I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…
TO THE GAME!
Broncs/Jerts:
-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.
-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.
-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.
Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.
You’re not Noah Fant.
Speaking of, where’s hippofant?
Ontario?
Toronto-ish I think
PADRES!!!!
yay baseball!
Get a pitcher, MORANS!
ya need those
gotta figure Dodgers still gonna win the pennant
Go to Fant again!
I don’t think his knee is gonna thank either of us for thinking this.
Rypien has AA Rod-qualiry throwaways
He’s on roids?
family ?
also heads up new Borat movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho1jnw5FUho
Wet ass balls not nearly as big of a hit as WAP
No, they get cold if you are out doors and a breeze picks up.
Being mostly internal, lady bits don’t really get cold. It’s probably a hypothermia symptom actually
Baseball Reference lists 23 catchers ahead of Yadier Molina in stats like JAWS and WAR, which are things I don’t understand but that give everyone else in HoF arguments boners.
https://www.baseball-reference.com/leaders/jaws_C.shtml
10 of the guys ahead of Yadier, including Jorge Posada, who has no place in the HoF without a ticket, are not in the Hall of Fame.
The scariest part about Yadi’s career was when you didn’t see him.
Just popping in to say the Jets uniforms suck a dick
That must be distracting for the Jets
“Why hasn’t this team drafted better?” asked Troy.
It’s the Jets, Troy. ‘Nuff said.
Really thought the Broncos would let this new guy Rypien on the vine a bit more befor playing him.
Please note that the Jets fan is watching Dirt #BFIB vs. Dirt Aztecs.
Seriously, how much pine tar do you have to smear on your chest protector for this to happen? A shit-ton, or a metric shit-ton?
With respect,
??
Objection, Your Honor, non-responsive.
shit dicks
Baker Mayfield in a book club. Yeah right. As long as they’re reading Dr. Seuss
ColoUring book
Red fish, blue fish, brown fish, sad fish
Don’t fick this up.
Oh god, no he isn’t. He’s one of the most overrated people in the HoF discussion. 160 career HRs, less than 1K RBI, 2 years with MVP-like production, one of which seems questionable, (never won it, either), and has never, ever, led the league in literally ANY offensive production category.
But he’ll get it, probably on the first ballot, because he’s a Cardinal and because he’s never shied away from bringing attention to himself, except when asked to explain why a baseball bounced up and stuck to his chest protector, because he was cheating.
In conclusion, Nigeria is a land of contrasts and Yadier Molina can get fucked.
Oh, here are his stats. Notice the utter lack of black ink, individual awards, or really anything that would justify HoF status.
https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/molinya01.shtml
I will always +1 a good conclusion. This report was picaresque and epic in scope, good jerb!
The last time I saw this much material fall from the New York sky was 9-11.
Oh look now Melania’s racist trash too!
You know all of this ends with Melania becoming Putin’s side piece.
As if she ever stopped being his firsts
Normal for Eastern Europeans. I’m 90% EE and if I have any ancestral guilt this is it
They’re not known as a welcoming people.
I mean, not news really, but still delicious.
Damned birther hooker.
She’s just another immigrant who came here and took an honest American grifter’s jorb smh
Twitter done xploded.
What happened?
Not new. She was a Birther since 2011
Erin Andrews is the pretty girl who goes to the prom with you, but won’t drink.
Why God invented roofies (rufies?) and tiny peephole cameras.
Really? I always thought she was the kind of girl you could golf with in the afternoon, and then take to the the Cheap Trick concert and share a flask of whiskey with.
I have my doubts. Maybe cause she looks like the girls who went to the snotty high schools in my youth.
My triumph in high school was throwing up on the front porch of one of the mansions they lived in.
Ages ago, she was working the sideline of a Thursday night college football game at Louisville or Cincinnati or something, but the corners of the end zone were REALLY close to a short brick wall that separated the action from the fans. Anyway QB throws the high fade to the back corner of the end zone. Incomplete. And the WR went flying over the short wall and a little boy in the front row got a full on kick in the face. The camera in the corner caught the WR hugging the kid, who was crying, and the broadcast went to a break. When they came back, Erin Andrews had the kid and was interviewing him like he was a player: “You took a tough shot right there, but you look like you’re gonna be able to continue!” And he was all, “YEAH! YEAH! I feel good!”
So when the peephole thing happened,and I heard they were ogling her on the Howard fucking Stern show, I was upset. She seems to be good people.
She was the one that overreacted to Richard Sherman. The rich prissy white girl was strong.
I don’t remember her overreacting. I thought she kind of laughed and just left the microphone in front of him to finish what he was shrieking.
KEEEEP THE FAITH BABABAYYYYY!!!
OMGGGG
PADRSE R BACK!!!!!
3 dudes just failed miserably on the Yankee Stadium category on Jeopardy.
Got the $200 (Babe Ruth) and did nothing on the rest.
They were not difficult questions.
The answer was Dankey Kang, dammit.
Shit, I guess everything in the White House gets a pice of hope hicks.
Middle Fozz Spawn has his first football game tomorrow night.
Now, I’m obviously going to drink, but trying to figure out what’s best.
My plan is to be shirtless by halftime and tackle a ref by beginning of third quarter.
Sounds like you’re UpForAnything, so…
Beer when you enter the game, beer when they play the anthem, beer at kickoff, then shot of whiskey at the start of each play Spawn is in
*If Spawn is part of the kickoff, that’s a beer and a shot
I mean duh
Time for the nightly Boomer fail tech support call starring Ms. Whiskey and her parents. “Is it a doc or a pdf?” Kill me.
Yep on both counts.
Kinda like Jeter. I HATE that guy, but whatcha gonna do?
Yadi would have had approximately the same range at SS
Pudge was great at the casual gunning of potential stealers.
And all 3 Molinas have WS rings, and are a combined 8 feet tall and 11 feet wide.
i remember when Matty Alou played for the Pirates. I’m even older than you- older than everyone except Viva. Get off my lawn!
Universal DH and minimum batters faced for relievers.
That guy looks like a roided Michael Avenatti
Padres are back!
I’ve had almost no alcohol for the last 10 days, so it’s a good idea to have 2 bottles of wine tonight, right?
Absolutely
I can’t see any downside to this strategy.
I mean, if you don’t have three, then whatever.
You’re asking the wrong group, but yes. Duhhhh
Tolerance is probably down, best bang for your buck!
If you’re getting back on the horse, get on the horse the right way
What kind?
Just finished a Ryder Estate Rose, contemplating opening a Gruet Sparkling, but won’t open anything sparkling if I won’t finish it. Incidentally, every wine I bought today costs $19.95 to maximize the Bevmo 5 cent sale
That’s good hustle. Had a Aussie Viognier tonight as it’s still 25 C here.
We’re having a heat wave again, so tossed the Rose in the freezer and consumed at below recommended temp. I haven’t had a Viognier in a while, pairs surprisingly well with shredded brussel sprout salads
Almost full time Red wine Season, that’s my time of year.
Hell yeah!
padres sure are
Is Hope Hicks dead yet?
Inside? For years now.
I keep seeing that and thinking it was Hope Solo.
Covid-19, not kicking your own nephews ass in the driveway
Is she still married to noted criminal and all-around shitbag Jerramy Stevens?
The St. Louis Cardinals are diseased.
jelly, just soooooo jelly
Another pic of King of the Douches
Oh god, poetry tattoos on the forearm.
That’s like their flag. Douchebags, I mean.
yOu don’t know the least of it. he’s got them all up and down his arms.
What the fuck am I looking at? I’m looking at what is going to get Fozz 25 to life
The memory of his demise would keep me going for 25 years.
Best part: he’s on the leadership committee
Motherfucker couldn’t manage a lemonade stand.
Needs more riot cop
Universal DH. The rest can fuck all the way off.
This.
Normally I would be upset that we haven’t even hit halftime yet, but since I’m not working right now I’m kinda digging the shitty game time dilation
Timeless jokes:
-gently used fleshlight
-SPECIAL young man
Darnold tried to get that interception thrown, but Hogan got in the way.
Cripes that makes the Chicago Bears QB look good
Hogan: “That had to be OPI, c’mon man!”
Ref Shultz: “I See Nothing! Nothing!”
The injury tent makes me sad, if you’re seeking a bit of privacy it should be for way more fun reasons
That security guard giving himself a handy years ago agrees.
“Why does Green Bay have two privacy tents?”
“Uh, one’s for Aaron…”
This Darnold I call him a WWII Mennonite because he isn’t even trying to hit the target.
Is this a football game or a snuff film?
OH SWEET JEEBUS NOT CHUBB
Hogan caught that ball like the lacrosse player he was.
Nice prevent D.
-Rod Marinelli
I really like Jamison Crowder, but damn, do they have to call him a basketball player?
C’mon pick!
Basketball player. Drink
Will the fake crowd boo Gase?
They Booed Wentz a couple weeks ago
We should be able to vote on who the fake crowd boos