Seriously, when I looked at yesterday’s schedule, there was not one game that I was interested in watching. Steelers-Clots wasn’t even available in LA. We were instead given the merde-pourri of Vikings-Redacteds, Cowboys-Falcons, RAMMIT-Texans, and Shitty Clippers-Jaguras. And then on Sunday night, we were given Pats-Broncos? Yeah Right. Now that I think about it, I think he was the only one happy yesterday.
So, to Roger Goodell I say:
My favorite NASCAR driver, Kyle Busch, was already safely in the final four for Homestead, so the Phoenix race held no special appeal and it ended up being a blissful day without sports. It’s a beautiful world out there, folks.
And now we have this rancid cream cheese frosting as the topper of the shitcake that was NFL Week 10: Dolphins at Panthers.
If I wanted to see a cat beaten to submission by a bunch of other cats, I’d go to Woodrocket.com. As it is, we are going to have Cutler struggling to stay upright while the Panthers’ defence dials up blitz after blitz. The Miami D has been quite decent, which means that this may be a low-scoring game in which the outcome is never in doubt. Ugh.
Let’s see, what else is on?
Is Lucifer any good?
What about Supergirl?
Nah, I think we’re better off sticking to the tried and true Monday Night RAW:
If you are actually going to subject yourself to this torture of an NFL game, at least have a drink and raise it to Beerguyrob’s ass. Not literally.
Also, I’m willing to bet you that this gif that Moose posted on Saturday night captivates your attention more than this game will:
Ok, I’ve tried my best to dissuade you from watching. Have at it you addicts!
Going on a cruise with inlaws starting Saturday. I am on the drink package. We are also stopping in Jamaica. So, kind of a win.
Still not enough booze for me to vacation with my in laws
IT won’t be pleasant. My mother in law told my sister in law this past summer that I ignore my children and have a bad attitude. I can blow off most shit, but that was impossible to ignore. What’s worse, she likes to blame my boys for everything – because they’re boys and not fat little twat pussy bitches like her other grandson.
Maybe she gets seasick!
Oh man, fuck that noise.
It’s dark, cold and rainy here in CT and after 5 minutes of this game I’ve decided to take the dog for a walk.
In this edition of “Left Coast time is weird” I totally thought MNF started now, instead of an hour ago. So early!
Huh. Looks like I didn’t miss much.
I know i’ve been out of touch, but how many Cutler-Catler-Dolphins- Cats eat Fish jokes have been made?
As of right meow I have made 3.
*checks the notebook…*
You may proceed.
“He really enjoys playing the game.” Well who in the fucking fuck wouldn’t enjoy it? It beats stocking shelves at Staples while managing to not get your colostomy bag hooked on a pallet jack and being dragged down the aisle.
What kind of Staples do the have in Baltimore?
The kind that are burned out and looted.
Rioters and looters have a secret desire to steal ALL the office supplies.
They incorporate themselves to avoid taxes.
I think players have to be desperate or insane to put up with playing in the NFL.
The sport fucking kills your brain. The fact that it elevates the risk for ALS by like 500% compared to the general population is terrifying.
Add in having to deal with the fans and sports “media” (which is now to the point of just twitter trolling with locker room access), I can think of plenty of jobs I would rather do.
They don’t even make that much money compared to the amount of work, the physical and mental damage it does.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQxT4DcrmM8
WOO!!! Just won my sim-based el beisbol World Series! Chris Devenski (Game 4 starter) came in tired to strike out the last batter of Game 7 with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th, 3-2 lead.
It was 3-1 when I intentionally walked Trea Turner (bases loaded) before bringing in Devenski to face CJ Cron (he was out of pinch hitters, save MadBum).
Hey, fucker had .980 OPS v. RHP and I was out of eligible LHRP. My gut said “don’t let Trea Turner beat you” and goddamnit he didn’t!
Jesus I look away for 5 minutes and some carolingian gets a hat trick, a real one.
Ice Cowboys suck butt on not-home-ice. FML
This? No?
/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/263?cb=20080913033701
Apparently, Chucky thinks he’s in Miami.
All Hooters look the same.
This here is some bad footbaw
I just saw a commercial for a new TV comedy starring Russell Peters as a detective. It’s titled, creatively, “Indian Detective”.
1) Whatever happened to Russell Peters’ career in the first place?
2) This appears to be essentially just the Pink Panther transplanted to Toronto/Mumbai. I thought that was played out like 35 years ago, but what do I know about taste these days?
I wonder if they’ll have a snappy group dance number in each episode.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyEnG_DEB1I
Let’s at least bring it into the 20th century
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJ1uLVgv3Vg
Does he scalp the criminals?
“Heap big bad guy, you robbem banks no more forever.” *thwack*
I’d watch that.
i thought this was only a mini series, not a whole show.
/still looks bad
//Can-Con, otherwise this never makes the light of day.
HBO’s new version of Sesame Street is pretty…interesting…
Dolphinception. Not that they’ll do anything with it but 3-and-out. Or maybe get tackled in the end zone for a safety.
Looks like instant karma got Cam Newton.
I got licorice and Snickers when I used instant karma!
And if he’s unlucky, Suh might get him right in the head…
And who the hell do he think he are? A superstar?
Well, alright, he are.
Well we AAAAALL DON’T CAAAARE
The last 2 plays were just absolutely delicious.
That second one might be coming back. Ball may have hit the ground, but I’d still rule it as an INT.
So which adult film actress looks most like Hope Hicks so she can star in Wetness for the Prosecution?
Tori Black, maybe?
Ndamakong Suh is “prone to penalties”? You don’t say…
Like Kevin Spacey, Ndamukong Suh has become notorious for pursuing men in an often inappropriate fashion.
Out of all active QB’s…Cam Newton gets the most bullshit hot teaks his way right?
I am basing this on the fact that Kaep is too uppity to get a job with his outrageous stance against extra-judicial killings by the police.
I think meowadays they should all just have Jay Catlers persona.
I agree….
I think Cam totally gets a bad rap. I’m not his biggest fan but the fucking dogwhistle soundtrack to every piece about him is fucking sick.
THIS GUY SHEPARD, I CALL HIM CHRISTMAS EVE IN BETHLEHEM BECAUSE HE’S STANDING IN A FIELD WHILE HIS HANDS ARE TREMBLING FROM LOOKING AT THINGS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR
Woo hoo punt #3 upcoming!
Dihydrogen monoxide will be the death of our children
Oh dear lord.
White people really are stupid.
If this is real, I’m going on an actual workplace rampage.
No electrolytes? I’m disappointed.
“Now with more H.”
In our fridge is a bottle of “Sparkling Ice: Essence of Water”. It’s apparently sparkling water, but we found the “essence of water” part hilarious enough that it came home with us.
I’m glad MNF is on cable. There’s no way I might screw up and view it.
I love how if I try to use the appropriate “legal” means to watch pro and college football, the feed is usually a fucking glitchy mess, but if I just use an unauthorized youtube feed, I can get it in HD and any language I want.
So I have off this week. I don’t have to be back to the office until the week after Thanksgiving. I struggle to get time off during the year, and it never fails, I end up with like 30 days of PTO to burn.
I get a call from HR that I have to come in at 130. I ask for what…HR just says to show up.
Its for a 2 hour work place violence training. So on my day off, I have to sit in a room with a bunch of red necks, while a cop makes me relive some of my traumatic memories from the military, and of course a Q&A which consists of the weird people I work with posing questions that are basically bitch comments to HR that they aren’t allowed to carry in the office.
I’ve worked in about 80 countries in the world. Never have I had to get the “SERPENTINE!” active shooter training except for when I am working in the states.
Surprised you can’t just be all “this is triggering my PTSD, can I just get the written version to take home?”
One day, some mother fucker is gonna say “lol triggered” near me in public and I’m gonna be dragged off in cuffs, but somehow still holding his fucking skull in my hands.
Its not necessarily talking about a work place shooting that tends to send me off because I guess I never experienced that. But in six years in the navy, I had a roommate shotgun himself, and two junior guys in my division killing themselves with handguns.
I ended up being the person that discovered all three of them.
The thing that sets me off are the folks that have guns who seem to think that hunting a deer is the same as being in an active shooting environment with people running around screaming or that cleaning a deer means they can handle seeing a dead body.
To me, PTSD is like head trauma. Some people can bounce back from getting their bell rung like its nothing. Others are broken the first time it happens. Others still, its like they are fine for years and then suddenly they can’t remember where their keys are or why they aren’t wearing pants.
I am in the latter grouping, both with concussions and PTSD.
It doesn’t even have to be legit. If your company cares enough about HR shit to have a specific HR employee and call you in on off days for training, I’d expect them to be ‘woke’ enough to let you just go, “Nope! Triggered!” and they know it’s best to just leave you alone on the matter.
“Those sound terrible! Hope neither ever happens to eleventy-blue!”
-Trent Green
Hope y’all are drinking lots. Weaselo and I need to get our birthdaying tonight, apparently.
I had Atomic Wings and a beer for lunch with the parentals, and am at my grandparents’ because I’m assuming there’s cake. If not, the newest iteration of Not-Senorita Weaselo (beaten to the punch but the guy stood her up twice in one week so if I️ bide my time could end up working in my favor if nobody else snatches me up and nobody will) told me to shake my fist to the sky or threaten the fridge.
No one told me there would be cake. Dammit I could have made it there in time if I’d started driving earlier.
She hot?
She’s interested in one of us.
So no.
Oh the cat could have gotten that 1st.
The wildcat? With Ronnie Brown?
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/catler_movember-600×289.jpg?quality=100&w=650&h=313
Honest question:
When or what is the difference between Parity and Mediocrity? Especially with this league of footed ball sprots?
It is there in futbol. Parity in the top of the tables, mediocrity at the bottom which is why relegation is awesome. In the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE it is built for parity but breeds mediocrity but it is my heroin, so put in my veins please.
It’s parity when everyone sucks but tv ratings go up.
Hmm….good question. This is all I could come up with:
Parity – Rams (new coach, same QB/talent, winning record)
Mediocrity: See Browns
There’s a fine line, I think. Parity means no dynasties, where free agency has allowed teams to better restock their teams yearly. Mediocrity is more about the product on the field. One isn’t necessarily connected to the other, as they’re kind of front office vs. player personnel. But that’s just my opinion.
The only factor “not equal” in the league are the owners. If you want true parity, Bottom five teams each year must be sold to new ownership.
Also allow the teams to just move wherever the fuck they want.
PURE CHAOS!
That’s a pretty nice deadlift, DoJu! Showing off that kind of strength in the yard will keep the sisters off your back for sure!
*prays for prolapsed colon*
Current events quiz: Is this a parody or real?
I swear I have to look up at the web address nowadays to make sure whether I’m on the Onion or a “real” website.
He also said he’d sue. I don’t remember if he was going sue WaPo, the accusers or both.
I think his wife was gonna sue WaPo on his behalf or something? God only knows. It’s so hard to keep up with all the fuckheads these days.
We’re in Bizzaroworld. Back on normal Earth, Hillary’s President, and things are pretty much the way they were (Congressional gridlock, N. Korean saber-rattling, racists are more or less still in the woodwork, etc.).
Oh my God, McCaffrey’s Joey Harrington!
Looks like the Dallas defense got seared by Sebastian Aho for a goal.
By all accounts it was a good goal, but his leadership could use some work. He’s still a little raw on the inside.
/Oh we gon’ talk hockey
Heh heh. “A ho.”
It is Finsanity in this household tonight! MUST. SALVAGE. WEEKEND.
Suzy Kolber just said that this should be a really good game.
It is like we don’t even know her anymore.
As The Matron sayeth, so it shall be…
The world is dumb.
I don’t disagree. But personally, I had a different four letter word in mind.
“So typical. Dumb always wants to be the front-runner! What about us? We’ve got something to contribute!”
-The Deaf and Blind
It is not a beautiful world out there. Fucking liar!!
So the Burfict ejection somehow gets better. Reports say this fan that gave him the finger bares a striking resemblance to his wife.
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https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/2017/11/13/video-headlines-fan-flipping-off-bengals-vontaze-burfict-accurate/857442001/
To me, it looks like she’s saying, “fucking refs.” I’m not very good at lip reading, but I know a good mouth when I see one.
“A striking resemblance to my wife? Don’t mind if I do.”
-Ray Rice
So I just dented the fuck out of my 6 month old leased SUV. How’s your day so far?
My car broke down and was supposed to be ready tomorrow, but they called and said it was done today. Maybe I inadvertently hijacked some good luck that was intended for you ($1400 repair bill though, so maybe not).
One thing I learned last year after somebody clipped me is that body work prices are a fucking scam. Shit head slowly backed into the middle of my 15 year old grand prix which would cease this mortal coil shortly after and did minor cosmetic damage and they just handed me a check for $2500. I assume this is the other foot falling.
Was looking at cars, used, from a dealership and the one I eventually got at some scratches on the bumper that I said I wanted fixed befor buying it. Apparently it was cheaper (for them at least) to just put a new bumper on it than to bother fixing some scratches. (Makes sense I guess, sanding and priming and painting and painting and sanding takes time and skill.)
It’s somewhat unusual, IIRC, to see DII football show up on “You Got Mossed”, and it was very unusual indeed to see my institution’s team on the highlight. I had to double-check their schedule to make sure it was really them. (Yeah, I don’t follow the team much…)
http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2017/11/13
Pastis that sonofabitch
Oh Alexa. The sight of you is always welcomed, my dear.
“Robin Quivers just got a new boat, and her favorite part is it has a stern she doesn’t have to pretend is funny.”
“Artie Lange looks like a Bulgarian mail-order bride crossed with Jerome Bettis” – Colin Quinn
This game will be decent background noise, I guess.
“Andy Dick is between projects right now, and by that I mean rehab and jail.” – Dave Attell
“See Andy, this is what happens to your career when your agent is Klonopin.” – CQ
Bill O’Brien announced Tom Savage will start next week, clearly indicating that he’s given up. Wonder who our head coach will be next year…
HBD to our own Weasel! O.
Also lastly, my favorite roast segment ever, Colin Quinn at Stern’s Artie Roast circa 2006.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnw61oiknCQ
This is the best roast that I’ve ever come across-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d4mItbk284
Early 2000’s O&A roasts are the stuff of legend. Now, they’re all dead, deranged, or Colin Quinn.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u58kY4I8D7I
I mentioned to a few of you fellas that myself and my son saw The War On Drugs at Massey Hall a little while ago. Video-wise “Under The Pressure” is a fantastic, well-constructed song. Was I ready for the amount of extraordinary shredding that Adam Granduciel was going to engage in? No I was not. If these guys come to your town, I beg that you go see them. Check in at 1 hour 27 minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmtKNlBzWy4
They are so good. Lost In The Dream is still in regular rotation at the In TX house.
Putting money down on the game always makes it more interesting. I am not a degenerate with a problem, but a small wager will make it more interesting when it is Cams v Catlers.
I love Bill O’Reilly getting toasted.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwPydysI6VM
I wish that everyone that made me laugh between 16 and 30 didn’t all end up problematic psychopaths.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt77M4D0PiM
I’m not going to watch this football game.
Who am I kidding? Of course I’m going to watch it. Or at least have it playing on the television while I peruse this interesting history of the 4th Crusade. Dandolo the Doge of Venice was a right bastard. Hopefully some of the commenters will be here to provide some modicum of amusement as well.