Ballsy’s Saturday Night World Cup Group Previews and Open Thread – Group F

Again, a huge THANK YOU to Dok for fixing the Clone function! You can call it laziness. I prefer to call it efficiency. Either way, I can now crank these out and be ahead of the game.

While Hippo may choose to ignore this year’s tournament to be held in the USA, México, and Canadá for purely spiteful reasons (no judgement here, we salute spite!), I maintain that international competitions like the just concluded Olympics and the World Cup are the last opportunities for people to get out of their bubbles and realize there is a beautiful world out there full of people that don’t let politics get in the way of enjoying their lives.

With that said, let’s continue with our group previews, shall we? Quick update: the intercontinental qualifications games have been played and we now know ALL of the teams that will be participating in the tournament this summer.

Tonight’s group is Group F!

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Team Comparison

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Group Schedule

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Best picture that I found on the first page of Google Image Search using “Hot [country] babes” as a search term

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Actual Sport Preview

Netherlands

The Dutch are good. They should win the group and should advance far in the tournament. On the downside, they are notorious for not finishing the job. Historically, they are probably the best footballing country to never win the World Cup.

This year is no different. I expect them to reach the quarterfinals and possibly the semifinals but then run into a brick wall. How far they go will depend on who their opponents are in the knockout rounds.

Japan

Is Japan the country whose fans clean up after themselves or is it South Korea? Trust me, you do NOT want to get those two mixed up. In any case, it’s a nice tradition.

Japan has good players that play in the top leagues, so that helps in a tournament setting. They are one of the best teams in the Asian confederation, so they should contend for a spot in the knockout rounds. However, they probably won’t go far.

Sweden

Sweden got into the World Cup through the European playoffs. They beat Ukraine (like the Russians wish they could) and then the Poles (like the Russians wish they could) in order to get to the World Cup.

They are led by an Englishman who has vast experience in Sweden. Their best player is Victor Gyokeres who plays for Arsenal but only after the 83rd minute in mega-important matches. He is also Arsenal’s leading scorer.

Tunisia

Tunisia secured their World Cup place easily by dominating their group in African Qualifiers. They are called the Carthage Eagles and yes the ancient city of Carthage was located where modern day Tunisia is.

It is probably the most stable country on the North African Mediterranean Coast outside of Morocco. The team has not had much success in previous World Cups, having never made it past the group stage. If they can get results against Japan and Sweden, this could be their year.

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Predicted Group Finish

• Netherlands
• Japan
• Sweden
• Tunisia

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Things to look forward to in the Group Stage

• Going to IKEA and getting Swedish meatballs
• Trying to figure out if Dutch people or Swedish people are taller based on the crowd shots
• No one knowing where Tunisia is.

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Final Thoughts

Not to go all Andy Rooney, but why are all the live sex shows only in the Netherlands? You would think that kind of entertainment would have expanded to other countries, wouldn’t you? If you got paid, would you and your significant other go onstage and “perform” for a live studio audience?

The Dutch will rule over everyone. The second place scraps will be fought over by the Japanese and Swedes with Tunisia an outside chance to get in the mix for advancement to the knockout rounds.