Because Scotchnaut got shamed today while buying beer at the pet store, and thus is now drowning his sorrows with Modelo and single malt, you’re stuck with me tonight.
If you didn’t do the required reading earlier today, you won’t get those references. And thus you should feel as much shame as him. Even more, actually. At least he was trying.
Though he didn’t buy me a puppy so I’m kinda still not happy with him.
–
My Fantasy Football Season Is Over
And good riddance.
At the time of this writing, I’m not technically eliminated from the playoffs. But it would take a minor … errrrrr yuuuuuuge miracle for me to recover today. Thus, unlike a certain Alabamian sex offender we all know and love, I’ve already extended my concession to BeastmodeAteMyBaby. Dude kicked my ass but good to finish off my unremarkable late season slide.
Karma’s a bitch.
I’ll remember that the next time I think about giving someone shit, even as good-natured/humorous as it was intended. Sincere apologies to Covalent Blonde on that one, and congrats to her for then also kicking my ass and starting my late season slide into oblivion/also-ran status.
King Hippo also kicked my ass during that slide, but I expected that one. And he can just suck it anyway.
No, seriously Vlad. Dude’s enjoying my first round bye and winning dough like he gotz a horseshoe up he arse.
(though at the moment, my Yinzer moneyline bet is still looking OK)
((never mind…P*ts FG ties it up…. Jerks))
On the bright side, at least I don’t have to root for Tawmmy to get me the FF win today. And that’s priceless.
Break a leg, Tawmmy….literally.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX4Jlm75CdM
–
So Who We Got Tonight?
Oh. Crap. Really?
Dallas @ Oakland (+3.0, o/u 46.0)
The Fighten’ JJ’s are still without Zeke for one more week (hey that rhymed). Yet they’ve found a way to limp to a coupla wins lately and keep hope alive. Dak Dak Dak seems to not be ded anymore…20/32, 332 yds, 3 TD, 0 int last week. Then again it was vs the Gigantes. But if they can find a way to get out of the bay area with a win tonight, anything is possible once Zeke hits the field next week.
The Fighten’ Al Davises (Davis’ ?, Davis’s ?) on the other hand, have hit upon hard times and have little reason to expect that to change. Amari Cooper is out for tonight, which is probably being seen as good news for Crabtree and Cook owners. But it probably shouldn’t be. Marshawn Lynch is due to disappear again, and neither Richard nor Washington have shown the ability to carry enough of the load when he does. Trust me, I’ve owned all three of them this year. Much to my chagrin.
If the Raiders protect home field and win tonight….? It probably won’t matter, considering they have to travel to Philly and NawtSD to close things out.
If the ‘Boys get the road win tonight….? It could springboard them into the postseason. Because beginning next week, they’ll be a different team with Zeke in tow when they host Seattle and then close out in Philly.
Sooooo….who wants it less?
Prediction: Cowboys 27, Raiders 17
And no, I’m not betting on this game. No way in hell.
–
Checking In On My Last Bet Of The Day
Oooooh, TD Yinzburgh!!!!
Dammit, Antonio Brown out for the rest of the game….of course, this week.
smgdh
Oh well….
OK then, go talk about it in the comments as usual.
You can even feel free to make fun of me. It seems a popular thing to do around here lately. And it makes me feel very loved.
–
Last Minute Addendum Befoar Scheduled Publishing Time
As always, fuck the P*ts and fuck Tawmmy.
–
Oh this is the best spot in EVAR!!!!
Even they don’t know wtf to do.
Worse call than the end of Pitt-NE
Let’s not be hasty.
Holy shit, they pulled out the index card!!
Only a fucking Dallas game.
GET THE CALIPERS
Time for a Mark Davis haircut again?
More Democrats shoulda tried to curry favor with him.
That joke was fucking beautiful.
Joke’s on him. Semen means you care.
Fuck it. Go for it on 4th.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3e3osJtLdk
Has anyone made the obligatory “Richardson’s gonna sell the team, piece by piece via auction” joke yet? If so, sorry, just got here.
No one had strong enough teeth to bite that one off
There may or may not be a breeding stock/auction block joke in Hippo Thoughts
I expect nothing less for my money (or property)
it me, the “fuck it. say it and see what happens” guy.
I mean, someone is writing a skit/post about this soon, I presume?
There was a “he’ll only receive 3/5 of what he’s asking for” joke.
Shit, that’s better.
1st and Witten?
a rare spot challenge that seems obvs to succeed
Not sure if it was a catch.
Raiders fan who won’t turn the lights off on his sweater ain’t getting any mogambo tonight. In fact, divorce proceedings may ensue shortly.
Joke’s on you. It’s a restraining order t-shirt and the lights change color whenever he’s within 1000 feet of his ex.
After finding, like, the ONLY thin Chefs fan in the world, too!
I always assumed Raiders fans prefer their ladies thicc
exasperated Charlie logic is the best
The Sarah Jessica Parker collection wasn’t as popular as they thought it would be.
for the lady Donks WOO!!! in yer life
But you’re already at Goodwill and don’t want to have to shop around
Those NFL shop commericals are the worst. Lady, you’re a grown woman. Come out of the closet and admit you love the C-Hox
Do I go with the homphobia joke, the DV joke, the idolatry joke …
If this game goes into overtime I’m crashing my car through the front of the nearest convenience store.
I never could understand why a space fighter would need any form of aerodynamic stabilizer.
They do use them in terrestrial combat.
/NEEEERRRDDDDD
I KNEW someone was going to say that!
The politicians who fund these things are idiots dazzled by shining, pretty, sexy, etc. objects.
Maybe they’re solar panels or something.
Increased moment of inertia, maybe? (Anti-tumbling.)
During development, most design notes read “More cumbersome!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug
But I prefer my pancreas cancer-free.
Greg Kihn bumper music? OK.
69 KOs now.
https://gfycat.com/WholeCoolBovine
He really “grilled” him with that one.
/shows self out
Nice
Detective Reddit is on the case.
Tennessee still has the inside track on the AFC 6th seed. My feelings on if they make it:
I still find yinz more entertaining than Balmer, if that’s a comfort
At least today proved Mariota’s not broken. ?
#MeToo
Damn it. I wanted to post this.
I hope they make it over The Wire, but, Titanticos have a much harder schedule than the Murder.
Oh, I’ll take an 8-9 season after the Wild Card blowout. Gladly! Dignity takes too much effort.
I’m beginning to develop a “let’s just get this bullshit season over with” attitude.
Good. Good.
– J. Richardson
This gridiron tilt is shaping up to be fairly exciting.
sigh…………..crap it’s on now.
This is gonna be like the 4th time this season that I thought Dallas is done. This has to be it, right?
i thought you weren’t watching? Go deepthroat a cheesesteak!
Went with sausage and peppers instead.
the Grizzlies move to Vegas join the Pacific division and the Suns move to the Southwest. it just makes sense.
i do like the black and white santa cheerleader uniforms
Santa’s Mistresses
one more drink?
Yeah, sure. One.
Winter break starts tomorrow. ALL the drinks.
4 days left. Friday will be a workday with all the quotation marks around it.
Three days of going into the office, Thursday telework, back to work on 3 Jan.
Stillers’ fans gon’ lose dey shit when this is ruled a catch.
They’re probably all still bitching and complaining on reddit and facebook, not watching this…
They will reverse this, because of course they will.
NFL football: America’s favorite sport.
Hello. I haven’t been arrested.
The night is young still.
And you call yourself a fan
just 4 workdays until vacation. Can i make it 4 days without snapping……
Apt, I think from the preseason.
Because nothing makes me think about Christmas more than seeing a woman bent over the hood of a Lexus.
Well, maybe a woman bent over a hood named Lexus.
’83 Chevette do anything for ya?
Republican Christmas
Me too.
#metoo
How about Lexus from the Hood?
Heh
Yeah, if I had to work under the same conditions as Amazon workers I’d probably start hallucinating too.
Just submitted my resume to the LVCVA. Wish me luck boys and girls. I really want this.
You’ll make a fine addition to the Las Vegas Chlamydia Vaccination Association.
Remember, it’s a vaccination against chlamydia.
Christian Values Association?! HAVE YOU SEEN THE THINGS YOU POST?
Good luck. When you get the interview, break the ice with “I’m not wearing a wire”.
but the shady people in the LVCVA have pensions
That drive was sparked by the action punter.
Dak up in there!
These receivers couldn’t catch chlamydia in Sierra Leone.
Whoa whoa whoa, I mean she said she was clean and when am I ever going to get back to a brothel in Sierra Leone.
NEVER FORGET!
It’s probably Skwisgaar’s coloring book.
Toki’s an asshole.
What’s Roy Moore doing on the Cowboys’ sideline?
I’m sure JJ’s got some granddaughters
Too old.
But they probably own the mall, so he won’t get banned.
Theyyyyy’re Grrrrreat!
Action Punter!
That was fucking fantastic!
He shoulda caught that.
But at least his hair looks fabulous.
Oh yeah, but those fucking kneelers, they’re lazy bums not taking any action, right? There’s no bravery in having to endure the racism of white assholes all the nation wide and putting your career at risk, right?
Fuck you Cris. How’s that for action?
I hate Cris so much.
He’s not even a “Chris.” He has no ‘h’ in his name. That’s the worst kind of Chris, like Jon is the worst kind of John.
See!
Or Marc. Turrible.
FUCK DA POLICE!