Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.
Today’s write up will be brief as I’m writing this intro after post time and ignoring a video call on the other screen. The only thing this meeting is going to accomplish is booking moar meetings to waste (my) time. Larry from Regina looks like a fucking rockstar\genius beside these people. It’s really this bad. There’s a delivery company with the tag line of “Moving at the speed of business”, which is to indicate speed, but if anything like most of my clients, then the pace is downright glacial. So, does that mean that my package will take months before it arrives.
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Ill take The Shining. Sorry Stephen, I like Kubrick’s version.
Sharkbait
REDRUM!!!
Gumbygirl
Sharkbait
Was just cooking up some liver and fava beans, opening a nice Chianti, and it made me think of
SonOfSpam
…The Blair Witch Project?
Senor Weaselo
I haven’t seen Jets get taken down like this since 9/11!
Dunstan
I was way too busy today and couldn’t participate in the Mock Draft. Did anyone happen to mention The Blair Witch Project?
scotchnaut
Ever since Tannehill came in, Tits have the most TDs in the NFL.
Now with Quintorris López Jones, I demand primetime flexes.
/starts 3-month plan for nicotine gum + weed reserves for 47-45 shootouts
Don T
Is there any picking sheet to determine the winners of the fights between the fans. Really looking to the hooligan fight between the Scots and the Croats. I have a feeling the Scots are better at throwing rocks but the Croats are probably better at using hidden weapons.
ArmedandHammered
would join that pool, but not sure how the scoring would work.
Game Time Decision
number of deaths/injuries requiring medical attention/non-medically attended bleeding wounds and concussions per faction divided by the number of participants per faction, the faction with the lowest number wins
ArmedandHammered
Ah, so Standard Glasgow Scoring, then.
Dunstan
Yep, instead of the Russian which only counts deaths/disappearances
ArmedandHammered
Haven’t done any cocaine (and therefore, baby laxative) in years, but just reading about Bolivia makes me feel like I have to poop.
Fronkenshteen
Brazilian team not playing while the Copa’s been moved to Brazil would be peak hilarity. And/or riots.
Senor Weaselo
So to counter everything else, i had a fun weekend. Went to the first wedding in forever, saw a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in over a year.
My female cousin was marrying a musician she had met when he was working on some months before covid. They kept in touch through social media, and when he was out of work cuz of the cruise line shitting shutting down, he decided to come to indiana to move into her place. They were gonna have a courthouse wedding, but decided to wait a few more months once the vaccine was announced.
Did I mention the lad is Colombian? The reason I bring this up is that I apparently i didn’t realize how kickass a latin wedding was going to be after a year lockup. There was Colombian food, there was Colombian music, there was Colombian alcohol, there was Colombian women who were salsa dancing, and I wasn’t related to a single one of them!
I also didn’t realize how involved the groom’s band would be. (Hes the guitarist) Not only did he play half of the reception, but he also wrote a song for his vow, made my poor cousin cry because her cuz she felt upstaged. She was like “you wrote this beautiful song and I just got these few lame paragraphs on a piece of paper.
NGL, I’m super jealous of how cool this guy is. He can apparently play every classic rock song from memory. He played elvis, Beatles, stones, Metallica and absolutley killed it playing Santana, who is apparently his idol. During the couple’s second dance he pulled out a microphone and started singing Sinatra, and whipped out a pair of shades.
Another great moment occurred the night before, where he was playing journey while the bride and her sister sang. What made it most memorable was as I was recording it, I noticed my cousin’s son (kid is about eleven) wander into frame, and seeing that he was distracted, I took the opportunity to shove him into the pool. Got the whole thing on video. (Granted he had just gotten out of the pool, but still, it was fucking funny.)
May we put this year of shittiness behind us and have a summer of greatness!
Brocky
Yesterday was more fun, but today was also a good day for DFO on twitter.
I love that you're giving up something you love just because you hate gay Americans so very, very much. Like, you are literally making your life worse out of spite. What a wonderful way to live!
— [DoorFliesOpen] (@doorfliesopen) June 8, 2021
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I may have figured out why Eli Manning thinks that sandwich was a Sloppy Joe. After the great cowboys vs. Indians catsup fiasco which necessitated a new carpet and wallpaper, it was decided that Eli was never to be given anything which had a reddish sauce. So the first time he was given a sloppy Joe, that is what they gave him. I mean you still have to watch him when he has a juice box.
ArmedandHammered
Because I lived in Scotland for 3 years, and my sister in law is Scottish, I feel like I am qualified to explain Scotland to people who have never been there. Here we go!
Gumbygirl
Leafs choke. Habs advance to third round. Bruins out.
Dunstan
NNNNNNAAAAAAWWWWWWTTTTTT FFFFFAAAACCCCCKKKKINNNN FAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
WCS
I don’t know why the hell the DFO twitter account follows Ellen DeGeneres, but anytime she shows up in the feed I make a point of making a joke about her throwing water bottles at her assistants.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
You are doing Bleergh’s work with that account.
litre_cola
Lots of pills
“What now?”
WCS
The King and his Queen
Gumbygirl
King Hippo
“I hear that.” – Eli, showing off his Ovaltine ring
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Was just reading a news article about one of Florida’s favorite sons. A poaster commented:
“Like a cold night in Florida, Matt Gaetz slipped into the teens”
Tears of hysterical laughter are now streaming down my face…
BeefReeferLives
Been saying this for decades but the Utah fans are hands down the most racist disgusting fans in all of American professional sports.
It’s like they’re being a little overlooked brother.
Goes back to when they made fun of Derrick Fisher for missing a game because his daughter had eye surgery because she had cancer.
I’ve said it before: I liked the no fans better.
yeah right
No state deserves the nickname Jazz less than Utah.
SonOfSpam
It’s really nice to see the NFL doing what they can for equality between the sexes, by allowing a female employee to act like a complete asshole and, just like a male employee, face no repercussions at her place of employment.
Horatio Cornblower
I would like to thank you magnificent bastards for your support. I am on ice and my wife is on ankle support. I asked my daughter to choose. Cut off my leg or toss me over the fence and let the coyotes sort it out. She is conflicted.
Goddamn do I love this tag:
COVID-19 is obscuring the fact that Roger Goodell continues to be a national disgrace
Well fucking done
Game Time Decision
[included as it got lots of likes. Feel dirty including my own comment]
Perhaps no better feeling than getting super drunk without realizing you are even getting a little drunk!
/until the next day, oy
King Hippo
Editor
June 11, 2021 12:38 pm
Just had an attorney call me after 12 on Friday to tell me he was sending the documents over that I’d been chasing him for months to get me, and when can I review them.
Me: “Monday. I’m taking a half day in the office today.”
I work at home.
Horatio Cornblower
That’s right up there with my personal favorite, the lengthy letter from opposing counsel on a non-emergency matter than demands a response within a day.
Dunstan
I just made that Cocktail of The Week. Might I say, not bad. This is something I would drink again. Thanks, mysterious internet person who totally isn’t a serial killer, for sharing this one.
TheRevanchist
Instead of quite a few fireworks pops going off tonight (and yes, people are dumb and bored enough to constantly set off fireworks in an extreme drought) there was one especially loud explosion sound and it has been silent since then. I’m setting the fingers lost line at JPP
Doktor Zymm
Today I ran four miles, fought with SO, got super drunk and ordered pizza-BINGO!
scotchnaut
Biggest fan of suspended matches? You guessed it-Michael Hutchence.
scotchnaut
A Finnish soccer player with a hockey background is the equivalent of an NFL TE with a basketball background.
Horatio Cornblower
Soccer announcers saying “ice hockey” are the equivalent of us calling soccer “lesser footy.”
Dunstan
“Terrific fans here in Copenhagen….”
Horatio Cornblower
I’ve no ikea where you’re going with this.
scotchnaut
If someone wagers on Wales and loses, is it okay to welsh on the bet?
scotchnaut
“IT’S PRONOUNCED ‘BELL GUM’, JEEBUS!”
-Gumbygirl, incredibly biased observer
scotchnaut
Chin-mask lady chugged a Coors light in the boarding line, then held up the whole line because she was apparently unaware that her kids have to wear masks! I hope she gets drunk on this short flight and provides some free in flight entertainment while setting a poor example for her kids!
Doktor Zymm
(Artist’s rendering)
WCS
I forgot how much I love drinkin’ and watchin’ sports and makin’ dick jokes. I love you all.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
THIS NETHERLANDS TEAM, I CALL THEM CHRISTIAN ERIKSON, BECAUSE THEY COLLAPSED, BUT THEY’RE OK NOW.
… too soon?
Dunstan
June 13, 2021 1:51 pm
I have smoked paprika, but not hot Hungarian. I think I’m going to wait until I am properly provisioned, but I am definitely making this soon!
Gumbygirl
I have smoked paprika
And I have snorted cilantro. I’m just glad that we can be honest with each other.
scotchnaut
I’ve always felt that The Netherlands is some place that the central protagonist in a YA novel would be banished to in the third chapter.
scotchnaut
“Getting to the nether lands” is basically the point of being a young adult, so that part makes sense.
herodotus450
An Austrian looking for space to exploit? Gee, that’s never gone horribly wrong for anyone before.
Horatio Cornblower
Bannered.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
My comment shall stand for 1,000 years!
/or until Son of Spam wakes up
Horatio Cornblower
This Chicken Paprikash recipe is good, but inauthentic.
It is missing the essential ingredient. My dear late Hungarian mother-in-law, whom I adored, taught me the secret to real Hungarian Chicken Paprikash:
.
.
.
.
.
Step 1: Steal a chicken
Brick Meathook
A good meal when you can’t waddle the half mile to bed
Doktor Zymm
No one offer me a wafer thin mint
Doktor Zymm
I took delivery of an air purifier this week. It has an app that reports on air quality. My new hobby is farting on it to get a proper reading on my GI health.
Mr. Ayo
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
I have nothing to add, except that my comment makes it 69 for this post.
https://imgur.com/6zeve8L
New post up. Please take you WWI and WWII jokes and move to the new post. Nothing to see here people, new post up, let’s move it along.
Wow. I haven’t seen Germany suffer such misfortune at the hands of France since…I don’t know, the Treaty of Versailles?
Germany is on the list of places to visit. I want to go there through France and Belgium. AKA the reverse Schlieffen Plan
Hungary should just slide tackle hard into Ronaldo’s knee. Send a message to the rest of the group
Hungary’s defense peaked against Genghis Khan
I yield my banner to the right honorable gentleman from Puerto Rico
There it is
THIS GAME I CALL IT ATTILA’S WEDDING NIGHT, BECAUSE THE HUNS HAVE COLLAPSED!
I like to dump on Ronaldo but that was a very solid-looking penalty kick.
He’s been watching Bruno Fernandes at practice
I prefer to dump on women, but you do you. – Odell Beckham
Greatest bronze since Nathaniel Bedford Forrest
That is nightmare fuel. More like Nathaniel “Bedlam” Forrest.
Well, normally he’d be hiding it under his hood.
I think I told you guys this, but my son went to an Outward Bound kind of high school outside of Nashville. They called that statue “The French Fag.”
Obvious penalty and predictable as Hungary looking like they were going to assault the Portugese players with the ball
I agree, I don’t know what the announcers are watching to say that isn’t a penalty.
That’s not a penalty?
He grabbed his bicep and hauled the guy down.
Seriously.
Well, I guess it’s not the first time Ronaldo has scored without both parties consent.
ALLEGEDLY.
But also actually
Well, it’s not a horse collar penalty certainly.
#PinballGoal
Hell of a goal, but he was 3′ offsides.
That was why footie players aren’t allowed to participate in Olympic aquatic events, professional divers.
If a Hungarian is hit on the head with a blackjack, is that a paprikosh?
If you hit him with a flashlight, make sure it’s a Magyarlite.
The injury that results is known as a paprikoncussion.
Surely we can’t be surprised that a team from a country responsible for paprika plays with zest?
Very intense
If they score a fancy shot, it will be a Goulashzo.
THIS DELAY IN THE GAME I CALL IT ‘KAREN CARPENTER’ BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS GONE DOWN FROM HUNGARY!!
She must be lonely up in heaven, just sitting there waiting for Dan Fogelberg and the guys from Bread to die.
Nah, she doesn’t want anything to do with Bread.
I hung a breaking ball, you smashed it out of the goddamn park.
Coach: That ball would have stayed in a lot of parks.
Pitcher: Name one
Coach: (pause) Yellowstone?
/I think Major League 2, not positive
Is this the debut game for Portugal’s jerseys? They’re fantastic! They’re like JC Penny men’s casual wear from 1978.
Halston III fo sho
I have been waiting to use this!
I’m watching this game while eating a tuna grinder on a Portuguese roll, so I apparently have chosen sides accordingly.
Interestingly, “tuna grinder” was Jodie Foster’s nickname in high school.Enjoy your lunch!
Jodie Foster did not star in ‘The Accused’ to be denigrated like that, sir.
I’m pretty sure she did it because she’s an actress, and that’s what she gets paid to do.
That scene really helped me refine my pickup technique.
That movie really helped me develop better backspin on my breaks.
Welp, either an irritated Portugal is about to deliver an enormous beat down, or Kaiser Soze is about to lose his limp.
TUDN’s feed of the Europeen Euro games is great (tudn.com). Spanish narration, which means most fouls did not warrant a whistle.
Not surprised Ronaldo missed that chance, his aim has always been a bit suspect.
It’s totally acceptable to blow off my 12:30 meeting for this match right?
YES
I have another at 1. Camera off, meeting on the work laptop, bigger monitor will have the second half
Log in, watch the game, blame lazy eye (not inattentiveness), request reasonable accommodation for disability (video off in meetings).
DR. MRS. DEADLY: [doing Duolingo] “She likes to drink after smoking.”
RTD: What language is that?
DR. MRS. DEADLY: Chinese.
RTD: I didn’t know Chinese was such a party language.
DR. MRS. DEADLY: This is actually the “health” lesson.
Senorita Weaselo has been trying to learn Chinese. I obviously do not loathe her enough to get her a Duolingo. Fuck that owl.
“It’s like a game of chess here”
That falls into Hungary’s hands because they have the Hungarian defense
elengedi Magyarországot!
(Go Hungary!)
Go Hungary!
?itemid=5632946
YES SIR!
I also would have accepted “GO TO WHERE THE FOOD IS!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKNoJ2BzSRU
Between Kinison and Eddie Murphy, 1980s high school boys had all the material they needed to be annoying assholes 24/7.
I’m so glad the Legos pic made it. That cracked me up!
I’m probably the last person to recognize this, but jeebus is the Portuguese National Team fucking loaded. Bench, too.
Fuck it. I parlayed Over 3.5 with Jota to score first. One gets me 25.
It’ll be interesting to see how big of a beatdown this will be.
Portugal is loaded and they have some incredible youth coming up. It’s a shame all this is happening now that Ronaldo is 36
It would be even more tragic if Ronaldo missed the tournament entirely because he was in jail for raping that woman in Vegas.