AFL Beat 2026 – Season Preview!

The AFL season starts this week with the “Opening Round” which the AFL has done for two years now and it’s apparently here to stay. Oh, and this year, we have a WILD CARD! In the God Knows How Many years I’ve been actively following the AFL (not counting my years in the 80s when the league was on ESPN 2), things have changed a lot and continue to change. So, what’s new for this year? First, let’s start with how things ended last year. Then, we can focus on what’s happened during the preseason. Finally, we can look ahead to this week.

***

The Final AFL Ladder from last year

***

AFL Grand Final Highlights

***

The AFL Preseason Results

The AFL Preseason Highlights

AFL Opening Round Standings and Schedule

***

AFL Footy Tipping Contest Last Year’s Results

***

Notes and Comments

Alas, the iconic Centre Bounce is no more. The AFL killed it because apparently the refs can’t do it correctly so instead of spending time and money teaching them, they decided to just fuggedaboutit. Also, they decided they wanted to subscribe to the NHL’s newsletter, so now 10 out of the 18 teams will get into the playoffs. The top 4 will continue to get byes and the Double Chance. 5 and 6 will get byes. 7 to 10 will play immediately after the last round to see who plays 5 and 6. God, I sound more and more like an old man every day. GET OFF MY LAWN!

I wouldn’t put too much stock into the preseason results. Like the NFL, different teams take different approaches and there is a lot of experimentation. The good thing is that the preseason has been cut down to just one game. The interesting part about this off-season is that we had a State of Origin game prior to the preseason games. This was held in Perth and matched up players from Victoria against players from Western Australia. A good time was had by all and it was successful enough that there is talk that it may come back next year.

The Brisbane Lions are (AGAIN) your defending champs. As you saw in the video above, they overcame the Geelong Cats to win back to back Premierships. Truth be told, they are a VERY good chance to win again as they return pretty much everyone.

BFC still owes us a Boots On The Ground from his last trip to Australia as well as his adventures on playing the actual game in the States. Don’t think we have forgotten!

I will not make any predictions this year because it seems like it’s Brisbane against everyone else. However, Carlton, Collingwood, Gold Coast, Geelong, and Sydney should contend.

Congratulations to Sharkbait, who edged SonOfSpam to take last year’s AFL Tipping Competition! Make sure to join again this year to see if we can dethrone him! Action starts TONIGHT, so make sure to get your tips in!!

If you are a member of an AFL club or you got a Watch AFL membership, you should be able to watch every AFL and AFLW game, including replays. Game times vary between Australian afternoon and evening, which actually makes it easier for us in North America to watch as the games can be seeing in the evenings on Pacific Time and early mornings on Eastern time.

If you haven’t become a member of a club or signed up for the Watch AFL app, you can still watch the AFL and AFLW games in the USA on either FS1 or FS2 and in Canada on TSN. Showtimes can be found here on the Australian Football Association of North America website. But I do recommend that you join a club. It’s fun and they send you free shit.

See you next week!

5 5 votes
Article Rating
ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
Subscribe
Notify of
130 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
2Pack

Was it just me, or was the site nuked for a bit?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not just you

Doktor Zymm

Since being crappy and expensive wasn’t enough, Vegas also was full of germs and now I have a sore throat and headache

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, Horatio, if you’re no longer in the back office and I’m no longer on twitter, how do I get in contact with you about showing up at your house and/or meeting you at Treehouse this month?

SonOfSpam

Join BlueSky! It’s pretty much nazi-free unlike that other place. Lots of us (ok like three) make merry there on occasion (ok like never).

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh good call, I have an account there that I almost never use.

SonOfSpam

FRIEND US. I will almost never DM you with vids from Heated Rivalry.

Horatio Cornblower

I can attest to the “almost never” part of that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Apparently I already follow you, so….awkward

SonOfSpam

Oh ok…the account I think is yours, I didn’t realize was you. STOP BEING SO MYSTERIOUS.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, there is that. Also if you have Don T’s contact information he can pass mine along to you.

Horatio Cornblower

Also I just went to Treehouse Sunday. And BT’s Smokehouse. I couldn’t possibly do that twice in a month. That would be terrible. Simply terrible.

Sharkbait

I might be able to swing a day trip there. Let me know

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Found your cell. I’ll drop you a text as I firm up plans.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit Horatio get back on Slack or we’re going to reverse your stock options grant.

jjfozz

Let’s play a new game:

“How Many Screwdrivers Can I Fit into Jeff Goldblum’s Face?”

SonOfSpam

What if he prefers mojitos?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man I need to make some mojitos before lime and/or mint season ends.

Don T

comment image

Don T

Father of a daughter AND a smoker 😏

WCS
Redshirt

Dead BLEERGH!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, poor LadyRef got coldcocked.

jjfozz

I wish to fuck I could afford a subscription so I can watch, but you know I HAVE TO WORK TO MAKE SURE MY FUCKING KIDS GET WHATEVER THE FUCK THE WANT WHENEVER THEY FUCKING WANT IT AND DON’T EVERY SAY “THANKS DAD FOR WORKING AT A PLACE THAT KILLS YOU SECOND BY SECOND.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s $193 American to become a global gws fan and get access to all AFL games from any team:

https://am.ticketmaster.com/gwsgiants/globaldigitalgiant

I’ll kick in $15 to the gofundme

jjfozz

right now, believe it or not, that’s not in our budget. oh sure, she can buy 45 fuckign candles a week, but hey we NEED those

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hence the gofundme

SonOfSpam

I’ll also kick in something.

/kicks in neighbor’s front door, demands casserole

Unsurprised

I found the Manningcast. I can find you a rummy harbor.

Mr. Ayo

Damn the arches and RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

comment image

BeefReeferLives

Ooo. Nice one from Dave @ The Draw Play today…

https://www.thedrawplay.com/

(Sorry, RTD, but it’s funny cuz it’s true)

comment image

King Hippo

Anyone bring some heroine? Hippo is bored.

BeefReeferLives

A heroine?

I gotcha covered:

comment image

King Hippo

archery is great FOAR shoulder definition ppl forget that (but not Hippo)

Redshirt

Uh, no, but I’m in Ohio. Odds are a meth lab is somewhere within a square mile of my location.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo, it’s AFL – after dark!

King Hippo

They have to, so Carlton matches don’t violate obscenity laws smgdh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this where we talk about the interview Toby Greene did where he said he punched out his own dad for being a dick?

scotchnaut

/for those that don’t recall, wifey provides services to older compromised individuals.

Her latest client?

[in John Madden voice] “Here’s a guy that”-

-was traveling to a court date in a city an hour away (he had assaulted a tenant) and pulled over into a restaurant parking lot and relieved himself there in front of several folks having lunch

-runs out of gas before reaching court

-walks to a gas station, buys a jerry can, fills it with gas and then walks on down some road

-ends up at a hospital, walks into the ambulance bay and asks attendants there if they know where his car is

-attendants get him to emergency where he is diagnosed with sky-high blood sugar and is ‘properly’ medicated

-he’s put into a taxi and sent back to the hospital in his own town but the taxi driver let’s him out in front of the main entrance so he wanders around the site asking if anyone knows where his vehicle is.

-a well-meaning individual leads him to a vending machine (because he’s hungry) and buys him a few chocolate bars.

-a taxi is called and drops him off at an address that his dad owned when he was a kid. The residents call the cops but he’s gone by then.

Wifey surmises that she’s on the hook to help the guy re-sked the first court appearance, escort him to the police to explain the peeing incident, (they were called, obviously) have him tested for a shit-ton of things including dementia, hunt down a next-of-kin and on and on.

Horatio Cornblower

Good to hear Joe Biden is still getting out.

Gumbygirl

I’d sell my soul to the devil to have Sleepy Joe as president again, rather than the abomination we have now.

Doktor Zymm

Sleepy >> Pantshitting

Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely, but Biden’s stubborn, egotistic insistence on running for reelection is a good part of the reason we have that colossal shitbag right now. I’ll never forgive him or his hangers-on for that.

King Hippo

#MeToo

scotchnaut

No Dem was ever going to win-that’s how fucked up the US is right now.

Doktor Zymm

Unnamed Democrat always wins, unfortunately they have to run named Democrats

Brick Meathook

If the Dems run a straight white guy not named Gavin they win. Veteran even better. And no trannies.

Horatio Cornblower

Maybe, maybe not, but they’d have had a hell of a better chance without having to scramble from July to November, with the voters memories of a basically catatonic Biden fresh…

You know what? I’m just going to get more and more pissed off going down this road. It’s hot chocolate time.

SonOfSpam

I believe Scotchy is correct here. The media landscape (including online) during the couple years leading up to the election demonized Biden (and other Dems by association) and absolutely memory-holed everything horrid about Trump and the GOP. The fact that Trump got whatever-million votes is unfathomable, and I really don’t think the opponent would’ve mattered much upon reflection. Now a still-too-small majority is going “Oh yeah, that fuckin guy” and the midterms should be positive, but I fear this same stupid thing will keep happening. Bottom line, in the next 5 years, we need a huge disruption in governing-as-usual and to castrate billionaires’ influence (for a start).

Sorry, didn’t mean to soapbox. Let me be king in ’28 and you won’t have to read this shit anymore.

jjfozz

The Dems should have called an emergency primary to find somebody who was qualified to run. instead they rushed her into the starting gate, somehow forgot how to coach her and then got crushed.

all politics is stupid as fuck and fuck if i care about who’s in the white house

they are all bottom feeding fuckwits who assfuck America with everything they have to line their pockets and create a huge gulf between classes, races, and everything else

they should be force fed gallons of fecal matter shat out by sumo wrestlers

Horatio Cornblower

Watching Arsenal hang on to a 1-0 lead for 81 minutes against goddamn Brighton while Nottingham comes back twice with insane goals to take 2 points away from Man City

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, what? Holy shit I need to look up the highlights!

litre_cola

Was mental. Sadly Mighty Whitey was a wet fart today, but if it means Spurs goes down I will take it.

Horatio Cornblower

The first goal Nottingham Forest scored was nuts.

King Hippo

Now y’all can lose at the Etihad and still win the Title by a point. Just…no other oopsie doodles. A diddly.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m already anticipating the inexplicable 1-0 loss to Everton.

Redshirt

Cincinnati 19 – Team Cuba 2. Go Reds! Beat those…Reds!

Last edited 1 day ago by Redshirt
SonOfSpam

Well Lou Holtz died

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I told him it was a bad time to visit Tehran.

Redshirt

That was a short reign as Supreme Leader! Bibi doesn’t shtoop around.

Redshirt

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/missing-epstein-files-justice-department-b2931925.html#

(last week)

Bondi: “Mr. President, the Washington Post is going to release a story about our cover up of the Epstein Files next week. Can you think of something that will distract the media and public from this story?”
Trump: “No problem. I got just the idea!”

Gumbygirl

This has been in my head pretty much constantly since Operation Epic Fail started. Join me!
https://youtu.be/aRHqs8SffDo?si=5GNpEdomAS0Ww_F5

Sharkbait

Diggs released. AJ Brown! Come on down!

litre_cola

You shut your whore mouth.

Mr. Ayo

Did I miss the link to the tipping contest?

Aside from life, I need more things to lose at right now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/say the line

Am I in yet?

Mr. Ayo

Did not receive

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like we need more reasons NOT to go to Ohio.

Redshirt

Hasn’t Ohio suffered enough?!?!

Gumbygirl

I’ll answer that after the midterms.

Unsurprised

40 comments by 11am? What did I miss?

Anyway, it finally happened. Someone literally blew up the restroom at work.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, well that’s what happens when you participate in a Supreme Leader Election zoom call from the toilet. Israelis gonna getcha.

SonOfSpam

Instant reaction: Rams got a necessary upgrade with McDuffie, and Chiefs got some quality picks for him. I think it’s a rare win-win trade.

Rams still have Atlanta’s 1st (#13), their own 2nd and 3rd, then nothing until the 6th round. Better not miss on the early picks.

1st three picks should be tackle, WR, and maybe another CB.

Thank you for your attention etc.

Brick Meathook

So it appears a U.S. Navy submarine sank an Iranian warship in the Indian Ocean and the “Department of War” is all tingling about it.

That’s like bragging about beating up a retarded kid. The MK-48 torpedo probably cost more than the ship it sank.

Last edited 1 day ago by Brick Meathook
Redshirt

To be fair, with War Secretary Lord Master Supreme Hegseth Offender for the Faith and Just or whatever Trump has changed his title to, I’m surprised we haven’t accidentally bombed ourselves yet. Militarily. I know Hegseth is probably bombed right now.

Unsurprised

Kuwait seems to have accidentally shot down an F-15. That kind of counts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Three F-15’s, actually. Air-to-air, if I’m not mistaken.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, the Speaker of the House said we are NOT at war, so you must be mistaken.

Redshirt

Wouldn’t be the first time Republicans got tingly over a police action.

Don T

🏆

SonOfSpam

Question…do you think any soldiers or seamen or Marines like Hegseth’s schtick? Using “warfighters” and “lethality” and all the macho bullshit?

I wanna think everyone’s just rolling their eyes at him, but maybe some are bought in.

Redshirt

https://www.alternet.org/iran-holy-war/#

Better not to dwell that Trump’s commander accidentally implied he’s the Antichrist.

SonOfSpam

Every day there’s more proof that this is just the dumbest timeline

Redshirt

I have no problem living in a computer simulation but is it too much to ask that they debug the code first?!

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

sadly, i think we’re in the alpha release

Gumbygirl

Probably. Young, dumb, and easily manipulated is the ideal, especially for infantry types. Submariners are smarter, because they have to do a lot more than point and shoot.

LemonJello

Boots in the infantry are young dumb and easily manipulated. After a while you get jaded by all the “ooh rah” bullshit this and “warrior ethos” that and wonder if your officers should be drug tested, and IQ tested because of the absolute stupid shit they think, say and do.

Excuse me, but I need to step away and tell that young LCpl NOT to marry that stripper, give her power of attorney AND not to buy that clapped out, used Hellcat Charger at 28% interest. (This flashback brought to you by the United States Marine Corps)

Gumbygirl

The fundies will never get jaded, especially now that they’re framing this as a Holy War. They’re programmed to whole-heartedly believe the bullshit, no matter how ridiculous. And there are sooooo many of them with the Jeebus Chip, it’s scary.

Redshirt

.

IMG_3318
BeefReeferLives

Why not QAAaaaaron Rodgers? He’s gotten every coach he’s ever been under fired, IIRC.

Well, except for Tomlin who, after one season, said NOPE and GTFO.

Now there’s an agent for regime change…

BeefReeferLives

“Congratulations to Sharkbait, who edged SonOfSpam”

comment image

SonOfSpam

Hey, I appreciated it.

BeefReeferLives

…eventually

Sharkbait

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Edging? That’s amateur hour. All they’re gonna do is bleed a bunch without any real damage. You gotta use the point – thrust it into a vital spot and you’ll be on your way so fast nobody will remember that you were even there.” – Ray Lewis

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Posted 15 years ago? Well it’s new to me, damnit.

https://youtu.be/PyV-oTTyIWg?si=HkyZsyYBnSpu1wP9

Brick Meathook

I love Balls’s posts because they’re always like scientific papers. It’s not just a season preview, it’s definitive proof of said season.

QED!

LemonJello

“Science? Don’t believe in it.” [Dismissive wanking motion]

-This entire administration, probably

Sharkbait

Lets goooo!

I have to support Western Bulldogs. That was a fun game to go to

NotShogunButShogun

Round 5 of chemo today.
The surgery she is a candidate for consists of:
Opening her up, removing all the bad (3 masses and wherever else it’s went). Then, they pour HOT CHEMO into the cavity and let her marinate in it for hours, drain it off, and close her up. 8 hours. Walking same day. Sweet christing hell.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Worst. Sunday Gravy. Ever.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Hoping that things go better than planned

NotShogunButShogun

That IS the good plan 🤣

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’m currently with my dad at the hospital
His cancer is not in remission again and they see masses near his spine mid back.
His kidneys are also functioning at about 15%, so they want him in to do a zillion tests and see what the next steps are for both the cancer and kidneys. He’s also having issue with his back and is in pain.
They talked about doing radiation as the area seems small, so not a need for chemo.
So, kinda get what you are going through NSBS. Stay strong and let us know if we can do anything for yous

NotShogunButShogun

We hang in there. For them.

Gumbygirl

Fuck cancer.

Horatio Cornblower

It killed Rush Limbaugh.

Horatio Cornblower

(Have to say I haven’t been all that pleased with its work since)

blaxabbath

Flaming Hot Chemos sounds pretty 2026.

NotShogunButShogun

Really? Coulda swore they opened for squirrel nut zippers in 98.

Gumbygirl

Fuck. Cancer, and cancer treatments, are awful. Hang in there, both of you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As an American who loves but is not steeped in the history of the game, the AFL Origin preseason map is crazy to me. It’d be like the NFL saying “hey, Jared Goff, go play a full extra game before your first preseason game where you’re throwing to Brandin Cooks and Davante Adams because you’re all from California. Don’t worry if some of your teammates are on the opposing team, they will still try to hurt you.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And yeah, I owe at least three BoTGs, they’re on the list.

SonOfSpam

Dammit, I don’t wanna root for QAron in any capacity.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s why I said Goff!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS DOG OF MINE WHO JUST DISCOVERED WHERE THE CAT VOMITED I CALL HER A LESBIAN ON THE EVE OF THE APOCALYPSE BECAUSE SHE IS LICKING THE CARPET LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

NotShogunButShogun

Or Benedict Bridgerton AMIRITE?!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t realize there was a post-credits scene.

comment image

NotShogunButShogun

Oh yes!!! You get a wedding!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should do a spinoff with the one-armed housekeeper. They could call it “Hazel Deformed”.

comment image

blaxabbath

Brisbane won the last two years and they’ll win again this year. So we’ve added more playoff teams to make this year feel different.

I do like the one game preseason though.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No way, this is our year, WOOOOOO

(GWS injury list is already in mid season form)

blaxabbath

The season is still so fresh that even Redshirt thinks the Bengals somehow have a path to the double chance round, despite Mike Brown’s cheapness.