Author: Horatio Cornblower

Joe Burrow’s Knee At Home

Horatio Cornblower -
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Oww, fuck. Man, what did we do last night?  Everything hurts.  That is the last time I drink like that. What the hell?  What happened in here?  Looks like the guys came over and trashed the place.  For like the 32nd time this year.  I've got to stop having them over, maybe

Horatio Cornblower -
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HA!  Gotcha, fuckers!  This isn't some hihg-quality HRTN production this is Horatio, stamping my tiny feet and bitching about the 2020 Cowboys.  And you walked right into it.  Ah well, may as well put your feet up and stay in the clubhouse for a while.  Just toss those Jim Belushi

Stand For The Anthem, Lie Down For The Ventilator: Your 2020 Dallas Cowboys Preview

Horatio Cornblower -
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I intended to praise Jerry Jones for his work in this year's draft, albeit work that he undoubtedly had a lot of help with while working the phones from his supervillain yacht.  And he did deserve that praise; while it's foolish to grade drafts in their immediate aftermath, based on

And To Celebrate, We’re Having Ribs: Your 2020 Reigning, Defending, Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs Preview

Horatio Cornblower -
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Last year I agreed to do the Chiefs preview, since apparently none of us here in the clubhouse root for the Chiefs, other than in the so far vain hope that Chiefs success will lure Otto back into the fold from whatever witness protection program he wandered into after failing

Horatio’s DFO 2020 Will Never End Mock Draft 2.0 And Open Thread

Horatio Cornblower -
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Greetings, fellow shut-ins.  We like to use the term 'shut-ins' around here to mock our propensity for staying indoors on our various devices while talking about football, lesser football, boobs, butts, and why Trump sucks, but in truth these days we are all, with the rest of the world, literal

The Mock Of The Red Draft

Horatio Cornblower -
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A plague had long devastated the country.  No pestilence had ever been so fatal, (except for pretty much all them that had come before), or so hideous, (although actually leprosy, bubonic plagues, and most hemorrhagic fevers were probably more hideous), or so subject to a 24/7 media addicted to ratings

Horatio Had A Long Week And Missed The Deadline So Here’s A Clip Show For Dallas

Horatio Cornblower -
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(Caption for picture above:  "The Jets!?  The fucking Jets!?") When I wrote the season preview, which I have shamelessly cut-and-pasted into this post, Zeke Elliott was holding out in Mexico.  I predicted, correctly that he'd be signed, rich, and playing by Week 1 and by God he was.  I also predicted