TGIF! Welcome to the wonderful world of June. I’m getting my NASCAR on today, so let’s get to it.
Survival – Personal Edition
Every lose your car keys? Of course you have! Here’s how to hot wire a car. For newer cars, just buy a device that steals transmitter codes and enjoy your keyless future.
- Supplies! You will need a screwdriver, wire stripper, and electrical tape. You will also need to break in to the car if it’s locked. If so, grab a coat hanger to operate the door opener throw the window.
- Once in the car, start with trying the quick and easy method. Jam that screwdriver into the ignition and break off the pins in the tumbler. Turn and see if that starts the car. If so, skip the rest and enjoy.
- Alright, that didn’t work. Now we’ll need to mess with the wiring. Use the screwdriver to remove the screws holding the trim around the steering column. Or to pry it open if you’re not considered with the trim.
- Once removed, you’ll need to identify the wiring looms. One will control headlights, parking lights, and turn signals. One will control wipers. And the one we’re interested in will control battery, starter and ignition system. Pro tip: The one you want will feed wires into the ignition.
- Identify the two wires from the loom that control the batter and ignition system. Strip and twist them together. If you got it right the radio, lights, and instrument cluster will turn on.
- Next, identify the wire for the ignition system. Strip that wire and touch it to the ends of the other two wires. This should activate the starter and start the car. Use the electrical tape to cover the ends of the wires and be on your way.
- Final desperation option is get a cordless drill. Same idea as the screwdriver. Drill only as deep as a typical car key. Again, you’re trying to break the locking pins in the ignition. After drilling, insert the screwdriver and turn to see if the car starts.
There you go! Who needs car keys anyway? They’re just something else to lose.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
Okay. I lnow it almost 330 eastern, it’s almost 330 eastern….
I’m awake and I’m funk as.druck
Fuck yeah they have an Elvira pinball machine
Not that I would trade with Horatio but I’ve got a ballet tomorrow. It’s like my 15th.
Middle granddaughter, The Wahini, in her 5th performance.
She should have been a surfer.
Still time though. Hurricane Wahini is only 10.
Plenty of time. This girl is fierce.
How the fuck you doing boys (and girls?)
If y’all remember, a few weeks ago i went on a pretty sweet male bonding experience that was my buddy’s bachelor party. It involved firearms. Said buddy is getting married tomorrow and we’ve effectively taken over this tavern.
I may or may not be intoxicated. I may or may not be sharing a story of why there’s a persistent rumor of me having supernatural powers related to a scar I have. I may or may not have compared the Dallas cowboys to that weird shit I took on Thursday
Vaya con Dios, good Sir. Sounds like a night that will echo through the ages.
Or at least through your head, most of tomorrow.
Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
Scar? Are you Harry Pooter, the boy who lived?
That’s kinda the joke. I fucking falcon punched a window then I was 4, high school buddies noticed the. MARK, and made the natural connection, apparently I’m some impossibly awesome combination of thor and superman. The definition of my ab8ilities keeps changing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlc0_GUdfIQ
Holy shit the Port Adelaide – Hawthorn game is currently at an *80* point differential.
It’s the second quarter.
If you had a guy named Madison Cawthorne and you had to guess which of those teams he’d root for, you’d guess Hawthorne, right? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Port Adelaide.
Still here to tell about it!
How the fuck you doing family?!
Just fine Buddy
Glad to hear it. How’s your weather?
Hope it’s warmer than our cold wet blanket.
Warm and rain today but generally its been good.
We’re moving my daughter into her new apartment tomorrow morning. Wife is getting the truck at 9:30. She just went to bed while announcing she’s not feeling well. Son is here but drunk. Daughter just got home from a friend’s house. I’m on my 3rd beer.
Tomorrow’s move is going to go forward with the same precision shown at (waves vaguely at various military disasters) that thing.
Bay of pigs?
Absolutely
I don’t know you went with military when there are all kinds of NFL examples handy. “A Cleveland Browns fake punt” for example.
The Indianapolis Colts were right there.
Both fair points.
I stand by my original choice of teams.
https://twitter.com/PFF/status/1305196421071634435
Why is my bad idea radar going off?
Probably because there’s a sleeper sofa involved that my son, (who has never been involved in an actual move), is convinced will be no problem at all.
Oh you sweet, dumb, summer child.
Oh I’ve got to watch this.
Pre-enactment:
https://twitter.com/friendscatalog/status/1662085047409672194
This exact scene was already mentioned while discussing why the couch is staying on the first floor of her apartment.
You’ve been pre-warned.
Just so, so many pulled muscles and ligaments.
Buddy, anything short of a herniated disc and a torn rotator cuff is an absolute victory.
If he hurts his back, the Dolphins team Doc is here in the Clubhouse.
Gallipoli ?
Operation Gideon
Sexiest of Fridays to us all! Gumby and I got dinner from a couple of awesome food trucks tonight. Totally stuffed. The high school across the street had graduation, and a very kickass fireworks display after. I am baked. Here’s a cutie for yinz
My guess would be an ashtray.
Not only am I not wondering I am actively trying to get the idea out of my mind.
I was thinking brake fluid.
I’m willing to drink it to avoid finding out.
I don’t have time for a yeast infection.
Mac’s aunt!
I missed RTD’s cities ad towns draft today, which upsets me greatly because I missed a chance to drop this gem of a song that no one has ever heard of, and I only know because one time I won a trivia contest on some college radio station and they sent me a CD that included it. But it’s a great song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ybaet54i6Ms
Better version. The live act leaves a bit to be desired.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0VrKMOwzzE
Not considered with the trim? Isn’t that antithetical to sexy Friday?
I wonder if I would impress lady number 5 by wearing my cordless drill in a holster whenever I am out and about? She looks very nice. And if I lose my car key how else will I be able to give her a ride? Thank you Ayo, I learned so much here tonight.
Use food grade grease (yes, there is such a thing) as a cologne. It will keep her from getting sick, but still smells very manly.
I wonder if I would impress lady number 5 by wearing my cordless drill in a holster
WNBA game on right now. On an HD channel. Broadcasting in SD. Smh
More like Y-A-W-NBA amirite?
Yes. Yes, you are.
Shopping for T-shirts
https://twitter.com/Jorjorwel42/status/1664675583706398732/photo/1
“I’ll take it!” -Paul Rubens
Somehow I read this as John Roberts at first, and it still worked.
Also the palate in this venue would make Riley Cooper uncomfortable.
BeerguyRob comes as advertised.
Seriously, are we just not doing phrasing anymore?
Commercial during the Yankees game: “When you’re a Fab, Fit, Fun member you get to choose whatever comes in your box every season.”
Hello!
I’m really just surfacing now. Monday they announce everything and then I can talk a bit. I’ve been on a wild ride the last six weeks or so.
I’ve earned a drink (or ten).
https://fb.watch/kWoNV6P6-a/
Colour me intrigued…
Ummm capitalize?
My kid came home for the weekend and just waxed my ass 5 games to 3 in pool, and two of my wins were because he scratched on the 8-ball.
About ready for him to leave.
“You had me at ‘waxed kid’.” – Marc Trestman
Ever since I typed that I just can’t get the Gaetz off the back door.
This one is causing another Bud Light meltdown.
There’s a Ben Shapiro book sitting by the controls of the jetbridge for my ORD-SFO flight 😂
You know it won’t be about the female orgasm, that’s for sure.
Book pages are so dry they might spontaneously combust.
A lot of women come through a jetbridge, but nawt a lot of women cum through a jetbridge
ppl forget that!
PILOT: [taps gauge] Looks like we’re going to need to go through de-icing.
COPILOT: What the hell? It’s almost summer!
PILOT: It’s weird, but the second the jetway touched the fuselage suddenly went completely frigid.
The #BFIB do a bad. A very, very bad.
I can’t believe there’s a 5 day break before the Ice Superbowl starts. The NHL is so bad at marketing their game.
Pretty sure Manfred and Bettman can only get hard by fucking over their own customers at this point. And/or the players, let’s not forgets.
They’re constantly making the wrong decisions in marketing. Every damn time.
Two successful franchise expansions in the last decade, new TV deal, salary cap going up, where’s the problem*?
*due to a technicality in the ratification of the 17th amendment all problems in Arizona are null and void
I call it. The Big Ice Game.
Back when TickTick Liquors was still open (read up on the closing, it’s a proper story) my friend locked her keys in her car while we were buying booze. As there was always a cop stationed there, we asked him to open the car for us. He was bored as shit and excited to get to break into a car so he was happy to do it! We should have picked a nicer car and pretended it was hers, lol.
Excelente selection again this week, good sir!
it’s tough typing excellent and jerkin at the same time
When I get excited, I speak in Spanish…
I read it as “excelerate” so the lesson here is, as usual, I am illiterate.
Flight leaves at 11, I’m setting an alarm for 4 so I can test out the lorazepam I was prescribed for my flight anxiety. Better living through pharmaceuticals! Also booze. There will be that in the flight too.
I don’t have flight anxiety, but I DO have ‘missing a 4 am alarm’ anxiety. Good luck with the sleeping! Hope the drugs are awesome!
Oh I’m passing the hell out again but I figured it’s worth it having some in my system getting to the airport. Once we’re above 10,000 feet I’m usually Ok, provided it’s a smooth flight. I hate turbulence
That’s pretty rational for anxiety, even I keep my shoes on during takeoff since it is the riskiest part of the flight. Unless it interferes with changing into my pyjamas of course. And remember, nowhere in the safety briefing does it say you can’t take your champagne with you during an evacuation!
I don’t really get anxious on a plane, I just find the whole experience unpleasant as fuck. Being tall doesn’t help matters any.
Also, I never got a firm grasp on Bernoulli’s Principle, I remember making a D on that test.
It’s okay, however it was explained to you during that class was almost certainly inaccurate. Just remember, bumblebees fly, and jets are way more awesome looking than bees, and also faster and make fun noises, so of COURSE they can fly.
Then, I get pulled back to CARBOAT. Always, always CARBOAT.
No love for Knight Boat?
Being tall and then on a plane sucks
I have had to duck just walking down the isle
/that’s the first time I’ve ever typed duck and I’m surprised it didn’t get changed to fuck
DO NOT mix benzos and booze, especially if it’s something you’re not sued to.
Good call. Might stick with a tonic then.
I scrolled down to say that. Your anxiety won’t be an issue, anyway.
We’re going to see your ziptied ass getting drug off a plane tomorrow, aren’t we? Wooo, hell yeah!
I’m pretty sure 3 hours of work per person per day is plenty. I’m actually not sure I averaged even that much when I had a real job
Always a treat to peruse these fine visuals before the Friday Night Nods take over one’s consciousness.
Apparently it’s quite easy troll and enrage MGT types by simply requoting random quotes from Mac.
Even that seems like more effort than needed to enrage a crazy person, but I like the panache
I may have mentioned earlier that I was going alcohol-free quite soon. Well, yesterday our internet provider went kaput and the office staff had to handwrite all of our delivery orders. No worries-it was probably in the range of +/- 400 invoices.
/knee-deep in scotch, thank you very much
“knee-deep in scotch” means entrails
Knee deep in scotch?
Ain’t nothing wrong with that