Saturday “All Aboard the Sinking Ship” Morning Thread

King Hippo - April 23, 2022April 22, 2022

I apologize in advance for tomorrow. I will go missing all day, and there will be no Derby of Ultimate Despair live blog. Because I hate those fucking thundercunts so very much that I can't even bear to watch the mauling. Hope for Premier League survival is fading, but there's still

Hippo’s Mid-week Waking Nightmare (part el tres)

King Hippo - April 20, 2022April 20, 2022

Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." (this opener accompanied a winner, and I am superstitious as fuck) As during the last two Bitter Blue torture sessions, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time

Half-Schedule Weekend – Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - April 16, 2022April 15, 2022

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This is the part of the Lesser schedule when the cup ties start flying fast and furious, and with MOAR at stake. You saw a truly heroic effort by rockingdog's Chelski squadron mid-week, but the Real Cuntfaces got off the mat and advanced. Kings of Shithousery Atleti (meant mostly as

Oh Boy! Sunday Night with Litre.

litre_cola - April 10, 2022August 30, 2022

Hello from my dungeon of solitude. It finally got me, the Rona. Was it at the Canada game with 35k people losing their mind? No. It was either grocery shopping or working in the resto as I don't really do anything else nowadays. Anyway it sucks and I have been

Welcome BACK To Hippo’s Nightmare Live Blogging

King Hippo - April 9, 2022April 9, 2022

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Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." As during mid-week's torture session, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps) in the body of the post. I used to regularly live blog NC State

Welcome to Hippo’s Nightmare Live Blogging

King Hippo - April 6, 2022April 6, 2022

As you may have heard, Everton are in a scrap for their very survival. Our heart, soul, and pride have already been rendered like so much hog fat. There is but one thing left, surviving the death blow. No matches look larger than "crucial relegation six-pointer" away to Burnley. Most Bitter

Spare Us The Qatar! – World Cup Draw Roundtable

King Hippo - April 2, 2022April 2, 2022

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Are you ready for some desert football? Because you'll soon be getting it. Before all that, a reminder that the Prem is back this morning, but feel free to sleep in. The 7:00 fixture is going to make the Final Four seem fellatio-free. Bees/Chelski is in the barrel at 10:00 (USA),

Saturday Early Lesser Footy y Hoopsball

King Hippo - March 19, 2022March 18, 2022

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There is only one Prem fixture this morning, Arsenal/Villa (8:30, USA). The King's Afrikan Water Pistols are playfully spraying their way into next season's Shempions League, but as they say in Footy Manager speak "there can be no letup." Villa are a pesky lot, so this might be worth a

Spring Sort of Sprung – Saturday Open Thread

King Hippo - March 12, 2022March 11, 2022

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Much to my surprise, the assdick MLB ownership cabal finally made a reasonable offer and we'll have el beisbol after all. Hooray, I guess? I mostly ignored it last season, and suspect I will again. Aside from making many, many of my patented #BFIB taeks/jokes. It's also tournament time, making college

Headlong Into the Void! Saturday Open Thread

King Hippo - March 5, 2022March 4, 2022

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Is the world still seven kinds of fucked? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT. Good think there's Lesser Footy. Everton overcame the runaway freight train that is Boreham Wood, so the Toffees are in the FA Cup Flacco Eight, and one win away from Wembley. Strange days. But for the Prem, we kick

Solidarity Saturday

King Hippo - February 26, 2022February 25, 2022

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As Frank Lampard's Everton prepare for their Man City skullfucking, I am heartened that the above-pictured banner (featuring our Ukrainian left back) will fly at Goodison. Daddy Vladdy is a boil on humanity's ass, that needs lancing. Your move, Russian plutocrats. Pariah statehood not great for the bottom line. As distasteful as

Six Days Dry as the Sahara – Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - February 19, 2022February 18, 2022

No, for the love of Christ, I am not off the pills. WHY THE MONKEYFUCK WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?? But man, FITBAW heroine withdrawal is bad enough. Thank fuck for Frank Lampard, amirite?? If you wake up for Hammers/Barcodes, and you aren't Fronk, you get what you deserve - it's behind