Oh, I’m told this the Bye Week update? Screw that, title still stands.

THE BENS TEEM HAS LOTS OF OWIES IN ALL OVER BODYSPOT

This team had serious question marks to start this season, and like 908% of the offense has gotten hurt since the opening kick-off to start the season. 2-4 into the Bye Week, and beating two just, awful, awful squads in Cincy and San Diego Chargers, as the Yinzer radio team referred to them the entire game. Low Commander simultaneously nods and invokes BOLTMAN for such a sacrifice.

I can’t figure out this team. Miss Cleo couldn’t either, both on the account she was a fraud, and she’s dead. The AFC North is the 2009-era NFC West: Everyone is complete shit, and, yet, whomever comes out is this dumpster fire will somehow win a playoff game. In the process, they’ll grant the Patriots another AFC Championship appearance. I want to throw up already.

Oh, actual analysis for this team?

THE BEN IS OUT WITH ELBOWOWIE.

Mason Rudolph, the choice to be THE BEN’S successor is out with scrambled eggs for a brain.

We’re down to a dude who wasn’t even picked up as an undrafted pick (who still won his first start since THE BEN in 2004) as the quarterback.

Everyone hates the Stillers, so this is just spraying the champagne and beer. They also traded their first round pick to Miami, so why not? Defense might be good, but, after everyone focuses on the running game, and they’ll probably gets hurt, what is left? At least we have a high pick— oh, right.

Don’t feel bad (and I know you won’t), at least ol’ WCS has West Virginia football to fall back on– oh, right.

Who the hell knows? I’ll say 6-10, and introduce you to your seven-time Super Bowl champions, New England. I’ll be over here, chugging my bourbon, smoking Camels, and wondering where I went wrong with my life.

At least I have tickets to The Office: The Musical. Very interested see who performs me.