Good morning everyone! Today is a VERY busy day of sports action. Not only do we have a full complement of fútbol action, today is also the first full day of college football!
On Thursday, I outlined for you the fútbol games taking place this weekend. Something I did not note, but that Litre_cola was kind enough to point out in the backroom is that this week is basically Derby Week!
Take a look at what’s on tap this weekend:
Yes, the Basque Derby is already over (Bilbao beat Donostia at the San Mamés by 2-0), but you can still catch today’s matches if you have an ex-Yugoslavian family with access to one of those super-large satellite dishes.
As I’ve done previously, I’m giving you the omakase menu of what I think are your best viewing options. As always, times are Pacific and home teams are listed first:
- 4:30 AM – Southampton v Manchester United (NBCSN)
- 7:00 AM – Chelsea v Sheffield United (NBCSN)
- 8:00 AM – Osasuna v Barcelona (BeIn Sports)
- 9:30 AM – Union Berlin v Borussia Dortmund (Fox Sports 2, TUDN)
- 11:45 AM – Juventus v Napoli (ESPN+)
(Don’t worry Fulham played yesterday – L_C)
***
College Football Viewing Guide
For those of you that aren’t willing to pay for ESPN+ (and I’m one of them), the college football window conveniently opens at 9:00 AM Pacific. You can see the full schedule of all college football games being broadcast, complete with network listings, here.
Here is your omakase menu of today’s college football offerings:
- 9:00 AM – Florida Atlantic at D Ohio State University (Fox)
- 12:30 PM – Alabama vs Duke in Atlanta (ABC) (because I like to see Duke getting beat up)
- 1:00 PM – Northwestern at Stanford (Fox) (because Alabama will have a 30 point lead by now)
- 4:30 PM – Auburn vs Oregon at Dallas (ABC) (because Match of the Round)
- 7:30 PM – Fresno State at USC (ESPN) (because USC won’t cover the spread. You heard it here first)
***
Champions League Draw Reaction
This Thursday, the draw for the Group Stage of the Champions League took place. No, we did not get the highly anticipated Group of Literal Death featuring Zenit (Russia), Donetsk (Ukraine), Crvena Zvezda (Red Star Belgrade, Serbia), and Dinamo (Croatia) because we touch ourselves and can’t have nice things.
Also something about UEFA not letting Russian teams and Ukraine teams into the same group because there would literally be murders happening.
We did, however, get a very difficult group F, a difficult group H, and an easy as your mother group G. Seriously, anyone can win that group but not one team would be favoured to get out of any other group. Let’s go group by group, shall we?
Group A – PSG, Real Madrid, Club Brugge, Galatasaray
Have you seen “In Bruges”? It’s a great fucking movie. It stars Colin Farrell and the wonderful Brendan Gleeson as two hit-men hiding out in Bruges while waiting for instructions from their boss, Ralph Fiennes. It is dark and fucked up and funny and I love it very much. Almost as much as I love a fairly obsure Irish Brendan Gleeson movie called “I Went Down”. That one is impossible to find, but if you ever get a chance to see it, please do so. If anything, to find out why they gave the movie that particular title.
Oh, the group? I’m thinking PSG and Madrid go through, but I really hope that Galatasaray wins all their home games and can pose a threat on the road to those two front-runners.
Litre: I hope PSG kicks the shit out of Madrid and that Gala goes through. Mi mama me hizo guapo, listo y anti-madridista.
Group B – Bayern München, Tottenham Hotspur, Olympiacos, Crvena Zvezda
I grew up knowing Crvena Zvezda as “Red Star Belgrade” when they were part of Yugoslavia (yes, that was a country that existed!). If you ever want to take a deep dive into politics and soccer and the links between them, you would do no worse than reading up on this club. Two notable books that tackle this topic are The Ball is Round and How Soccer Explains the World. If you are looking for a good book to read this long weekend, those are excellent.
Oh, the group? I’m thinking Bayern and Tottenham go through, but I really hope that the Red Star team pulls at least one upset.
Litre: That book is kick ass I also highly recommend it. Bayern and Tottenham will indeed go through. Spurs lost their soul moving in to their new digs. I predict a total of 4 murders at the 3 home games for Red Star. North London hooligans will definitely travel to Belgrade and there will be battles. With Ryanair, and easyjet it is simple to fly to Eastern Europe for a few pence.
Group C – Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk, Dinamo, Atalanta
There are two big questions for this group: 1) Who will finish second behind City? and 2) Will the Donetsk-Dinamo matches be violence-free?
The answers are: 1) Donetsk and 2) No.
Litre: I will bet you a chinese jersey from either team that it will be Dinamo.
Balls: You are ON, good sir! Winner’s choice.
Group D – Juventus, Atlético Madrid, Bayer Leverkusen, Lokomotiv Moskva
Are you one of those people that were told by your doctor to start taking a children’s aspirin each day to prevent heart disease? Did you know that apparently, that’s not a thing anymore? What I want to know is who did Bayer piss off? Did it have anything to do with someone losing a bet on Leverkusen? I bet you it did. Someday, I’ll do a 25 Questions post about the link between Bayer Leverkusen, the aspirin company, and the secret German sex underworld. Stay tuned.
Oh, the group? Juventus and Atletico go through, but I hope that Lokomotiv wins at least one game or gets a draw so that there can be peace in Ian’s household. (Please note that I do not know which team Ian’s wife’s family supports. They could be Zenit supporters for all I know…)
Litre: Bayer deserves this because they profit off pharmaceuticals. Zenit is racist as fuck. Juventus and Athletico will go through, agreed.
Group E – Liverpool, Napoli, Salzburg, Genk
If you guessed that Salzburg means the City of Salt, you would be a very astute person and factually correct! I know this factoid from having visited an underground salt mine near Salzburg and bringing home some Austrian salt. That’s the second underground mine I’ve ever been in. The first is the old Copper Queen mine in Bisbee, Arizona, which is a town that is full of hippies, hipsters, and other things that start with hip.
Oh, the group? Liverpool and Napoli go through but I really hope that Salzburg beats Genk because that salt was really tasty.
Litre: Redshite and Pizza makers go through. (Did I do it right Hippo?)
Group F – Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Inter Milan, Slavia Praha
Have you ever been to Prague? It’s a gorgeous town that was the IT town a few years ago. I don’t know if it still is, but when I went there more than a decade ago, you could still get a flavour of what it must have been like in the days behind the Iron Curtain. The repression was palpable. No wonder all the good porn stars are Czech…
Oh, the group? Barcelona, Dortmund, and Inter will fight until the last Match Day to see which two stay in the Champions League and who drops out. I wouldn’t be surprised if Barça gets kicked out early and Valverde gets fired. However, I just don’t see their exit that early in the tourney. I say Dortmund exit purely on goal differential, which is a shitty way to exit a tournament.
Litre: Other than my addiction for the shitty English side I support Barca. They are a joy to watch and less evil than Real. I always like Dortmund because their tifos are fucking kick ass and their coloUrs are cool.
Group G – Zenit, Benfica, Olympique Lyonnais, RB Leipzig
I read some stupid article where there was a class-action lawsuit in Canada that mirrored an American lawsuit against Red Bull claiming deceptive advertising because Red Bull does not, in fact, “give you wings”. Apparently, our Canadian friends can pick up a free $10 if they file a claim. Of course, like the “free” $125 that was going around earlier this year for Experian, you’re more likely to die by getting hit by lightning than collect the money.
Oh, the group? This is the group that is so wide open that Cherie DeVille is jealous. Put any of these teams in any other group and they don’t get out. Well, except for Olympique Lyonnais and only if they were in the Women’s Champions League. Their Lady Footy team is a powerhouse.
Litre : This is a wide open group. Zenit is soooo racist so they cannot be supported. I would like to see Benfica and Lyon go through. I have been to both stadiums and the home fans were really fun to party with.
Group H – Chelsea, Ajax, Valencia, Lille
This one might not be termed the “Group of Death”, but in reality it is the most evenly-matched group with quality teams that could contend in other groups. I fully expect Chelsea and Ajax to drop off from last year’s performance while Valencia and Lille are not exactly minnows. I expect them to finish in the top half of La Liga and League 1, respectively.
I say that Valencia and Chelsea go through, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ajax knocks one of them out and takes their spot.
Litre: I hate Chelsea as much as the Dallas Cowboys. I hope Ajax goes on a nother run because that is fun. The roof in Amsterdam Arena is just big enough to only hit the pitch when it rains, it is lovely.
***
Litre_Cola’s Obscure team that Hippo bets on!
Today we are going to take a look at CSKA Sofia from you guessed it, Sofia. The Eternal Derby v Levski Sofia is on Sunday and I know Hippo will have a bet on them.
***
Most hot girl image credits go to the wonderful Futbol Babes Twitter account. Please give them a follow. Also, is it obvious that I have a thing for green-eyed blondes?
I’ll be back later this afternoon with your late afternoon/evening college football action!
(102/69)
(live shot of Block O)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcZzlPGnKdU
Whatever the spread was for FAU-OSU, it was not enough.
Ohio State by 27.5
It’s the Boise State Broncos Breakfast Bash
I want Dorian to start arriving around half time.
Just checked look like it will miss.
Morning Folks
Afternoon.
Afternoon, Spur!
(either I’m from EST and not DFO-ST, or I’m from one hour from the future)
Either way, good luck 37 minutes from now. You’re going to need it.
What’d you call me?
/actually I guess I am somewhat of a morning person, at least on days when I am not hungover. But today is not one of those days.
If you feel like doing something stupid, just remember: the judge doesn’t return until Tueday.
My brother-in-law got sworn in as a commissioner this weekend (basically a judge for misdemeanor cases). I am interpreting that to mean that I can commit all the misdemeanors I want in YOLO county now.
Just remember, anything over $500 is Felony Theft.
(listening to OSU-FA on radio)
Me: “Is Fields a running QB or a pocket passer?”
Radio: “Fields fakes the handoff and he’s off! 40! 30! 20! 10! Touchdown, Buckeyes! Welcome to Columbus, Justin Fields!”
Me: “Either way, he sounds fast.”
Florida Atlantic is apparently NOT good. They down 14 after 4 minutes and two drives to OSU
Who’s their head coach?
(checks Wikipedia)
Well there’s your problem right there!
Kiffin thought “playing the Fields” meant something completely different.
How do you go from NFL HC to Florida Atlantic HC?
Nepotism coming home to roost?
Shades of Ernest Byner WOO!!!
That is nostalgic.
That’s definitely not Earnest Byner.
“I guess she likes what I brought.”
So does Shady have enough pull to only sign with a contender?
A contender with plenty of cap space, yes.
NC State’s head coach promised to shotgun a beer on the field, to encourage folks not to go to their cars at halftime. I’ve started to really like this guy!
Like, does that slide actually operate any other way?
With all the anniversary stuff I forgot; let’s celebrate the moon landing with Buzz Aldrin punching a conspiracy theorist in the face.
Oh, controversy at Aston Villa! Or Crystal Palace! Whichever!
Man, that Ray Lewis cums joke would have been a lot better here, eh?
be pretty impressive if he could finish twice within the hour (at his age)
Ray Lewis can’t finish twice in that time, not necessarily because of his age, but because he has to flee the scene and burn all the evidence.
with apologies to rockingdog…
Chelski Chavs React Reasonably
Small enough for Anyone Over 15 Years Old!
Pfft, so can my wife.
Kinda the point that we can mimic animal behavior.
Dorian up to 150 mph now.
That’s one fast portrait.
That’s what we wanted.
And now South Carolina is in the path? That’s fucking awesome.
I mean…err….thoughts and prayers.
So Google mixes the Brandon Marshall(s) up too.
Landed. Did I miss everything except Bk being Bulgarian, Norwich being a strip mall, and Balls losing his passport?
Balls had a successful date; artist conception below:
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/gordon-bressack-emmy-winning-pinky-and-the-brain-writer-dies-at-68/ar-AAGAgV3
First Rhoda, now this? Fuck.
A “narf” to pay my respects.
Tiffany Trump makes Andy Reid look like Mike McCoy.
Some people overeat because of a childhood trau……. oh, yeah, got it.
F/M/K. Tiffany Trump, Meghan McCain, Andy Reid?
I’d have to marry Andy, ’cause then I’d get free tickets. The other two are a toss up and by that I mean puking.
Marry Andy, of course, and die fat and happy. Kill McCain, because she contributes less than nothing to our society. F Tiffany by default.
I guess.
This seems like the correct answer.
But she’s had Trump in her.
Kill Andy. Fuck Fat Tiffany. Marry Fat Meghan because I’d rather be her George Conway.
It’s very much a case of the pot calling the kettle “one of the blacks”.
That place went out of business after it was visited by one Ezra Reid in June of 1934.
That’s a deep cut.
https://www.facebook.com/public/Ezra-Reid
Looking at the profile of the first nutjob on that list made me think about what it would be like to be stuck in some shithole in central Indiana or Illinois and it’s kind of amazing that there aren’t more mass shootings and suicides in those areas.
I now want to see a pre-season friendly between Scottish side Peterhead and FK Slutsk. Especially if there is talk of Slutsk getting stretched at the back.
Young Boys would like a word…
As would Newell’s Old Boys (Argentina)
YES! The NOBs make it four, so we can have a bukkake torneo.
I just want to see Newell’s Old Boys on top of Young Boys
– J Sandusky
Like anyone’s going to be Sitting Comfortably after a four hand shot to the nuts.
Mainz are now down 6-1 in Munchen. Good abstention after all.
No Big Love for Paxton Lynch. He’s cut by the SeaTruthers.
As it should be. He can get back to his video games now.
of all the terrible QB attemps, QuarterPax >> even Tommy Maddox
At least Maddox had a good career at one point and was good in college.
Oh, Sheffield United with a slashing attack, knifing through the Chelsea defense and thrusting in a goal that stabs Chelsea in the heart!
Ray Lewis: /cums
“Stabbed Thru The Heart In Chelsea” is the name of my one act play about the life of Nancy Spungen.
College football starts in an hour, but I want it NOW!
I’m assuming that Sheffield United is Ray Lewis’s favoUrite team in the EPL for…reasons.
game recognize game!
My late bet out of irritation at Manure (FK Slutsk) is up 2-0. And y’all don’t think they’s method to my madness. SO MUCH smgdh
Wait wait wait wait… There is a team called FC Sluts?!?
In Belarus, Comrade! I bet them because I don’t approve of Slutsk shaming.
I think this is now the official team of DFO!
3-nil, going into half
FC Slutsk are total TILF’s!*
*Team I’d Like To Fack
Where’d Eden Hazard end up?
The Empire (Real)
Real Madrid. Oh yeah, he’s still good:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqIZOqfE7nM
Timbuk 3, as always, has the answer-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id2FyupZbIw
west ham woo?
WEST HAM WOOOO!!!
/Haller again!
good signing, that
Fun fact, I live about a half hour from the Connecticut town of Norwich, (it’s The Rose City they’ll have you know), and every time I see Norwich in the EPL my initial thought is “how the fuck does that failed mill town afford a soccer team?”
But they have the Navigators! Do they still have the Navigators?
No, it’s the Connecticut Tigers now. Detroit’s Low A team in the now-wildly-inaccurately-named New York Penn League.
Great seats for $10 and a surprisingly decent beer selection.
To no one’s surprise, Schefter is saying that Bills McCoy is getting the axe. Move rook Singletary up a bit. That is, if you dare draft a player from Buffalo.
don’t they still have the desiccated corpse of Frank Gore hanging around?
Of all the 36 year-old rb’s in the league, he’s the best by far. Seriously, I can’t see him getting more than, what, maybe 120 carries?
you would think, but then again…BUFFALO
Jerry Jones will probably sign McCoy while cackling to himself that he’s really undercut Zeke with this astute football move.
Let’s go Team Knifey!
If you read between the lines, it’s obvious that Balls had his passport taken away a few years ago.
Right? I haven’t left the country in a while…
I see that Dorian is up to 145 mph.
somebody told me this has Hugo potential. Fuck’s sake, I’m supposed to be driving to my fantasy auction Monday am.
I know, I had a business trip to Miami and Atlanta for early next week, but it got pushed for health and safety reasons…
Edit: If they give me the BBJ, I’m pretty sure we could be in and out tomorrow, but no one wants to risk it
I’m pretty sure you have to pay extra for the BBJ…
the Boeing BJ, not the Kraft one (though for the record, I don’t find anything wrong in what he did) … if anything, I find it disgusting at how sensationalized the coverage was compared to an actual dirtbag like Jim “Why yes, I did in fact snort all of the drugs” Irsay, who ACTUALLY did bad shit
The thing that bugged me so much about Handjob Bob’s thing is the refusal to accept consequences. I mean, while I don’t believe it should be, it is against the law, and I don’t like the message being sent that as long as you are rich and well-connected enough, there are literally ZERO consequences for committing crimes.
How long have you lived in this country?
You mean, how long have I lived in any country?
I will sacrifice any number of small woodland animals if that things hits Mar-a-Lago full force. Yes, I know it’s insured but my God, the visuals people, think of the goddamn visuals.
The downside to that is if it doesn’t, the cultists will insist that it was going to only God turned it aside at the last moment.
I’m awake, I’m awake. I intend to watch a lot of U.S. Open tennis today.
I appreciated those “English breakfast” pics on NBCSN. That’ll keep me off food today.
sommet for bk to ask the little wife: Ole makes it past Christmas. Discuss.
I would think so. I mean, they stuck with Mourinho WAAY past his expiration date…
precisely why he’ll get shitcanned early, overcorrecting for last time, plus Mourinho had the “history” behind him, Ole has not…
also THE NERVE of him, supporting youth talent.
No need, she’s currently in my ear (the downside of BT headsets :D) demanding him basically get drawn and quartered… And claims that he’s a fuckup away from getting shitcanned
Hee hee.. We must do a “bk’s wife reacts rationally” post one of these days…??
Mainz up a goal away to Bayern, because I ain’t bet them for once.
I’m grateful because of the extra time for GWS injuries to heal, but I wish AFL finals didn’t have a bye week right now.
I know. It feels weird.
It’s gonna be hard work, streaming my Wolven Sort against the scum from EZU, also streaming #BFIB doubleheader, watching various and sundry JV fixtures on the telly, and feeding my #HAILGAMBLOR addiction.
/but that why they pay me the BIG imaginary bucks
//also they’s no line on CSKA yet
Dude, don’t bet on Bulgarian football, up to like a couple of years ago you could actually find the stat lines WEEKS in advance (we’re talking number of corners, halftime results and the like)… Take it from me, I grew up in that alleged country 😀
but they ain’t gonna fix a match against the ARMY side with the terrifying ultras. THINK, man!! 😀
Ehm.. it’s the (historically) Army team (CSKA) against the (historically) Ministry of the Interiour (Cops, StateSec and the Like) … And how to put it politely, the games have lost their lustre the past decade plus… I should know, lol, I’ve got a free riot shield and a helmet after the Gendarmerie started attacking EVERYONE indiscriminately 😀 … Only thing you need to know is that basically both are mediocre now, with only Ludogorets being slightly better (and with a richer owner who quite coincidentally also controls the media rights for the whole league) 😀
So…. put my money on a draw?
CSKA are somewhat poorer this year, so … maybe Levski, but that money is better spent elsewhere :p
yeah, I know not to bet against Ludogorets!
/also, since you’re in the Clubhouse, does that make you a Vulgar Bulgar?
No, a Hangry Oirish, for I cured myself of my Bulgarian-ness 😉
Edit:Not kidding, btw. In fact, I still celebrate the day I relinquished my Bulgarian Citizenship each year… And yes, I make (not buy) cake!
yeah, send that cunt off!!
/I assure you, nothing to do with my wager, just trying to support Lesser Footy colleague Wakey 😀
Talk about Sophie’s choice there.. On one hand, I applaud any attempt to murder ManUre players on the field, on the other… if the bastards lose, wifey will be angrrrrrry, so instant-migraine…
it helps that maybe the worst imaginary person I “know” is a Saints supporter. And they generally are a bunch of Tory cunts, as I understand it.
That helps, I suppose… The problem is that on my end, wifey’s fandom is … overpowering 😀 (In fact it took basically zero bribing to get all 4 kids to accept futility, I mean Arsenal, as their team… Just because ManUre makes mommy angry and shouty 😀 )
Ooh, ooh, I know who that is!
It’s Otto, right?
This was true brilliance. Thanks, y’all.
found a funny:
daughter: can i keep the night light on?
me: and provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? use your head, sweetie
goooo chelsea!
No.
ok.
Agree to disagree.
… so you supporting Chelsea is a heredetary condition, or it’s just a fortuitous traumatic brain injury?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZW-AZ2mNeA
Mate, I’m stuck being a chaperone/designated adult, for a summer thing for my 4 kids AND a tonne of kids I’m not legally required to like, sarcasm AND hope are lost upon me (and will continue to be so up until 6PM GMT :D)
Edit: I think this SNL clip (and basically everything post Dark Age) pairs well with
https://youtu.be/DdCYMvaUcrA?t=27
Up at 3 for a plane. Beers with Game Time Decision this afternoon!