Oh, hi there. As you’ve likely noted, BrewHombreRoy is off looking for clues in a series of brutal hobo murders. For those of you that don’t know me, I’m BrettFavresColonoscopy, I lackadaisically write the DFO mailbag, and I’m filling in just for tonight. I insert a lot of extraneous links into my posts, so if you’re bored, click through. If you’re not, what are you doing here?
It’s hard to keep track of what day it is this time of year. Yesterday was a holiday. Today wasn’t. Neither was the day before yesterday. Tomorrow isn’t either. Somehow, this whole week is a work week except for Wednesday, and yet no one is really working no matter what. That includes NFL gameday action, which is absent tonight and will re-commence on Saturday with the Wildcard round on the way to the inevitable disappointment that is another Patriots Super Bowl.
But we don’t need to talk about the road to LIIV tonight, we can see what else is on in the world of sports (all times listed in DFO time, which is central for those of you just coming out of hibernation)–
CFB:
- TicketSmarter Birmingham Bowl — Boston College vs Cincinnati
- Nope, shit that already happened today
- TaxSlayer Gator Bowl — Indiana vs Tennessee, 6pm, ESPN
- Yeah, that should still be going on now
- (Almost CFB): Under Armour All-America (High School Football) Game, 6pm, ESPN2
NHL:
-
New Jersey Devils at New York Islanders, 6pm, NBC Sports Network
- St. Louis Blues at Colorado Avalanche, 8:30pm, NBC Sports Network
- Philadelphia Flyers at Vegas Golden Knights, 9pm, NBCS Philadelphia and something called ESPN+
-
Chicago Blackhawks at Vancouver Canucks, 1opm, NBCS Chicago and something called ESPN+
NBA:
- Golden State Warriors at Minnesota Timberwolves, 7pm, NBA TV
- Detroit Pistons at L.A. Clippers, 9:30pm, NBA TV
Golf? Ok, Golf:
College Basketball:
- Lots of garbage on ESPN+ but who gives a shit?
Béisbol:
- Béisbol Liga Mexicana del Pacifico, 7:30pm, ESPN Deportes
I think that’s it.
The sports world has some stuff going on but is really like the rest of us in that we’re going through the motions until the new year starts in earnest and we wistfully remember the days of writing checks and putting the wrong year on there until like March. Yesterday, Lady BFC and I spent New Year’s Day sleeping, lounging, and watching the new John Mulaney Netflix thing.
— out of context john mulaney (@nocontxtmulaney) December 9, 2019
Not that, but I do enjoy both that particular comedy special and that novelty twitter account. The new special is called John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch and it was…weird? Good? A mix of funny, bizarre, touching, and dumb? Take away the pants and that’s a pretty good sum up of the DFO crew.
As was noted a bit in some of the New Year’s Eve-adjacent open threads, the DFO crew here remains one of the needed bright spots in a dark time. I come to bury 2019, not to praise it. Sometimes shit with the incompetent kakistocrat in the White House and his enablers up and down the GOP makes it hard to just enjoy life and move forward, but when we completely tune out and say “fuck it, this is just politics and it doesn’t really impact me,” we’re letting those assholes win and ruin America (or the UK or Australia depending on which country is being ruined in your backyard). So I’ve been trying to strike a balance between not letting it consume me–breathing exercises, yoga, beer, cooking, whatever–and doing something about it–engaging the few seemingly persuadable people I know, donating to causes and candidates who will stand up for democracy and the planet, etc. This is a big fucking year, and I know everyone gets sick of “this is the biggest election of our lifetime,” but…this is the biggest fucking election of our lifetime. Let’s make it fucking worth it by not letting ignorant and hateful idiots win.
Anyway, feel free to discuss how 2020 is going for you so far in the comments…or just re-watch Idiocracy and liveblog it below. May the year 2020 deliver us from this hellscape where that movie is a damn documentary.
There is a very good chance there’s already a pic of it on his timeline. Stav is pretty fearless
I just quoted him since I don’t have a twitter account and am not vain enough to quote myself
At least that poor, panicky kicker didn’t have to kick again. I think he might have died.
He was already dead inside.
Is he a stripper?
Ouch, that’s a bad bad one.
Tea bags for all!
If Ramsey doesn’t force it he’s got plenty of time get close enough foar Justus to shank’lor again.
These are some hunta-fat boosters in the stands
Yep. We should open a grocery store in Knoxville fo’ sho’.
UT just cost themselves 25 seconds. MOE-RONS
They’ll get it back, hit another deep pass, then miss again.
As long as I don’t have to hear Rocky Top anymore, I couldn’t care less how this one goes.
Bruh I love ya but this comment legit make me want to drive out to whatever hole in the wall is your current lodging and…………
Make you listen to alex jones for hours at a time
I’m upset okay, I’m bad at threats
LOL
I have lived cheering for a school that does shit like this, it just seems natural now.
/also you are right to give me shit 😀
full half-yard short, they have to overturn
Fuck you god.
Seriously what the the fuck did I do to make you decide to come down from heaven, and spread your heavenly ass cheeks to personally shit all over me.
I recycle, I don’t litter, i haven’t shut people out of my life who deserve it.
Brocky reacts reasonably
It’s just Me chopping fire wood violently
Sounds like God hit His stride in Sodom.
When you are down because of a missed extra point, you DEFFO want to ride your kicker.
This here exhibition done turned GOOD!
So, I guess they’re going to start a war with Iran in order to distract from the impeachment.
Decent game here on the TV.
just doing it to troll John Bolton, bet he wishes he ain’t quit now
It’s funny because it’s plausible.
We have always been at war with Eastasia!
………
oh, Indiana FITBAW, u NEVAR change
You don’t want them to change but you still bet on them?
it’s more a whimsical observation. And I insurance bet UT when it was 19-9
I got to take a walk and have a concersation, cuz for the first time in my life IU is winning in the fourth quarter of a bowl game and I’m not sure I’m not having a stroke
None of us can be sure
we all smell that toast, right??
Not so fast!
This is your fault
I am eating Sesame Cracker Sticks with honey from Korea. They are delicious.
How long is Honey in the country?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZiEY3O-FWk
So New Hampshire just legalized sports betting. I’ll need some GAMBLOR advice as I’m heading up there this weekend.
Found a funny:
i dont want a job i just want to rotate slowly under a warm light like a 7-eleven hot dog
Wouldn’t that make you a rollingdog?
rock&rolldog
Fun* game** to play: people seem to use the word “binge” a lot these days, but whenever I see it written as “binging” I read it like the search engine, then chuckle by reading the sentence with that meaning instead, as if that was the original intent. A good*** time is then had by all.
* : for some definition of fun
** : for some definition of game
*** : for some definition of good
What about Bingen?
/I look forward to only The Maestro and me getting this joke.
I gotcha. Hildy was good people.
I’m headed to bed. Just me and an over-sized plastic salad bowl that I can throw up in if I can’t make it to the bathroom in time.
/yeah, I’ve been down this road before…
Note to self: don’t eat salad at scotchy’s place
Or any sort of meat pie
He’s not a British barber!
Keep an eye on your drink, too…
“MA!! Get the bowl!”
-Scotchy, probably
How do you give up a 5 on THREE shorty, Ice Giants? That should honestly count for double.
I JUST finished telling Mrs. Sharkbait “Watch them fuck this up”
And then they score two on the power play.
IU actually scoring touchdowns!
DOINK makes an appearance at the Gator Bowl…SHANK’HLOR be praised!
I am officially cursed
I remember a time when we were the ones bombing innocents in the middle east smgdh.
It was a simpler time. Countries knew their place back then…
2014, what a wild time.
At least we don’t bill the survivors for the cost of the Hellfire missile that blew up their wedding.
Might as well try, that’s just good fiscal conservativism.
Just like the women
–RNC
This morning?
I subbed out my last Thursday before Christmas, and apparently students gave me shit. One even got me a sewing box, but on second look there’s cookies in there!
/Yes, it’s a tin of Royal Dansk
the inevitable disappointment that is another Patriots Super Bowl.
You sir have more faith in that offense than I. Hoping for that result, but steadfastly preparing for Patriots Schadenfreude Day
The Patriots have no business winning the AFC this year, not with Lamar! and Better Mahomes and Gardens, but the world hates us, so that’s what we’re gonna get.
Also, hope you enjoyed that link.
Agreed. Lamar! vs. Mahomes would be an entertaining as hell AFCCG
Also the link? It rubbed me the wrong way.
Sorry it didn’t finish you off
Preparing? We’ve already had three.
Damn Penguins tied it back up….
Sharks up!
Chomp Chomp Chomp!
why did the dumbasses not call timeout, and take one shot to the end zone?
Iu football…..
I honest to God can’t think of an appropriate metaphor
“The picket fence play was right there!”
-Shooter, a sanatorium in Bloomington, Indiana
Son had the flu and I feel something coming on. I’m at the “I’m really hungry-if I’m throwing this back up later tonight, what would I prefer it to be?” decision stage. I think I’m going with soup.
Good call. The worst is when fucking toast makes you sick.
Toast is right there with water. So thirsty. I have to drink something Half an hour later it comes up.
IHOP had a commercial they played all the time when I had the flu. I could tell each day I was getting better because pancakes was changing me from wanting to yak to looking good
Plain jane ramen is easy to toss up. Avoid spaghetti. Learn from my mistakes.
Learn from my mistakes
I would but I have no idea where to start.
Porterhouse, Baked Potato, asparagus, Cab Sauv – K. Carpenter
Bagel with ghost pepper cream cheese and copious amounts of alcohol. Totally a good idea!
/It was NOT, as a matter of fact, a good idea.
Today was my first day back at work since baby Sharkette arrived. Man, did that suck.
I recommend beer.
Million Dollar Backpack it is!
Who told the Vols that the Hoosier offense were their cousins? Cause they’re sure fucking them like they’re all related.
I’ll take “Popular Genres on Motherless” for $200, Alex.
We can pretend not to get this joke, right?
Not unless your first name is Mike and your last name is Pence.
Trevor Lawrence could TOTES play Skylar White in an off-Broadway “Breaking Bad” musical
There was an opera, which is the best we gots for now.
I have the teevee muted, thought the old man with the cane on sidelines was Joe Biden.
yeah, we need a camera on JOSHUA FUCKING DOBBS dressed as a pervert ice cream man. That’s GREAT teevee, WWL.
Evening. I left work early today bc fuck it.
I did nae go in. Same reasoning.
Dear Tennessee band:
Stop playing the imperial March. You’re wearing pale orange. It is physically impossible for you to be intimidating
I bet on y’all. DO A GOOD
Holy shit you’re even crazier than I thought
Dude, I can always go lower.
How do you bet on a college marching band? O/U # times they play their fight song?
All right, three and a half hours of “Rocky Top” it is. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
Indiana isn’t good at football just like Nebraska isn’t good at basketball just like I’m not good at apologizing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3nScN89Klo
Luckily you’re never wrong, am I right?
How dare you say something like that! Apologize right now!
UC’s backup QB is B. Bryant. Is Bear Bryant a Time Lord?
Its perfect that the bowl sponsored by TicketSmarter only has a few dozen people in attendence.
SmarterIfWeDON’TSellTheTickets Bowl
I am guessing they named themselves that because they didn’t want to go with Ticketsmart and have people think it was an actual physical “mart” where they could go to buy tickets.
Adding to what BFC said about the election this year, a bunch of troglodyte senators just filed an amicus brief with SCOTUS asking them to overturn Roe v Wade because it’s “unworkable” so, yeah.
Ah, the “unworkable” argument from Because v. Aysaydso.
It’s interesting how all the modern, evolving, forward-thinking countries in the world are restricting abortion now.
Fortunately there are still lots of staircases.
How else are we gonna have enough poor to fill the underclass?
It seems like it would be a confounding way to go through life: “I hate poor people, and my solution to that is to force them to make more of themselves!”
You’re just not evil enough
I find it funny how many Liberal I find that personally are against abortion but don’t support restricting it because they don’t feel right telling someone what to do with their body.
Why don’t we hear this argument more? All I hear in Ohio is “Don’t get between us and our doctors!” and “Stop killing babies!” I thought I was alone with my “perfect reasonable rational beliefs”.
That’s exactly the argument. It’s the woman’s choice. Don’t matter what I think.
But Republicans are deeply uncomfortable with women having any agency at all.
Classic Big Government Republicans controlling our lives smh
Honestly, at this point I’m convinced the average Republican candidate doesn’t actually give a shit.
They just know they’ll always have a shot in elections as long as they have single issue voters.
The fact that you got people to call trump a Christian tells you everything you need about how reliably idiotic some people in this country really are
Plus, the women THEY know/care about can always get an abortion. Rich white people are basically exempt from laws.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/25/a-republican-theme-on-abortions-its-ok-for-me-evil-for-thee
Alternatively (mild Bojack spoiler)
That’s always been the law.
What if the unborn baby is a woman? That’s two women’s choices against each other.
The good thing about this Court’s war on stare decisis is that it opens up the potential to overturn every stupid decision going back to Marbury itself. I am also fascinated by how they expect to write an opinion, disregarding, of course, that Roe and Casey are about privacy and doctors, that isn’t also a de facto condemnation of the death penalty. Anyway, it’s too much of a divisive issue for these political goons to ever decide conclusively. You can’t campaign on settled law. (See: gay marriage).
Speaking of liberals, it’s my favorite example of rich white liberals showing their asses to say it’s a women’s health issue. What isn’t a women’s health issue? Universal healthcare.
Good job putting the trophy in the Superb Owl logo. Looks like SUPER BOWL LAIV
They really need to go back to custom logos. The default logo in long-simulated Madden Games look better than this.
Except the football kind of makes it look like it has an accent mark: LÅIV
HOLY SHIT IT’S A TELL! VIKINGS ARE GOING ALL THE WAY!
Dude you know better than to give drew hope
Ram have won three League championships. LAIV. LA IV. L.A. 4.
The Rams are going to win the Super Bowl next year!!!!!!!
Huh. I didn’t know NCAA did Empty Arena Matches.
And ESPN turns away from the game. UC really needs to get out of the AAC and into a Power 5 Conference I don’t know what body part needs be acted upon to get it done, but it needs to be done.
It’s on something called ESPNEWS (he says, as if he hasn’t watched his share of Temple/South Florida games early Saturday mornings.)
That’s just something that people make up to make people feel better, like Truth TV in March Madness or the National Don’t Call Registry.
Or Age Of Consent laws.
Is it called “unkill the old Big East”?
This is still the best scene in any Batman movie
I mean, the scene where Morgan Freeman is mocking the guy for trying to blackmail batman is pretty great
Only if it includes the “My balloons. He stole my balloons.” He genuinely sounds shocked and hurt.
Also this is a close second.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzSmtDTNct8
“Why didn’t anyone tell me had one of those….things!? *shoots a bunch of random shit*”
The effects really didn’t age well, but now that time has passed since Ledger’s turn, people need to remember how good Nicholson was. People then still had Cesar Romero’s Joker in mind. Nicholson *was* the gritty reboot.
Ledger was Chaotic Nihilism.
Nicholson was Chaotic Evil.
Both are equally good. Ledger may have redefined the role, but Nicholson established the role.
As an IU alum, I legit can’t remember the last time I got to see an IU bowlgame on an actual network on my tv that didn’t require a sports package or looking up a stream online.
I’m just thankful IU has no major sex scandals in its history, so we can’t get a banner comment out of what Tennessee is about to do to that program.
At least it won’t be as bad as purdue vs Auburn. Suck it boilermakers!
/Throws chair at Brocky
//Slaps his kid
///Moves to Texas
Aka Drew Brees’s home state and location of his first choice of college, texas tech?
I got a million of em folks!
Rediscovered this fever dream earlier today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulOLYnOthIw
Apparently there were two of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zqaTU5bGx8
Lotsa aluminium in attendance foar BC/ Cincy. It’s like Chapel Hill.
(grabs the DFO House Mic)
“Will the next person that sees ANYBODY throw anything into this clubhouse, point ’em out…and get ’em out of here – you don’t comment in Uproxx; you comment in Door Flies Open!”
RIP Coach.
Aw fuck is sam gone?
I didn’t have any attachment to him, just fitting the only bengals fan I know is quoting him
Yeah. Cancer. He was put in hospice a few days ago, so it was expected.
Pistachio shells that aren’t open even a little bit: what’s the deal?
I too have had this thought from time to time.
MA!!!! Where’s my hammer?
I read this in the voice of Michael Rapaport in that cat video he posted
https://youtu.be/sJeuWZNWImE
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
I hate that.