Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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Spur

So close manning

WhyEaglesWhy

I really hope Peyton makes a few plays so we can feel better about him winning the Super Bowl in his last game and getting incessantly fluffed.

WhyEaglesWhy

That’s not what I meant.

ballsofsteelandfury

Won’t happen.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Not Talib?

King Hippo

FG RANGE WOO

Recovery Whiskey

About that

Sill Bimmons

ALL TEH PRESONAL FOULS

Doktor Zymm

Oh…I just wanted to mention that the local news is pushing an appearance by the McCaskeys tonight to discuss getting the Bears back to the Super Bowl.

Sill Bimmons

Those people are awful.

JerBear50

What do you mean? Clearly it was Mike McCaskey’s genius that got us the championship in 86.

Recovery Whiskey

Seattle’s been to and won as many SBs in the past 3 years as the Bears have in the lasr 30.

Tell that to the McCaskeys

Horatio Cornblower

I know he played for the Patriots but since Vince Wilfork did this he’s A-O with me.

http://www.stack.com/a/vince-wilfork-ribs-instagram

makeitsnowondem

Miller’s the MVP so far, but Sanders is making his case.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Why is Super Bowl babies a thing? Your parents got drunk and made a mistake, probably not on the night of the Super Bowl anyways.

blaxabbath

Because putting out is the way you get your domestic violence offender to stop wailing on you? #nomore

ballsofsteelandfury

Perfect.

blaxabbath

I recommend me for banner quote.

Gratliff

#upforanythingtomakeitstop

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ you people are horrible. Haven’t any of you snuck off into your friend’s filthy rich in-laws’ sauna and fucked consensually during the Super Bowl?

Pity.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

They killed music.

King Hippo

I am so very proud of my team for this effort, even if they somehow cough it up. No question, this isn’t a matter of Carolina just cocking it up. Denver does this to teams this year, drags you into the mud then wins ugly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Called that one, dintcha???

Romonobyl

I can’t wait to read Peter King’s article tomorrow on what an amazing job Peyton Manning did stopping Cam Newton.

Beerguyrob

That’s really what elite is.

Mother Puncher

This might be the day he just types the N-word and closes his laptop.

Senor Weaselo

Still not as good as the Joel McHale/Jim Rash version.

Mother Puncher

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ThePirateSloth

QUICK YEAH RIGHT USE THIS COMMERCIAL TO MAKE YOUR MOVE

The Maestro

Don’t worry everyone. The CFL is back the last week of June.

ballsofsteelandfury

THE AFL STARTS AT THE END OF THE MONTH!

Beerguyrob

Can I like this more than once?

WhyEaglesWhy

I’m going to the first Port Adelaide game on Easter. I may have to do a post!

Sill Bimmons

My parents went a-fuckin’ in late March.

Oh well.

Horatio Cornblower

Phil Simms: “I KNOW MANNING HAS THROWN MORE INTS THAN TDS IN THIS GAME AND FOR LESS THAN 200 YARDS BUT YOU WILL NOT STOP ME FROM SUCKING HIM OFF NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!”

Doktor Zymm

So….if things continue and it’s a Broncobowl. PK’s column WILL be full of Peyllacio, but I assume he’ll still take a page to make smug, not quite overt but still really racist comments about Cam, right?

Recovery Whiskey

NOT A LEADER

Senor Weaselo

No, very quite overt.

WhyEaglesWhy

I THINK I WAS WRONG ABOUT BEING WRONG ABOUT CAM

ballsofsteelandfury

Who knew the best part of Super Bowl Sunday would be the Sex Panther?

JerBear50

Is it any good?

WCS

This commercial is truly disturbing.

“Thanks for banging after a championship, mom and dad!”

Shogun Marcus

Shame it’s not looking like Carolina. Their whole “keep pounding” schtick would’ve been awesome!

Spur

Will Peyton attempt a pass in the 4 quarter?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

This is…really disturbing.

Gratliff

Any one of them is better than Seal at the pregame

Trent Dilfer thinks Peyton sucks today.

Gratliff

One quarter of any football left…

Sill Bimmons

Unless OT…

Shogun Marcus

You shut your filthy whore mouth! Last footy or not, this shit MUST END.

Horatio Cornblower

Von Miller is your MVP so far.

But he thinks trophies for individual achievement went out with fedoras, so if you could give that to Demarcus Ware or one of the older guys he’d really appreciate it.

blaxabbath

CAR ain’t scoring anymore. This one is over. Someone tell Cam to get the team together for their selfie.

Spur

What a move by Von Miller

Mother Puncher

THAT one you fair catch?

ballsofsteelandfury

EXACTLY! WTF?

Doktor Zymm

Was talking to ICRM about this earlier today, do you think there will be a Super Bowl C? And if so, will it be a 2nd tier event, like baseball is today?

ballsofsteelandfury

Nope. There will not.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Only because we will be using emojis instead of roman numerals.

blaxabbath

I hope a series of meteors prevents this from evening being a possibility.

King Hippo

HAS to be Von or McManus if this score holds up.

/really should be Wade Muthafuckin’ Phillips

Senor Weaselo

I’d lean Von. 1.5 sacks and a FF so far.

Recovery Whiskey

Cam embarrassed on that one

Sill Bimmons

Cambarrassed.

blaxabbath

“If you’re a tackle, you’re worried about one thing, Murray and Von Miller.”

Fuck.

King Hippo

Another great open field tackle.

blaxabbath

I bet Olson was listening to Queen when Cam invited himself into his ice tub….

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Wade Fucking Phillips. Proof that being fat, friendly and oft-fired doesn’t make you a failure

King Hippo

All how you finish, ain’t it??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If Denver holds on, can Wade Phillips win mvp?

Bortleback

The standard of play is starting to approach pro bowl levels

Wakezilla

So we aren’t calling offsides on defense there?

ballsofsteelandfury

Apparently not. It was a blatant offsides on the Ward INT.

Doktor Zymm

They haven’t been bothering with that particular beergh tonight.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

BLEERGH. His name is Bleergh, Bleegh damnit!

King Hippo

I thought big play after the double sack whiff.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like that Budweiser just admitted nobody drinks their swill for the taste. “No sipping” indeed, if I am reduced to drinking that it is only to get drunk and I am chugging the whole glass

King Hippo

Hard to chug regular Bud. That sits in your gut like lead.

Senor Weaselo

IT’LL GET YOU DRUNK! YOU’LL BE FUCKIN’ FAT GIRLS IN NO TIME!
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Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of Budweiser I’ve been drinking this pilsner all night. Spoiler alert, it’s way better than Bud.

http://www.victorybeer.com/beers/primapils/

Wakezilla

Ginn is the best receiver today. I wonder why Carolina is losing

Spur

STOP RUNNING IT UP THE MIDDLE

King Hippo

ALL THE FIELD POSITIONING

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesus, we’re three hours in and we’re still in the third quarter?!?

We may be looking at a 4 hour plus game. Fuck us.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Welcome to the Modern Superb Owl.

Doktor Zymm

They started almost 2 hours earlier than normal SNF. This is not because they wanted people to get to bed earlier.

Senor Weaselo

That’s not a heartwarming Clydesdale commercial!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.

Romonobyl

I was hoping for that too!

Romonobyl

Upchuck for anything.

Doktor Zymm

So selling out to InBev wasn’t backing down? Huh?

Sill Bimmons

Doesn’t that make you a sheep if you buy a Ridgeline?

Romonobyl

No, just into bands with gay lead singers.

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