As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
Einstein playing Gaga, there you go.
Hail Satan, everyone.
https://twitter.com/wilw/status/828414118184914944
She fell into the Upside Down!
Aaron Rodgers is loving this!
Update: I’m, like…
https://youtube.com/watch?v=D_TGGgkCLD8
This made me happy … the rum as well.
Little known fact: “Bad Romance” was written about Roger Gooddell and Bob Kraft.
And “Don’t stand so close to me” was written about PK
Gotta get me one of those exploded Jiffy-Pop popcorn jackets those dancers are sportin’. Because Spanky’s alllll about the hottest fashions, yo.
Oh shit! She is busting out Aaron Rodgers’ shoulder pads!!!
So much feline AIDS being passed around the arena right now.
And also maybe at the Kitten Bowl.
Cutler’s in the stands?
I took a shower, and I see this is still going on. Did they even bother with first-half highlights, or straight to Gaga?
Straight to Gaga, surprisingly
No idea, but I learned I totally need a terrier/bulldog mix puppy
The Boston Fires are already out of control, they decided highlights would only make things worse.
Gaga can play the piano without using her fingers, damn
She’s gonna have glitter in all the wrong places for daaaaaaays
No joke, that stuff gets EVERYWHERE
NEED MOAR SATAN.
Lady Ga Ga would have been a better pick for the Puppy Bowl halftime show, because you know it’s only a matter of time before she drops to the ground and starts licking her nuts.
A torchlight procession? Nice of her to give the Trump folks a little something.
Y’all need to quit complaining before we get Coldplay again.
So I just caught up with the highlights. At least I know why I’ve had a raging erection for the last hour…
Where’s Bowie? I thought Bowie would be here… oh wait a second…
In Trump’s America, the only job for Black people will be microphone stand.
Shar Pei puppy!
I think I switched to Zardoz by mistake.
She”ll never rock that keytar as well as Wayne Famous.
“The crowd on the field for Pepsi Zeros No Sugar Half Time Show was much larger than FOX was leading the public to believe. They are clearly biased against the NFL and will no longer be allowed to cover the NFL. I’m offering alternative facts to the public.”
– Roger Goodell, Mon Feb 06, 2017
Plot twist : Nothing political happens and this is one of the blandest performances ever
I need to get me one of those jackets.
My prop bet for the over on lady gaga shoulder pad height is NOT looking good
Wait, now the Kitten Bowl is taking a halftime break? now what do I watch?
Have you considered strong psychadelics?
The greatest half time ever was watching Up With People while I listened to Devo on acid.
Can’t we get Prince again……..oh right.
How about two princes?
Too Soon?
So…considering that Lady Gaga is amazingly popular in and supportive of the LGBT community, I think this halftime show continues this particular Super Bowl’s theme of FUCK YOU TRUMP
I therefore dig it
Not enough to watch it instead of the Puppy Bowl, but still, good stuff
I’m not a fan of her music, but seriously, the gal is bringing it.
I prefer it when its one artist doing their shit as oppose to when they just sandwich acts together that have nothing to do with each other.
Yeah, I’m not a huge fan of anything that can be described as “a spectacular”
For maximum triggering, special guest Adam Lambert!
…Lady Gaga should definitely do an Off-Broadway production of Peter Pan
With non-union scab riggers
Fuck it, Weird Al for the halftime show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg
“Born this way.”
LOL TRIGGERED?!?!?!?
Pence: all the more reason they need to be born again
She looks bloated. I think it’s the costume.
LAME!!! Can totally see the wires.
I would seriously punch someone if they expected me to be hoisted up in one of those things.
I fucking vomit when I have to go into a goddamn man lift….
man lift, that’s what I call my… something. Whiskey… let me down? That can’t be right.
I swear she just yell in between lyrics “Come on HOUSTON!”
That was cheering for Jack Nicholson.
Owen Hart wishes he had her wire guy
Odds that the ginger hammer would insist that the second half be played if Lady Gaga suffered a similar fate and ended up as a grease spot on the 40 yard line?
Lady Gaga is Sauron!?
It all makes sense now…
That’s not her eye.
Moving to mordor doesn’t look that bad.
I hope there are people on Twitter calling for the Pats to put in Brisset. But I’m too lazy to go look.
There are a pretty good number of Owen Hart jokes though.
I think they edited out the part where Lady Gaga asked one of the Ghostbusters if he’s a god.
Ape has a fantastic photo of Sad Brady on his feed.
https://mobile.twitter.com/xmasape/status/828408383841656833
Whelp, we got the new CrimeBeat! header photo
I like how a lot of the commercials for the Puppy Bowl have puppies in them
http://www.infowars.com/lady-gaga-to-conduct-satanic-ritual-at-super-bowel-li/
I thought the satanic ritual was how the Patriots got to the game.
So I rode this mornings hangover into this afternoons pregame into the sb party I am at. So, not a lot o shit getting done at work tomorrow
Donald Trump preferred the ad for 88 Lumber.
That’s why he likes golf – only 18 holes.
So I think 84 Lumber just got added to the Terrorist Watch List by the Trump Administration.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4l26yVpKg1qbvxeko1_500.png
Pictured – Tom Brady with a concussion.
Time to check out the action on the Kitten Bowl.
The fat cat on the sidelines named Andy Knead kills me.
My 4 year old granddaughter is a one kid wrecking crew.
I’m gonna go blaze one upstairs just to help me chill.
I’m enjoying the FUCK out of this game.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m78xmu8pWi1qbgms4o1_500.jpg