Your (Day After) Boxing Day Open Thread

So,  funny thing…

Your good friend Balls has no clue as to how to read a calendar!

I had this post all prepped and scheduled when someone reminded me I was scheduled to do an evening Open Thread today,  not yesterday. I’m always a Make A Margarita Out Of Lemons kind of guy, so I’ve taken the extra time to spruce up the post a bit.

Also,  because everyone is hung over from yesterday,  I’m making it a Day Thread instead of an Evening Thread.  Enjoy!

The day after Christmas has been known as Boxing Day in the United Kingdom and other countries in the Commonwealth of Nations (essentially almost all of the former British Empire dominions/colonies) since the 1600s.

The original tradition stemmed from the wealthy giving their servants the day off the day after Christmas (because really,  who else was going to serve Christmas dinner?) and giving them small gifts for their families in a “Christmas-box”.

Hence the name.

These days,  the tradition is more like the American Black Friday in that many stores hold sales and most countries declare it as a holiday without work.

Sports also take center stage as the English Premier League and rugby have a full slate of games while Australia has a traditional Boxing Day cricket test and New Zealand and South Africa also hold cricket matches.

Funny enough, it seems only the African Commonwealth countries have enough sense to stage BOXING matches on this day.

All of this will be completed by the time you read this, so I’m taking this post in a different direction:

Yup, you knew I’d perve it up!

There is also apparently a Fancy Dress Boxing Day Parade in Wigan in the UK.  Here are some pictures from prior years:

That looks like a lot of fun, actually.

Canadian DFOers! Please fill in the blanks on the fun to be had on this magical day!

That happened yesterday!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Horatio Cornblower

You say that the Vanderbilt QB has a chance to break all of Jay Cutler’s records? We go live to Jay Cutler for his reaction:
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Viva La Tabula Raza

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litre_cola

Jordan Rodgers is doing commentary on The Outdoors Texas Bowl. Does he take veiled shots at his brother?

Senor Weaselo

Veiled?

herodotus450

Baylor’s Jamycal Hasty made his way to the endzone
[puts on coke bottle eye glasses]
…quickly.

litre_cola

Wee Fronk!

blaxabbath

Frank

theeWeeBabySeamus

That kid looks suspiciously like Scott Van Pelt.

Just sayin’.

rockingdog

Baby! Yea!

Redshirt

Son of Fronkenshteen

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nice. General observation: all newborns look like Winston Churchill.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh thank god he’s white…is what I tried to get my wife to say when she delivered our first. With my mother in the room.

Your kid is cute, too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Petronel

TinyFronk is just adorable! Congrats to the Bride of Fronkenshteen for a job well done!

Col. Duke LaCross

Hey! Right on!

rockingdog

finally saw the new Jerrod Carmichael stand up special. It’s good!

Gratliff

So now we get to wonder what sort of Super Cancer the entire city of New York was just inflicted with after a ConEd explosion. comment image

litre_cola

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Haha…I get it!!!!!

Redshirt

An underrated movie.

blaxabbath

Too bad it wasn’t a bunch of poor Mighiganers— then we wouldn’t have to hear about it all the time and have the rest of if forced to be “NYCStrong”.

On the other hand…

PK might have been evaporated along with NFL Headquarters, the Jets, and — praise the Lord — every(?!!) Wells Fargo executive in history and theiir associates, friends, attorneys and their respective families?!

Senor Weaselo

I’m not dead yet!

Senor Weaselo

Someone came up with Astoria Borealis. At this time of day, at this time of year, in this part of the country, located entirely in your Con Ed?

May I see it?

Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

As a father, how do you send your daughter to Baylor to be in the cheer squad. I assume the tuition is ridiculous, so maybe send Sexy Allysson the coed somewhere else.

herodotus450

Sexy Allysson, you say…
/quietly googles “how to start your own school chaep”

blaxabbath

Crazy to actually witness the blind trust in a broken institution out to fuck them in the most personal way.

rockingdog
Redshirt

Hey. Cassandra Cain is also going to be in the new season of Young Justice. That is my favorite character. But I am not overreacting or nerdgasming at all.

(artistic reenactment of my reaction)
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King Hippo

Young Justice? PLEASE tell me this is a juvie-themed porn series! – Marc T., Parts Unknown

Redshirt

This is DC Universe so you never know. Personally I’m waiting for the alternate ending to the Batman animated series episode “Over the Edge”.

Barbara: “Dad, I’ve sort of taking this night job that’s kind of dangerous.”
Commissioner Gordon: “I know, dear. You’re Batgirl and Bruce Wayne is Batman.”
Barbara: “Batgirl? No! I’m a prostitute and Bruce is my pimp!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! I guess I succeeded in the LDB challenge! What do I win? A beer? I’m taking a beer.

rockingdog

Champion!

litre_cola
Gratliff

Claude Giroux undressed Vasilevskiv(?) after blowing through a 4v1 defense. Imagine a reality where Claude Giroux has competent coaching and goaltending for an entire season.

Viva La Tabula Raza

ESPN2 has World Axe Throwing Championship on right now. This will be followed at the top of the hour by two hours of 2018 World Cup Final of Dodgeball from Madison Square Garden.

Do they still televise Spelling Bee?

Redshirt

Can’t they combine the three sports?

King Hippo

and they hipster-hype the SHIT out of it

theeWeeBabySeamus

If you can dodge an axe, you can dodge a ball.
Your word is…..

King Hippo

I hate how ESPN dumbs down the playoff qualification scenarios and omits “or tie”

Redshirt

Dec. 27th Primetime Game is a 6-6 Bowl?!

King Hippo

mid-week, too close to actual Xmas = Bowls hate the slot.

Horatio Cornblower

Just realized UConn’s own, Dan Orlovsky, is doing coloUr for the Pinstripe Bowl. I cannot believe they haven’t found a way to shoehorn in a clip of him running out of the back of the end zone yet.

Redshirt

With all the crap Orlovsky gets, would anyone trust the ’08 Lions O-Line to give 12 yards of pass protection?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nice of Wizzy to piss in the wound. Maybe they think running it up will help them in the rankings next season.

King Hippo

I know, assume Da U must have been da-icks during Bowl Week or sommet.

I didn’t bet this one because WI is generally stinky cheese, too – but my “back the Atlantic (plus Duke, super well-coached), fade the Coastal” looks pretty solid so far.

Redshirt

Either Miami was dicks or they put Senior bench players in which omits all run up the score rules.

Fronkenshteen

Fronkenbaby the Second has arrived! A robust lad, weighing in at 8 lbs 4 oz., 20 inches in length. Took to the nipple like a goddamned pro, too! Everyone healthy and happy. Hope you guys are all BANGED UP and winning all your bets. Cheers!

Mr. Ayo

Congrats!

King Hippo

mazel tov!

Wakezilla

4 oz/ 20 inches?

I think Josh Gordon just got suspended again.

Congratulations!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Congratulations on your Fronkenshpawn!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think we can dispense with any kind of naming contest, because nothing is competing with this gem.

litre_cola

Yep this one is it.

Fronkenshteen

Indeed. Inspired!

Horatio Cornblower

Well done, Ms. Fronkenshteen!

Oh, and yeah, you too, guy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well done!!!! And for his sake I hope he doesn’t look like you.
(I’ve never met you, I’m just assuming)

Fronkenshteen

Oh you’re right on the money. I ain’t purdy.

Redshirt

Congrats to you and your Fronkenshtroop.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That warms my heart. Congratulations!

litre_cola

Huzzah to you Fronk! Just don’t let it follow in your footsteps and be a West Ham fan!

WCS

I guess this means we’ll have to drink extra heavy tonight to celebrate.

Congrats!

Viva La Tabula Raza

You have a couple of years yet to figure out how to deal with Xmas/birthday gifting protocols. Unless you are a follower of one of the world’s other major or minor religions, of course.

Brick Meathook

Congratulations!

ArmedandHammered

Congrats! Glad to hear everyone is doing well.

SonOfSpam

Hooray! Way to watch your wife do all the work!

Fronkenshteen

THOSE ICE CHIPS DIDN’T FEED THEMSELVES TO HER, DAMMIT!!

Petronel

Congrats! Hope that all went as well as possible for the Bride of Fronkenshteen, too, and that she is enjoying a well-deserved rest.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Since I have taken to the nipple and have not looked back.

Congratulations.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Facebook just suggested I become fb friends with Tommy Chong.

Yes, I find that hilarious. And also weirdly apropos.

Horatio Cornblower

While you were laughing Facebook sold all your information to some Slavic bandits.

Brick Meathook

I once went to the same auto body shop that Tommy Chong also once went to.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m just going to presume you were both high and crashed into each other, and move on.
😀

Brick Meathook

No, but there was an autographed picture of him on the wall.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cheech Marin probably forged the signature for a dime bag.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, let ’em have it.

SonOfSpam

I hope that if you send him a friend request, he replies with “Tommy’s not here, man.”

Senor Weaselo

As long as it doesn’t suggest me. You know just enough to get me in trouble. Or out of trouble. Not sure.

WCS

I’m starting to think neither team is interested in winning this game.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve noticed that the second half of these lesser bowl games seem to drop into “if you don’t try to hurt me, I won’t try to hurt you” more often than not.

Horatio Cornblower

(Alert sounds in the DFO clubhouse)
Horatio has 4 18-19 year old females in his house and they’re baked
DFO: TO HORATIO’S!!!!comment image
(Alert sounds a second time)
Upon further review, it’s his daughter and three of her friends and they’re baking, not baked.
DFO: comment image

herodotus450

Any of these girls have… moms?

Horatio Cornblower

Nice save.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“That’s the best one.”

Bill B. NE

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure they all do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ya Damned Tease.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not kidding about the baking. There’s some good looking chocolate chip cookies being put together in there, and I know you people well enough to know that if you don’t have the munchies now, you will have them within an hour.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Say whatever you want. And enjoy your cookies.
I’m still gonna picture it this way….
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This has to be a niche fetish; hello sweet internet money.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dang, Hippo was right again. I shoulda dropped the G on Duke.

Currently I’m looking at dumping it on LSU ATS. What say you, Hippo Man?

King Hippo

what is spread? I like ’em to win, for sure. Wazzu -2.5 tomorrow night I also like

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can get Tigs -7.

King Hippo

yeah, they probably at least push that. I was thinking “7” as break even point

theeWeeBabySeamus

UCF hasn’t played anybody. New guy under center now suddenly also. I don’t see them faring well against LSU’s defense.

King Hippo

I agree, just that LSU is not high-scoring, and UCF is very wide open (especially when chasing backdoor cover). I could easily see a 31-24, etc.

scotchnaut

I like Molly a whole bunch. She’s doing a carbonara here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JYub2JxoDo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Me too…. oh, you mean…..”

-Wes Wleker

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bacon, eggs and cheese in a pasta?
Count me in.

scotchnaut

#spiritpasta

Horatio Cornblower

I would eat a lot of that carbonara.

Col. Duke LaCross

The Melissandre smoke-baby episode. Is it wrong to be terrified, disgusted and really aroused all at the same time?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No.

Redshirt

(turns into ESPN / sees Miami’s losing)

(smiles contently)

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He wants to dock.

WCS

Wisconsin’s kicker looks like a 45-year-old background actor in a 1970’s porno. Kicks like one, too.

Redshirt

“Hey, Holder. Why don’t you get down on your knee and handle my pigskin.”

(70s porno music hits)

scotchnaut

[pizza delivery guy walks in]

“That’ll be six dollars… Whoa! What’s going on here?”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Then he fixes the cable.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice socks.
I don’t have an erection, YOU HAVE AN ERECTION!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Being 25 she’s “flunked” a lot of grades. Looks like she’s going to get and A and an F.

SonOfSpam

And a D or two.

scotchnaut

[talks as he’s pumping away]

“We don’t have any cash. Wanna join in?”

scotchnaut

“I sure do!”

[takes off “Keep On Truckin” t-shirt]

Senor Weaselo

Where the hell do you get a pie for six bucks these days?

scotchnaut

It’s the 70’s! Geezuz!

Horatio Cornblower

I wonder if his dick also hooks to the left.

tomsellecksmoustache

After close examination of the Wigan birds above, I can safely say that while slutty they are at best St. Louis 6’s. Maybe an L.A. 3.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

St. Louis 6, L.A. 3 is what the score would have been if Jeff Fisher’s Rams could have played against themselves.

scotchnaut

Apparently Flavor Flav’s nephew made a good defensive play for Miami.

SonOfSpam

If doesn’t have sex with old-ass Brigitte Nielsen, he’s way ahead of his uncle.

scotchnaut

I wonder if he’s a bottom like old Flav…

SonOfSpam

If he is, he should get cleaned out regularly, and do it in front of people to set an example.

I guess I’m saying he should get a Public Enema.

scotchnaut

Are you a dad? I ask because that joke…

SonOfSpam

Yeah (far as I know).

And what joke?

scotchnaut

Desean Jackson wants to move on from the Bucs

“I want to drop passes and not score TD’s for some other team that needs those skills!”

-D.S.

King Hippo

Who was the mammal that told you Temple always folds down the stretch and that one should wager Duke footy?

scotchnaut

Did the mammal make some moolah?

King Hippo

Chuh chuh! Like $125-ish

SonOfSpam

I disagreed with you and was wrong. But in a way, I was right, and you were wrong. I’ll figure out how later.

tomsellecksmoustache

Fellow DFO commenters, I require your assistance. Ms. Sellecksmoustache is pressing hard for a vacation. I’m fine with it but want some opinions from the most learned minds on the interwebz. She has presented four locals: Montreal, Dublin, Barcelona or Paris.

I am ashamed to admit this, but I am severely lacking in culture and have never left the loving arms of Lady Liberty. Are any of these better than countering with a local somewhere here in God’s country? She added Barcelona to the list because of topless beaches, if that adds any weight to a decision.

WCS

Montreal is probably the cheapest option is she’s not budging on those choices. That said, French Canadians are shitheads.

King Hippo

MTL was the only place in Canadia that I did NOT like. Quebec City, on the other hand, was awesome.

scotchnaut

#spiritanimal

tomsellecksmoustache

It sounds like you’re saying Barcelona for the nekkid Spanish broads.

ArmedandHammered

And the food!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Spanish broads? It’ll be a bunch of flabby old pasty German hausfraus.

scotchnaut

I’d counter Montreal with Quebec City. The old part of the city is very European as far as its look/feel is concerned. There’s great food there and plenty to do.

#notallfrenchcanadians

SonOfSpam

I mean…she wants to get naked on a beach and wants you to see other boobs. So do that.

Also, if you don’t have a passport, do that immediately so you don’t have to stress about it.

Also, don’t go to Europe during July-August because they aren’t big fans of air conditioning.

tomsellecksmoustache

Do Canuck ladies not pull out their maple jugs?

Have a passport, but feel that Miami is closer, cheaper and has just as many things (women) for me to look at.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but Miami also sucks.

Where’s home base (approx)? Like what airport?

tomsellecksmoustache

CVG, or as Redshirt knows, Cincinnati. Not happy about it but I deal with bad situations.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Unless things have changed, Delta uses Cincinnati-N Kentucky as an international hub. I flew to Europe through there a number of times back in the late 90s and early 2000s.

SonOfSpam

Then you’re not THAT far from Europe. Do that. Ireland has pubs and whatnot.

Horatio Cornblower

If you’re going to go to Miami, drive another 150 miles and go to Key West.

Redshirt

“She added Barcelona to the list because of topless beaches, if that adds any weight to a decision.”

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I don’t think any good can come to Topless Beaches. “Oh, is that what you like? All big? Am I too flat for you?” “Oh, is that what you like? All small? Am I just a torso connected to two beachballs?” Either that or Ms. Sellecksmoustache wants the scenery, which raises some possible questions.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I enjoyed Dublin quite a bit, and it is an excellent “beginner” Europe destination. Barcelona was nice but felt too touristy. I haven’t been to Montreal or Paris since I was in high school, but wasn’t a huge fan of either (which should probably be discounted, since I was too young to enjoy them much).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A friend just went and liked Madrid better because of that very reason.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What is the budget? Do you have airline miles to knock down the cost?

I’d go also to other near by cities depending on what you want to see.

litre_cola

I have been to all 4 numerous times (not bragging just strange circumstances and her choices are fucking excellent.
Dublin is great but the weather can be shit a lot of the time. Montreal has Jazzfest, Comedyfest, music festivals in the summer and it will cost you less than the others. Barca is fucking incredible, the food, the people, the architecture, Gaudi buildings everywhere. Paris is my favoUrite city in the world.

scotchnaut

No NFL tonight so Miami/Wiscy will have to do.

Brick Meathook

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scotchnaut

Guy 1: “What the heck is that?”

Guy 2: “I think it’s called a ‘propeller’.”

Guy 1: “Welp, there goes my ‘big fan’ joke.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

In nautical parlance, that would be called a “screw.”

SonOfSpam

Figures a boat full of seamen would have a big screw.

Brick Meathook

Near the Lincoln Memorial there is a monument to the guy who invented the screw propeller.

Redshirt

Huh. At first glance, the new Harley Quinn series doesn’t look too bad. I guess DC wasn’t paying attention to it. At least they got Bader back as Batman.

Also, Poison Ivy is now my Spirit Animal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZi4zsBVGmo

rockingdog

Cool!

Senor Weaselo

Bader isn’t how you spell “Kevin Conroy.”

Redshirt

Its not Conroy, but Bader is pretty good. Its like Conroy is early Metallica and Bader is later Metallica. One perfect, but the other isn’t that bad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Living goddess.

rockingdog

Mom?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Incest?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Finally back home. My mother managed to get myself, my sister, and two of my nieces sick with a stomach bug. Driving back from Baltimore was an nightmare as neither my sister nor I could time our bouts of vomiting together.

I just have to now wake up first thing and drive my sister back to Tenn in the am. Just a six hour round trip…that is all…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Only professional actors in certain genres of porn can time our bouts of vomiting together.

WCS

“Our bouts”? Do you live a double life, Moose?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sometime copy/paste turns out funnier than intended.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

For the last time, Moose, it was an art film and I was young and I needed the money!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ten bucks is ten bucks.

Redshirt

Drive safe. Hopefully its an easy drive with less turns so you can set the cruise control and just keep it on the road.

WCS

Does Shreveport, Louisiana actually exist, or is it just a massive case of widespread hallucination?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not going to say I’m not enjoying Temple whipping up on Duke, I’m just saying I’d be a lot happier if I was watching it in late March.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dropping in to pimp the mailbag and then back to hanging with my future in-laws

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2018/12/26/mouth-flies-open-door-number-2/

Redshirt

At first glance, I misread that by omitting the word “with”.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

In an age of digital seats, I now don’t feel like as much of an idiot keeping score at every baseball game I attend.

I also now feel more compelled to take photos than before as a way of proving I was there.

I also try to take a picture of both starting pitchers’ foreskins too, but that’s just for other reasons.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m a huge fan of manual scorekeeping. Screw the millennials who think it’s dumb.

SonOfSpam

Yes, let’s screw some millennials!

Senor Weaselo

One of my finest hours is keeping score of the 2008 ASG until I ran out of paper, and then ran out of the counting columns, and then ran out of margins. And it was the 14th at that point so I wasn’t spending another $20 on a third program (a clean copy, a scored copy, and that hypothetical copy) just for a scorecard.

Horatio Cornblower

I once had to keep the official scorebook during a Little League All-Star play-off tournament. Some of the parents would come up and ask “how could you score my son’s hit an error!? The shortstop never got a glove on it!!”

Yes ma’am, I saw the play and I’m aware of that, but I also saw that your son hit a three-hopper to said shortstop, who proceeded to kick that thing back past home plate and that, I’m afraid, is an error.

litre_cola

HOW THE HELL IS MY SON SUPPOSED TO GET ON THE TRAVEL TEAM? OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!

Senor Weaselo

If I wasn’t due up, or if I was out of the game after pitching, I got to do the book. I was the only one.

Redshirt

I call False Advertising. I’ve been using Sling TV for about 24 hours and Megan Mullally hasn’t shown up asking if I want to have intimate relations with her. Hell, I’d be open to considering Nick Offerman. He seems like someone who would be a gentle yet passionate lover.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, that’s just wrong…..

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SonOfSpam

…because you have wood.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If that’s wrong; I don’t want to be right.

rockingdog

how did I miss this….

Is that Marshawn Lynch trying to light a blunt?comment image

SonOfSpam

I’m gettin a semi for the upcoming (heh) Independence Bowl, but I’m sad that it’s no longer the Poulan Weedeater Independence Bowl. Damn, that device could really eat weeds!

rockingdog

half-way thru the season!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4VLhzFhIyk