Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.
Euro Footy action for you today:
England vs Germany 11 AM DFO in Wembely
Lotsa history between these two teams, but my guess is that it goes full time and then England loses on penalties.
Sweden vs Ukraine 2 PM DFO in Glasgow
In the battle for who has the better yellow and blue flag, me thinks that Sweden pulls through in regulation as Ukraine just doesn’t have it today.
*Note that all information on game outcomes done in a 3 second interwebs search.
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
“If you thought North Macedonia was bad, the MLS continues later on ESPN!”
Horatio Cornblower
I see Austria ditched the toothpaste uniforms, probably just to spite me.
Horatio Cornblower
That appears to be their Aim.
SonOfSpam
They appear to be on the Crest of pulling it off.
Horatio Cornblower
With my first pick I take the “Blair Witch Project”
Game Time Decision
Damn. That was my pick. I guess I’ll go with Blair Witch Project.
/obligatory joke is obligatory
Warthog
A meth lab just blew up down the road from us.
Fucking awesome.
Now where am I gonna get my meth?
Horatio Cornblower
🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
Don T
What’s that, the number of people he’s bitten today?
Horatio Cornblower
DFO could have bought ad time for Los Sudamericano Euros on FS1. NEXT TIME PENDEJOS!!!
King Hippo
A colorful crawl saying “Sign In or Whatever”
Don T
¡PANTALONES NO!
ballsofsteelandfury
“¡Block Editor es el diablo!”
Beerguyrob
“Now with less Avett Brothers”
/gets feet pulled by ghost while sleeping
Don T
Movers come in a few days so i HAVE to drink this beer.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Question: In this day and age, do you think a song like this could get released and become as popular as it was in the 80s?
ballsofsteelandfury
ah refuse to believe Soft Cell had a 2nd song
King Hippo
Your memory is tainted, love!
Gumbygirl
I’m glad I’m not one of Cole Beasley’s relatives, that ‘days are numbered’ stuff sounds a lot like a threat. Although I guess the vaguely threatening tone and poor grammar is very much on-brand with the overall message.
For the NCAA, I think it would be pretty excellent to require schools to maintain at least a minimum graduation rate for their student athletes. After all, if you’re providing something insubstantial like education as compensation, then you should have some way of proving the value of what you’re providing. A degree has tangible value in a way that what they provide today does not.
Doktor Zymm
The real reason the NCAA has women’s sports- they bring the athletic gpa waaaay up. Helps hide some of the dumb bunny football and basketball “scholar-athletes.”
Gumbygirl
Absolute truth. They should make it a Title IX rule that Women’s GPA cannot be included in those calculations.
ballsofsteelandfury
Howzabout Carl Nassib, the newest featured personality in “That’s my Gayders!”
For what it’s worth, good for him and it’s about time, and now that the franchise is in Las Vegas he has far more entertainment options than he did in Oakland.
SonOfSpam
Simpsons clip 7 “Lovejoy and Flanders” – YouTube
Sports: “An active NFL players has come out of the closet.”
DFO: (crosses fingers) “Brady. Brady. Brady. Brady.”
Sports: “Carl Nassib from the Las Vegas Raiders.”
DFO: “Aw. That’s not a real team.”
Redshirt
Cole Beasley and Jon Stockton should get a room. Maybe they can invite Kirk Cousins or Sam Darnold over for a 3-way.
Viva La Tabula Raza
Cole Beasley: “I will retire before I get the vaccine! I am a Role Model!”
Me: “As God as my witness, I had to google your name to figure out who you were.”
Redshirt
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This loss by Scotland will cost me my lead in the DFO pool. I can feel that gently used fleshlight just slipping out of my fingers.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
That’s just all the Astroglide on your hands.
SonOfSpam
Out of your fingers
Gumbygirl
Worst trip to London for Scots since William Wallace.
Dunstan
One thing I’ll say for the Euros — when it says “noon,” they really mean the action starts at noon, not “we’ll have 10-20 minutes of player intros and anthems and ceremony before we actually start playing.”
Dunstan
TAKE NOTES NHL!
Sharkbait
KC’s Frank Clark arrested with an Uzi in a duffle bag.
It’s not like he was driving under the influence, crashed into a car parked on the roadside, causing life threatening injuries to a child.
LemonJello
It has been a crazy day. I think also a productive day, but I’m ready for a few hours where I don’t have to think about any of the following: condo associations, windows, legitimacy, stakeholders of any sort, laundry room etiquette, laundry itself, qualitative metrics, transparency, accountability, aesthetic tastes in colors, and measuring abstract concepts.
Doktor Zymm
“Don’t want to think? I can help with that.” – the booze of your choice
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
found a funny:
just fucked myself up with the realization that phoenixes and the guy from chumbawumba have the same superpower
rockingdog
My dog isn’t getting his walk tonight because it is cold and raining, and he is glaring at me like it’s my fault. Motherfucker, if I control the weather then why hasn’t a Cat 5 barreled into Mar-A-Lago by now?
Horatio Cornblower
And every single other Trump property around the globe, if I were to be consulted.
Viva La Tabula Raza
I made some fairly bomb-ass carnitas last night. No sides survives so I’ve reheated the carnitas with fathers day mashed potatoes and asparagus.
I don’t talk much shit around here — and especially related to food/hometowns — but this is a good job by me.
blaxabbath
Go Frogs Go!
King Hippo
SonOfSpam
Did someone tell these Spaniards that “Slovakia” was a Meso-American culture?
LemonJello
“At the edge of the 18” is when a soccer team starts to press forward and when Matt Gaetz starts to lose interest
Horatio Cornblower
Slutvakia’s goalie is wanting.
scotchnaut
Or rather: the Slovak goalie is NOT a keeper.
scotchnaut
The good people of Muncher should have told UEFA to stuff it up their bum and decked that stadium out with ginormous rainbows, and had every drag queen in Germany sitting right behind the Hungry Guy’s bench tossing glitter around and singing Judy Garland songs. Fuck these homophobes with a rusty fleshlight!
Gumbygirl
Olympics: Local fans allowed, but no cheering – Chicago Tribune
Olympics only having up to 10,000 fans? No cheering? They all go home afterwards? This may be the first time that Cincinnati is ahead of the trend.
Redshirt
My thanks to BGR. I have had a week. I have accepted a position in Stoughton, WI that would start at the beginning of July. I also have two open inquiries that would let me stay in Tucson. My brain is currently broken. I will be back amongst the living by Saturday.
Do what’s right for you and your family. If one of those jobs in Tucson comes through and you want it, don’t feel bad that you are not taking the WI one. They wouldn’t have any problem getting rid of you if it suited them. Don’t stress so much, we want you to be happy Jake!
Gumbygirl
Rudy Guiliani suspended by the New York bar.
Dunstan
Too bad Rudy Guiliani wasn’t beaten by and with the New York bar.
LemonJello
I usually despise Faux Noise… I will have to make an exception today, however.
“Fox Business Host Charles Payne called Barstool Sports Founder Dave Portnoy “a little b—-” during an interview on the network Thursday. ”
https://thehill.com/homenews/media/560129-fox-business-host-calls-barstools-portnoy-a-little-b-in-interview
BeefReeferLives
Who wins a Twitter war between Fox News viewers & Barstoolies?
Beerguyrob
The rest of us?
Dunstan
So I think I can get some guilt free rest tomorrow due to getting my second shot, so do I get drunk and just deal with the double tomorrow?
litre_cola
You should answer your phone when your favourite brother in law calls you, drunk as hell at 8:30 pm is what you should do. You dirty, soggy, gummy-legged, worthless, fever-ridden, pigeon toed, backwards, with bad breath and knobby knees, and poor vision, bastard swine.
BC Dick
All these songs are by Depeche Mode, now gimme my fleshlight.
Horatio Cornblower
Ironically, “Gimme My Fleshlight” was one of their bigger hits.
Dunstan
Somebody call PETA, I just killed all the birds with 1 stone.
-got my second vaxx
-same pharmacy had a postal outlet, mailed Sharky his package
-next door was an Italian market, got the makings for a charcuterie board
-next to that was a fly fishing shop, this does not apply
-but next to that was a wine store!
Currently listening to my zune and coming to you from my Microsoft surface. I have wine, meat, and cheese too!
litre_cola
This Wales team needs to learn how to pass the ball better.
TheRevanchist
Unfortunately, yelling “Im Open!” in Welsh takes 15 seconds and 98 syllables.
ArmedandHammered
Sadly, I will miss most of today’s tilts as I will be traveling to a family reunion in, of all places, Syracuse.
If Jim Boeheim goes missing, it was probably me.
Horatio Cornblower
Family Member #1: “Let’s all gather in Syracuse.”
Family Member #2: “Syracuse? It’s not even centrally located for everyone. Why?”
Family Member #1: “You know… Horatio…”
Family Member #2: “Oh shit-I’ll call him with the good news.”
Family Member #1: “No, I want to call him.”
Family Member #2: “Fine. But I’m booking reservations for everyone at the hotel closest to the Carrier Dome.”
Family Member #1: “Fucking genius.”
scotchnaut
June 26, 2021 11:18 pm
I’m not at all scared of that hammer throw lady.
Mr. Ayo
Scared-scared. or scared-erect?
SonOfSpam
turns off laptop camera
Mr. Ayo
The fuck am I paying for then???
SonOfSpam
The best 30 minutes of any day is watching the last minute of a basketball game.
Mr. Ayo
It’s nice seeing 1:00 of game time left and knowing there’s plenty of time for me to run out and grab a burrito and still be able to catch the final play.
I made this comment in the reddit game thread 17 minutes ago.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Oh fuck yeah! Andy Reid is on Diners Drive ins and Dives. Hilarious!
Gumbygirl
I can share this here because you are my invisible internet friends. I have two ideas dominating my brain.
I am terrified. I have been off work for over a year. Fired for the first time in my life. I know my past employer was a group of inbred morons. Doesn’t shut off the voices in my brain.
I am grateful. I have found a company who values my input enough to hire me for a 9 month contract because they think I add value. They have pursued me from day one. They are certainly smarter than my last employer.
I am still not permitted to meet with Aaron Rodgers.
I’ll tell you what I always tell my lady friend:
Don’t waste time and energy on people that are not worth it.
Move forward and only think positive thoughts. You are smart and these people believe in you. Pay them back.
ballsofsteelandfury
Disappointed in Ohtani today, couldn’t even get a lousy single.
I mean, he hit a home run, a triple, a double, walked, and stole a base…but where’s the single?
Weak sauce (unlike what’s on those delicious ribs).
SonOfSpam
De Ligt is a very good footballer
King Hippo
Groove is in his heart, for sure.
scotchnaut
Yeah Right’s new shoegaze band – Silverskin Pickoffs.
King Hippo
This weekend is the beginning of my most stupid Fandom (and I am a cubs fan). I love watching the Tour de France. I would tape every stage and watch it when I got home from work. Now I can watch it live!
I feel your pain. 41 here in the Okanagan but you get the humidity in Van too. My AC is working hard to keep it under 75 inside. I use Fahrenheit inside and Celsius outside. The Canadian way. Like grocery stores that advertise in price per pound but use kg in the store. Hope you’re all having a good Sunday, time for more beer.
BC Dick
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
We are at Def-Con 4 for a Bananancakes Event. I repeat, Def-Con 4 for a Bananacakes Event.
@Gumbygirl:
(this was in reference to the Ukraine goal, btw)
That goal was a crimea by the Swedish back line.
I thought the keeper should have had it but the amount of spin on the ball when it was shown in slo-mo has me re-thinking that.
When somebody blasts it at you from that close it’s really hard to stop it with just one hand. I don’t think there’s anything he could have done differently.
I would simply have used two hands.
/I would have ducked out of the way like a craven coward of the worst sort.
Live look at Swedish goalie
No sunblock? Is his face ever gonna be red tomorrow!
Much like the real Swedish goalie, both of them just got burned.
Hey-O!
Ukraine working with a 30’ shot clock.
Do we think the German fans are conflicted about the bed-shitting they just watched?
🏆
The added bonus to splitting the Ukrainian defense is that warm butter comes out.
So, oldest GTD gets the second Covid shot. Weeks ago, when booking the appt, i said that she should prob try to do it so that she doesn’t need to work the next day in case she has side effects.
Oldest GTD: Naw dad, I’ll be good
Fast forward to, like, yesterday, and she gets her second shot ( wooohoooo).
Today: Dad, I feel like shit and am going to call in sick for work. I’m going to go nap.
Lol.
I guess the hard way is the only way to learn
As I tell my daughter, “you may think you’re smarter than me, and you’re right about that, but you don’t have more experience, so shut up and listen…”
I like it when my kids push back at me when we jabber because I encourage them to question things but every once in a while when they take a contrary stance on something that I’m certain will go badly for them I say, “This Is A Thing That I Know!” and they listen to me, finally.
Sharkette: Schef! Schief!
Me: Sorry, Daddy is watching knockout football. We can watch the Swedish Chef later
“Go make Daddy a Negroni like I showed you, there’s a good girl”
I can’t believe how easy England’s path is to the finals. They’re really going to win it, aren’t they?
Right, because England never loses winnable matches.
Going all the way back to 1775…
I’m still rooting for Belgium, but De Bruyne being injured and Hazard same, Italy should easily roll. So, it’s Italy’s to lose.
Denmark!
No, this is the part where it gets funny because they completely blow it.
https://twitter.com/arlowhite/status/1409935604612317192
If you live on Jack Grealish’s street you’re well-advised to get you car off the road, because he’s coming home loaded.
Kane finally found his Rosebud.
Today is the day the wheels come off. It was a good run!
I knew this German team wouldn’t be good, but this is just pathetic.
THIS GERMAN MEN’S PROGRAM I CALL IT THE WEIMAR REPUBLIC, BECAUSE IT HAS COLLAPSED!!!
Screwed the Putsch as it were.
Nicely done.
You teed it up so nicely all I had to do was ground into the double play.
Didn’t realize you played for the Yankees.
No need to be nasty.
Oh I’m a Yankee fan from way back. But given this year’s team’s performance so far, anyone says “ground into the double play” my eye starts twitching and I assume we’re discussing the Yankees.
Did you just call him Janet Jackson?
Low could really give Boeheim a run for his money in a public nose-picking contest
Germany summary:
A massive cunt set up a harry kane to score, as usual.
Pretty goal. Goddammit.
YER A WIZARD, ‘ARRY!
Sweet Jesus that was nice. Bye bye Krautland.
Harry Kane shows some life
See what happens when you pass the ball forwards instead of backwards, England?
Haven’t seen a Muller fuck up something that badly since Billy Barr was AG.
Immense resources, poor definition.
I can see England turtling, this is going to be a shooting gallery for the Germans the rest of the way through.
Gonna need to eat 75 apples to come back from this one.
I picked England.
That’s what should happen, but the Germans don’t seem interested
Come back from picking up grinders for lunch and see Thomas Mueller fuck up.
Today is a great day.
“Grindrs for lunch? Bahgawd that’s Buddy Cole’s music!”
More like Blergmany, amirite?
Thomas “Scott Norwood” Müller
Was that Grealish that hit the post?
If so, I haven’t seen Grealish speed down an open path, only to miss the mark like that since Dickens Heath, Solihull, West Midlands.
Absolutely brilliant.
Ugggh. The last thing the futbol world needs is England winning this thing.
I disagree, it’s only really funny to see England lose when they are overconfident. Or on penalties.
That would be on brand for an event with 2020 in its name
Winner of this match walks to the finals, so, unfortunately, it’s very possible
What’s all this then?
me turning the teevee box off?
Did you write anything in your notebook?
Now, we say some amazing comebacks yesterday…and then he missed that fully open goal..
Apparently England is employing the “wormhole offense” which is when you hope by some vagary of quantum mechanics the ball suddenly disappears from the midfield where you are dicking around with it and appears in your opponents net.
I just read that this moron Southgate didn’t name DCL to his 12-man bench today.
ANOTHER VICTORY FOR SCIENCE!
Have Litre and I ever mentioned that Jack Grealish is a massive cunt? Because Jack Grealish is a massive cunt.
Have we heard 10 German bombers yet? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X44rS24ANXI
Spanish narrators overtly dislike England.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I would vastly prefer that to the ball gurgling we are getting from ESPN.
Both teams deserve to go out 7-1.
Still not over that whole Armada thing are they?
🤣🤣
But also, the English are the Massholes of the media world.
I don’t know what language this commentator is speaking (possibly Tagalog?) and it’s refreshing. No shitty analysis (Keano and Souness, I’m looking at you) or English dick sucking (North America)
England needs to sub Kane off .
Germany needs to sub Sane and Werner off
When Germans do it it’s called unterseebooting.
Quite the save there by Pickford.
I can’t get over how much of a trash touch that was by Harry Kane.
Ruju stealing Doug Martin’s thunder here.
Is he going to try and sell me a used car?
THESE VEHICLES ARE JUST FLYING OFF THE LOT! COME DOWN TO SEACAUCUS AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!
Was Four Seasons Total Landscaping unavailable?
That’s their employee parking lot.
Talk about no soul, ginger and a used car salesman.
“stolen”, but yes, he will sell it to you.
I prefer when Chris Farley played him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el7gj3RvwjM
Harry Fuckface Kane can barely move out there. But how can you play DCL, he isn’t on a “big” club.
TBF, when you have a back 5 and told not to attack, you tend to disappear, which is why I don’t want United to go after Kane. Being a striker for United is a lonely and thankless job
TSN is so garbage, I’m illegally streaming the England game so I don’t have everything spoiled 5 minutes before it happens
So weird Wakey as I too am on TSN and up to date. Who is your carrier?
Shaw. However, I’m using their app (TSN Go or whatever it’s called)
Timo Werner starting? Low clearly wants to go home before the tournament ends
Hey (to steal a joke from last round) he has a key party to get to.
Called setting up your scapegoat…
Ref doing a great job making the supporters feel part of the action.
Luke Shaw? Still the best set of tits in el torneo.
Man Utd signing Alex Telles was the best thing that happened to Shaw. That Christmas ham started to do pull-ups and hasn’t looked back since
“A good start here by Germany against England”
/Germany starts a simultaneous second game against Russia
“Ah, these lads will never learn”
I would love to see three teams playing at the same time on a triangular field. That would be insane.
“Why? So you can watch a 0-0-0 tie?” — Ghost of tWBS
Ghost of tWBS : “I wasn’t this damn active when I was alive, can’t you fuckers let me rest?” Plus, I am sure he is more likely to be hanging out at the desk of the local ghostly convenience store, trying to hook up with the succubus that has the late night shift.
Serious question: would this be more fun with one ball or two?
Lance Armstrong has strong opinions on the matter.
Cheryl Crow probably has a stronger opinion.
Dismissive wanking motion
The Peloton
“Man, even on an NFL site I get passed over.” – Nate Solder
One. I think that would make the tackles and stuff really complicated.
Let’s do a Lesser Good Jerb, Krauts!
/yes I bet on ’em
Christ.
England by a field goal it is.
Oh look, the future king of England, assuming Elizabeth II isn’t actually an immortal being.
Hugh Grant’s in the crowd?
Forever dq’d for cheating on Liz Hurley with a hooker.
Should have forever been castrated for that.
Really should’ve played the Sex Pistols version of God Save the Queen.
English fans sure are showing a lot of disdain for the national anthem of their Queen’s ancestral Fatherland.
English fans booing during Germany’s anthem?
THAT’S GOOD DRUNKEN HATE.
I haven’t seen this many Germans in London since 865.
Operation Sea Lion is only running about 80 years behind schedule.