NFL Notes:
- Looking to prevent him developing an itch to scratch, Alabama put academics to the fore and gave Nick Saban an extension through 2024, raising the amount they’re paying him to $65 million over the life of the deal.
- That includes a $4 million signing bonus for 2017, taking his salary to $11.25 million this year.
- Reminder: he has a 10-year record of 119-19 at Alabama with four national championships.
- Wade Phillips got a ring, but is still mad about how he left Dallas.
- Deadspin has an excerpt for you. Shockingly, it portrays ol’ Double J as a compassionate megalomaniac.
- Apparently, Raiders draft pick Gareon Conley took the polygraph test at the behest of the Baltimore Ravens, who no doubt are familiar with both the process and the request making therein.
- his lawyer is calling it a “consensual sexual event”. The lawyer said Conley didn’t have intercourse with his accuser, but he didn’t outright say nothing sexual happened between the two.
- Mr. President?
- Oh – and he won’t face NFL discipline, because it occurred prior to his employ in the League.
- somewhere quiet, Terrelle Pryor is having a mad.
- his lawyer is calling it a “consensual sexual event”. The lawyer said Conley didn’t have intercourse with his accuser, but he didn’t outright say nothing sexual happened between the two.
- Lock up your daughters – Greg Hardy spoke to
a glory holeBleacher Report about trying to get back in the League.- Feel free to read the delusions at his personal webpage, which he will eventually get up and running to chart his progress and, no doubt, offer relationship advice.
- “I have to show that Greg Hardy is not a f–king psychopath.”
Finally, if you – like most DFO readers – have a spare $50-60,000 lying around, feel free to bid on “Lawrence Taylor’s 1990 New York Giants Super Bowl XXV Vince Lombardi Super Bowl Trophy”. It’s a mini Lombardi Trophy, which weighs about 6 pounds and is 16 inches tall. The last one which came to auction was Ottis Anderson‘s, which fetched $60,000.
Plus, it comes with this awesome, totally valid letter of authenticity.
- Maybe give it to Scott Norwood, or the Buffalo Chamber of Commerce.
Well lookie here – our own Low Commander’s photoshop skills have been plagiarized for a good cause:
I’ll let the page describe its intent:
My plan is to rent a few billboards in LA that will be anti-NFL and anti-Dean Spanos. All of this just in time for the first ever “LA Chargers” home opener vs the Miami Dolphins on September 17th, 2017. The Chargers have three home games in a row and the billboards will be up not just for the first game but all three.
He also wants to represent Oakland & St. Louis as well, by hashtagging them onto the signs. But his main goal is to tweak the NFL during the glamorous opening day for the Chargers at LA’s third-best soccer stadium.
If you are so-inclined, the link to the page is here. It seems a very worthwhile endeavour which should get some local media play, maybe some page views for us, and probably some snark from Deadspin.
h/t Low Commander
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Senators at Rangers – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
- Blues at Predators – 9:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Wizards at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Jazz at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Yankees – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- WWE:
- SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- from Fresno!
- SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
C’mon Blues – WIN ONE FOR INTERNET DAD!
I can’t believe it took me this long to start watching Rome.
“Really? I thought I made that into appointment TV.”
– Jim Everett
I once had a summer jorb of driving a delivery truck. Said truck’s radio only picked up Rush Limbaugh or Jim Rome from noon to 16:00.
And why didnt you drive said vehicle off the road?
okay, here is my delayed rant to what i feel is unwarranted criticism of the trubisky trade:
1. it is WELL KNOWN TO ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE that SF was looking to trade their pick.
2. bears gave up 3 midrounds picks for the best qb prospect in the draft. this is not a bad trade.
3. I really feel people are more likely to be critical because of “lol bears” jokes. if the fucking chiefs did this, no one would give a shit.
4. fuck off with any bullshit about cleveland passing on trubisky. since when the fuck is cleveand a measuriing stick for anything other than how NOT to run a franchise
5. fuck the patriots, just cuz
You are NOT gonna like tomorrow’s edition of DFO Insider.
Dude. No one else was going to take him #2. Stand Pat and take him if you really want, or, even better, grab a better player. Regardless, the fact the GM and the coach weren’t on the same page is typical Bears. I look forward to suffering through many more playoff-less seasons.
Dude. No one else was going to take him #2
i disagree. i don’t find it even remotely far fetched to think other teams would have. we can act like we’re insiders all we want, we don’t fucking know,
also,
Regardless, the fact the GM and the coach weren’t on the same page is typical Bears
this is pure speculation and i refuse to waste brain power spending too much time on it.
Deadspin had a great article from the other day that essentially boiled the Bears’ take down to “we made the deal with the Niners not because they wanted Trubisky, but because we figured other teams wanted him too so trading up prevented anyone else from getting him”. They KNEW SF wasn’t taking him, and I think it’s a pretty reasonable expectation to say that if they’d seen that the 49ers hadn’t made a deal just before they made their selection, it’d probably be safe to hold off on the offer. If you’re that desperate for him, wait ten more damn minutes. At least you’ll have your guy, for whatever that’s worth, and you won’t have torpedoed your mid-level drafting for the sake of… what? Playing it safe, even though you knew Garrett and Thomas were the only guys either the Browns or the Niners were looking at? It’s inexcusable.
/Also, obligatory FACK YOU OWAH DRAFT WAS FACKIN GREAT EVEN THOUGH OWAH MOST PRAWMINENT PICKS WERE-AH A FACKIN’ FCS PLAYAH AND TWO TWIN BROTHAS WHO I’M GONNA FACKIN’ CALL SULLY ONE AND SULLY TWO
of course they signed twin white wide receivers
PfT commenter was awesome in this regard. Your move Mengele
I thought it was a good pick.
So I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that I called the idea of Goodell using a cancer survivor as a human boo shield exactly one year ago.
But did anyone predict he’d wipe a boog on a one legged girl?
“No one could have predicted that.”
– Condoleezza Rice
She’s right, though.
No booing Roger from my couch wouldn’t have rid her of cancer anyways.
also, in honor of litre:
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/216/babby.jpg
Dear Sunrisesunrise, good luck tomorrow. C sections are quick and awesome. Ask for a curtain. Unless you are into that sort of thing, which I am not.
Quee-ah.
And if you’re black — well, first, go Sawx! Now, as I was sayin’….
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.203923.1314080326!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_750/alg-red-sox-fans-jpg.jpg
so, is the little one more like this?:
or is it already tired of life?:
http://image.hnol.net/c/2016-04/15/15/20160415152901683-167450.jpg
First known photo of King Hippo.
meh
-King Hippo
Congrats again, bud. Nothing but the best for the three of yinz.
Original Thug Life
“You can tell he’s a thug cause he’s black.”
– Any Fox News host. Let’s say…Tucker Carlson.
Who’s left over there?
I think Generic Bottle Blonde #4 is still around.
pretty sure they grow them in a lab, so they won’t be running out soon
A lab fueled by faith.
How the fuck you doin boys?
Just learned that a guy named “Talent” is credited as a featured in Tupac’s Changes.
Drinkin’!
So…good.
more like how the fuck is mrs. litre doing?
seriously, we’re on pins and needled in suspense here.
“Wait, what’s this about pins? How’s that work?”
– Todd Marinovich
She is sleeping. Had a C section so i still get 2 more nights of sleep. (Weed/wine =lots of sleep)
“Weed AND wine?!
Why do I want to return to the NFL again?”
-Johnny Manziel
Not as good as you, literal Daddio!
oh snap, did it already happen?
been off the internet for a few days
2 hours ago Brocky. Thanks bud.
happy to hear, congrats. i’ll raise a glass in your honor.
Point of order: can I retroactively assign these several glasses I’ve raised in the last hour to litre_cola’s honor?
Will the new Alien be good? I feel like Alien (less AVP) is built to withstand even Hollywood’s inane “Put a familiar name on it and they will come” approach to blockbuster producing.
I sincerely hope.
i actually like avp. and the sequel as well
I, too, enjoyed AVP. But it’s not in the horror mold of Alien that this new one is supposed to continue.
personally, given that the sequel “aliens'” is arguably superior to its predecessor, and is more action oriented, i think clinging to genres is a flawed way of thinking.
i really enjoyed prometheus, and i fully believe it suffered because it was released less than a month following the avengers. i know cherry picking release dates is a flimsy argument, but i think it happened.
I predict if you’ve seen any of the other Alien movies, it won’t contain anything you haven’t seen before.
So it was produced by the [DFO] Hollywood producers?
How dare you disparage the people who brought you “Hard Ride 6: The Bigger They Come, the Harder They Ride”!
Regarding Isaiah Thomas: the only way I could feel as much of a love/hate dichotomy as I do about two people who have the same name is if there were a heart surgeon named Chris Kattan whose unorthodox methods in the operating room somehow saved my mom’s life.
Also the surgeon is a hot chick named Christina.
GOD I FUCKING HATE HIM SO MUCH. HIS PRESENCE ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SET COMEDY BACK THIRTY YEARS.
My super hot surgeon is a Gemma Fallon.
Bold statement: high schoolers are getting dumber
Quite. And murderers are getting prettier everyday.
This bodes well for my “learn nothing new everyday” strategy of maintaining an employable skill set.
21 is Adele’s best album.
I have no idea if this is a taek. If it is, I cannot gauge its storngness or hawtness.
YOU THINK I’M NOT STRONG?! WATCH WHAT I CALL THIS BLACK GUY COMING DOWN COMMONWEALTH AVENUE!
This is a good take.
Odelay is 21’s best album. Wait, I mean Beck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rzao52ndNA&ab_channel=atlong88
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDJyXtzslqs&ab_channel=thecomputerdude24TV%26MovieClips
Four-Dickety was more than five hours ago. I’m overdue. BRB.
http://s1.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/excited-busty-canucks-fan-in-los-angeles-hockey-fans-hockey-fan-gif.gif
Fucking bra.
For those that have the Netflix, please to enjoy the new Maria Bamford immediately.
Getting past that voice takes some real effort, though
She is one of my favorite stand-ups and does a lot of voice characters, so I have not heard that before. But sometimes things just grate on one’s senses.
It’s that super duper high pitch one she does. It eats at my brain. Jim Gaffigan also has one that just makes my blood run cold, as well.
Which one?
Fun fact: Bamford is what happened the last time Brandon Spikes tried to drive a car.
By the way, everyone should give congratulations to BeerguyRob on his new position as DFO Bouncer – he’s agreed to help me weed out the Russians and spammers from our new users, a job that I hate.
Have you considered building a wall?
It was nice knowing you guys.
And the joke flies over the head.
Dude…I am always amazed at the people that run message boards and websites. I used to run one for military vets at my university.
We are talking about a community of MAYBE 20 people. Jesus Christ it was a full time job just dealing with the random spam and shithead trolls.
and assholes who gif the shit out of the site.
STOP USING ALL THE INTERNET BRO!!!
http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/mp/G2oXYQleJSrx.gif
“Daddy, do you remember what the final straw was for the Russians?”
“Yes, it was when some prick denied Vladimir’s right to troll Mr. Kraft about his ring on a football website. He then went to Up**xx, got spammed & got mad.”
“Then what happened?”
http://bestanimations.com/Military/Explosions/nuclear-atom-bomg-explosion-animated-gif-6.gif
I, for one, would LOVE to see Vlad troll Kraft.
The Impaler….. Vlad The Impaler.
It’s crazy how now that the Celtics have won five games in a row all of a sudden I’m interested in them again.
That’s one way to force yourself out of the Friend Zone and into another realm entirely.
Maybe she just discovered her kink.
admitting you are a fan of any Boston team?
I grew up in Connecticut, so it was Celtics and either Red Sox or Yankees when I was growing up.
I was a fan when they were fighting British rule.
While Kevin Garnett played there, I was a fan. Only team I’ve ever followed to actually fucking win something…
I guess none of us really wants to leave our cozy little dark caves.
http://s3-ak.buzzfeed.com/static/2013-11/enhanced/webdr03/7/15/anigif_enhanced-buzz-28110-1383855381-10.gif
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1509756.1383850599!/img/httpImage/pardy-3.gif
http://s1.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/blackhawks-fan-steals-adam-pardy-helmet-lady-throws-beer-on-him-beer-gifs-hockey-fans-hockey-fan-gif.gif
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1169740/pervin_medium.gif
http://cdn2-www.wrestlezone.com/assets/uploads/2015/01/mysterio-reigns.gif
http://www.openaccess.co.za/BlackAndWhiteInc/bofh.gif
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/habs-fan-tongue.gif
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/20-auburn-fans-high-five-fail-gif.gif
High fiv…..forehead.
So on top of getting my third write up for swearing, even though I have no idea what my manager is talking about, I get back to my desk and get an email telling me I need to go over electrical safety first thing in the morning with office people.
These folks are idiots and most of them are know it all engineers. I could go over the heliocentric model of the solar system and I am going to have at least three people grandstanding, telling me I am a moron.
So as I am scrambling to come up with about three hours of material to cover and utterly dreading the morning when a coworker comes up to my desk. We will call him Brian.
“JSD, I have an MVG2 drive that I was told you know everything about”
“Who told you I know anything about a drive that is only used in China?”
“Um…well” and he proceeds to describe some obscure project and application that is far beyond anything I ever worked on. At one point, he starts telling me I have to know how this application will work because this is how cranes work.
This is not how cranes work primarily because this is for a crushing rig.
So I eventually figure out one of his major problems is that he doesn’t have our software platform installed on his computer. Kind of hard to figure out if the drive file is set up correctly when you can’t even open it up.
I have zero idea how he does his job as a systems engineer without the ability to open up simple drive files.
Like an idiot, I switch places with him and start installing his software, setting up his computer to communicate with equipment, like basic shit he should have figured out about five years ago. We switch places again and as soon as I sit in my chair, I realize he adjusted my chair to the point I nearly fall right out of it. He also has like 10 chrome windows open on my computer.
“Brian…I…why? You weren’t following anything I was doing were you?”
“I thought you knew what you were doing?”
At this point, I am just barely holding back the rage. I then notice my heat pipes. They are these little metal sealed tubes that I use for training to explain heat transfer in our drives. They are very expensive and I only have three of them.
Well I had three of them. Now I have six broken pieces of heat pipes.
“BRIAN! Why did you break my heat pipes?!?”
“Is that what they are? I just bent them”
“You snapped them in half. Why the hell would you just break stuff I have sitting on my desk?”
“I was bored”
I just got up and walked around the office parking lot for about 20 minutes muttering to myself. I’m the unprofessional one because a customer says I said a cuss word sometime during a 40 hour training session over four days.
Time for a new safety demonstration
This is my favorite Brian story. So we have a pump skid that needs a PLC shipped out to it because the customer damaged the original. I have a spare one from my junk pile. So Brian is suppose to go out and install it, but we need to make sure it works. Furthermore, I don’t trust the fucker to actually load up the program.
So I need a 120VAC power supply. I tell Brian
“Don’t touch anything. I need to make a ‘suicide cord’ real quick”. I go into the next lab to get a spare power supply cable for a monitor. I try to go back to the original lab, but the door won’t open. That is when I notice the lights are off in the lab.
I throw my should into the door to get it open.
Brian is standing there, with an idiot look on his face. That is when I notice the 460 cable that is very close to the PLC. Shit for brains was going to wire in 460VAC into a tiny PLC.
Lucky for the PLC, but not for the fucking lab, shit for brains plugged in the 460VAC with the cables not attached to the PLC or to anything for that matter. So when he plugged it in, he killed the breaker for half the building.
“Brian are you okay?!?!”
“JSD…don’t get angry man”
“JUST TELL ME YOU ARE OKAY!”
“Yeah I’m fine. It just scared me”
“Good….NOW YOU STUPID FUCKING…” it went on for about 20 minutes of me screaming at him.
I’m convince he still doesn’t know how dangerous that was or why the lights in the building turned off.
At some point, it’s just natural selection
At least he is a sweet dumbass. Like if you had to get stuck in an elevator with anyone, he is the guy. But dear god he is a danger to himself and others.
FTFY
That’s not a sufficient reason to let him live.
I had not seen that one; it is funny as hell.
I found it DEEP in a BOFH image search. I’m surprised it’s not more popular.
Also cleans forks?
Brian needs to have himself a fucking accident.
A serious accident.
Jebus wept. I had to deal with idiot Marines for 20 years and THEY knew better than to fuck with someone else’s stuff. How has this shit-stain chucklefuck assdick not removed himself from the gene pool already?
/Sorry for the late reply, I was traveling last night and I’m catching up on the goings-on
LET’S GO BLUES
In Internet Dad is Pissed news, I built a free website for an associate of a customer, and she’s bitching about my response time to her changes on it to my customer. I’d like to tell her to eat shit, but I’d prefer not to lose the actual customer. Now she’s texting me trying to apologize for shit-talking me behind my back. It’s taking all I have not to just. Lose. My. SHIT.
http://emptynetsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/ari-gold-throwing-computer.gif
I’m sorry, but it’s time to stop playing nice.
Fun fact, I use this as my user image in my official school email with some strategic cropping
Is that Oracle Arena in the background? Well I’ll be damned.
No good deed, man. Sad, but true.
My wife said the same thing. I’m banned from doing anything for free.
…excluding this site, right? :smiles like an angel:
I can’t afford $12
Fucking unreal man. I’m to the point now that I stopped getting free office coffee because people stand around the break area and just start shit with each other and talk behind everyone’s backs.
I’m always amazed at people that talk shit and then act surprised and even offended that it got back to their target.
My customer sent me screenshots (she loves me because I make her money) and is pissed with me.
I mean also pissed, not at me.
Never do favors.
http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/3947533/giphy.gif
On air harassment…. cool.
Dont you mean on HAIR harassment?
Been awake far too long
Good one….or perhaps hairassment.
It’d be worse if they were standing and he was a dwarf, but still.
Fox, eh? ^^^^^^^^
http://www.businessinsider.com/image/517000616bb3f77e7d00001f/steph-curry-ignoring-high-five.gif
http://www.businessinsider.com/image/51700428eab8eae46e000002/carlos-boozer-nut-punch.gif
http://l2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/cbwGXU4R6eHt9Kk3BZokrg–/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTYzMA–
they legally married now ,, smgdh
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b708958b4592243e467a6567c29c159c/tumblr_no5tuceXQm1sjt6hlo1_500.gif
I’m not sure if this gif is a menstruation joke.
http://x69twisteddcc.weebly.com/uploads/4/8/4/7/4847373/1931489_orig.gif
I too am taken ABACK that ANYBODY has any lingering resentment of J. Jones.
http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/858/073/3073858/cancel-the-game-lets-just-watch-this-for-a-couple-of-hours.gif
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http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2093639/MitchKupchakIsDone.gif
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http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/229/files/2014/04/raptordance.gif
I’m sorry, no. This is not the correct Toronto Raptors gif.
Cat Ninja strikes again.
http://welikeit.fr/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/cat-fighting-with-dog.gif
I’m guessing lil Deci-litre and lil Sunrisesunrise are going to share b-days!
Well the resident wants to try his hand at a C section in an hour but Darnell (nurse) thinks MOAR drugs and we wait….
Maybe I’m in the minority, but I wanna hear moar about the hot midwives.
But I get it, you’re busy. You know, when you have time.
One is brunette, thin, 29 years old, about 5’7, lovely tattoo on her right arm. Almost a whole sleeve, picture of nature quite well done. Has a penchant for loose low cut t shirts, yesterday her bra was green, today cream. She apparently knows me from my bartending which is nice. She also treats my missus like a puppet which is weird to see.
she seems nice
I saw her first!!!!!
Sort of.
Hey now, Litre can ask the fine young lady whether she’d like to be set up with the worst man in North Cakalaky or the 2nd worst…
Which one am I, again?
/asking foar a friend
Whoa….
Ummm, get back to me when you can give me a little more detail…stalker boy.
LMFAO
I had a “consensual sexual event” today…… on the bus…. she was none the wiser…. of course I was at least 10 feet away, so no wonder. I do feel sorry for the guy who slipped and fell on the “event aftermath”, looked like he hurt his coccyx.
I don’t think “consensual” means what you think it means.
Thus the joke.
THIS MRS LITRES WOMB I CALL PHAROH BECAUSE IT WON’T LET PEOPLE GO.
Banner Comment
https://youtu.be/cRThFgxdxiM
Mrs Cola laughs at your title beerguy. She is on the drugs you know.
Let’s do a non-derp thing, Canadia!!