers)
- HODOR is out. He couldn’t clear concussion protocol in time, which is also the euphemism Jim Irsay uses to explain why he can’t make a court-order drug test. So get ready, fantasy owners of the Steelers defence, it’s TOLZIEN TIME!!!
- John Madden took a run at having Thursday football every week, and how it makes the games bad. Somehow, some way, Goodell is going to try and find a way to punish both NBC and MCI Coach. (FYI: Here’s a link to a story about the old Madden cruiser.)
Pittsburgh at Indianapolis – 8:30
On paper, this shouldn’t even be close. Luck is sharing pain meds with his owner, and one of his key receivers has a gimpy leg. Jim Irsay has probably been screaming Peyton’s name at Ryan Grigson all day, druggedly alternating between demanding he be signed by 5:00 and trying to force-feed their other quarterbacks Brain & Nerve Tonic to try and replicate what they did to Manning. Scott Tolzien is not a good quarterback, so the full “Blitzburgh” defence should be on display in order to keep him guessing and provoke numerous three-and-outs & more turnovers than a Sara Lee factory.
[FYI: Sara Lee is owned by Bimbo Bakeries USA, the American corporate arm of the Mexican multinational bakery product manufacturing company Grupo Bimbo. Make sure to point that out after racist Uncle Karl finishes his slice of pie.]
AND YET! We all know that this is the kind of game that also gives rise to the “Shitsburgh” moniker. Ben should be able to pass for 500 yards to AB et al, but yet something inside Mike Tomlin always seems to make him either take pity on the opposing team or try experimentation because it should be that easy, with both concepts ultimately leading to a Steelers 2-point loss. It’s the kind of game where he tries to use the wishbone formation with a flea-flicker thrown in. It’s maddening yet predictable. If Sill were still here, I know what he’d say
Anyway, enough talk.
Prediction: Steelers 38, Colts 10.
If they were at home, I’d take 14 points off the Steelers, because of the cuteness factor. But on the road Tomlin’s less likely to try the bullshit.
Hopefully, you’ve sent the relatives home and can enjoy the game on your own terms. Alcohol is mandatory. PANTS ARE OPTIONAL!
Did anyone else see that? I just want to be sure I’m not stroking out or anything.
Basketball player???? I have never heard such a thing in gridiron!
Fuck off Cris. Like the entire Colts organization had just said fuck it, why are we even bothering to show up for the game. Luck is hurt! I don’t wanna plaaaaaaaaaay!
Is carrot top at this game??
Boy or girl? Who ya got?
That’s a girl for sure.
Write it down.
Scott Tolzien must die?
Oh shit! The whole family is praying. Fucking lunatics.
Also they hate Catholics
It’s like a tent revival – if the start speaking in tongues I am outta here
you need to start reciting from the Koran or something.
We want to see him again. They might murder him if that happens.
I’m okay with that.
I was in a church like that. I was waiting for them to start sacrificing a lamb on the alter.
mmmmmm lamb.
Run. Run now.
I let the ones who want to pray do it in peace.
Because I don’t want to hear that shit while I’m drinkin’.
Damn my parents and their love of clear liquor.
Thankfully my father in law likes brown booze. It’s beam but it still counts.
Good gin has a place in the liquor pantheon. Vodka is only good as half the courses in a Russian meal and when eating pickles.
I find gin to be a perfect mixer, but need a few other ingredients to actually achieve what I’m looking for.
Counterpoint: “good” gin is a purely theoretical concept
Used to think this but Hendricks gin is delightful.
It’s not for everybody, but most people who don’t like gin have only had shitty pine-sol flavored crap. Botanicals doesn’t have to equal pine.
pfft, sounds like somebody got they cups but they ain’t pitched in
That kinda thing happens alla the time. You gotta gets yours before I gotta gets mine.
Turbin? I can make engineering jokes!
Don’t make us whine.
The Good: Thanksgiving was an unqualified success.
Teh Bad: My kitchen looks like it was just liberated by the Allies. Guess it’ll still be there in the morning.
Just got home from celebrating the new male little cola coming, how are all you southerners doing?
Lil Half-Litre?
Quarter litre?
Deciliter?
Pretty sure he’s already better than this Tolzien fucker. And the guy behind him on the depth chart (Morris?) should probably just kill hisself already.
Oh, and huzzah LitreColas all!!
Milliliter?
D’lilitre
Please don’t say you root for Ohio State, Cris. That may cause me to turn heel and root FOR M#CH#G#N.
One day someone will break into the broadcast booth and use those enhanced graphics to just draw penises all over a replay
If I ever get the power of working a SNF broadcast, I’ll make sure something like that gets on air.
Bring back Madden!
And boobies too! They always forget about the chesticles…
My favorite line of the day:
Between myself, Brother DJ Taj and Older Brother to be named later collectively had 9 grandchildren and 5 children for dinner.
Nine fucking grandchildren.
DJ Taj asks “Why am I the only one who has retards?”
Guess you had to be there.
I thought we named him Knows Better
BECAUSE HE LEAVES BEFORE THE GAME IS OVER!
My wife just lost her shit at the dungy bust. She may have had too much wine
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Sorry, Indianapolis. If theirs one thing I’ve learned from That Fucking Wild Card Game (other than the Cincinnati Bengals really hates Cincinnati Bengals fans), when the Pittsburgh Steelers play dirty, its playing gritty. When their opponents play dirty, its playing dirty.
BLEERGH COMMANDS IT
HAIL BLEERGH
For those of you stuck at family and want to kill time so you don’t kill your family, I suggest you check out “The Crown” on Netflix. It actually pretty good.
Safety for the safety gods?
My favorite hangover song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlUNs_Dldp0
Why would you go with an empty backfield there?
http://www.funnyfidos.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/funny-dog-picture-not-a-good-idea.jpg
Tolzien breaks my computer every damned time.
Dude, Tolzien gonna die. He was just trying to get someone to slam into his head on that one.
“Creatives” on commercials piss me off. I am a creative and not a douchey bitch. In fact, I am a dick
Lady Shogun approves and agrees. She says she too is a dick.
That raises some…interesting…questions
IS! NAWT HAS!
“My name is Donald Trump, and I do not approve of that Microsoft Surface message”.
That went so much better than I anticipated.
Those are good kids!
What’s always fun is finding a young open mind to have analytical discourse with. I guess she’s my niece from a previous arrangement but she’s open to my drunken ramblings. Her mother has a bright mind too.
Very cool.
New folks to share my drunken worldviews with.
Cheers folks.
So how is this looking. Are the Colts going to pull off the upset or are they delaying the inevitable?
LOL – grab him by the legs and yank!
Day 1 of the 4 day weekend and I’m already bored. Westworld worth digging in to?
Indeed.
2 words: FUCK and YES
Very much. Hurry up though, because I think they’re almost at the fireworks factory.
I’m streaming the game and twice when the camera closed in on Tolzien my feed froze as if the computer were unable to figure out who he was.
And it just happened again.
Tolzien.exe has performed an illegal operation and needs to be shut down.
Huh. I’ve fallen off horses and hit my head like that a few times before. I don’t think I had any concussion symptoms though. The only time I probably had a concussion was that time I got thrown and bounced in a rocky stream bed. Even that wasn’t that bad, I just had to sit down for a moment while my eyes refocused. Are horseback helmets better than football helmets? Or do I just have a good skull?
Oh fuck, bad timing for this comment. Hope those two are okay.
At least now we know why you’re a Washington fan.
‘Member when there were three divisions per conference? The Centrals basically became the North. Where did Indy get chopped from?
AFC East.
Danke. The nfc was easy to recall. Afc not so much.
As I recall:
Cardinals chopped from the NFC East.
Colts chopped from the AFC East
Bucs chopped from the NFC Central
Seahawks chopped from the AFC West
AFC Central and NFC West were split with the leaving teams heading to the new South divisions.
I just made whipped cream to top my dark choc mousse (that’s been chilling for 4 hours) and took a bite of both… my boxers spontaneously dropped to the floor.
I’ll be back in the TriMet tonight.
I’m pretty sure this was the play where Andrew Luck sustained his concussion.
TOO SOON
/starts crying
Hold the door!
Oh man, TY, and your parents are there too.
She clearly couldn’t fit more than one dose of Viagra in those 20 suitcases she brought
My lady travels a lot, but she can pack a weeks worth into a carry-on. That’s marryin’ material right there!
I traveled for three months in Asia with one medium sized backpack and a large purse. I never understood what the hell people are putting in all that luggage.
I unashamedly heart Schoolhouse Rock. Even it’s use in a commercial makes me happy.
I love being home. As soon as the Mrs. dropped me off, my pants came off faster than Aaron Rodgahs in the Castro District.
Cris, I think we all know that when Ben decides something is gonna happen he’s gonna make sure it happens, defense, strategy or consent be damned.
No bathroom stall lock is strong enough.
This kid’s got the whole town coked up for Xmas and he’s a hero, but when I do it it’s “possession with intent to distribute” this and “Class A felony” that.
Bah! Intent! To paraphrase Sideshow Bob, they don’t give Nobel Prizes for Intended Chemistry
Where’d Sill go?
Twitter
Poop.
Tolzien almost getting concussed there. Might be worth watching the second half just to see who the Colt’s emergency QB is.
Sorgi?
Curtis Painter? Is he still around?
I believe I have reached the point in the evening where I can no longer legally operate heavy machinery.
Also I am no longer wearing pants.
What about light machinery? What does a chainsaw count as?
A good time?
Mission: Complete
You’re actually not legally allowed to operate pants past a certain BAC, so good on you for playing it safe.
‘Member when Indianapolis played pass defense?
Neither do I
Oh! I don’t ‘membah!
TY Hilton’s family clearly unaware they are on camera
Their enthusiasm was…immeasurable.
Hairspray: Live
Singing: Several weeks ago
Hairspray: Live!
Urge to Kill: Rising…
Divine eating dog shit live or GTFO.
Stepson just called me, looks like I’m gonna be a grand-pappy!!! Not mine by blood, but I raised him 100% so I’ll take it. He’s 30 so it’s about time, I told my 20 year old boy to exercise the same patience…at least till he finishes school and has a full-time job!
Congrats!
Congrats!
Woooo
Thanks all. I’m pretty excited, he should be a great dad. My youngest is thrilled about being an uncle.
hahahahaha
Checking in from the in laws. HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN?