Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Eight

Welcome back! Last night, we got the still-undefeated San Francisco 49ers going against the Arizona Cardinals in Phoenix. This meant that the "home" crowd had a healthy mix of away fans and people in town with nothing to do. It was a good game for a bit and then

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Eight

Welcome back! Last night, we got a weird oddball matchup of the Washington American Football team versus the Vikings. I don't think I can remember any memorable matchups between these two teams in the past. We had to watch football because baseball is taking a break after the Washington

Cleveland’s Not Yet N Sync: Ain’t No Lie, Browns At Bye

Remember when everyone thought the Browns would be good this year? That was adorable. They are 2-4 at their bye, and Baker Mayfield kinda sucks, and David Njoku broke something, and Nick Chubb still has a name that makes me giggle. Their coach is this random DUI mugshot: Still kinda laughing about Chubb. Anyway, the

Your Yinzer Injury Report 2019

Oh, I’m told this the Bye Week update? Screw that, title still stands. THE BENS TEEM HAS LOTS OF OWIES IN ALL OVER BODYSPOT This team had serious question marks to start this season, and like 908% of the offense has gotten hurt since the opening kick-off to start the season. 2-4

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Seven

Welcome back! Last night, we got a classic AFC West battle between the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs. On Fox. I still find it weird when the conference TV alliances are ignored and we get these AFC games on the NFC network and the NFC games on the

MOST GLORIOUS EL BEISBOL CARDINALS (and some NFL thing) Open Thread

That's right, kids- Uncle Scotchy is...indisposed for the evening. Some people just can't hold their chloroform. WHICH MEANS that Ol' Reverend Mayhem is driving the train tonight, and he's all hopped up on the Halloween candy Dr. Mrs. Mayhem bought and tried to stash away. CAN'T HIDE THE REESE'S FROM ME,

Wangs of New York: Your 2019 Buffalo Bills Bye Week Bonanza

[Interior. Press Room at the Meadowlands. JOSH ALLEN is at the podium, answering questions after beating the New York "Football" "Giants".] ANONYMOUS PR FLACK: Ok guys, we've got time for one more question. SNOTTYASS MOTHERFUCKING REPORTER FOR THE NEW YORK POST OR SOME SHIT: There's a chance you could have ended up

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Six

Welcome back! Last night, the NFL decided we had had enough close quality games and decided to force feed the nation the not-at-all anticipated matchup of the Patriots vs the Giants. True, the Giants have beaten the Patriots in two Super Bowls, but this wasn't a Super

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Five

Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL's second attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Los Angeles Rams against the Seattle Seahawks. Did you know they throw fish at a market in Seattle? What a world! I wonder what the LA equivalent

Go Home, Fate, You’re Drunk: 2019 Detroit Lions at the Bye

[INTERIOR, STAGE WITH CLOSED CURTAIN. From offstage, muffled and slurred shouts are heard, mostly inaudible but include variations on "Not goin' outthere!" and "You an whose army, cock-knocker?"] [Eventually, REVEREND MAYHEM is shoved through the curtain and stumbles into frame, one hand clutching a bottle of brown liquid labeled "JJ Fozz

The Miami Dolphins at the Bye

Another sold out crowd in Miami

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field.  I’m your host, Wakezilla. Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Four

Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL's attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Green Bay Packers against the Philadelphia Eagles. It was actually successful! For those of you that stayed up with us and participated in the Live Blog, you witnessed the Packers battling the