Author: Don T

Some Care for Caretakers: Offseason Sunday Open Thread

Don T -
266

Back in 2012, when hotmail was a thing and Jeeves panhandled for questions, Chuck Pagano got his first head coaching job, with the Colts. Pagano hired Bruce Arians as Offensive Coordinator after the Steelers kicked Arians out and threw a gold watch towards the sidewalk. In Week 6 of the

Chatbot Therapy: Offseason Sunday Open Thread

Don T -
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Just between you, me and my tinnitus, [checks around nervously to see if anyone is eavesdropping] Life hasn’t been quite excellent the last coupla weeks. Don’t mean to get all downer and stuff, but sometimes you have to deal with more crap than usual and doing nothing will make things worse. The

Easter Sunday Open Thread

Don T -
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The tight grip on customs and the calendar by Judeo-Christian traditions foist Easter upon this godless webspace. Honestly though, I'm for chocolate gifts (awesome) and the randomness of egg-laying bunnies (wtf!). But Easter is much more. For those of you who were not blessed with the existential yoke of Catholic

Enablers: A Study – Offseason Sunday Open Thread

Don T -
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There are millions of ads, anecdotes, gossip, poems, psalms, stories and memes about true friends being those who stand by you and look out for your best interests, always, without fail. Well spare me the personal growth and judgin' crap because this is a look at enablers. Enablers never sermonize and are

Give The Governor a Harrumph – Mel Brooks Open Thread

Don T -
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I must have been five years old when my father took our family to see “Silent Movie” in the theatRe. I got into it immediately. Everything was self-explanatory, one gag after the other, very little dialogue: great for a kid with basic reading skills and knowing almost no English. Then

Apathy: An Endorsement – Offseason Sunday Open Thread

Don T -
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Why care. Nothing is permanent. Every tingle felt from eye contact, and all smiles, hugs, lusty grabs and “You were right”s are but fleeting seconds of smoldering bliss that time blows away like ash from a cig. Emotional attachments create longing and melancholy or even worse—sadness, a dull and dreadful

First Pre-Preseason Sunday Open Thread

Don T -
148

[Walks up to podium, slight nod towards youse, adjusts microphone exasperatingly, grumbling atmosphere established] Cough. Hi! Good evening. Yeah… I’m also bummed. If only fortune granted us the treat of another NFL game and the witty, knowing, silly and hysterical scotchnaut pregame post. But-- 🦺📢🚧OBVIOUS CRAP ALERT🚧📢🦺 --the 2022 season had to end sometime.

Aaaaa [harp notes] The Shempiens… Round of 16, Gameday 2

Don T -
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Hello, individual in the middle of a workday, welcome to Day 2 of the Final 16 of the Shempiens Lïg. Teams play a two-legged series, ida and vuelta en español, which sounds like a holiday. Or, going and coming in English, which would be a very very efficient booty call. YOU: Ah

A Valentine for the Shempiens – Round of 16, Gameday 1

Don T -
44

After an intense Hate Week and the sudden end of the NFL season, here’s Valentine’s Day: the most superficial and fabricated holiday there is. First, it’s a workday. Second, it’s all about merchandising and half-assing affection. Hearing “What are WE going to do for Valentine’s Day” sounds more like a